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Re: What could I have done?

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  • reagansmomma
    After all of the research that I have done ths weekend, I believe Murray must have been in the process of heart failure, also. When I found him at the bottom
    Message 1 of 25 , Apr 1, 2002
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      After all of the research that I have done ths weekend, I believe
      Murray must have been in the process of heart failure, also. When I
      found him at the bottom of the stairs he had his mouth open and was
      panting. I thought it was the start of shock (because I had assumed
      he had broken his leg since I didn't know of his heart condition.) I
      am now guessing that he must have been having trouble breathing and
      might have been starting to fill with fluid. A week before hand he
      had come in from outside and was too tired to eat...would only sit in
      one spot and actually, thinking back, had taken to sitting in front
      of the radiator a lot. I knew something was up, but thought maybe he
      had eaten something bad. I bundled him up and took him to bed with
      me so I could keep an eye on him and he seemed better in the
      morning. I suppose his heart was starting to give out then. He had
      an autoimmune disease that was attacking his teeth and had to get
      steriod shots every 6 to 10 weeks. He was a regular at our vet who
      specializes in felines...I wish they could have found this sooner. I
      understand there might have not have been anything they could have
      done...but at least I would have been prepared for this...this has
      just come out of the blue.

      I need to have Frank tested now...since he was Murray's littermate.
      I feel so bad for saying this...but I loved Murray so much more.
      Frank is a good cat, but not my Murray who laid on my chest while I
      pretended to be a couch potato. Frank is just too nervouse of a cat
      to do that...got to be moving all the time.

      Diane, did your kittens ever come to you in your dreams to let you
      know they were alright? I asked for mUrray to come to me last
      night...and he didn't.

      ~Cyndy


      --- In feline-heart@y..., diane <diane@m...> wrote:
      > Cyndy,
      >
      > I went through the same thing with Kearra Nov 2000, if you look
      back
      > in the archives you'll see. 11/14/00 to be exact.
      >
      > I knew Kearra had heart disease and had been treating her with meds
      > for over 5 years, She had an ultrasound 3 wks previous to her
      death,
      > if the vets hadn't heard her murmur, or if I didn't belive in
      > checkups, I never would have known. up until the day she threw the
      > clot, she had no outward signs of heart disease!
      >
      > She threw a clot while I was home, like Murray did for you. She
      > actually got downstairs before losing use of her rear legs, I
      noticed
      > she was dragging her toe nails, then she sat down. I stood her up
      and
      > called to her. She came a couple feet and sat down. Then she
      refused
      > to stand. By then i was on the phone with the vet.
      >
      > We were there before 3 and by then she was dragging her back end. I
      > was in tears, something I'd never done there, I just completely
      lost
      > it. Frisky had left 5 mos previous to CRF, but Kearra was my baby,
      > and I wanted this to be anything but *bad* but I guess I knew in my
      > heart it was *bad*.
      >
      > These were my options: when the vet first told me she had thrown a
      > clot, she said one of my choices was to bring her to Tufts in
      Boston
      > where there was a *risky* procedure that *may* take care of the
      clot.
      > I forgot what the survival percentage was, but it wasn't good.
      Also,
      > this was a 2+ hour drive, coming up on rush hour, in a car that
      > didn't like to be driven more than 40 mins, and I had obviously not
      > been there before. Oh yes, it was mid-Nov and raining. Little did I
      > know Tim was on his way to meet me. If it came down to it, of
      course
      > I would have taken her but one must consider all options. Kearra
      did
      > not do well in the car either and add that to the stress of her
      > legs......
      >
      > It was also explained to me that once a cat threw a clot, there was
      > an incredibly high, practically 100% chance the cat would
      *continue*
      > to throw clots, within a few months time.
      >
      > Would I be home the next time? Would it happen at 2pm or maybe 8am
      > after I had left for work? Would it be a day Tim & I both worked
      > late? Would it happen on a weekend we went away and the neighbors
      > watched them? I already had a difficult time leaving the house,
      this
      > would only make it worse!
      >
      > We discussed and discarded the cumiden option. There was (is?) one
      > list member that had used it and agreed, a very dangerous drug for
      a
      > cat!
      >
      > At first the vet felt that if Kearra recovered from this (maybe
      with
      > the help of the risky operation) she may live another year. I would
      > have needed to move her to a 24 hour facility for a few days, there
      > was one not far away.
      >
      > However, she continued to get worse. Her time with us shortened to
      > "maybe 6 months". She was having a difficult time breathing.
      >
      > Then they took an xray and discovered she was in heart failure. We
      > (Tim had arrived by then) were then told she may not last the night
      > no matter what we did. :~(
      >
      > At that point even if I had been considering Boston, it was out of
      > the question. The drive there would have killed her.
      >
      > Her lungs were also filling with fluid, and as the vet prepared a
      > shot of lasix, I told her no, it was time to let her go. Because to
      > me, the worse thing that could happen, was to bring her home, and
      > have her throw another clot with no one home to help her.
      >
      > I felt that everything worked in our favor (haha - some favor! :-
      / )
      > to get her cared for quickly. I could see she was suffering. I
      would
      > have sold my soul for that girl. I spent thousands on Frisky
      between
      > cancer and CRF and would have done anything for the chance to do so
      > for Kearra. But it was not to be.
      >
      > Tim & I held her and said our goodbyes. I almost drove into the
      back
      > of someone on the way home. And spent as much time as I could after
      > that in bed, to the point that Tim put his grief aside to drag me
      out
      > of the house. The next month I adopted another little girl from the
      > vet, I found that Kearra being gone really changed the dynamics of
      > the rest of the household and as Tim said, I needed a kitten of my
      > own.
      >
      > Of course I went through my own "did I do the right thing" and to
      > this day wish there had been a different outcome. But reality tells
      > me I did do the right thing.
      >
      > I know you did too.
      >
      > All my best,
      >
      > Diane
      >
      >
      > ps - not to scare you but I don't think anyone else has mentioned
      > it... please have the vets listen to his littermates heart? Often
      > it's a genetic defect that can run in families.
      >
      > My vet has always said that often the first sign a cat owner gets
      > that their cat has a heart problem is when they keel over, I didn't
      > even know about clots till Jonathan joined the list.
      >
      >
      >
      > >Damn...I could have saved him. I could have, I don't think I will
      be
      > >able to forgive myelf for this choice. Why didn't they tell me
      this
      > >at the hospital? He was such a good, brave cat. I can't believe I
      > >failed him. I am a horrible human being.
      > >
      > >~Cyndy
    • Susan
      ... I too chose to euthanize a very young (less than 2 yrs old) male cat who presented very suddenly with a bloodclot and breathing problems. I had doubts too,
      Message 2 of 25 , Apr 2, 2002
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        --- reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote:

        I too chose to euthanize a very young (less than 2 yrs
        old) male cat who presented very suddenly with a
        bloodclot and breathing problems. I had doubts too,
        but after reading I realized that:

        1. Younger cats have the more acute form of the
        disease.
        2. Cats with a low body temp are close to death as
        their bodies have started to shut down.
        3. My cat was extremely constipated when diagnosed and
        the emergency vet said the heart disease had caused
        his GI tract to shut down.

        In the 24 hours that he was at the emergency vet being
        treated with Lasix and tapped for fluid his temperture
        never rose though he was being kept in an incubator on
        oxygen and as the emergency vet stated the situation
        just continued to deteriorate. I think they know what
        they want as he just kept trying to get out of the
        incubator.

        My cat was seen and had his heart listened to 2 months
        before, and he wasn't diagnosed. Unless there is a
        murmur there really is no way to tell, absent symptoms
        like coughing and exercise intolerance.

        Four days later I adopted a 16 week old feral who was
        born outside, trapped at 1 day old and fostered by
        another feral. He had been sitting in a cage for 3
        weeks at Petsmart waiting to be adopted. :)

        Susan


        > After all of the research that I have done ths
        > weekend, I believe
        > Murray must have been in the process of heart
        > failure, also. When I
        > found him at the bottom of the stairs he had his
        > mouth open and was
        > panting. I thought it was the start of shock
        > (because I had assumed
        > he had broken his leg since I didn't know of his
        > heart condition.) I
        > am now guessing that he must have been having
        > trouble breathing and
        > might have been starting to fill with fluid. A week
        > before hand he
        > had come in from outside and was too tired to
        > eat...would only sit in
        > one spot and actually, thinking back, had taken to
        > sitting in front
        > of the radiator a lot. I knew something was up, but
        > thought maybe he
        > had eaten something bad. I bundled him up and took
        > him to bed with
        > me so I could keep an eye on him and he seemed
        > better in the
        > morning. I suppose his heart was starting to give
        > out then. He had
        > an autoimmune disease that was attacking his teeth
        > and had to get
        > steriod shots every 6 to 10 weeks. He was a regular
        > at our vet who
        > specializes in felines...I wish they could have
        > found this sooner. I
        > understand there might have not have been anything
        > they could have
        > done...but at least I would have been prepared for
        > this...this has
        > just come out of the blue.
        >
        > I need to have Frank tested now...since he was
        > Murray's littermate.
        > I feel so bad for saying this...but I loved Murray
        > so much more.
        > Frank is a good cat, but not my Murray who laid on
        > my chest while I
        > pretended to be a couch potato. Frank is just too
        > nervouse of a cat
        > to do that...got to be moving all the time.
        >
        > Diane, did your kittens ever come to you in your
        > dreams to let you
        > know they were alright? I asked for mUrray to come
        > to me last
        > night...and he didn't.
        >
        > ~Cyndy
        >
        >
        > --- In feline-heart@y..., diane <diane@m...> wrote:
        > > Cyndy,
        > >
        > > I went through the same thing with Kearra Nov
        > 2000, if you look
        > back
        > > in the archives you'll see. 11/14/00 to be exact.
        > >
        > > I knew Kearra had heart disease and had been
        > treating her with meds
        > > for over 5 years, She had an ultrasound 3 wks
        > previous to her
        > death,
        > > if the vets hadn't heard her murmur, or if I
        > didn't belive in
        > > checkups, I never would have known. up until the
        > day she threw the
        > > clot, she had no outward signs of heart disease!
        > >
        > > She threw a clot while I was home, like Murray did
        > for you. She
        > > actually got downstairs before losing use of her
        > rear legs, I
        > noticed
        > > she was dragging her toe nails, then she sat down.
        > I stood her up
        > and
        > > called to her. She came a couple feet and sat
        > down. Then she
        > refused
        > > to stand. By then i was on the phone with the vet.
        > >
        > > We were there before 3 and by then she was
        > dragging her back end. I
        > > was in tears, something I'd never done there, I
        > just completely
        > lost
        > > it. Frisky had left 5 mos previous to CRF, but
        > Kearra was my baby,
        > > and I wanted this to be anything but *bad* but I
        > guess I knew in my
        > > heart it was *bad*.
        > >
        > > These were my options: when the vet first told me
        > she had thrown a
        > > clot, she said one of my choices was to bring her
        > to Tufts in
        > Boston
        > > where there was a *risky* procedure that *may*
        > take care of the
        > clot.
        > > I forgot what the survival percentage was, but it
        > wasn't good.
        > Also,
        > > this was a 2+ hour drive, coming up on rush hour,
        > in a car that
        > > didn't like to be driven more than 40 mins, and I
        > had obviously not
        > > been there before. Oh yes, it was mid-Nov and
        > raining. Little did I
        > > know Tim was on his way to meet me. If it came
        > down to it, of
        > course
        > > I would have taken her but one must consider all
        > options. Kearra
        > did
        > > not do well in the car either and add that to the
        > stress of her
        > > legs......
        > >
        > > It was also explained to me that once a cat threw
        > a clot, there was
        > > an incredibly high, practically 100% chance the
        > cat would
        > *continue*
        > > to throw clots, within a few months time.
        > >
        > > Would I be home the next time? Would it happen at
        > 2pm or maybe 8am
        > > after I had left for work? Would it be a day Tim &
        > I both worked
        > > late? Would it happen on a weekend we went away
        > and the neighbors
        > > watched them? I already had a difficult time
        > leaving the house,
        > this
        > > would only make it worse!
        > >
        > > We discussed and discarded the cumiden option.
        > There was (is?) one
        > > list member that had used it and agreed, a very
        > dangerous drug for
        > a
        > > cat!
        > >
        > > At first the vet felt that if Kearra recovered
        > from this (maybe
        > with
        > > the help of the risky operation) she may live
        > another year. I would
        > > have needed to move her to a 24 hour facility for
        > a few days, there
        > > was one not far away.
        > >
        > > However, she continued to get worse. Her time with
        > us shortened to
        > > "maybe 6 months". She was having a difficult time
        > breathing.
        > >
        > > Then they took an xray and discovered she was in
        > heart failure. We
        > > (Tim had arrived by then) were then told she may
        > not last the night
        > > no matter what we did. :~(
        > >
        > > At that point even if I had been considering
        > Boston, it was out of
        > > the question. The drive there would have killed
        > her.
        > >
        > > Her lungs were also filling with fluid, and as the
        > vet prepared a
        > > shot of lasix, I told her no, it was time to let
        > her go. Because to
        > > me, the worse thing that could happen, was to
        > bring her home, and
        > > have her throw another clot with no one home to
        > help her.
        > >
        > > I felt that everything worked in our favor (haha -
        > some favor! :-
        > / )
        > > to get her cared for quickly. I could see she was
        > suffering. I
        > would
        > > have sold my soul for that girl. I spent thousands
        > on Frisky
        > between
        > > cancer and CRF and would have done anything for
        > the chance to do so
        > > for Kearra. But it was not to be.
        > >
        > > Tim & I held her and said our goodbyes. I almost
        > drove into the
        >
        === message truncated ===


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      • shelleysbuttons
        Cyndi- I am so very sorry that you lost sweet Murray. After Gloria was diagnosed I found out that most kitties aren t diagnosed until they have died from heart
        Message 3 of 25 , Apr 2, 2002
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          Cyndi-

          I am so very sorry that you lost sweet Murray. After Gloria was
          diagnosed I found out that most kitties aren't diagnosed until they
          have died from heart disease. The only readon my Gloria is still here
          is that her littermate had HCM and one of the vets who owned him
          thought Gloria should have an ultrasound prior to surgery. As it
          turned out the surgery would have killed her because she was given a
          50-50 chance of making it thru the weekend (with previously
          undiagnosed HCM). I was one of the lucky ones.

          You did nothing wrong, only loved your beloved Murray. You will be in
          my thoughts.

          Shelley-- In feline-heart@y..., "reagansmomma" <cyndy@s...> wrote:
          > I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat Frank came
          in,
          > as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I hear my other
          cat
          > Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the bathroom. I think,
          > wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk out and his
          > back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting as he tries
          to
          > drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up and take him
          > to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in the night
          > sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
          > threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night and his back
          > legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him down. He was
          > my first baby in this world and I loved him like crazy. He was so
          > good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the whole time.
          > Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen something before
          > this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only 3 years old.
          >
          >
          > ~Cyndy
        • diane
          I m glad you re feeling better about your decision! Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I really do believe you did what was right. ... Tiger did specifically,
          Message 4 of 25 , Apr 2, 2002
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            I'm glad you're feeling better about your decision! Hindsight is a
            wonderful thing, but I really do believe you did what was right.



            >
            >Diane, did your kittens ever come to you in your dreams to let you
            >know they were alright? I asked for mUrray to come to me last
            >night...and he didn't.



            Tiger did specifically, and said she was fine. She died from a
            botched operation.

            Frisky, believe or not, I can't remember! I think he did, but even if
            he didn't I was at peace with his death.

            Kearra, well, I keep saying she didn't, but then I found a post from
            a few weeks after she died. I had a dream I was in the kitchen doing
            what I do (probably cleaning the counter the grows junk!) and looked
            down at the cats. And realized she was sitting next to me! I swooped
            down and picked her up.

            And that's all I remember. :(

            From Kearra, I still need more, even after all this time. I think it
            would help me with closure, even though I have gotten on with my life
            without her. I need to know from her that she was too far gone, she
            was in more pain than us mere humans can imagine (cats have a high
            threshold for pain, my vet says. At the vet that day, Kearra was
            gnawing on my hand a lot. The vet said it was probably pain that was
            causing her to do that. I could tell she wasn't mad or angry, just
            agitated and I guess hurting.

            Cats being cats, they do tend not to listen. Perhaps we should ignore
            them and see if they come. <smile>


            Diane
          • Christine Paulsen
            My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie was a
            Message 5 of 25 , Apr 5, 2002
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              My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie was a long-haired calico that was the most affectionate, sweet baby. She was one year old. I found her curled up in a ball one day with a purple nose. She was hardly breathing. My 2 children and myself ran her to the vet-expecting to get an antibiotic for her and bring her home. Instead the vet took x-rays and fount a tumor the size of nerf football that was crushing her lungs. Surgery was 20% chance. I held her little body in my arms as I gave the vet the "go ahead" to gently put her out of misery. Her eyes stared at me as she slowly faded. This has been 8 yrs and I shutter when I revisit that day, but I know It was the best thing to do. She was in obvious pain and suffering and no person or animal should have to suffer if there is nothing that can be done to help.
              I wrapped her up in her blanket and brought her home and my husband made her a very special box and she was buried with her toys and blanket. I painted a large rock with her name and birth date and put paw prints on it. It has a beautiful cross and flowers. Some people thought I was totally nuts, but my kids and myself needed it to be proper to be final and peaceful. I even buried a fish, bird and chipmunk next to her when they were found dead. I thought she would like to have them around!!! I am a very sensitive person when it comes to pain and death. I am a nurse and deal with it quite often and it never gets easy. I think you did the right thing. It was going to happen and you just made it more humane. Some times we have to make difficult decisions for the ones we love. Some day someone may have to make it for us. Hopefully they will be just as compasionate as we are!!
              God Bless you and all the prayers to you and your family. Sorry to hear about your mom. Hang in there. Time DOES heal!!!! Spoo and Blossoms mom, Chris.
              reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: Thank you everyone for your support. It helped me very much to hear
              about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
              life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
              short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
              trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
              held my mother in September while she took her last breath, too...so
              this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my heart
              are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate) and
              it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the start
              (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
              together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces around
              the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I will
              definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree and
              in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the support.

              ~Cyndy
              --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
              > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
              of guilt
              > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
              goodbye and
              > these things happen with no warning.
              >
              > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and
              if I had
              > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
              home from
              > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
              was about
              > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
              gave no
              > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well,
              they said
              > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
              the pain of
              > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home
              and being
              > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least,
              I have a
              > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
              >
              > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research
              I have
              > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further
              suffering,
              > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
              you were
              > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the
              kindest
              > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
              people in
              > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
              same for
              > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
              treated each
              > other like we treat our pets.
              >
              > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her
              diagnosis
              > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
              thousands of
              > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what
              I know
              > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling
              with
              > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
              that and
              > about quality of life.
              >
              > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
              kitty. I was
              > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
              will let
              > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
              than the
              > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in
              with her,
              > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her.
              Later, I
              > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made
              a one foot
              > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to
              go in
              > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to
              make a
              > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to
              her spot
              > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
              days. Perhaps
              > doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize
              your
              > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
              remember
              > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
              >
              > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
              >
              > Karen and Garfield
              >
              >
              > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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            • Mike & Linda Irrgang
              oh chris, thank you so much for your wonderful story of pain, death and healing....it touched my heart and i know what you mean about it never getting
              Message 6 of 25 , Apr 7, 2002
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                oh chris, thank you so much for your wonderful story of pain, death and
                healing....it touched my heart and i know what you mean about it never
                getting easy.....god bless you and yours for being such wonderful caring
                folks....

                linda and the boys

                -----Original Message-----
                From: Christine Paulsen [mailto:Chris_catqueen@...]
                Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 9:03 PM
                To: feline-heart@yahoogroups.com
                Subject: Re: [FH] What could I have done?



                My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of
                having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie
                was a long-haired calico that was the most affectionate, sweet baby. She
                was one year old. I found her curled up in a ball one day with a purple
                nose. She was hardly breathing. My 2 children and myself ran her to the
                vet-expecting to get an antibiotic for her and bring her home. Instead the
                vet took x-rays and fount a tumor the size of nerf football that was
                crushing her lungs. Surgery was 20% chance. I held her little body in my
                arms as I gave the vet the "go ahead" to gently put her out of misery. Her
                eyes stared at me as she slowly faded. This has been 8 yrs and I shutter
                when I revisit that day, but I know It was the best thing to do. She was in
                obvious pain and suffering and no person or animal should have to suffer if
                there is nothing that can be done to help.
                I wrapped her up in her blanket and brought her home and my husband made her
                a very special box and she was buried with her toys and blanket. I painted
                a large rock with her name and birth date and put paw prints on it. It has
                a beautiful cross and flowers. Some people thought I was totally nuts, but
                my kids and myself needed it to be proper to be final and peaceful. I even
                buried a fish, bird and chipmunk next to her when they were found dead. I
                thought she would like to have them around!!! I am a very sensitive person
                when it comes to pain and death. I am a nurse and deal with it quite often
                and it never gets easy. I think you did the right thing. It was going to
                happen and you just made it more humane. Some times we have to make
                difficult decisions for the ones we love. Some day someone may have to make
                it for us. Hopefully they will be just as compasionate as we are!!
                God Bless you and all the prayers to you and your family. Sorry to hear
                about your mom. Hang in there. Time DOES heal!!!! Spoo and Blossoms mom,
                Chris.
                reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: Thank you everyone for your
                support. It helped me very much to hear
                about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
                life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
                short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
                trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
                held my mother in September while she took her last breath, too...so
                this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my heart
                are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate) and
                it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the start
                (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
                together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces around
                the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I will
                definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree and
                in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the support.

                ~Cyndy
                --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
                > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
                of guilt
                > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
                goodbye and
                > these things happen with no warning.
                >
                > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and
                if I had
                > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
                home from
                > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
                was about
                > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
                gave no
                > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well,
                they said
                > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
                the pain of
                > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home
                and being
                > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least,
                I have a
                > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
                >
                > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research
                I have
                > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further
                suffering,
                > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
                you were
                > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the
                kindest
                > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
                people in
                > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
                same for
                > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
                treated each
                > other like we treat our pets.
                >
                > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her
                diagnosis
                > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
                thousands of
                > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what
                I know
                > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling
                with
                > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
                that and
                > about quality of life.
                >
                > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
                kitty. I was
                > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
                will let
                > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
                than the
                > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in
                with her,
                > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her.
                Later, I
                > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made
                a one foot
                > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to
                go in
                > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to
                make a
                > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to
                her spot
                > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
                days. Perhaps
                > doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize
                your
                > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
                remember
                > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
                >
                > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
                >
                > Karen and Garfield
                >
                >
                > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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              • Christine Paulsen
                Linda, There is nothing worse than the loss of a two legged or four legged loved one. I had a hard week at work and when I read your story I wanted you to
                Message 7 of 25 , Apr 9, 2002
                • 0 Attachment
                  Linda,
                  There is nothing worse than the loss of a two legged or four legged loved one. I had a hard week at work and when I read your story I wanted you to know you are not alone in the world of a heavy heart. I work at Dr. Office and this week we lost a patient in our waiting room. In the past 8 months my family has had to deal with a death of a loved one, attempted suicide, and my sweet heart Spoo almost died. I thought for sure when Spoo threw the "Big" one I was going to have to put her to sleep like I had to my precious Rosie. Thankfully she has bounced back, but I know I would never let her suffer in any way. I will try some medical treatments, but would never prolong it if it would not help her. It is hard, but as a human I wish we had more choices our selves in the event of a painful-terminal illness.
                  I just wanted you to know there are so many people out here in e-mail land that feels your pain and hope you too will bounce back and feel the relief your sweet baby now feels. God Bless and be safe.
                  Chris, Spoo, Blossom, Rosie and Disney


                  Mike & Linda Irrgang <irrgang@...> wrote: oh chris, thank you so much for your wonderful story of pain, death and
                  healing....it touched my heart and i know what you mean about it never
                  getting easy.....god bless you and yours for being such wonderful caring
                  folks....

                  linda and the boys

                  -----Original Message-----
                  From: Christine Paulsen [mailto:Chris_catqueen@...]
                  Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 9:03 PM
                  To: feline-heart@yahoogroups.com
                  Subject: Re: [FH] What could I have done?



                  My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of
                  having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie
                  was a long-haired calico that was the most affectionate, sweet baby. She
                  was one year old. I found her curled up in a ball one day with a purple
                  nose. She was hardly breathing. My 2 children and myself ran her to the
                  vet-expecting to get an antibiotic for her and bring her home. Instead the
                  vet took x-rays and fount a tumor the size of nerf football that was
                  crushing her lungs. Surgery was 20% chance. I held her little body in my
                  arms as I gave the vet the "go ahead" to gently put her out of misery. Her
                  eyes stared at me as she slowly faded. This has been 8 yrs and I shutter
                  when I revisit that day, but I know It was the best thing to do. She was in
                  obvious pain and suffering and no person or animal should have to suffer if
                  there is nothing that can be done to help.
                  I wrapped her up in her blanket and brought her home and my husband made her
                  a very special box and she was buried with her toys and blanket. I painted
                  a large rock with her name and birth date and put paw prints on it. It has
                  a beautiful cross and flowers. Some people thought I was totally nuts, but
                  my kids and myself needed it to be proper to be final and peaceful. I even
                  buried a fish, bird and chipmunk next to her when they were found dead. I
                  thought she would like to have them around!!! I am a very sensitive person
                  when it comes to pain and death. I am a nurse and deal with it quite often
                  and it never gets easy. I think you did the right thing. It was going to
                  happen and you just made it more humane. Some times we have to make
                  difficult decisions for the ones we love. Some day someone may have to make
                  it for us. Hopefully they will be just as compasionate as we are!!
                  God Bless you and all the prayers to you and your family. Sorry to hear
                  about your mom. Hang in there. Time DOES heal!!!! Spoo and Blossoms mom,
                  Chris.
                  reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: Thank you everyone for your
                  support. It helped me very much to hear
                  about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
                  life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
                  short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
                  trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
                  held my mother in September while she took her last breath, too...so
                  this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my heart
                  are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate) and
                  it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the start
                  (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
                  together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces around
                  the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I will
                  definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree and
                  in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the support.

                  ~Cyndy
                  --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
                  > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
                  of guilt
                  > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
                  goodbye and
                  > these things happen with no warning.
                  >
                  > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and
                  if I had
                  > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
                  home from
                  > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
                  was about
                  > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
                  gave no
                  > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well,
                  they said
                  > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
                  the pain of
                  > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home
                  and being
                  > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least,
                  I have a
                  > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
                  >
                  > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research
                  I have
                  > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further
                  suffering,
                  > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
                  you were
                  > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the
                  kindest
                  > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
                  people in
                  > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
                  same for
                  > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
                  treated each
                  > other like we treat our pets.
                  >
                  > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her
                  diagnosis
                  > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
                  thousands of
                  > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what
                  I know
                  > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling
                  with
                  > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
                  that and
                  > about quality of life.
                  >
                  > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
                  kitty. I was
                  > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
                  will let
                  > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
                  than the
                  > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in
                  with her,
                  > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her.
                  Later, I
                  > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made
                  a one foot
                  > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to
                  go in
                  > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to
                  make a
                  > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to
                  her spot
                  > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
                  days. Perhaps
                  > doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize
                  your
                  > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
                  remember
                  > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
                  >
                  > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
                  >
                  > Karen and Garfield
                  >
                  >
                  > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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