20589Murphy's Rules of Camping
- Jun 30, 2010
> Adopted from:
> Feel free to add some more:
> 1. Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the location of maximum
> 2. Remaining distance to a given campsite remains constant as twilight
> 3. Number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional
> to the volume of remaining repellent.
> 4. The probability of finding a latrine is one over the number of poison
> ivy plants per acre.
> 5. The square feet of level ground available for tents equals the degrees
> from horizon of the setting sun.
> 6. The need to urinate at night increases in direct relation to the hour
> past midnight, layers of clothing worn, occupants in your tent, and inches
> of rain since sunset. Curiously, it increases in 'inverse' relation to the
> outside temperature.
> 7. The ground under shoulders compresses without sunlight while the
> ground under feet expands.
> 8. Rocks and sticks rise above dirt when irritated by tent flooring
> 9. Feet expand when removed from hiking boots. The same law applies to
> tents and tent bags, clothing and backpacks, and sleeping bags and stuff
> 10. Backpack strap widths decrease with the distance hiked. To
> compensate, the weight of the backpack increases.
> 11. Average local temperature increases with the amount of clothing
> 12. Tent stakes come only in the quantity 'N-1' where N is the number of
> stakes necessary to stake down a tent.
> 13. Fuel in sealed bottles spontaneously evaporates.
> 14. Fuel in stove reservoirs evaporates 10x as fast as fuel in sealed
> 15. All available humidity and moisture will congregate on match heads.
> 16. If no match heads are in the vicinity, all moisture will congregate
> inside waterproof clothing.
> 17. The one new tent on the trip that leaks will be yours.
> 18. The side of the tent that leaks will be your side.
> 19. All food assumes a common taste and color when freeze-dried.
> 20. Divide the number of servings by two when reading the directions for
> reconstituting anything freeze-dried.
> 21. When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water filter,
> 'hour' should be substituted for 'minute' when reading the average quarts
> filtered per minute.
> 22. A backpack's weight load migrates up and back the longer it is in
> 23. All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective
> trunks at exactly the height of your nose. If you are male, tree branches
> will also grow at groin height.
> 24. Swiss Army Knife toothpicks and tweezers evaporate upon contact with
> 25. Rain happens.
> 26. Waterproof clothing isn't. (However, it is 100% effective at
> containing sweat).
> 27. Non-stick pans aren't.
> 28. Waterproof matches aren't.
> 29. One size fits all don't.
> 30. Anything bug-proof isn't.
> 31. A backpack's weight is not affected by the amount of food eaten out
> of it.
> 32. The minimum temperature rating for any sleeping bag raises as the
> external temperature lowers.
> 33. Ropes holding bear bags stretch.
> 34. The loudness of an animal at night grows as the size of the animal
> 35. The sun sets 47% faster than normal when setting up camp. It sets
> another 28% faster if rain is eminent.
> 36. Of a 25% chance of rain, 100% will fall in your campsite.
> 37. When hiking, you take half as many downhil steps as uphill.
> 38. 95% of a backpack's contents could have been left at home.
> 39. The 5% left at home will be needed.
> 40. The memory of misery approaches zero as the memory of joy approaches
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