Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.
 

Not quite mad science, but an amusing warranty card

Expand Messages
  • M. Alan Thomas II
    This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an employee who obviously has a keen sense of humor. The company, of course, does not have a
    Message 1 of 3 , Feb 2, 2004
      This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an
      employee who obviously has a keen sense of humor. The company, of
      course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the IT department
      take it down immediately. (For once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the
      end is worth a read too....) Anyone want to write up a Girl Genius
      version? Or perhaps one for each of the different sparks?

      Thank you for purchasing a McDonnell Douglas military aircraft. In
      order to protect your new investment, please take a few moments to
      fill out the warranty registration card below. Answering the survey
      questions is not required, but the information will help us to
      develop new products to best meet your needs and desires.

      1. Name and title
      (_) Mr.
      [_] Mrs.
      [_] Ms.
      [_] Miss
      [_] Lt.
      [_] Gen.
      [_] Comrade
      [_] Classified
      [_] Other
      First Name: .......................................
      Initial: ........
      Last Name: .......................................
      Password: ......................... (max. 8 char)
      Code Name: ,......................................
      Latitude-Longitude-Altitude: ......................

      2. Which model of aircraft did you purchase?
      [_] F-14 Tomcat
      [_] F-15 Eagle
      [_] F-16 Falcon
      [_] F-117A Stealth
      [_] Classified

      3. Date of purchase (Year/Month/Day): ..../.... /....

      4. Serial Number: ...................................

      5. Please indicate where this product was purchased:

      [_] Received as gift / aid package
      [_] Catalogue / showroom
      [_] Independent arms broker
      [_] Mail order
      [_] Discount store
      [_] Government surplus
      [_] Classified

      6. Please indicate how you became aware of the McDonnell Douglas
      product you have just purchased:
      [_] Heard loud noise, looked up
      [_] Store display
      [_] Espionage
      [_] Recommended by friend / relative / ally
      [_] Political lobbying by manufacturer
      [_] Was attacked by one

      7. Please indicate the three (3) factors that most influenced your
      decision to purchase this McDonnell Douglas product:
      [_] Style / appearance
      [_] Speed / maneuverability
      [_] Price / value
      [_] Comfort / convenience
      [_] Kickback / bribe
      [_] Recommended by salesperson
      [_] McDonnell Douglas reputation
      [_] Advanced Weapons Systems
      [_] Backroom politics
      [_] Negative experience opposing one in combat

      8. Please indicate the location(s) where this product will be used:
      [_] North America
      [_] Iraq
      [_] South America
      [_] Iraq
      [_] Aircraft carrier
      [_] Iraq
      [_] Europe
      [_] Iraq
      [_] Middle East (not Iraq)
      [_] Iraq
      [_] Africa
      [_] Iraq
      [_] Asia / Far East
      [_] Iraq
      [_] Misc. Third World countries
      [_] Iraq
      [_] Classified
      [_] Iraq

      9. Please indicate the products that you currently own or intend to
      purchase in the near future:
      [_] Color TV
      [_] VCR
      [_] ICBM
      [_] Killer Satellite
      [_] CD Player
      [_] Air-to-Air Missiles
      [_] Space Shuttle
      [_] Home Computer
      [_] Nuclear Weapon

      10. How would you describe yourself or your organization?
      [_] Communist / Socialist
      [_] Terrorist
      [_] Crazed
      [_] Neutral
      [_] Democratic
      [_] Dictatorship
      [_] Corrupt
      [_] Primitive / Tribal

      11. How did you pay for your McDonnell Douglas product?
      [_] Deficit spending
      [_] Cash
      [_] Suitcases of cocaine
      [_] Oil revenues
      [_] Personal check
      [_] Credit card
      [_] Ransom money
      [_] Traveler's check

      12. Your occupation:
      [_] Homemaker
      [_] Sales / marketing
      [_] Revolutionary
      [_] Clerical
      [_] Mercenary
      [_] Tyrant
      [_] Middle management
      [_] Eccentric billionaire
      [_] Defense Minister / General
      [_] Retired
      [_] Student

      13. To help us better understand our customers, please indicate the
      interests and activities in which you and your spouse enjoy
      participating on a regular basis:
      [_] Golf
      [_] Boating / sailing
      [_] Sabotage
      [_] Running / jogging
      [_] Propaganda / misinformation
      [_] Destabilization / overthrow
      [_] Default on loans
      [_] Gardening
      [_] Crafts
      [_] Black market / smuggling
      [_] Collectibles / collections
      [_] Watching sports on TV
      [_] Wines
      [_] Interrogation / torture
      [_] Household pets
      [_] Crushing rebellions
      [_] Espionage / reconnaissance
      [_] Fashion clothing
      [_] Border disputes
      [_] Mutually Assured Destruction

      Thank you for taking the time to fill out this questionnaire. Your
      answers will be used in market studies that will help McDonnell
      Douglas serve you better in the future - as well as allowing you to
      receive mailings and special offers from other companies,
      governments, extremist groups, and mysterious consortia. As a bonus
      for responding to this survey, you will be registered to win a brand
      new F-117A in our Desert Thunder Sweepstakes! Comments or
      suggestions about our fighter planes? Please write to: McDONNELL
      DOUGLAS CORPORATION Marketing Department Military Aerospace Division

      IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
      addressee(s)named above and may contain information that is
      confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons
      with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious
      beliefs. If you are not the intended recipient, any dissemination,
      distribution or copying of this email is not authorized (either
      explicitly or implicitly) and constitutes an irritating social faux
      pas. Unless the word absquatulation has been used in its correct
      context somewhere other than in this warning, it does not have any
      legal or grammatical use and may be ignored. No animals were harmed
      in the transmission of this email, although the kelpie next door is
      living on borrowed time, let me tell you. Those of you with an
      overwhelming fear of the unknown will be gratified to learn that
      there is no hidden message revealed by reading this warning
      backwards, so just ignore that alert Notice from Microsoft. However,
      by pouring a complete circle of salt around yourself and your
      computer you can ensure that no harm befalls you and your pets. If
      you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and
      egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.
    • csg3125
      ... ... ... They forgot the Vanilla and a dash of salt. It s not as good without the vanilla. Curtis PMFS
      Message 2 of 3 , Feb 2, 2004
        --- In girlgenius@yahoogroups.com, "M. Alan Thomas II"
        <CrazyDreamer@c...> wrote:
        > This was posted very briefly on the McDonnell Douglas website by an
        > employee who obviously has a keen sense of humor. The company, of
        > course, does not have a sense of humor, and made the IT department
        > take it down immediately. (For once, the "IMPORTANT" note at the
        > end is worth a read too....) Anyone want to write up a Girl Genius
        > version? Or perhaps one for each of the different sparks?
        >
        <snip>

        > IMPORTANT: This email is intended for the use of the individual
        > addressee(s)named above and may contain information that is
        > confidential, privileged or unsuitable for overly sensitive persons
        > with low self-esteem, no sense of humor or irrational religious
        > beliefs.

        <snip>
        > If
        > you have received this email in error, please add some nutmeg and
        > egg whites, whisk and place in a warm oven for 40 minutes.

        They forgot the Vanilla and a dash of salt. It's not as good without
        the vanilla.

        Curtis PMFS
      • Brooks Rowlett
        This isn t even the original version either. Of the aircraft listed only one was made by MacDAC (shorthand term for McDonnell-Douglas Aircraft Company); the
        Message 3 of 3 , Feb 3, 2004
          This isn't even the original version either. Of the aircraft listed
          only one was made by MacDAC
          (shorthand term for McDonnell-Douglas Aircraft Company); the F-15.

          F-14 was a Grumman product (now Northrop-Grumman)
          F-16 was a General Dynamics Product now owned by Lockheed Martin
          F-117A was a Lockheed Product (now Lockheed-Martin)

          Not on the list, the F/A-18 was a McDonnell-Douglas product (but MacDAC
          is now owned by Boeing and the MacDAC name is no longer in use). Iraq
          was not in the list of use sites. In fact I doubt that this item was
          ever on the internet at a real defense contractor site, as I saw the
          first version of this *hand typed* in the early 90s before the creation
          of the public World Wide Web.

          - Brooks A. Rowlett
        Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.