7772Re: [Hammock Camping] Bolt from the blue...
- Dec 31, 2004I see nothing blasphemous about this. In fact, I like it a lot. And, Oh
by the Way, it looks like just the right length for Ed's Newsletter and
perfectly on topic. I nominate it for an upcoming newsletter.
Shane Steinkamp wrote:
>>OK. Perhaps your second installment could be on the "shoot-em-up"
>>mysteries of hammock hanging.
>Well, that's not very ambitious... Hmmm...
>A tenter and a hammocker drew shelters at 20 paces? Like, who would want to
>see that? I mean...it would be so...pathetic...
>A little more ambitious might be something epic...something religious...
>And the Lord, seeing the plight of Man (and Woman!) from on high, and seeing
>that the little ones were cold at night, took pity, and dispatched to them
>an Angel saying, "The little ones shiver, the men suffer pains, and the
>women are forever restless. Their cries and prayers in the night keep me
>awake. Go, ye, therefore and shelter my children!"
>The Angel of the Lord did descend and seeing the plight of the people,
>wondered what to do. And LO!, before him appeared Omar the Tent Maker and
>sayeth to the Angel of the Lord, "Behold! I am your humble servant Omar!
>Allow me to demonstrate my warez!" The Angel of the Lord listened to Omar
>the Tent Maker, and his words seemed pure and good, and the Angel of the
>Lord was taken in by Omar's sales pitch. Alas! The Angel of the Lord did
>not know that in truth Omar was none other than the Devil's Own Minion - the
>Unholy Demon of Sleepless Nights.
>It came to pass that The Angel of the Lord did cause Omar's sales to rise,
>and the Children of the Lord were sheltered from the wind and the cold - but
>the Devil laughed in the forest for the Children of God were still restless
>upon the ground. He even went so far as to meet with his minion and devise
>the cruelest of devices - the Bivy.
>The Angel of the Lord did return and say unto the lord, "Behold! Thy
>Children shiver no more!" And the Lord did look down from On High, and
>LOOK! Indeed the Children did not shiver! That night, though, the prayers
>of the people did come to the Lord, and he looked down and saw that while
>the Children did not shiver, the People were still afflicted upon the stony
>The Lord was filled with Anger and Righteous Indignation, and demanded, "Who
>has done this!? Who has done this!?" The Devil and Omar laughed and
>laughed, and ran among the people and gloated; and they mocked the Children
>of the Lord with many mockings, and sold them heavy sleeping pads that did
>devlop many leaks.
>And, LO! The Lord did appear before them and in his Righteous Anger, he did
>smite the Unholy Tent Demon with a mighty smiting and Cursed the Unholy Tent
>Demon with many Curses! The Lord said to him, "You! You! You who have
>caused my Children to lay low upon the stony ground! Cursed are ye! For
>your Treacharery in causing Man (and Woman!) to spend restless nights, you
>yourself will never partake of my Restful Bliss!"
>And LO! The Lord Himself drew forth from his own Holy Pack a Blessing of
>Many Blessings, and the people called the blessing Hammock to forever remind
>them that upon seing it they cried aloud, "HA!", and then mocked the Unholy
>Tent Demon with many mockings. The Tent Demon howled a terrible howl, and
>being thus accursed, raged against the Men and Women of the Holy Hammock,
>but all his cries were for Naught.
>The Children of the Lord, being brought into Restful Bliss, had been saved
>from a fate worse than death - the Mortal Sin of Ground Sleeping. And the
>People did Sigh a Restful Sigh.
>As time went on, though, the People began to Murmur. "It is cold at night,
>and we have no underquilt!" It was in this way that Omar lead away many
>with promises of "It's lighter!" and "Half off after Giftmas!"
>The Lord came to hear of it, and was saddened. "My People! My People!
>Again they sleep upon the ground... I will send among them a Prophet!"
>Hmmm... I might go to hell if I keep going with this. I be they don't have
>hammocks in hell...
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