Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

2520Real Men/Women of Genius #86

Expand Messages
  • The Troubadour
    Apr 8, 2011
      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss!}

      Today we salute you, Mr. AND Mrs. Barkley Marathons Did-Not-Finishers.

      {Misssssss-ter AND Mis-susssssssssss Barrrrrrr-kley

      There has never been a "Newlywed Game" quite like this one, huh? Instead of
      each one predicting what the other will say, you both get to be cast out
      into the wilderness for days at a time, with nothing more than an ancient
      park map and printed Johnny Reb "instructions"--without commercial
      interruption, without Bob Eubanks, and without either one of you having so
      much as a *clue* just where in the hell you are, where in the hell you need
      to get to, or how in the hell you're even going to stay alive.

      {"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee're THE FUG AW WEE!!!!"}

      "I think we're supposed to be on THAT ridge," one of you will say. "No,
      that one!" the other will counter. So, you both dive into the directions
      and try to translate and interpret Tennesseespeak.

      {"Loooook-for-a-'dead'-beeeeeech-treeeeee? But they're allllllllllllllll
      dead! It's WINNN-TERRRRRRRR!!"}

      Which is no small feat unto itself. When the "official instructions" tell
      you to look for a book in a rattlesnake pit "just a little ways past the two
      downward pointing beech blow-downs," you are NOT being told to wander around
      aimlessly until you actually see the snake.

      {"Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat-in-the-hellllllllllllllllllll does 'a lit-tle ways'

      You'll need to pay better attention to the contour lines on your topo map,
      and take into consideration the park's Declination while taking your compass
      bearings. You should also stop trying to claw each other's eyeballs out
      when you're having these disagreements. The sawbriars are already
      scratching everything else out on both your bodies.

      {"Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy does EV-ERR-Y-THING have THORRRRRRRNS on it??"}

      Also don't suddenly discover--and fall into--any of those old abandoned
      and-still-wide-open coal mining shafts hidden all over the place in them
      thar hills. Because, as the "official instructions" will also tell you,
      "Your body won't be found again until after you start to smell."

      {Yoooooooooou might-e-ven-find-some Haaaaat-fields-and-Mc-Coys' old

      So crack open a couple of chilly Bud Lights--some three days hence when you
      DO finally make it back to camp after completing just Loop One--O Mister and
      Missus Jackie Joyner-Kersees, because your REAL TEST of matrimonial harmony
      is about to be quizzed at you from all around the campfire. When each and
      every word coming out of either of your mouths is questioned, ridiculed, and
      the cause of mirth resounding higher and hardier than at any college
      freshman hazing ritual you'd EVER been "pledged" to, you will wish with all
      your hearts that maybe, just maybe, you might still be able to prevent the

      {Missssss-ter AND Misssssss-sus Barrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-kley Mar-a-thons

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      "your 800-year-old women's-lib-supporter, song-and-dance man, and banjo
      picker from France"
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/)

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      But now we wonder: whut iffn yer a couple "out there" fer tree hole daze...
      and not married??