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Real Men/Women of Genius #88

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  • The Troubadour
    [Today s offering has been offered by our friend, Louise Mason, who took the time to clip stories like what-this-is-based-on out of newspapers--like, hey,
    Message 1 of 1 , Apr 29, 2011
      [Today's "offering" has been offered by our friend, Louise Mason, who took
      the time to clip stories like what-this-is-based-on out of newspapers--like,
      hey, The New York Times--and then snailmail me the clippings. So, our
      thanks go out to her, whom I otherwise like to call "Louuuuu--WHEEEEEZE"!!

      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

      Today we salute you, Mr. All-Too-Clever Marathon Cheater To Come Up With a
      Boston Qualifier.

      {Nooooooo one will-ev-er-ques-tion just HOW yoooooooooouuuu got IN!}

      eBay? You have GOT to be kidding us. You mean you are actually ready to
      buy from an ad that reads: "2011 Boston Marathon entry on the FRONT ROW Must

      {Yooooou miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight find
      one chea-per on Face-book!}

      That desperate, are you? You know, the other night during some doo-whacky
      TV interview show, George Lopez bragged to the announcer with regard to,
      apparently, President Obama's sudden need for a birth certificate: "Heck, I
      can get him one in half-an-hour. It's what we do!"

      {"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee can get yooou green cards, So-ci-al Se-cu-ri-ty, and
      fooooooooood stamps tooooo!"}

      If we were you, we'd call George Lopez. We bet he knows folks who could
      counterfeit a Boston Marathon bib number in half that time.

      {An' howwwwwwwwwwww a-bout-a-few-fif-ty-dol-lar-bills whiiiiiiiiiiiile
      you're attttttt iiiiiiiiiiiiiiit??}

      But buying an eBay bib is risky. It's how the IRS caught Al
      Capone--maybe--or our own Charlie Engle, for sure. You'd be a sitting duck
      for the all-knowing geekazoids over at the BAA. Why not do this instead:
      "Hire" your speedy 8-minute-miler buddy to register for Chicago, or some
      such, under YOUR name. He'll run, he'll qualify, and it'll be *your* name
      that officially gets in. This has been going on since Neanderthal Man first
      qualified for SEC licensing to sell ponzi schemes.

      {Isssssss-n't "In Wall Street We Trust" on ALL our moneeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey?}

      So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Slacker of Pace and Cheater of Chip
      Timing, because you *could* always do this: manage a big enough ponzi scheme
      and then legitimately just BUY your way into the Boston Marathon. Hey, they
      are nothing if not simpatico philanthropists themselves. Even in the
      ancient days, one could always contribute enough money to buy a cow for the
      missions in Africa, or wherever, and THAT would endear you to the hogs of
      Boston. There's apparently a slush fund in the watering trough big enough
      to allow ANYONE with the wherewithal to enter the next Boston as a "charity"

      {Missssss-ter All-Toooooooooooo-Clev-er-Mar-a-thon Cheeeeeea-ter To Come Up
      With a Boss-ton Quallllll-i-fiiii-err!}

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "your ancient French lute-plucking song-and-dance-man who won the lottery
      and was able to participate in the 800th Boston Marathon back in 1996 A.D."
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/).

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      How 'bout this instead. Make Bernie Madoff run continuous Bostons all over
      the prison yard. And later, "for the team," he can "relay" with
      ex-Illy-noise Governor Rod R. Blagojevich.
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