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  • The Troubadour
    [We apologize for today s sudden apocryphal Census emergency. We, the census takers or so-called enumerators --otherwise known as ground-pounders,
    Message 1 of 1 , Jun 16, 2010
      [We apologize for today's sudden apocryphal Census emergency. We, the
      "census takers" or so-called "enumerators"--otherwise known as
      ground-pounders, grinders, or beer-chugging growlers--unfortunately were
      called from the comfort of our homes this morning due to a near-cataclysmic
      synthetic crash of the entire cybertronical governmental network of numbers
      that byte. Apparently, the "bug" was in the FAT Sector, somewhere
      indeterminate among the many BBQ rib joints of Chicago's South Side.

      [And so, obviously your "Happiness Wednesday" was forced into delay. We're
      sorry, but just to show that the United States Bureau of the Department of
      Redundancy Central has its cold flinty fingers on the right page, we fully
      expect now to make up for this glitch in your midweek ecstasy by performing
      the next most useful service to our representative government: we're going
      to count each and every spilled oil drop now unclassified in the Gulf of
      Mexico, so that they, too, can all be more fully taxed.]

      None of this, of course, has anything whatsoever to do with "Positivity
      Wednesdays" or with today's hero: Ted E. "Cave Dog" Keizer, a previous
      Barkley course record holder and only the fourth runner in history to ever
      cross its finish line.

      Here. Click on his website: http://www.thedogteam.com/.

      He is known as the most famous dog-sledder ever to have assembled a human

      His lead Dog, Saucy, is the current and still-reigning women's course
      record-holder of The Barkley Marathons, which isn't a marathon and has
      nothing whatsoever to do with Gnarls Barkley. Or, that other guy.

      His is such an amazing runner that The Barkley Marathons was his first
      footrace ever.

      His exploits span the nine planets of the solar system, and then some. His
      peak-bagging and speed-hiking skills are second only to the Son of God.

      In fact, this God Son has consulted with him on several mass motion
      projects, notably Exodus and the biannual migration of entire species of

      He has moved so fast across the frozen tundra, that it has thawed; and in
      its place the rain forest has expanded. His ability to consume liquids
      while exercising is now a subject before The Heavenly Planning Commission as
      to just what "in the hell" to do with all that oil in the Gulf.

      Once he moved at such warp speed that Einstein's Relativity Theory was
      thoroughly debunked, since he crossed the International Dateline so often
      that he arrived back in Oregon a full week before he left.

      He has set several long-continuous-trail speed-hiking records; he's run and
      nearly won every race longer than a marathon in every state of the union;
      he's traversed the Rockies, the Andes, and the Himalayas--and cleaned up all
      the trash on Mt. Everest as he happened to be passing by.

      He has since summited each and every natural hill on the planet higher than
      a speed bump--at least twice.

      It's been reported that the only one who could make him slow down was his
      best friend "Sugar Dog," and so--mid-stride between the Atlantic and
      Pacific--they wed. Congratulations!

      He is The Most Interesting Man in the World.

      "I don't always lead The Dog Team; but when I do, I prefer my own chow and a
      separate water bowl. Stay thirsty, my friends."

      ( 00 )

      See (and hear) some originals:


      Also here:


      My mark:

      Rich Limacher
      ["Ain't no body ever plucks lutes like me"]

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      If only "Cave Dog" Keizer worked for the Census. This year's decennial
      count would've been completed in 2008, thereby enabling me to post earlier.
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