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Re: [lovingGod] Learning to live in agony by God's grace

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  • Benoit Couture
    Peter Ongele took the time to reply to me personally, with his own account of Learning to live in agony by God s grace .  I dont think that I have the right
    Message 1 of 1 , Mar 2, 2009
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      Peter Ongele took the time to reply to me personally, with his own account of "Learning to live in agony by God's grace".  I dont think that I have the right to include his personal testinomy in the Public Domain, as he sent it to me personally, but here is my reply to his letter: 
      Samwel's letter "Sustainability is a poor teacher!!!" is also very helpful to me in this time that I am in.
      ------------       -------------       ------------
       
       
      Dear Peter Ongele,
       
      After reading your letter, what do I know about affliction, struggle and courage???!!!???...
       
       I am reminded of a Fernch expression that says: 
       
      "...complaining with a mouthfull of good food!"
       
      The description of the personal load that you carry, makes of mine such an insignificant nonsense of irrelevant pain from a spoiled rich brat, that I am at a lost for words.
       
      I now feel so ashame and stupid for being in that rut and yet, here I am, not knowing how to rejoice in the Lord and be thankful to Him, as the apostle Paul keeps on repeating that we ought to do.
       
      I certainly am thankfull for your offer to pray for me, while at the same time I feel so damned
      for being such a cry baby.
       
      I am now 50 years old and before my marriage to Debbie 29 years ago, my only way to deal with problems was to drop out of the trouble scene and run away.  Since being with her and having children soon after, I could never allow the drop out to happen, but I never learned to stay in the peace and in the joy of the Lord either.
      "The joy of the Lord is our strength" says the Psalmist.
       I got too busy with the horrific selfishness of addiction.
      As a result, I've been hurting my family emotionally and neglecting them spiritually.  
       
      So when you and your wife pray for me, dont ask the Lord for anything.  Just give Him thanks for the spanking I must accept. 
      I am the one who must wake up and realise how spoiled and selfish I have been and how much of a brat I have become for not rejoicing in the service to God;s calling.
       
      Your prayers are more needed for my wife and children, so that they may be kept safe from my spoiled attitude.
       
      Peter, I thank God for using you so well in humbling me.
       
      Benoit Couture

      --- On Sun, 3/1/09, Benoit <benoitctr@...> wrote:

      From: Benoit <benoitctr@...>
      Subject: [lovingGod] Learning to live in agony by God's grace
      To: lovingGod@yahoogroups.com
      Date: Sunday, March 1, 2009, 7:58 AM

      Dear Lord Jesus-Christ, Son of God,
      Please have mercy upon me, SINNER.
      Here, at Loving God yahoo group, you guided me to meet Andrius in 2005.
      Since then, I felt that You had open a global door for Your witness in my life to be offered freely, without my having to compromise it with religiosity' s confusion.  You and I, alone, knowing that Andrius and anyone could intervene to straightened me out if need be or to praise You for the greatness of Your Presence and of Your work in human life, hopefully serving to inspire anyone who seek You in a very personal and intimate way. 
      When You came to me at 16, You brought me out of extreme sport violence.  As an example of what I mean, see a full documentary of "The Code:
      After several years of being alone with You, I decided to tell You that I did not want to be alone with You anymore and I took Debbie with me, without bothering to consult You properly so as to wait for You guidance.
      In spite of that, You sent a unique woman to be with me. 
      But as a result of my attitude, I lost touch with Your precious Presence and voice, in the way by which You had taught me from.
      Another result of that attitude, is how much suffering I have caused to my family, because of the intensity overload that I am made of.
      Now, as of this week, I had to abandon our second son to his own twisted reverbaration caused by that intensity of mine and the confusion that I caused on our children, by trying to get my wife to avoid the pitfalls of growing up.
      Somehow, I have never learned to reamin calm.  I kept on freaking out at the site of any possible error.
      Yesterday, the agony of our situatuation peaked and I sat in the tub for a while, with a 40 ounces of 40 percent alchool, ready to drink it in 10 minutes.
      I thank You for pointing out how selfish that was, to do so under such circumstances.
      Later in the day, I took a chance to see if Andrius was online, and he was.  I entered the chat room and as usual, Andrius was there, available to seize the moment to serve You as best as he knows how.
      He invited me to Skype, which we did.  My headphone were not working so Andrius said, "talk and I write".
      I do not know how long we exchanged for, but at the end, I somehow started to accept that the agony is needed for the whole picture to make sense.
      I don't know how, Andrius does not know how, but we both agree that You DO!!!
      So I ask You to forgive me my insane way of treating You, Your Spirit,  You Son and my love ones and I pray that all the flavors of the fruit of Your Spirit may be released in my being all the way to self-control. ..
      "For the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law.  And those who are Christ's have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.  Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another."  Gal 5, 22-26
      Also, be with our Son in such an intimate way that he may be set free from the life of the flesh that we all receive from our parents, so that he may be made whole in his spirit, heart, soul and body, as I also pray for all people, everywhere.
      Please strengthen us all to live each day in Your glory by Your glory...
      I pray with supplication in the name of Your Son, Our Lord Jesus-Christ. ..
      ...amen to Your Yes in us all...
      ..may all blessings be with us all...
      Benoit Couture
      Edmonto, Canada

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