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Real Men/Women of Genius #69

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  • The Troubadour
    [Per still more recently appertaining Ultralist threads... :] Bud Light presents... REAL MEN OF GENIUS {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss} Today we salute you, Mr.
    Message 1 of 1 , Oct 22 10:50 AM
      [Per still more recently appertaining Ultralist threads... :]

      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

      Today we salute you, Mr. Power Tools User and Remedier for All Your Foot and
      Toenail Woes.

      {Mis-ter "myyy cord-less e-lec-tric hedge trimmm-mer works just fine!!"}

      It's too bad we don't see more Black & Deckers lying around podiatrists'
      offices. According to you, medical practice for footcare has missed its
      calling. As you have loved to replay in delicious detail, there ain't
      nothing that quite works on hangnails like a Milwaukee Sawzall.

      {Yeeeeeeeee-ow-za! Barrrre-foot car-pennn-ter-ring!!}

      Blood blisters under your big toenail? Why, a 32nds-inch steel twist bit
      mounted to a variable speed power drill will relieve the pressure in no

      {It worrrrrrrrrrrrks like a minnnn-i-a-ture oil rig!}

      And we are all eyes as you describe just how fine a Fein MultiMaster works
      on feet. There are power attachments for every ailment. For calluses,
      you've got that perforated triangular sanding pad. For retarding the
      progress of wildly-growing-out-of-control nails: you just can't beat that
      patented rigid stopping knife.

      {Whaaaaaaat a-bout their pat-tent-ted osssss-cil-la-ting blades?}

      For other problems, like fungus and ingrowns, you've used routers and
      thickness planers. For truly excessive nail removal, they make electric
      lawn edgers. And for curing your hammertoes, you just squeeze them into a
      bench vise.

      {"Thennnnnnnnnn I can fit innnn-to size-smallll-er shoes!"}

      You've mentioned excessive blistering and toe losses. Dude, you could be
      referring to leprosy. Home Depot might not be able to help you there.

      {Maaaaaay-beeee the eeee-mer-gen-cyyyy room...}

      In your wisdom, you've actually suggested removing toenails permanently.
      And for that, you just can't beat a Craftsman Impact Hammer with spring
      retainer that accepts a multitude of shanks with variable chisel head

      {Tryyyyyyyyyy to cut a-lonnnnng the fault plane!}

      So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light after surgery, O Marcus Welby, M.D., and
      chug it down while you heel, because there's no better way to buff and
      polish all those cute tootsies of yours after the pedicure's done, rather
      permanently, than by grabbing your DeWALT heavy-duty 15-gauge Finish
      Pneumatic Nailer and... finishing them.

      {Mis-ter Powww-wer Tooooooools U-ser and Rem-ed-diiii-er for Allllllllll
      Your Foot and Toe-naaaaaail Woes!}

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "your mid-evil 800-year-old witch doctor and lute plucker from France"
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/)

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      Just trying to think how well one of those HILTI powder actuated tools might
      work on athletes' feet.
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