not of this world but still in this world
- I would like to know please, if someone experienced any "revelation"
of the kind I describe. I don;t know what has taken place already,
while I am still here in the body. My life goes on as previously,
although I have a feeling of having made it already. I don;t want to
sound arrogant. But it's a feeling one has after graduation.
But something occurred, I at least hope that something happened. I am
actually sure something happened, but I dont know as to what.
I only first pondered about life, and the creation and the current
condition. I affirmed my stand mentally with a vivid picture, and
then again affirmed. I perceived the world through the eyes of a
Gnostic and I did it thoroughly.
Soon enough,it came to me that the Ego must be, maybe only the
current most real experienced persona of the Ego(as there are many)
to be more precise, must be "suppressed". How did I do it? By looking
behind the curtain. By realizing that one is not even here. (that I
am not even here) Pretty odd thought, I don;t know why it came to me.
Then I asked: where am I, if I am not here, evidently contrary to the
physical senses. (shows that the Ego, or persona with its sensation
aspect would not appreciate any other reality)
Then I understood that my presence, my body and my persona are a mask.
I viewed through them, literally.
I am someplace else; this was a liberating moment. I laughed. I
laughed at all moments, in which I was afraid and terrified. I was
not even there. The battle that was going on was within the psyche.
Yet I was not given where this locality is.
After the curtain was lifted, two things happened. Knowing then
that "me" was not here, I realized that the reconciliation with God
or that what we aspire to, can only take place when this other part
of us acts, not the Ego or persona. But this was not enough: I did
not just meet something or somebody, eventhough the feeling was
liberating. I was now assured that I made it. Good work done! I
asked really? My initial frowning turned into more confidence. Maybe
I was not such a nasty fella after all. ( I use again and I dont know
why, the allegory with the curtain and the graduation: After it was
lift, I felt free. Then I received a handshake, not a hug to be
truthful. And an assurance that you have battled and stood but now
it's ok, as if the rest of my life was useless...)
The course of events had its climax too. Again, I don;t know what
occurred on the spiritual level, but psychologically, I can reiterate
that knowing and having this understanding that a part of me unknown
previously, simply by realizing I am not here where I am standing, by
showing behind the curtain of the persona, was accepted and rewarded
(!), I was lifted up high. It was not a state of diziness ... for
this feeling is heavy. It was a feeling of I have to say,
The mind was "sucked up" in a channel of curl and yet it was so
light. The skull was not a limit. It was radiant. But I had no clear
vision. I explain only the emotional part of it. So light that I felt
afraid. My feet were on the ground, but I was afraid I was not
touching it anymore. Afraid again of what was taking place, I pushed
the feeling away, grounded it, not forcily, for it went away by
itself after I left it.
How can this experience be reconciled with the Gnostic teachings?
I am in good physical and hope also mental health.
If this was gnosis, I did not have a revelation of where I came from
nor where I am going. But I understood that a part of me is someplace
far away and this part was rewarded, and then I felt the feeling of
uplifting and transcendence. I appreciate any comment that can help
me to understand my experience. Thanks, Martin