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Real Men/Women of Genius #61

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  • The Troubadour
    [w-w-w-dot-welcome.bak-forward-slash-2-me-slash-tilde-after-2-wiks? Nah. It wasn t actually that grate a vacation, but it did go a tad better than
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 20, 2010
      [w-w-w-dot-welcome.bak-forward-slash-2-me-slash-tilde-after-2-wiks? Nah.
      It wasn't actually that grate a vacation, but it did go a tad better than
      badly--right up until sometime before dawn in the darkening foggy horrors of
      the Marin County Headlands. Which has subsequently haunted me right up
      until now, when I finely realized that life somehow--despite all
      off-cliff-plunging urges to the contrary--must go on. And
      suddenly--bingo!--here in my Inbox I find yet one more excellent topic
      suggestion from our good friend Eric Vaughan, who now has my
      still-teetering-on-the-brink expression of great wobbly thanks!]

      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

      Today we salute you, Mr. Helpful Friendly Solution-Provider For That
      Annoying Butt-Chafing Problem.

      {Mis-ter Butt/yoooooou have givvvvv-en us such won-der-full

      Only you could spend countless hours of study, and then send out even less
      well enumerated emails pertaining to the caveman's oldest and most
      perplexing personal problem: how to keep both cheeks from slamming together
      and rubbing themselves raw, hour after hour and day after day, while running
      or walking upright.

      {Buttttttttttttttttttttttt isssssssssssssssn't that what shorts are

      You are to be commended. This is evolutionary progress at the highest
      level. Whereas the gorilla solves the problem by having longer arms and
      running generally through the jungle on all-fours, you, from your
      breakthrough findings of exasperated research, have discovered that humans
      should simply put a paper towel square "back there."

      {"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease DON'T squeeeeeeeeeeeeeze the Char-min!"}

      You are kidding us, right? Paper that a good fart could blow apart will now
      somehow keep all that slime aligned? And separate both halves to keep them
      comfortably at a safe distance? Provide that dry moistureless lube that's
      oh-so-necessary to maintain fluid motion? Shucks, even Quaker State needs
      to be changed every 3,000 miles.

      {Mayyyyyyyyyyyy-be just shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa-ving should help?}

      Puh-leeease. Kleenex would hold up better in your Corvette, stuck between
      the clutch and the flywheel.

      {Yourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr en-gine is
      red-liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiining your liii-ning!}

      Compared to rasping all our half-asses into coarse-grit sandpaper, we think
      that maybe we'd rather run naked. Or, maybe--just like our planet of apes
      did once before--get down and boogie and run again on all-fours.

      {Or mayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy-be weeeeeeeeeeee should jus' take a sitz bath!}

      So crack open a nice refreshingly cool Bud Light and head back to the
      drawing board, O Grate F. Lloyd Wright of the diaper rash salve industry,
      because after your ass scrapes itself clean all over your next hundred miles
      of biped locomotion? You're gonna want that beer for a bidet.

      {Mis-ter Help-fullllllll Friend-lyyyyy
      So-luuuuu-tion-Pro-viiii-der-for-that-an-noy-ying Butt-Chaaaa-fing

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/)

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      Yet one more good reason why the overwhelming majority of all Americans
      remain sedentary.
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