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20589Murphy's Rules of Camping

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  • wpick@cox.net
    Jun 30, 2010
      > Adopted from:
      > http://tinyurl.com/2cop6bs
      > Feel free to add some more:
      > 1. Any stone in a hiking boot migrates to the location of maximum
      > pressure.
      > 2. Remaining distance to a given campsite remains constant as twilight
      > approaches.
      > 3. Number of mosquitoes at any given location is inversely proportional
      > to the volume of remaining repellent.
      > 4. The probability of finding a latrine is one over the number of poison
      > ivy plants per acre.
      > 5. The square feet of level ground available for tents equals the degrees
      > from horizon of the setting sun.
      > 6. The need to urinate at night increases in direct relation to the hour
      > past midnight, layers of clothing worn, occupants in your tent, and inches
      > of rain since sunset. Curiously, it increases in 'inverse' relation to the
      > outside temperature.
      > 7. The ground under shoulders compresses without sunlight while the
      > ground under feet expands.
      > 8. Rocks and sticks rise above dirt when irritated by tent flooring
      > fabric.
      > 9. Feet expand when removed from hiking boots. The same law applies to
      > tents and tent bags, clothing and backpacks, and sleeping bags and stuff
      > sacks.
      > 10. Backpack strap widths decrease with the distance hiked. To
      > compensate, the weight of the backpack increases.
      > 11. Average local temperature increases with the amount of clothing
      > packed.
      > 12. Tent stakes come only in the quantity 'N-1' where N is the number of
      > stakes necessary to stake down a tent.
      > 13. Fuel in sealed bottles spontaneously evaporates.
      > 14. Fuel in stove reservoirs evaporates 10x as fast as fuel in sealed
      > bottles.
      > 15. All available humidity and moisture will congregate on match heads.
      > 16. If no match heads are in the vicinity, all moisture will congregate
      > inside waterproof clothing.
      > 17. The one new tent on the trip that leaks will be yours.
      > 18. The side of the tent that leaks will be your side.
      > 19. All food assumes a common taste and color when freeze-dried.
      > 20. Divide the number of servings by two when reading the directions for
      > reconstituting anything freeze-dried.
      > 21. When reading the instructions of a pump-activated water filter,
      > 'hour' should be substituted for 'minute' when reading the average quarts
      > filtered per minute.
      > 22. A backpack's weight load migrates up and back the longer it is in
      > motion.
      > 23. All tree branches in a forest grow outward from their respective
      > trunks at exactly the height of your nose. If you are male, tree branches
      > will also grow at groin height.
      > 24. Swiss Army Knife toothpicks and tweezers evaporate upon contact with
      > air.
      > 25. Rain happens.
      > 26. Waterproof clothing isn't. (However, it is 100% effective at
      > containing sweat).
      > 27. Non-stick pans aren't.
      > 28. Waterproof matches aren't.
      > 29. One size fits all don't.
      > 30. Anything bug-proof isn't.
      > 31. A backpack's weight is not affected by the amount of food eaten out
      > of it.
      > 32. The minimum temperature rating for any sleeping bag raises as the
      > external temperature lowers.
      > 33. Ropes holding bear bags stretch.
      > 34. The loudness of an animal at night grows as the size of the animal
      > shrinks.
      > 35. The sun sets 47% faster than normal when setting up camp. It sets
      > another 28% faster if rain is eminent.
      > 36. Of a 25% chance of rain, 100% will fall in your campsite.
      > 37. When hiking, you take half as many downhil steps as uphill.
      > 38. 95% of a backpack's contents could have been left at home.
      > 39. The 5% left at home will be needed.
      > 40. The memory of misery approaches zero as the memory of joy approaches
      > infinity.
      > <http://www.boyscouttrail.com/content/joke/murphys_laws_of_camping-1031.asp>
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