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Re: [genpcncfir] Need Signatures for trying to get rights to see and visit my Grandchildren

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  • Carol Singh
    Dear Deborah, People are sometimes inexplicably cruel. I do believe, though, that the evil we do comes back to plague the inventor, as Shakespeare phrased
    Message 1 of 4 , Jan 3, 2008
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      Dear Deborah,
      People are sometimes inexplicably cruel. I do
      believe, though, that "the evil we do comes back to
      plague the inventor," as Shakespeare phrased it.
      I realize that mere words are poor consolation for
      an aching heart. Many of our relatives and friends
      supported my sister for more than three years of
      separation from her only granddaughter--not the act of
      an in-law but of her son.
      We had the same legal recourse in Virginia as is
      available in North Carolina. However, I persuaded my
      sister not to take that route but to pray every day
      that God would soften the hardened heart.
      Just last spring, my nephew approached my sister,
      my daughter with infant granddaughter in her arms, and
      me all of whom were attending his daughter's first
      ballgame, hugged each of us, told us he loved us,
      thanked us for coming and for our continued support of
      his daughter throughout the months of our separation,
      asked forgiveness, and said that he had missed us more
      than we could know.
      What made our ordeal the more painful for my
      sister was that she had raised that granddaughter from
      infancy until she was seven years old. Worst than
      anything, though, was the suffering of that little
      girl. Under the pressure of not knowing what was safe
      to say to whom, she began to stutter. A former "A"
      student, she received failing grades in both math and
      reading.
      Instead of help at home, her parents criticized
      her relentlessly and punished her for the failing
      grades. The only good to come of this is that the
      school intervened and provided free tutoring in math
      and reading that over time brought her grades up and
      prevented her failing for the year.
      It's a shame when grown-ups make a child a pawn in
      an emotional game of chess. The ultimate victim is the
      child.
      Couples can divorce or break old ties upon the
      death of a spouse, but the ties that bind the child to
      both families are eternal. I am sure that those of us
      in this group have learned that through our research,
      if we hadn't picked up on it earlier through other
      sources.
      Law choses not to legislate the human heart. Only
      God can tame that unruly beast.
      My words to you come from our family's own pain
      and suffering. In your hour of need, I will help you
      in any way I can. If my signature will help, tell me
      how to respond, and I will do so.
      Some states have begun to be cognizant of
      grandparents' rights. With more of us grandparents out
      there, I am hopeful that legislation will be passed to
      ensure our access to our grandchildren. In the
      meantime, all of us can help by contacting our
      elective officials with our collective voices.
      Later, Carol


      --- christinebarnes1949 <shadebarnes@...>
      wrote:

      > I am in need of signatures. I have been a member
      > of this group for a
      > long time and need help. My only daughter died Nov
      > 22, 2006 from
      > AML, I remember all the support and prayers I
      > received from this group.
      >
      > My son in law has not allowed my two grandsons, one
      > is 7 and one is 2
      > to visit me since my daughter's death. This
      > Holiday season I did
      > not get to see them at all.
      >
      > NC does have some grandparent's rights but not like
      > other states. I
      > am hoping this group will help me with as many
      > signatures as possible
      > so I can try to get visiting rights to these boys.
      > They are all I
      > have left of my daughter.
      >
      > Thank you
      > Deborah Smith Barnes
      >
      >
      >



      ____________________________________________________________________________________
      Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
      http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs
    • Shade Barnes
      Carol, Thank you and thank you all for the encouragement I have received.   I am praying so hard that God will change his heart.   I really don t know what
      Message 2 of 4 , Jan 3, 2008
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        Carol,

        Thank you and thank you all for the encouragement I have received.   I am praying so hard that God will change his heart.   I really don't know what to do, I do feel like if I take him to court it is going to make it worse on the kids cause he has a bad temper.   I contacted Lt. Governor Beverly Perdue and she told me to just hire a lawyer, that can be very expensive.
        ----- Original Message -----
        From: "Carol Singh" <csinghworthington@...>
        To: genpcncfir@yahoogroups.com
        Cc: "Carol B. Singh" <CSinghWorthington@...>
        Sent: Thursday, January 3, 2008 10:41:28 AM (GMT-0500) America/New_York
        Subject: Re: [genpcncfir] Need Signatures for trying to get rights to see and visit my Grandchildren







        Dear Deborah,
        People are sometimes inexplicably cruel. I do
        believe, though, that "the evil we do comes back to
        plague the inventor," as Shakespeare phrased it.
        I realize that mere words are poor consolation for
        an aching heart. Many of our relatives and friends
        supported my sister for more than three years of
        separation from her only granddaughter--not the act of
        an in-law but of her son.
        We had the same legal recourse in Virginia as is
        available in North Carolina. However, I persuaded my
        sister not to take that route but to pray every day
        that God would soften the hardened heart.
        Just last spring, my nephew approached my sister,
        my daughter with infant granddaughter in her arms, and
        me all of whom were attending his daughter's first
        ballgame, hugged each of us, told us he loved us,
        thanked us for coming and for our continued support of
        his daughter throughout the months of our separation,
        asked forgiveness, and said that he had missed us more
        than we could know.
        What made our ordeal the more painful for my
        sister was that she had raised that granddaughter from
        infancy until she was seven years old. Worst than
        anything, though, was the suffering of that little
        girl. Under the pressure of not knowing what was safe
        to say to whom, she began to stutter. A former "A"
        student, she received failing grades in both math and
        reading.
        Instead of help at home, her parents criticized
        her relentlessly and punished her for the failing
        grades. The only good to come of this is that the
        school intervened and provided free tutoring in math
        and reading that over time brought her grades up and
        prevented her failing for the year.
        It's a shame when grown-ups make a child a pawn in
        an emotional game of chess. The ultimate victim is the
        child.
        Couples can divorce or break old ties upon the
        death of a spouse, but the ties that bind the child to
        both families are eternal. I am sure that those of us
        in this group have learned that through our research,
        if we hadn't picked up on it earlier through other
        sources.
        Law choses not to legislate the human heart. Only
        God can tame that unruly beast.
        My words to you come from our family's own pain
        and suffering. In your hour of need, I will help you
        in any way I can. If my signature will help, tell me
        how to respond, and I will do so.
        Some states have begun to be cognizant of
        grandparents' rights. With more of us grandparents out
        there, I am hopeful that legislation will be passed to
        ensure our access to our grandchildren. In the
        meantime, all of us can help by contacting our
        elective officials with our collective voices.
        Later, Carol


        --- christinebarnes1949 < shadebarnes@... >
        wrote:

        > I am in need of signatures. I have been a member
        > of this group for a
        > long time and need help. My only daughter died Nov
        > 22, 2006 from
        > AML, I remember all the support and prayers I
        > received from this group.
        >
        > My son in law has not allowed my two grandsons, one
        > is 7 and one is 2
        > to visit me since my daughter's death. This
        > Holiday season I did
        > not get to see them at all.
        >
        > NC does have some grandparent's rights but not like
        > other states. I
        > am hoping this group will help me with as many
        > signatures as possible
        > so I can try to get visiting rights to these boys.
        > They are all I
        > have left of my daughter.
        >
        > Thank you
        > Deborah Smith Barnes
        >
        >
        >

        __________________________________________________________
        Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
        http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs


        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      • Carol Singh
        Dear Shade, It has been my experience that when people act ugly towards others, it s because they are feeling ugly on the inside. Their feelings are directed
        Message 3 of 4 , Jan 4, 2008
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          Dear Shade,
          It has been my experience that when people act ugly
          towards others, it's because they are feeling ugly on
          the inside. Their feelings are directed towards
          others, but those others did not cause those feelings.
          It is likely that your family member is
          experiencing a great deal of grief and anger over the
          loss of his wife and the added responsibilities he now
          has to shoulder. Additionally, he needs a target for
          these feelings. He cannot blame his dead spouse
          directly, so he turns those feelings against the
          people he can blame, usually those who are safe
          targets in the sense that rather than retaliate they
          will be hurting too. It's as if he were saying, "Feel
          my pain, and then talk."
          The targets are usually "safe" also in the sense
          that the aggressor knows they love him and will
          continue to love him even while he is hurting them.
          These people would not dare use such tactics or even
          try them out on someone who does not have a vested
          interest in their behavior. You have a vested interest
          because of your love for the grandchildren and for
          your daughter. These give your family member a "hook,"
          allowing him to get to you.
          I can offer you also the consolation I gave my
          sister, and it will prove equally true in your case I
          trust. He will need you much sooner than you will need
          him.
          Bide your time. Let time work its magic.
          Further, those grandchildren are likely hurting as
          much as you are. Do you think for one minute that they
          are not going to grow up and reach out to you?
          Given their mother's death, what are the chances
          they will reject their mother's mom? Not likely, I'd
          say.
          As for the lawyer, in most cases the initial
          consultation is free. It will not cost you to explore
          your rights and the choices open to you.
          A possible drawback, though, is prolonging or
          intensifying the hostility between you and your
          relative if you do pursue legal remedies.
          Give it careful thought.
          You might also enlist the help of other family
          members who have influence with him and can bring him
          around to seeing your side of things.
          Later, Carol
          --- Shade Barnes <shadebarnes@...> wrote:

          >
          >
          > Carol,
          >
          > Thank you and thank you all for the encouragement I
          > have received.   I am praying so hard that God will
          > change his heart.   I really don't know what to do,
          > I do feel like if I take him to court it is going to
          > make it worse on the kids cause he has a bad
          > temper.   I contacted Lt. Governor Beverly Perdue
          > and she told me to just hire a lawyer, that can be
          > very expensive.
          > ----- Original Message -----
          > From: "Carol Singh" <csinghworthington@...>
          > To: genpcncfir@yahoogroups.com
          > Cc: "Carol B. Singh" <CSinghWorthington@...>
          > Sent: Thursday, January 3, 2008 10:41:28 AM
          > (GMT-0500) America/New_York
          > Subject: Re: [genpcncfir] Need Signatures for trying
          > to get rights to see and visit my Grandchildren
          >
          >
          >
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > Dear Deborah,
          > People are sometimes inexplicably cruel. I do
          > believe, though, that "the evil we do comes back to
          > plague the inventor," as Shakespeare phrased it.
          > I realize that mere words are poor consolation for
          > an aching heart. Many of our relatives and friends
          > supported my sister for more than three years of
          > separation from her only granddaughter--not the act
          > of
          > an in-law but of her son.
          > We had the same legal recourse in Virginia as is
          > available in North Carolina. However, I persuaded my
          >
          > sister not to take that route but to pray every day
          > that God would soften the hardened heart.
          > Just last spring, my nephew approached my sister,
          > my daughter with infant granddaughter in her arms,
          > and
          > me all of whom were attending his daughter's first
          > ballgame, hugged each of us, told us he loved us,
          > thanked us for coming and for our continued support
          > of
          > his daughter throughout the months of our
          > separation,
          > asked forgiveness, and said that he had missed us
          > more
          > than we could know.
          > What made our ordeal the more painful for my
          > sister was that she had raised that granddaughter
          > from
          > infancy until she was seven years old. Worst than
          > anything, though, was the suffering of that little
          > girl. Under the pressure of not knowing what was
          > safe
          > to say to whom, she began to stutter. A former "A"
          > student, she received failing grades in both math
          > and
          > reading.
          > Instead of help at home, her parents criticized
          > her relentlessly and punished her for the failing
          > grades. The only good to come of this is that the
          > school intervened and provided free tutoring in math
          >
          > and reading that over time brought her grades up and
          >
          > prevented her failing for the year.
          > It's a shame when grown-ups make a child a pawn in
          > an emotional game of chess. The ultimate victim is
          > the
          > child.
          > Couples can divorce or break old ties upon the
          > death of a spouse, but the ties that bind the child
          > to
          > both families are eternal. I am sure that those of
          > us
          > in this group have learned that through our
          > research,
          > if we hadn't picked up on it earlier through other
          > sources.
          > Law choses not to legislate the human heart. Only
          > God can tame that unruly beast.
          > My words to you come from our family's own pain
          > and suffering. In your hour of need, I will help you
          >
          > in any way I can. If my signature will help, tell me
          >
          > how to respond, and I will do so.
          > Some states have begun to be cognizant of
          > grandparents' rights. With more of us grandparents
          > out
          > there, I am hopeful that legislation will be passed
          > to
          > ensure our access to our grandchildren. In the
          > meantime, all of us can help by contacting our
          > elective officials with our collective voices.
          > Later, Carol
          >
          >
          > --- christinebarnes1949 < shadebarnes@...
          > >
          > wrote:
          >
          > > I am in need of signatures. I have been a member
          > > of this group for a
          > > long time and need help. My only daughter died Nov
          >
          > > 22, 2006 from
          > > AML, I remember all the support and prayers I
          > > received from this group.
          > >
          > > My son in law has not allowed my two grandsons,
          > one
          > > is 7 and one is 2
          > > to visit me since my daughter's death. This
          > > Holiday season I did
          > > not get to see them at all.
          > >
          > > NC does have some grandparent's rights but not
          > like
          > > other states. I
          > > am hoping this group will help me with as many
          > > signatures as possible
          > > so I can try to get visiting rights to these boys.
          >
          > > They are all I
          > > have left of my daughter.
          > >
          > > Thank you
          > > Deborah Smith Barnes
          > >
          > >
          > >
          >
          >
          __________________________________________________________
          >
          > Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
          > http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs
          >
          >
          > [Non-text portions of this message have been
          > removed]
          >
          >



          ____________________________________________________________________________________
          Never miss a thing. Make Yahoo your home page.
          http://www.yahoo.com/r/hs
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