THE MOST INTERESTING MAN/WOMAN IN THE WORLD (issue 50)
- [Yo, my peeps! Today's Wednesday is totally Positive!! It's June the First
and also a very special person's birthday. I refer, of course, to Marilyn
Monroe. ( -_- ) Oops, just kidding--although she too was born on this day.
Actually, we troubly would like to bestow some surely-to-be-resisted honor
upon someone so recently posted about by both Nancy Shura and Dave Combs.
She is Geri Kilgariff, she's been known by yours troubly since she was a
mere pup of a 30-something, and I can't think of anyone more deserving today
of "the treatment" than she is. Happy Frickin' B-Day, Ger! May all the
banana peels of life be tossed *only* on the ground of somebody else's race!
And now, here is the sum total of my morning's research:
She's on LinkedIn...
...and Facebook but (so far?) no blog.
You can find her (some of her) words here:
And most recently here:
Here's her picture:
Or, how 'bout dys won:
And here, despite the fact that she is very much alive, is her "memorial
It reads: "Geri Kilgariff, Founder / 'Javelina Jundred' est. 2003 / Thank
you for your contribution to / Arizona Ultrarunning."]
Although she rarely wears one, she has been known to found brand-new races
at the drop of a hat. She will also make you bend over and pick it up.
"Moderation" isn't a word in her vocabulary. She still holds out hope,
however, that one day she'll gaze at it in her gazetteer.
She coined the term "washing machine loops," basically to describe the
trail-running sequence necessary to follow throughout her famous Javelina
Jundred, a hundred-mile footrace having absolutely nothing to do with Texaco
Havoline Motor Oil. Or Spanish-named wild boars. Or, for that matter,
Another one of her inventions was called "the best ass award." It required
runners who wished to contest for such a thing to turn around, face New
Jersey, and pull down their shorts. Any underwear underneath was an
immediate disqualifier. Painted cheeks with writing on them could often
sway the judges. The winning runner would generally be given the first
prize of a fresh banana.
The runner-up, and therefore an ass that didn't count, would usually be some
kind of fruity instrument-plucking troubadour.
Dropping the banana on the ground, however, meant instant disqualification
and being barred from all future races. Anyone else plucking up the fallen
fruit could never be sure of being given first prize in place of that first
fruity fruit chucker.
An absolute fitness fanatic, she has been timed in her 24-hour health club
operating an elliptical trainer for more than 12 hours before going to work.
During that time she read "War and Peace," "Ulysses," "Anna Karenina," and
an entire decade's worth of Mad Magazines.
She claims to have no knee cartilage left, so she has injected her joints
with foam rubber insulation and just keeps going and going and going and
She's served as an inspiration to most women and all men who have had the
good fortune of running with her when she still did indeed have knees.
And her memorial bench was rather short-sightedly dedicated to her memory
some time before her resurrection from the dead. She has been thriving ever
She is THE MOST INTERESTING WOMAN IN THE WORLD.
"I don't always kick ass and take names; but when I do, I prefer the
stripper to be in my contest. Stay flexible, my friends."
( 00 )
See (and hear) some originals:
[and thanks to UltraJohn Price--our latest Transcontinental
first-prize-winning champion--for supplying this in place of that former
long and always-broken hyperlink].
("an 800-year-old lute-plucker, male stripper, and French song-and-dance-man
who probably first met Geri 400 years ago" :-).
Yankee Folly of the Day:
Once she reads this, yours troubly will be expecting a letter bomb to arrive
in the mail.