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  • Loretta
    I found this in my files and it made me laugh. I may have sent this before but I think it is a good one. Grass GOD looks down on earth one day and is
    Message 1 of 1 , Jul 9, 2003
      I found this in my files and it made me laugh. I may have sent this before but I think it is a good one.


      GOD looks down on earth one day and is concerned about

      what He sees. He calls St. Francis and the following
      conversation occurs.

      GOD: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature.

      What in the world is going on down there? What
      happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff
      I started eons ago? I had a perfect, no-maintenance
      garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
      withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The
      nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts
      butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I
      expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But
      all I see are these green rectangles.

      ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there,
      Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your
      flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill
      them and replace them with grass.

      GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful.

      It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees, only
      grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with
      temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all
      that grass growing there?

      ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great
      pains to grow and keep it green. They begin each
      spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other
      plant that crops up in the lawn.

      GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make
      grass grow really fast. That must make the
      Suburbanites happy.

      ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it
      grows a little, they cut it -- sometimes twice a week.

      GOD: They cut it? Do they then bale it like hay?

      ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it

      up and put it in bags.

      GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they
      sell it?

      ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay
      to throw it away.

      GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize
      grass so it will grow. And when it does grow, they
      cut it off and pay to throw it away?

      ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir.

      GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the
      summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up
      the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves
      them a lot of work.

      ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord.
      When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out
      hoses and pay more money to water it so they can
      continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

      GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of
      the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if
      I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the
      spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer.
      In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a
      natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and
      protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot,
      the leaves form compost to enhance the soil. It's
      a natural circle of life.

      ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The
      Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon
      as the leaves fall, they rake them into great
      piles and pay to have them hauled away.

      GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and
      tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist
      and loose?

      ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they
      go out and buy something which they call mulch.
      They haul it home and spread it around in place
      of the leaves.

      GOD: And where do they get this mulch?

      ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them
      up to make the mulch.

      GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this
      anymore. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts.
      What movie have they scheduled for us tonight?"

      ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a
      really stupid movie about.....

      GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole
      story from Francis.

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