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2528Real Men/Women of Genius #87

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  • The Troubadour
    Apr 22, 2011
      [Forgive me, folks, for this particular edition--which isn't *exactly* about
      running, but it certainly does involve something we ALL are involved
      IN...whether we like it or not. Even internationally, all around the
      world, hey, you have governments. And you do pay taxes.]

      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

      Today we salute you, Our Dearest, Oldest, and Completely
      Ingenious-for-Centuries Uncle Sam.

      {Our Wonnnnnnnnn-derrrrr-full Unc-kle Sammmmmmmmmmmmmm!}

      We know this has been discussed before, but, really. Tell us the
      truth--which has almost never been done before: Has ALL the revenue you
      just collected this past Monday been SPENT ALREADY?

      {Sammy! Wherrrrrrrrrrrrrre does all the monnnnnnn-eeeeeeeeey go?}

      "Internally," of course. We know you probably didn't collect anything
      Externally. Like, just for kicks, starters, or argument's sake: World War
      II debts? How much did Jolly Olde England once owe us? France? So, you
      mean that terrific old Marshall Plan...went for free?

      {Weeeee al-so re-built Ger-man-yyyyyy annnnnnnnnnnnnnnd JAH-PANNNNN!}

      Iraq was supposed to self-finance through its vast oil reserves--but which
      Halliburton immediately harvested for itself, right? And we are now paying
      four-and-a-half bucks a gallon for? Really? Did you actually think THAT
      one up yourself, or did you have help?

      {"Yooooou can't blame mee! Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat was Bush's doo-innnnnng!"}

      Bailouts? Wall Street? General Motors? General Electric? Those huge
      big-whig conglomerate executives get pay raises, bonuses, and golden
      parachutes, and our very own terrific endurance runner, Charlie Engle, goes
      to prison? And just this past Tax Day, hey, General Electric paid you no

      {"Theyyyyy sup-ply Hope For A-mer-i-ca! They make theeeeeeeese cool new
      light bulbs!"}

      What are we missing here? Are we possibly missing the fact that you and our
      equally beloved United States Congresspeeps have not only blown the wad, but
      long ago and far away--the wad's been blown for decades! You and your most
      excellent adventurers went to the carnival in the 1960s sometime, pawned the
      gold standard, sold the farm, and shot the wad throwing darts for stuffed
      rabbits at the "Three Tries for a Buck" booth.

      {"But we won honnnnn-ney bun-nnnnnnies for Hugh Mmmmm Hef-nerrrrrrrrr!"}

      So crack open about a half-a-thousand ice cold Bud Lights--Oh Master of the
      Universe, Granter of Pardons, and Giver of Tax Breaks to All Those USA
      Pseudo-Industrial Complexes with Corporate Headquarters Housed on the Third
      Floor of Tenement Office Buildings in Bermuda--because when the very next
      Congressional Recess takes place, probably next week for a year, you'll be
      ready. You *will* want to "serve the people." But in your doubtless
      largesse, do you suppose you might also allow us to collect all the empties?
      In Michigan, we think, we can still turn them in for deposit money, which we
      may well need the very next time April Fifteenth comes around.

      {Our Deeeeeeearest And Old-dest Most Wonnnnnnnnn-derrrrr-full Unc-kle

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "your 800-year-old former fief, who used to do the same damn thing for the
      king during his Middle Age."
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/).

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      Let's do this instead. Let's all just let our paychecks be electronically
      deposited in the U.S. Treasury. Then, on Tax Day, we apply for only enough
      refund to buy gas and groceries to survive for another year--earmarking, of
      course, yet another buck for the next presidential election campaign.