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2321Real Men/Women of Genius #63

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  • The Troubadour
    Sep 3, 2010
      [First of all, I'd just like to say "thanks"--reelly and troubly--to all the
      many folks who've--so far--responded so positively to all this negativity...
      ( O_O )
      ...and who have even sent me e-mails which I hope they'll forgive me for not
      always answering...
      ...and to my good buddy Bill Thom for even offering to upchuck allah dys
      whack onto his ver kewl website inna furs playce. Other than that, in the
      second place? I need to apologize for being so late today--which tardiness
      was because of my back porch not being rebuilt, which was caused by
      "inspectors," which was because of THEIR having a bad day, all of which was
      caused (again) in the first place by a TORNADO (some months ago) that,
      furshur, wuz jus' havin' itseff a grand ol' time!]

      Bud Light presents...


      {Re-al men of geeeeeene-yuss}

      Today we salute you, Mr. Automatic Notifier to the Listserv That "I'll Be
      Gone Until Hell Freezes Over" Guy.

      {Mis-ter aaau-toe-maaa-ti-cal-ly innn-to our In-box no-ti-fy-er guyyyyyy!}

      Please. To each and every single individual e-mail? Your automatically
      pre-programmed mega-corporate cubicle computer spits out
      four-thousand-messages-per-minute just to say that you're "not there"?

      {"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease leave a messs-sage!"}

      And you'll return *when*? And what *exactly* are you doing away from your
      desk until that Tuesday, the day after the holiday, in the year 2525?

      {"I'm go-iiiiiing to beeeeee trav-vel-ling to a gal-ax-y far far

      Does the boss know you're gone? Or for that matter, does "Jerry in
      Accounting" know? Now that you have painstakingly explained throughout your
      completely automatic message that, should we have any type of sales
      emergency, or if the Megawhompus Hoochee-Callit Thingamabob that you sold us
      doesn't work, or if our own firm is growing impatient waiting for delivery,
      or if we've been waiting for your call-back since 1896, or if we have any
      other questions, we should direct them to Jerry in Accounting until, in
      fact, you get back?

      {Buttttttt WHOA! Weeeeeeeeeeeee could be dead by thennnn!}

      What guarantee do we even have that Jerry in Accounting will still be
      employed by "The World's Exclusive Manufacturers of The Megawhompus
      Hoochee-Callit Thingamabob"?

      {"They commmmmmmmmmmmmme in three siiiiiii-zes!!!"}

      And did you need to program your message to respond like this to all your
      personal e-mails, too? Not to mention each and every single little
      e-address of the already five-to-twenty-thousand
      automatically-disseminated-to subscribers of this very listserv that you
      have somehow managed to join--and read and blog to--all on company time?

      {Ev-'ry-one's block-iiiiiiiiing you annnn-y-wayyyyyyyyyy!!}

      So crack open an ice-cold Bud Light over the Labor Day Holiday, O Awesome
      Pre-Programmer of the Internet's Equivalent to the Answering Machine,
      because, really, when you do finally return to your desk on Tuesday and turn
      on your computer? You will find every single one of four hundred thousand
      automatic replies left in *your* Inbox which were themselves automatically
      sent out to respond to your own automatic replies.

      {Mis-ter Au-to-ma-tic No-ti-fi-errrr to the List-serrrrv "I'll Be Gone
      Un-til Hell Freeeeee-zes O-ver" Guy!}

      Bud Light beer: we don't care where they brew it; we just dig their

      ( O_O )

      Yours troubly,

      Rich Limacher
      (now on tab at http://www.runrace.net/)

      Yankee Folly of the Day:
      The only thing that could possibly be worse would be 400,000 "requested
      receipts" sent back by that many people who did indeed receive all those
      automatic e-mails to begin with.
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