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Real Men/Women of Genius #93

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  • The Troubadour
    Bud Light presents... REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!} Today we salute you, Mr. Flesh Flawless Logic of the Ultrarunning Listserv.
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 3, 2011
      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

      Today we salute you, Mr. "Flesh Flawless" Logic of the Ultrarunning

      {"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII think, there-fore yooooooooooou

      Patrick Stewart, highly polished little Russian boxes, Hope Pass, and
      hydration packs big enough inside to smuggle a small child? Wow. The
      coherence here is truly remarkable. "'Beam me up, Scotty,'" you write,
      "would take on a whole 'nother meaning."

      {Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre yoooooou talk-ing por-nog-raaaaaaaaaa-phy

      We guess so! To the best of our knowledge, neither Patrick Stewart nor
      "Scotty" has ever run an ultramarathon. Probably never even a 5K. And yet,
      astonishingly, they somehow have relevance to a listserv totally devoted to
      running ultramarathons.

      {"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat is-the-sound-of one lunch-box to-tiiiiiiiiiiiiiing?"}

      And being able to smuggle small children does, of course, always figure
      largely into any runner's evaluation of which hydration system enables
      easiest drinking while totally being on the run.

      {Ya think, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay-beeee just

      Here's another gem: "microsleep." You write like it just rolled off the
      assembly mini-line at Intel in Silicon Valley. "It's dangerous," you say.
      Sure. Everyone knows "macrowideawake" is better, especially over the second
      half of a multiday race. And then you pen yet another incredible flash of
      logic: "In high school, I ran a 5:15 second mile." There you cover the
      second half of the race, but not the first.

      {"Annnnnnnnnnnd thee best way-to-cure-sleep-i-ness is sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!"}

      We should subliminally give you some kind of sublime credit for this one,
      though: "I don't need to look like the girl on the cover. I'd rather know
      I could overhead squat her." Whoa! You--a male--got this out of the Kama
      Sutra? Because we would all just love to know, like, WHEN during the entire
      course of a footrace the opportunity ever arises to "squat" anyone,
      especially a female and, incredibly, over your head.

      {"IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII can al-so beat my per-son-al
      trai-nnnnnnnnnnnnnner at chest!"}

      So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Cosmic Plato of the Plutonic Logic,
      grab a partner and practice your contortionist over-the-head squatting. And
      will you need toilet paper? But we still think we like *this* logic best of
      all when you tell us that, before every race, you "lacquer" your tootsies
      with motor oil--because we certainly can appreciate the fact that, at 3,000
      revolutions per minute, you do indeed need to sooth against all that
      friction heating your feet up inside your shoes.

      {Misssssss-terrrrr "Flesh Flaww-less" Lo-gic
      of-thee-Ul-tra-run-niiiiiiiiiiiiiiing List-serv!}

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "your French ancient friendly lute-plucking-fellow-follower-of-Socrates, and
      song-and-dance-man for the planet formerly known as Pluto."
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/).

      Book Review:

      Better Resource:

      Yankee Folly of The Day:
      If a chicken-and-a-half lays an-egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half for a
      race-and-a-half, how many should you place in your one basket for Badwater?
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