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7772Re: [Hammock Camping] Bolt from the blue...

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  • Rick
    Dec 31, 2004
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      I see nothing blasphemous about this. In fact, I like it a lot. And, Oh
      by the Way, it looks like just the right length for Ed's Newsletter and
      perfectly on topic. I nominate it for an upcoming newsletter.


      Shane Steinkamp wrote:

      >>OK. Perhaps your second installment could be on the "shoot-em-up"
      >>mysteries of hammock hanging.
      >Well, that's not very ambitious... Hmmm...
      >A tenter and a hammocker drew shelters at 20 paces? Like, who would want to
      >see that? I mean...it would be so...pathetic...
      >A little more ambitious might be something epic...something religious...
      >And the Lord, seeing the plight of Man (and Woman!) from on high, and seeing
      >that the little ones were cold at night, took pity, and dispatched to them
      >an Angel saying, "The little ones shiver, the men suffer pains, and the
      >women are forever restless. Their cries and prayers in the night keep me
      >awake. Go, ye, therefore and shelter my children!"
      >The Angel of the Lord did descend and seeing the plight of the people,
      >wondered what to do. And LO!, before him appeared Omar the Tent Maker and
      >sayeth to the Angel of the Lord, "Behold! I am your humble servant Omar!
      >Allow me to demonstrate my warez!" The Angel of the Lord listened to Omar
      >the Tent Maker, and his words seemed pure and good, and the Angel of the
      >Lord was taken in by Omar's sales pitch. Alas! The Angel of the Lord did
      >not know that in truth Omar was none other than the Devil's Own Minion - the
      >Unholy Demon of Sleepless Nights.
      >It came to pass that The Angel of the Lord did cause Omar's sales to rise,
      >and the Children of the Lord were sheltered from the wind and the cold - but
      >the Devil laughed in the forest for the Children of God were still restless
      >upon the ground. He even went so far as to meet with his minion and devise
      >the cruelest of devices - the Bivy.
      >The Angel of the Lord did return and say unto the lord, "Behold! Thy
      >Children shiver no more!" And the Lord did look down from On High, and
      >LOOK! Indeed the Children did not shiver! That night, though, the prayers
      >of the people did come to the Lord, and he looked down and saw that while
      >the Children did not shiver, the People were still afflicted upon the stony
      >The Lord was filled with Anger and Righteous Indignation, and demanded, "Who
      >has done this!? Who has done this!?" The Devil and Omar laughed and
      >laughed, and ran among the people and gloated; and they mocked the Children
      >of the Lord with many mockings, and sold them heavy sleeping pads that did
      >devlop many leaks.
      >And, LO! The Lord did appear before them and in his Righteous Anger, he did
      >smite the Unholy Tent Demon with a mighty smiting and Cursed the Unholy Tent
      >Demon with many Curses! The Lord said to him, "You! You! You who have
      >caused my Children to lay low upon the stony ground! Cursed are ye! For
      >your Treacharery in causing Man (and Woman!) to spend restless nights, you
      >yourself will never partake of my Restful Bliss!"
      >And LO! The Lord Himself drew forth from his own Holy Pack a Blessing of
      >Many Blessings, and the people called the blessing Hammock to forever remind
      >them that upon seing it they cried aloud, "HA!", and then mocked the Unholy
      >Tent Demon with many mockings. The Tent Demon howled a terrible howl, and
      >being thus accursed, raged against the Men and Women of the Holy Hammock,
      >but all his cries were for Naught.
      >The Children of the Lord, being brought into Restful Bliss, had been saved
      >from a fate worse than death - the Mortal Sin of Ground Sleeping. And the
      >People did Sigh a Restful Sigh.
      >As time went on, though, the People began to Murmur. "It is cold at night,
      >and we have no underquilt!" It was in this way that Omar lead away many
      >with promises of "It's lighter!" and "Half off after Giftmas!"
      >The Lord came to hear of it, and was saddened. "My People! My People!
      >Again they sleep upon the ground... I will send among them a Prophet!"
      >Hmmm... I might go to hell if I keep going with this. I be they don't have
      >hammocks in hell...
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