THE MOST INTERESTING MAN/WOMAN IN THE WORLD (issue 12)
- View Source[We apologize for today's sudden apocryphal Census emergency. We, the
"census takers" or so-called "enumerators"--otherwise known as
ground-pounders, grinders, or beer-chugging growlers--unfortunately were
called from the comfort of our homes this morning due to a near-cataclysmic
synthetic crash of the entire cybertronical governmental network of numbers
that byte. Apparently, the "bug" was in the FAT Sector, somewhere
indeterminate among the many BBQ rib joints of Chicago's South Side.
[And so, obviously your "Happiness Wednesday" was forced into delay. We're
sorry, but just to show that the United States Bureau of the Department of
Redundancy Central has its cold flinty fingers on the right page, we fully
expect now to make up for this glitch in your midweek ecstasy by performing
the next most useful service to our representative government: we're going
to count each and every spilled oil drop now unclassified in the Gulf of
Mexico, so that they, too, can all be more fully taxed.]
None of this, of course, has anything whatsoever to do with "Positivity
Wednesdays" or with today's hero: Ted E. "Cave Dog" Keizer, a previous
Barkley course record holder and only the fourth runner in history to ever
cross its finish line.
Here. Click on his website: http://www.thedogteam.com/.
He is known as the most famous dog-sledder ever to have assembled a human
His lead Dog, Saucy, is the current and still-reigning women's course
record-holder of The Barkley Marathons, which isn't a marathon and has
nothing whatsoever to do with Gnarls Barkley. Or, that other guy.
His is such an amazing runner that The Barkley Marathons was his first
His exploits span the nine planets of the solar system, and then some. His
peak-bagging and speed-hiking skills are second only to the Son of God.
In fact, this God Son has consulted with him on several mass motion
projects, notably Exodus and the biannual migration of entire species of
He has moved so fast across the frozen tundra, that it has thawed; and in
its place the rain forest has expanded. His ability to consume liquids
while exercising is now a subject before The Heavenly Planning Commission as
to just what "in the hell" to do with all that oil in the Gulf.
Once he moved at such warp speed that Einstein's Relativity Theory was
thoroughly debunked, since he crossed the International Dateline so often
that he arrived back in Oregon a full week before he left.
He has set several long-continuous-trail speed-hiking records; he's run and
nearly won every race longer than a marathon in every state of the union;
he's traversed the Rockies, the Andes, and the Himalayas--and cleaned up all
the trash on Mt. Everest as he happened to be passing by.
He has since summited each and every natural hill on the planet higher than
a speed bump--at least twice.
It's been reported that the only one who could make him slow down was his
best friend "Sugar Dog," and so--mid-stride between the Atlantic and
Pacific--they wed. Congratulations!
He is The Most Interesting Man in the World.
"I don't always lead The Dog Team; but when I do, I prefer my own chow and a
separate water bowl. Stay thirsty, my friends."
( 00 )
See (and hear) some originals:
["Ain't no body ever plucks lutes like me"]
Yankee Folly of the Day:
If only "Cave Dog" Keizer worked for the Census. This year's decennial
count would've been completed in 2008, thereby enabling me to post earlier.