FI News: Dec. 13-15
- Dec. 13
Why did Mars perish?
MARRAKESH, Marinid Caliphate
The discovery of apparent animacules in a Martian rock has sparked
debate among Islamic scientists over the precise method of
destruction of Martian civilization. The Wadi al-Khali suggested
that God destroyed the Martians by flood, but the rustiness of the
soil suggests that fire played a part. Several prominent scientists
have called for a fourth mission to Mars in which a manned mission
could find and interrogate the surviving djinn about the history of
the red planet.
Venice and Shchipria in Talks over Prince of Wied's Release
ROMA, GLI PAPALI ESTATI
The Doge of Venice, Lorenzo Ziani, has met with the Osmanli Caliph
and the Emir of Shchipria in an attempt to secure the release of
Alexander, Prince of Wied. Shchiprian Janissary-Police arrested
Prince Alexander on a charge of plotting to overthrow the Emir's
government and reconstitute the Christian Kingdom of the Epirots.
The Most Serene Republic has commercial interests in the region. The
Venetian-owned Island Hotel Company for a long time has desired to
establish resorts on the otherwise undeveloped Shchiprian coast.
Weak Minds to Comfort Troops
LAUJINSHAN CITY, Jinguo
Governor Ahn announced today that he is drafting all women and girls
of mature age who have failed minds. These women will provide
comfort for the troops currently engaged in the patriotic struggle
against the Ute Confederacy. Young women whose wombs are barren will
receive extra pay for services rendered. The government has already
produced a pamphlet extolling the sensualness of the drafted women.
It is believed that the first formation will be sent to the front
near Pachinko City in the south of the Eastern Frontier Province.
Governor Ahn also assured the loyal citizens of our beautiful state
that the future soldiers of the "Sleeping Princess" empty womb
utilization program were developing well inside their peacefully