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Real Men/Women of Genius #89

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  • The Troubadour
    [Good Afternoon, Listservereens and Listserverettes, and welcome once again to Bad Joke Friday, eh? Today s RM/WoG subject matter was suggested by my
    Message 1 of 1 , May 6, 2011
      [Good Afternoon, Listservereens and Listserverettes, and welcome once again
      to "Bad Joke Friday," eh? Today's RM/WoG subject matter was suggested by my
      terrific ol' friend Tess Simoneau. If there is anyone alive today who could
      actually "tess-tify" as to how I was as a (very) young man, she could be it.
      We worked on the Illinois State University student newspaper together. She
      now owns her own newspaper! And--when was it, 1980?--around the time of that
      original "Wedding of The Century" between Hoozits Prince Charlie and the
      now-long-since-departed Princess Diana, Tess and I (and others, OK? ;-)
      were watching THAT particular show from inside a Wisconsin resort hotel
      ( O_O )
      Oh stop. It was completely innocent--our watching TV, that is. The original
      "Wedding of The Century," however, turned out to be "guilty as sin."]

      Ingelhook Wineries present...


      {Re-al gals of geeeeeene-yuss!}

      Today we propose our toast to you, Miss
      Not-Quite-a-running-but-feared-gonna-be-a Runaway British Princessy Bride.

      {Miss "Ewwwwwwwwwwwww you-mean-I-have-to-honnnnnn-nor AND obey HIMMMMMMM?!"}

      And there have been several--Americans mostly--within recent memory. And you
      did in fact have Their Royal Majesties plenty worried. We see now that there
      actually was a "contingency plan" in place, in case you did bolt.

      {"Dooo-I-have-to ohhhhh-bey his mum, tooooooooooooooooooooo?!"}

      What were they worried about? It's not like you're a Nike shoe spokeswoman,
      or anything. We don't actually know how fast you *can* run. No one--not even
      Bonny Prince Wills--has ever stopwatch-clocked your laps around the bedroom.
      But actually, we're thinking it would've been YOU clocking HIS laps. He was
      probably the scaredest virginboy ever to crawl, mostly-clothed, underneath
      monogrammed pink satin sheets.

      {"But *I* can leap talllllllllllll bed-steads in a sinnnnnnnnnnnngle

      Surely the Royal Family couldn't possibly be worried about YOUR family, eh,
      luv? What with your full scraggly "commoner" ragtag complement of strippers,
      partiers, and crackheads? How 'bout the sister who loves to get naked and
      wrap herself up in T.P.?

      {"Aye jus' loooooooooooooooooves me some sisssssssssssssss-ter!"}

      Wills--and (furshur!) Harry--sure know how to pick 'em, blimey, eh? Hey,
      they come from good stock. Their lovely mama knew, too.

      {"Harrrrrrrrrrrr-ry's gon-na be probbbbbbbbbbbb-lems, me jus' knooooooooows

      So pop His Majesty's cork quickly out of your perfectly-chilled bottle of
      California White Zinfandel before it gets too soggy, O Miss Jennifer Carol
      Wilbanks-wannabe-NOT, because look at it this way: the entire United States
      armada postponed its justice-being-served on Osama bin Laden just so's
      Planet Earth would not be distracted from "your special day." Doesn't *that*
      make you feel all "warm and fuzzy"? Because if you HAD bolted, we would've
      had to send the Navy SEALs after your ass, too.

      {Misssssssss Not-Quite-a-runnn-ing-but-feared-gonnnn-a-be-a Run-a-way
      Bri-tish Prin-ces-syyyyyy Briiiiiiiiiiide!}

      White Zinfandel yuppie wine: we don't drink it ourselves; we'd rather
      guzzle (ice cold) beer.

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/)

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      As Tess herself just now privately emails and reports: "'And the best part?
      No seals were harmed during this exercise'--PETA."
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