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Real Men/Women of Genius #70

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  • The Troubadour
    [This one s not so much to do with running, as with writing about it, which is another pet peeve of yours, eh? Me writing about it all the time! :-) Grate
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 29 1:33 PM
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      [This one's not so much to do with running, as with writing about it, which
      is another pet peeve of yours, eh? Me writing about it all the time! :-)
      Grate dais ever body! And Happy All Hallows' Eve!!]

      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

      Today we salute you, Mr. Entirely Too Hyped-Up Word-Processing
      Auto-Corrective-Programming Software Engineer.

      {Mis-ter "you caaaaaaaaaaaaan't make a miss-take with myyyyyy

      Spell-check isn't good enough for you, is it. No. So you've been given
      some kind of Microsoft mandate for making the world safe for English and
      grammar, and now you are single-handedly going to GUARANTEE that NO ONE who
      uses your program upon the Planet Earth will EVER make ANOTHER mistake of
      language again--for at least as long as the sun keeps shining or until the
      Chinese take over.

      {"Myyyyy pro-gramm-mming e-ven fix-es gram-mars and grand-pas!"}

      Instead of waiting for spell-check, your word processor now auto-corrects
      every single word as soon as it's keyboarded. Even if it's the wrong word,
      your program now rightly corrects it so that, all right, it stays wrong.

      {"Mar-a-thon-ing" beee-comes "Marat honing"; "LSD" is "ly-ser-gic a-cid

      Such electronic engineering must be a godsend. Certainly most humans
      wouldn't send it. If we even try to begin a sentence with an uncapitalized
      letter, your program won't allow it. If e. e. cummings were still alive,
      your programming wouldn't allow him either.

      {"Reddddd flow-ers are red, and greeeeeeeeeeeeen leaves are green!"}

      And the rest of us dweebs who'd like to format poetry, for example? We're
      out of luck. Because with your picayune language golden rules
      oversimplification, our lines cannot end with a comma--the next line
      immediately wraps up to join it--and when we insert an ellipsis, your
      program sees "period" and auto-capitalizes the very next letter. We can't
      make a new line-break without correct end punctuation and we can't start a
      new paragraph where you don't think one should go and gawd ferbid we should
      EVER wish to make up a new word, huh?

      {NO thankkkkkk you for doo-ing our think-inggggg for ussssss!!}

      So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light in your cubicle, O Unilateral Arbiter
      and Enforcer of The King's English, because if Mark Twain had used your word
      processor instead of his typewriter [he was the first American author to use
      one, you know], Huckleberry Finn would NOT be able to speak in Southern
      dialect; and your very own children would never even once in their lives be
      able to type "e" before "i" regardless of "c" or despite sounding like "a"
      as in "nieghbor" or "wiegh."

      {Mis-ter Enn-tiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-re-ly Too Hyped-Up Word-Proc-es-sing
      Au-to-Cor-rec-tive-Pro-gram-ming Soft-ware Ennn-gi-neeeeeeer!}

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "that mid-evil 800-year-old PC-incorrect ritch and damned
      never-mind-pardoning-the-French lute plucker"
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/)

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      Now I'm trying to imagine how Chinese electronics might stifle English
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