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Real Men/Women of Genius #62

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  • The Troubadour
    [This special talent was first discovered to be ever so widely spread in--where else?--Caliphrenia, home of this weakened s Angeles Crest 100. Good luck to
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 27, 2010
      [This special talent was first discovered to be ever so widely "spread"
      in--where else?--Caliphrenia, home of this weakened's Angeles Crest 100.
      Good luck to all runners everywhere over the next couple "daze," and, hey,
      as my old idol Frank Zappa used to sing: "Please don't eat that yellow
      snow!" ;]

      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

      Today we salute you, Mr. Trailrunner Figurer-Outer of How To Relieve
      Yourself On-The-Fly.

      {Mis-ter burrrrrrr-ning dee-sire-errr to haaaaaaaaaan-dle a fiii-re-hose}

      No wonder most of the time most of the first finishers are men. And you're
      the reason why, aren't you? You have, perhaps single-digitally, figured out
      how to never actually have to "take a pause for the cause," because you,
      sir, don't actually have to stop--ever!--to take care of business.

      {Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaat a-bout the toiiiiiii-let pa-per?}

      You, O Terrific Mr. Whiz-zard, can whiz out your fly on the fly.

      {"The worlllllllllllllllllllllllllllld is my baaaaaaaath-room!"}

      All these squiggly lines of moisture we see along the trail? Here we'd been
      thinking that it only "rains in California" in cloudbursts a quarter-inch
      wide and about nine wiggly meters long. But no. It's been you all this
      time, hasn't it?

      {Therrrrrrrrrrre could've been some thunnnnnnnnnnnnn-der-storms!}

      Being able "to go" as you go? Why, a talent like that ought to make a
      splash around the world. You should ask for endorsement deals. Perhaps
      with Menard's or the garden department at Home Depot. Have them take big
      pictures. Yours could be the poster hose that they put on display.

      {"They commmmmmmmmmmmmme in three siiiiiii-zes!!!"}

      Just think of the time savings. At approximately forty-five seconds per
      pee, over the course of a 100-mile course your special ability saves you
      approximately thirty-five minutes. Or less, depending upon your present
      level of dehydration or the advancing shut-down rate of your kidneys.

      {Youuuuuuuuuu could beee com-ing down with rhab-do-my-ol-y-sissssss}

      So crack open a lukewarm Bud Light to replenish your fluids ASAP, O Great
      Dampener of the Entire Forest Floor, because you are, no doubt, the coiner
      of that wonderful phrase: "All my forest fires have been peed on."

      {Mis-ter Traiiiiil-runn-nner Fig-gur-er-Ou-ter of How To Reeee-lieve
      Yourrrrr-self On-The-Fly!}

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/)

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      There's even a special-order weirdly-shaped plastic product that allows
      women to "do it" too! Butt no, I do not have a financial interest in this
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