THE MOST INTERESTING MAN/WOMAN IN THE WORLD (issue 45)
- [And a very happy return to "Positivity Wednesday" to y'all! It's been, um,
a rather grueling juspass coupla wiks, and not the least of which was:
whilst y'all were playing so happily this past weekend at various races all
over the country, yours troubly was filing his Income Taxes (doin' his
unfair share of tryin' to PAY for the country). Never mind. I can do
without your "procrastination" finger-wagging and muchly deserved ridicule.
Suffice it to say, everything went well. Everything got reckoned and
accounted--and PAID--for, and yet the government is still broke. We now
have a very legitimate worry--but, please, not today; 'cuz today is
Positive!--that China will very soon "call in the note."
Today we celebrate Carl Laniak, whose last name most peeps can't
spell--including me--but who, never-the-freaking-less, actually managed
THREE AND A HALF LOOPS OF BARKLEY this year. And that, all by itself, makes
my young friend Carl THE Most Interesting Man in the World.
But... he's living small, totally contrary to the younger generation of
Tweeters, Facebookers, and cybertronic geekazoids "out there" in general
deze daze. Here. This is about the only thing I could find on him in
public cyberspace. So, click and gawk and be glad:
His beard has seen more adventure than men half his age. And yet he's
recently decided to shave it off.
Possibly to help supply thatch for roofs in places like Kenya. But roofs
there are not generally even needed. It's not that it never rains; it's
that the young men are never home. They run. Just like he does.
And this very year he ran in the jungle. All throughout the jungle. Almost
FOUR TIMES throughout the jungle. Despite all the rattlesnakes and
incomprehensible language written on "the official instructions," he still
almost finished almost four loops.
Interestingly, he became the only man on the planet who could actually
forego thinking about sex for three whole days.
He has run across Tennessee. He has plans to run across the United States.
Certain individuals among of the contingency of Virginia ultrarunners,
walkers, and hikers are now worried he'll soon be challenging the
speedhiking record to Mars.
He has ridden a bicycle THROUGH gorges, canyons, both dry and wet riverbeds,
AND Oregon. Riding through all those natural elements was no problem. But
he did encounter marginal difficulty plowing his self-powered vehicle
through the bricks, mortar, steel, and glass of Portland.
He is very complimentary and supportive of other competitors. Rather than
sabotage their efforts, he takes the time to analyze them. Once he called
the runner who beat him an "analytical executor"--as if he were standing in
front of the firing squad which his competitor was in charge of, and thus
He knew, however, that he's bulletproof. He had no worries.
Having survived that ordeal--and tons of others--the world is now spread out
in front of him like a newspaper-covered-picnic-table inside a Maryland crab
house--or just outside on the crab house patio in the blazing lunchtime sun.
So, it seems that his future's so bright, he's gotta wear shades.
Oh yes, and his father looks pretty close to the guy on TV that does these
goofy "The Most Interesting Man in the World" commercials--only taller.
He is THE MOST INTERESTING MAN IN THE WORLD.
"I don't always think about sex; but when I do, I prefer to be somewhere
OTHER than The Barkley Marathons. Stay libido'd, my friends."
( 00 )
See (and hear) some originals:
[and thanks to UltraJohn Price--who (speaking of running across the country)
is now running across the country!--for supplying this in place of that
former long and always-broken hyperlink]
("your also near-miraculous finisher of 1040 long forms just minutes before
they're due, which he has now been doing for 800 years").
Yankee Folly of the Day:
Congress spent the proceeds of this year's Tax Day nearly 800 years ago
itself, if you factor in the length of time necessary to amortize the