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Real Men/Women of Genius #31

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  • The Troubadour
    [Back by popular non-demand after a brief non-vacation. Thanks for this idea is owed to our friend Nancy Shura-Dervin.] Bud Light presents... REAL MEN OF
    Message 1 of 1 , Dec 4, 2009
      [Back by popular non-demand after a brief non-vacation. Thanks for this
      idea is owed to our friend Nancy Shura-Dervin.]

      Bud Light presents...


      {Real men of geeeeeene-yuss}

      Today we salute you, Mr. Self-Appointed for the Listserv Non-Doctor of

      {Mis-ter "That same innn-jurrrr-reeee has hap-pened to meeeeeeeee!"}

      We'll just have to buck up and face it. THE six most-dreaded words that
      begin any post ever to be posted to the listserv in general to which we all
      subscribe are: "I am not a doctor, but..."

      {Whoa! Whuh-da-ya gon-na preeeee-scribe for us NOW?}

      Back pain? Knees? Joints? Foot/Ankle? Plantar Fasciitis, ITB band,
      fever, strep, pneumonia, hip ouches, ticker arrhythmias, poop, pee, and puke
      problems are all running rampant---all of which means: no running. And
      THAT, of course, absolutely guarantees a universal need and public outcry
      for your services.

      {"WhaatAmIGonnaDO this weeeak-ened? I gotta ULTRA coming up!"}

      Please. And yet these frantically solicited services are always free of
      charge. If it's Friday and their race starts tomorrow, you say "taper." If
      their bones are giving them wracking pain, you suggest the foam roller. And
      if their foot hurts like the business end of a semi-tractor-trailer is
      parked on it, you prescribe going barefoot.

      {What a-bout Viiiiii-brammmmmmmmm five fing-ers?}

      Pancreatic cancer? They need more electrolytes. Leukemia? Take another
      Ess-cap. Hyponatremia? They gotta drink more Gatorade. Rhabdomyolysis?
      Guzzle Ensure, if not more solid food like kidney beans. Early onset of
      Alzheimer's? Just decrease mileage and keep a running journal. You
      helpfully prescribe writing down the details of every run before they forget

      {"Howwww do we reeeeeeeee-mem-ber our daze off?"}

      And of course we shouldn't leave out "the heartbreak of psoriasis," for
      which, unfortunately, you ought not prescribe any cure at all because you
      have a financial interest in Proctor and Gamble. They're your boss. This
      is work time.

      {"But I onnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-ly 'Do It' durrrrrrrrrrrr-ring lunch!"}

      So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light, O Marcus Welby, M.D., because there
      also might not be any free online cure for paranoia--which can sometimes run
      rampant among runners who're married. But still you can be helpful. You
      suggest keeping silent, which, now that we think about it, might not be a
      bad prescription for you either.

      {Mis-ter Self-Appoint-ed for the List-serv Non-Doc-tor of Med-i-cine!}

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where it's made; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      Tiger Woods' one-hundred-and-sixty-four-whole-and-entire-dollars fine. And
      thanks to Blake Wood (no relation, we think ;-) for pointing that out. Ahh,
      now watch and see how much he'll have to pay Elin!
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