THE MOST INTERESTING MAN/WOMAN IN THE WORLD (issue 17)
- [Hey, friends and fiends, I'm back. It's fricking Wednesday and we're
supposed to be positive. Well, at least I'm positive that it's Wednesday.
[Here is a guy I've been wanting to honor for--maybe--ever. He's been like
a godfather to me, and I'm friends with quite a few others to whom this man
has also been a very special friend. And I say "godfather" with not just a
hint of irony, because he really is Sicilian and he really HAS made me
"offers I can't refuse." For example, he once paid my little bogus
"subscription fee" with genuine honest-to-goodness real Confederate money.
Priceless! And then... he proceeded to remove from me the onus of having
the dubious record of staying the longest out on a partial loop of The
Barkley Marathons before actually being physically able to return to camp to
quit. He now holds that record in some incredible time of well over 30
hours! My old one was approximately 22 hours, and I'm now POSITIVELY
relieved!! He is, most positively, Dan "The Man" Baglione as well as
TMIMITW today. Here's even a still-working website that he himself created:
http://www.foothill.net/~dbag/. And for a "geezer," ya gotta admit, our man
Dbag is as fresh and up-to-date as they come.]
Whenever anyone asks him about a footrace, he can speak from the wisdom of
experience... because he has run them all.
Pheidippides once asked him for directions from Marathon to Athens, and he
drew him a map.
His record of athletic endurance achievements is now permanently enshrined
in the Wartburg, Tennessee, Ultrarunning Hall of Fame.
He remembers a time when racers wore togas--or remained naked--and their
shoes were comprised of wagon wheel treads tied with leather straps all the
way up to their knees.
At the very first American 100-mile race ever begun by a man without a
horse, it was he who drew the map that showed that runner where to go.
And at the Foresthill Divide, just seven miles from Rucky Chucky, he gave
that runner his first electrolyte-replacement drink, salt-lick, and
single-ounce packet of nutritional gel. He even policed the trail
afterwards and picked all empty gel wrappers up off the ground.
For the past 7000 years, he has single-handedly maintained the official list
of 700+ year/olds who have completed an ultramarathon. This is that list
[if this listserv doesn't screw it up] http://tinyurl.com/70-ultrarunners
and in his 701st year he has just announced his retirement from listkeeping.
He is currently looking for a slightly younger, still alive, replacement.
On any listserv at all, he has long been revered and regarded as "the list
grammarian," because he seems rather consistently to be about the only one
old enough to still remember correct English grammar. This is despite the
fact that him himself was raised during the Roman Empire and his native
language in Latin.
Having arrived in The New World (by swimming the Atlantic), he now vividly
recalls Cornwallis's surrender at Yorktown, Lee's surrender at Appomattox,
and the very first DNFer at the first Boston Marathon. And it wasn't
himself either--not by a long shot.
He still to this day, as was found on the slain person of President Lincoln,
keeps five dollars of Confederate money in his pocket "just in case."
He is The Most Interesting Man in the World.
"I don't always live off the land; but when I do, I prefer the same roughage
as Julius enjoyed. Eat Caesar's salads, my friends."
( 00 )
See (and hear) some originals:
["Ain't no body ever plucks lutes like me"]
Yankee Folly of the Day:
Dan the Man ran all around the Golden Gate Bridge long before I ever did,
and--we hasten to note--he didn't DNF. The "folly" here is on the part of
the godson, not the godfather.