Re: [FH] Wolfy, my Angel
- Oh Carrie, I am in tears reading your post. You have my deepest, most
heartfelt sympathy. He loved you unconditionally, and knew that you loved
him the same way. You did everything you could for him, I know it is
difficult to see that right now (as I am still struggling over that one with
Smoky), and he knows that and loves you more for it. Please don't beat
yourself up over this; there is NOTHING to forgive, you did all you could
for him and more, and you made the right decision for his sake. He gave you
the gift of allowing you to hold him, and you gave him the gift of release
from his pain. You are right that it is very difficult to accept, even
though we are making the best possible decision for them; it is part of
being a responsible, loving pet owner, and it is the most selfless gesture
of love we can offer them. We, unfortunately, must decide for them when the
time is right; and knowing when that time is is not always obvious.
I'm writing through my tears (and around a cat) right now, I keep thinking
there is more I can tell you to help ease your pain but I just cannot find
the right words right now. Wolfy loved you so much, the two of you had a
special bond of love; and love transcends death. In your love and your
memories, he will live on. He is no longer suffering, he is happy and
healthy once again, and is able to run and play without pain or suffering;
he will be there at the Bridge to greet you when you arrive. I will include
Wolfy, as well as Lynnie's Freckles, on Sunday when we have Smoky's memorial
service at his grave. I have found quite a few poems and prayers which I
plan to read; at the memorial, I will pick out and read one just for Wolfy,
and I plan to do the same for Freckles; and I will let you know which one I
used. I know it is very hard to see past the pain right now, but in a day
or two, you may want to re-read this and the other messages you'll receive,
and at that point you may be able to see past the pain and begin to come to
terms with his death. The pain will be with you for a long time, but over
the course of time the love you two shared will overtake it and you will
find peace within yourself. Try and get some rest tonight, and know that if
you ever need or want to talk I am here for you. You have my deepest
Date: Friday, November 01, 2002 11:58:19 PM
Subject: [FH] Wolfy, my Angel
My darling little Wolfy is now sleeping with the Angels.
This is hard to write since I still have not really accepted what has
happened, but I wanted to let you all know, and maybe I will feel better if
I let it out.
Last nite, Wolfy seemed to be getting much worse as the nite went on. I sat
by him all day for the past two days and nites, watching, praying, looking
for signs...anything. As I watched him yesterday and last nite, he seemed
to withdraw, he did not really sleep, but layed and stared blankly. He did
not seem very alert. His breathing was getting worse, and to me it looked
like the little dazzling spark in his eyes was gone.
I struggled for hours with trying to make a decision. I petted him and
kissed him and cried over him...I told him how much I love him, how much he
has meant to me and how special he is, how his strength has helped ME so
much. I begged him for forgiveness if I have let him down or made the wrong
choice. My mom and my brother were here, and they are both animal lovers
and love Wolfy very much, and they both felt that Wolfy was ready to go on
his next journey and that we would have to help him. I had a hard time with
this, as I wanted so much for him to go on his own, but he is such a
fighter, and I think he was struggling, just as I was.
I sat alone with him and whispered to him, and for the first time, I picked
him up and held him against my chest. I have never been able to hold Wolfy,
as the pressure of being picked up is not good for him, but I very gently
lifted him and I layed on the floor and layed him on my chest, and stroked
and kissed him. I was shocked at how thin he had become, so quickly, his
little spine actually hurt my hands as I held him, and now I understand why
he was so uncomfortable. His little body must have hurt. Wolfy has always
been a small cat, but over the past 2 days his weight diminished amazingly
quickly. He was only about 4lbs, if that.
My brother and my mom drove us to the vets, I spoke to Wolfy during the
drive, and by the time we got there, he was much worse. He did not even
seem to know that we were not home anymore. His breathing become worse and
his little legs started to kick, and he let out a small cry that broke my
Everyone had told me that putting a cat to sleep is easy and quick and
peaceful, but I really didn't feel like that. My poor baby went into a
seizure and I began to cry uncontrollably. I turned away for a few moments
and my brother held him as Wolfy slipped away, and then I went to him and
petted him and told him how much I love him. I hate to sound grim, but this
was the worst thing I have ever experienced in my entire life and I am
having a very hard time accepting it. I keep trying to tell myself that I
did the right thing, that it was his time, he was too weak and frail to
recover. But a part of me also feels terrible, like I let him down.
I would do anything to bring him back, to kiss him one more time, to see
those little eyes looking at me. I miss him so much already, I can barely
think straight or sleep. Wolfy was a huge part of my life. I have other
pets that I love and they are terrific, but there is an emptiness here now.
Wolfy was really the only thing in my life that I ever did right. I fell in
love with him the moment I saw him and that love just grew every day. I
feel lost without him.
I am so sorry to go on and on. I am just so upset over this and I dont know
how to deal with it. Thank you all so much for your care and support, it is
nice to know that people care and understand.
I love my little Wolfy so much, and I hope that he can forgive me and that
he knows how very much I love him, with all of my heartbeats. Sleep with
the angels, little one, I hope you are free now and able to play and sleep
and breathe peacefully.
Please hug all of your furbabies, and keep Wolfy in your thoughts.
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I know that helping Wolfy cross had to be the most difficult thing you have ever done. As I sit here crying for you and Wolfy, I hope that time will help you accept your loss. My thoughts are with you.
Warner Robins, GA
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