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What could I have done?

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  • reagansmomma
    I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat Frank came in, as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I hear my other cat Murray wildly
    Message 1 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
      I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat Frank came in,
      as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I hear my other cat
      Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the bathroom. I think,
      wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk out and his
      back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting as he tries to
      drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up and take him
      to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in the night
      sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
      threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night and his back
      legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him down. He was
      my first baby in this world and I loved him like crazy. He was so
      good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the whole time.
      Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen something before
      this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only 3 years old.


      ~Cyndy
    • Debbie Graham
      Cyndy, Oh I m so sorry to hear that. I fear that may happen to Chief one day cause he has the heart problems too and he is just 1 year old. My thoughts and
      Message 2 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
        Cyndy,
        Oh I'm so sorry to hear that. I fear that may happen to Chief one day cause he has the heart problems too and he is just 1 year old. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
        Debbie
        reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat Frank came in,
        as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I hear my other cat
        Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the bathroom. I think,
        wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk out and his
        back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting as he tries to
        drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up and take him
        to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in the night
        sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
        threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night and his back
        legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him down. He was
        my first baby in this world and I loved him like crazy. He was so
        good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the whole time.
        Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen something before
        this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only 3 years old.


        ~Cyndy



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      • Jonathan Rosenberg
        Cyndy, I m so very sorry to hear about Murray. I have some experience with blood clots in cats & they are just horrible. You asked, Should I have seen
        Message 3 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
          Cyndy,

          I'm so very sorry to hear about Murray. I have some experience
          with blood clots in cats & they are just horrible.

          You asked, "Should I have seen something
          before this happened?

          Cats are very "good" at hiding heart disease. It is not at all
          uncommon for the first symptom of heart disease in a cat to be
          death. So, it is very likely that no one is to "blame" for this.

          I am sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a furry
          loved one.

          > -----Original Message-----
          > From: reagansmomma [mailto:cyndy@...]
          > Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2002 11:38 AM
          > To: feline-heart@yahoogroups.com
          > Subject: [FH] What could I have done?
          >
          >
          > I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat
          > Frank came in,
          > as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I
          > hear my other cat
          > Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the
          > bathroom. I think,
          > wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk
          > out and his
          > back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting
          > as he tries to
          > drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up
          > and take him
          > to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in
          > the night
          > sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
          > threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night
          > and his back
          > legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him
          > down. He was
          > my first baby in this world and I loved him like
          > crazy. He was so
          > good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the
          > whole time.
          > Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen
          > something before
          > this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only
          > 3 years old.
          >
          >
          > ~Cyndy
          >
          >
          >
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          >
          >
        • reagansmomma
          Honestly...this is just killing me. Did I do the right thing by putting him down? The vet said that there was nothing else to do but when I look on the net
          Message 4 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
            Honestly...this is just killing me. Did I do the right thing by
            putting him down? The vet said that there was nothing else to do but
            when I look on the net they say that the legs can reanimate with
            therapy although the long term outlook isn't very good. What has
            been you experience with clots? I can't believe I just killed my
            baby.

            ~Cyndy

            --- In feline-heart@y..., "Jonathan Rosenberg" <jr40@e...> wrote:
            > Cyndy,
            >
            > I'm so very sorry to hear about Murray. I have some experience
            > with blood clots in cats & they are just horrible.
            >
            > You asked, "Should I have seen something
            > before this happened?
            >
            > Cats are very "good" at hiding heart disease. It is not at all
            > uncommon for the first symptom of heart disease in a cat to be
            > death. So, it is very likely that no one is to "blame" for this.
            >
            > I am sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a furry
            > loved one.
            >
            > > -----Original Message-----
            > > From: reagansmomma [mailto:cyndy@s...]
            > > Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2002 11:38 AM
            > > To: feline-heart@y...
            > > Subject: [FH] What could I have done?
            > >
            > >
            > > I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat
            > > Frank came in,
            > > as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I
            > > hear my other cat
            > > Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the
            > > bathroom. I think,
            > > wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk
            > > out and his
            > > back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting
            > > as he tries to
            > > drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up
            > > and take him
            > > to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in
            > > the night
            > > sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
            > > threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night
            > > and his back
            > > legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him
            > > down. He was
            > > my first baby in this world and I loved him like
            > > crazy. He was so
            > > good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the
            > > whole time.
            > > Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen
            > > something before
            > > this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only
            > > 3 years old.
            > >
            > >
            > > ~Cyndy
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > > ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor
            > >
            > > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
            > > feline-heart-unsubscribe@y...
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to
            > > http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
            > >
            > >
          • tori
            cindy, your letter made me cry. It s something I worry about with my little kitten every day. It could happen to anyone and part of the grieving process is to
            Message 5 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
              cindy, your letter made me cry. It's something I worry about with my little
              kitten every day. It could happen to anyone and part of the grieving process
              is to blame yourself. The fact that you loved him and cared for him while he
              was alive and held him at the last was the most important thing to any
              living being. I'm so sorry. Losing a loved one is the hardest thing anyone
              ever has to go through. My prayers are with you and murray today.

              ::tori

              on 3/30/02 09:36, reagansmomma at cyndy@... wrote:

              > Honestly...this is just killing me. Did I do the right thing by
              > putting him down? The vet said that there was nothing else to do but
              > when I look on the net they say that the legs can reanimate with
              > therapy although the long term outlook isn't very good. What has
              > been you experience with clots? I can't believe I just killed my
              > baby.
              >
              > ~Cyndy
              >
              > --- In feline-heart@y..., "Jonathan Rosenberg" <jr40@e...> wrote:
              >> Cyndy,
              >>
              >> I'm so very sorry to hear about Murray. I have some experience
              >> with blood clots in cats & they are just horrible.
              >>
              >> You asked, "Should I have seen something
              >> before this happened?
              >>
              >> Cats are very "good" at hiding heart disease. It is not at all
              >> uncommon for the first symptom of heart disease in a cat to be
              >> death. So, it is very likely that no one is to "blame" for this.
              >>
              >> I am sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is to lose a furry
              >> loved one.
              >>
              >>> -----Original Message-----
              >>> From: reagansmomma [mailto:cyndy@s...]
              >>> Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2002 11:38 AM
              >>> To: feline-heart@y...
              >>> Subject: [FH] What could I have done?
              >>>
              >>>
              >>> I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat
              >>> Frank came in,
              >>> as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I
              >>> hear my other cat
              >>> Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the
              >>> bathroom. I think,
              >>> wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk
              >>> out and his
              >>> back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting
              >>> as he tries to
              >>> drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up
              >>> and take him
              >>> to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in
              >>> the night
              >>> sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
              >>> threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night
              >>> and his back
              >>> legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him
              >>> down. He was
              >>> my first baby in this world and I loved him like
              >>> crazy. He was so
              >>> good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the
              >>> whole time.
              >>> Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen
              >>> something before
              >>> this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only
              >>> 3 years old.
              >>>
              >>>
              >>> ~Cyndy
              >>>
            • VHess2000@cs.com
              Cyndy- I had a cat that suffered two blood clots that resulted in rear limb paralysis (Actually if your cats legs were cold, the clot had lodged in/around the
              Message 6 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                Cyndy- I had a cat that suffered two blood clots that resulted in rear limb
                paralysis (Actually if your cats legs were cold, the clot had lodged
                in/around the aorta, so no blood was getting into the legs.) Even if you had
                known he had heart disease, the clots were probably already lodged in the
                heart (due to slow moving, stagnating blood), and there's nothing you can do
                to prevent them being released into the system. Depending on the severity of
                the blockage, many cats do recover with little disability; others face a long
                a painful recovery. It took my cat almost 3 months to completely recover use
                of her limbs following her first clot, and she really required
                round-the-clock care for the first 2 - 3 weeks, and faced several health
                hurdles during that period. Ultimately she suffered another clot six months
                later and died, which is often the case, although some cats never have
                another problem with them. Although she died naturally following the second
                clot, I regret not having euthanized her the second time around, as I
                believe she suffered needlessly because her pain wasn't adequately managed.
                Ultimately you made the best decision you could for your cat, based on the
                information available to you, and made a decision based on love. Everyone on
                this list second-guesses their decisions, and you'll probably engage in
                endless woulda, coulda, shoulda's over the next weeks -- but your friend is
                now free of pain, and probably staying close to you. Take care.

                Victoria
              • reagansmomma
                Damn...I could have saved him. I could have, I don t think I will be able to forgive myelf for this choice. Why didn t they tell me this at the hospital? He
                Message 7 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                  Damn...I could have saved him. I could have, I don't think I will be
                  able to forgive myelf for this choice. Why didn't they tell me this
                  at the hospital? He was such a good, brave cat. I can't believe I
                  failed him. I am a horrible human being.

                  ~Cyndy


                  --- In feline-heart@y..., VHess2000@c... wrote:
                  > Cyndy- I had a cat that suffered two blood clots that resulted in
                  rear limb
                  > paralysis (Actually if your cats legs were cold, the clot had
                  lodged
                  > in/around the aorta, so no blood was getting into the legs.) Even
                  if you had
                  > known he had heart disease, the clots were probably already lodged
                  in the
                  > heart (due to slow moving, stagnating blood), and there's nothing
                  you can do
                  > to prevent them being released into the system. Depending on the
                  severity of
                  > the blockage, many cats do recover with little disability; others
                  face a long
                  > a painful recovery. It took my cat almost 3 months to completely
                  recover use
                  > of her limbs following her first clot, and she really required
                  > round-the-clock care for the first 2 - 3 weeks, and faced several
                  health
                  > hurdles during that period. Ultimately she suffered another clot
                  six months
                  > later and died, which is often the case, although some cats never
                  have
                  > another problem with them. Although she died naturally following
                  the second
                  > clot, I regret not having euthanized her the second time around,
                  as I
                  > believe she suffered needlessly because her pain wasn't adequately
                  managed.
                  > Ultimately you made the best decision you could for your cat, based
                  on the
                  > information available to you, and made a decision based on love.
                  Everyone on
                  > this list second-guesses their decisions, and you'll probably
                  engage in
                  > endless woulda, coulda, shoulda's over the next weeks -- but your
                  friend is
                  > now free of pain, and probably staying close to you. Take care.
                  >
                  > Victoria
                • Debbie Graham
                  Cyndy don t be so hard on yourself, don t blame yourself how could you have known. They should have let you know this at the hospital, if your going to blame
                  Message 8 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                    Cyndy don't be so hard on yourself, don't blame yourself how could you have known. They should have let you know this at the hospital, if your going to blame someone, blame them not yourself....
                    Debbie
                    reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: Damn...I could have saved him. I could have, I don't think I will be
                    able to forgive myelf for this choice. Why didn't they tell me this
                    at the hospital? He was such a good, brave cat. I can't believe I
                    failed him. I am a horrible human being.

                    ~Cyndy


                    --- In feline-heart@y..., VHess2000@c... wrote:
                    > Cyndy- I had a cat that suffered two blood clots that resulted in
                    rear limb
                    > paralysis (Actually if your cats legs were cold, the clot had
                    lodged
                    > in/around the aorta, so no blood was getting into the legs.) Even
                    if you had
                    > known he had heart disease, the clots were probably already lodged
                    in the
                    > heart (due to slow moving, stagnating blood), and there's nothing
                    you can do
                    > to prevent them being released into the system. Depending on the
                    severity of
                    > the blockage, many cats do recover with little disability; others
                    face a long
                    > a painful recovery. It took my cat almost 3 months to completely
                    recover use
                    > of her limbs following her first clot, and she really required
                    > round-the-clock care for the first 2 - 3 weeks, and faced several
                    health
                    > hurdles during that period. Ultimately she suffered another clot
                    six months
                    > later and died, which is often the case, although some cats never
                    have
                    > another problem with them. Although she died naturally following
                    the second
                    > clot, I regret not having euthanized her the second time around,
                    as I
                    > believe she suffered needlessly because her pain wasn't adequately
                    managed.
                    > Ultimately you made the best decision you could for your cat, based
                    on the
                    > information available to you, and made a decision based on love.
                    Everyone on
                    > this list second-guesses their decisions, and you'll probably
                    engage in
                    > endless woulda, coulda, shoulda's over the next weeks -- but your
                    friend is
                    > now free of pain, and probably staying close to you. Take care.
                    >
                    > Victoria


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                  • Bill & Linda Fischbach
                    Cyndy, I am so, so sorry about Murray. But this is not your fault, or anyone s. When I was a kid, the man next door (my beloved second dad) died from a
                    Message 9 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                      Cyndy, I am so, so sorry about Murray. But this is not your fault, or
                      anyone's.

                      When I was a kid, the man next door (my beloved "second" dad) died from a
                      heart attack during the night. He had had a complete physical a month
                      earlier and was fine; he and his wife were leaving in the morning to visit
                      their son. Neither he nor his doctors knew this was coming.

                      Linda




                      ----- Original Message -----
                      From: "reagansmomma" <cyndy@...>
                      To: <feline-heart@yahoogroups.com>
                      Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2002 11:37 AM
                      Subject: [FH] What could I have done?


                      > I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat Frank came in,
                      > as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I hear my other cat
                      > Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the bathroom. I think,
                      > wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk out and his
                      > back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting as he tries to
                      > drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up and take him
                      > to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in the night
                      > sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
                      > threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night and his back
                      > legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him down. He was
                      > my first baby in this world and I loved him like crazy. He was so
                      > good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the whole time.
                      > Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen something before
                      > this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only 3 years old.
                      >
                      >
                      > ~Cyndy
                      >
                      >
                      >
                      >
                      > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
                      > feline-heart-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
                      >
                      >
                      >
                      > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
                      >
                      >
                    • elanonuevo@aol.com
                      Cyndy, Two weeks ago we nearly lost our one year old cat to congestive heart failure. He was fine one minute and couldn t breathe the next. I was told that
                      Message 10 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                        Cyndy, Two weeks ago we nearly lost our one year old cat to congestive heart
                        failure. He was fine one minute and couldn't breathe the next. I was told
                        that cats hide their symptoms so well that very often the first symptom is
                        death. There is nothing that you could have seen coming. :( So sorry that
                        Murray passed away.

                        Tia


                        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                      • CatWoman
                        ... Cyndy - STOP IT! NOW! Sorry - I m putting on a mom voice. First off - it s not going to help *YOU*, or your other cats, if you have a breakdown. Second
                        Message 11 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                          reagansmomma wrote:
                          >
                          > Damn...I could have saved him. I could have, I don't think I will be
                          > able to forgive myelf for this choice. Why didn't they tell me this
                          > at the hospital? He was such a good, brave cat. I can't believe I
                          > failed him. I am a horrible human being.

                          Cyndy - STOP IT! NOW!

                          Sorry - I'm putting on a 'mom' voice.

                          First off - it's not going to help *YOU*, or your other cats,
                          if you have a breakdown.

                          Second - you did what you did based on the information you were
                          given - if you have to blame anyone for *ANYTHING*, blame the
                          vets who didn't tell you - *AND MAYBE DID NOT KNOW THEMSELVES* -
                          that there were options.

                          Thirdly - The vets may *HAVE* known something - they may have
                          seen signs of other clots - such as unresponsive pupils or
                          uneven pupils that indicated there was a clot in the *BRAIN*,
                          that he'd had a stroke - or could have had one.

                          Fourthly - you did what you had to to save him pain. You have
                          the luxury of being able to save a cat from pain. You would
                          not have been able to make that decision for a human, and may
                          have had to condemn the human to a 'life' of coma, quadroplegia,
                          or a whole lot of horrifying (to me) conditions (long story, but
                          one of my cats is because a friend had an aneurism and can no
                          longer take care of herself).

                          And finally - you do not *KNOW* you could have saved him. He
                          was obviously terrified by what was happening from your description.
                          How do you explain to a cat what could be happening?

                          You made a choice from love. Yes - there are cats in my
                          past that *HAD I KNOWN WHAT I KNOW NOW*, I would have not
                          had them PTS; But there are *ALSO* cats that, had I known
                          what I know now, I would not have treated *AT ALL*.

                          You can't know - you can only do what feels right at the time.

                          Diana
                        • Jonathan Rosenberg
                          ... Cyndym, Please don t start playing the blame game with yourself. It s completely unnecessary & does not good at all. Just to give you some perspective on
                          Message 12 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                            -----Original Message-----
                            > From: reagansmomma [mailto:cyndy@...]
                            > Sent: Saturday, March 30, 2002 1:41 PM
                            > To: feline-heart@yahoogroups.com
                            > Subject: Re: [FH] What could I have done?

                            > Damn...I could have saved him. I could have,
                            > I don't think I will be able to forgive myelf
                            > for this choice. Why didn't they tell me this
                            > at the hospital? He was such a good, brave cat.
                            > I can't believe I failed him. I am a horrible
                            > human being.

                            Cyndym,

                            Please don't start playing the blame game with yourself. It's
                            completely unnecessary & does not good at all.

                            Just to give you some perspective on these clots ... I have known
                            (via email) about 12 people whose cats had a saddle thrombus
                            (when the clot lodges in the artery leading to the rear legs &
                            "paralyzes" both legs).

                            In all of those cases, I ony know of one cat that recovered (&
                            Victoria has already related that case to you). And, as she
                            indicated, he shortly thereafter threw another, fatal, clot.

                            In the other cases, about 1/2 of the people decided to put the
                            cat down immediately. The others decided to give the cat a
                            chance to recover. None of these cats recovered & they wer all
                            put down within a few days or weeks.

                            Also, just so you're aware, there is no effective treatment for a
                            clot. The only thing that can be done is to let the cat's immune
                            system try to deal with the clot on its own.

                            Don't beat yourself up. You did the best thing for your boy.

                            > ~Cyndy

                            --
                            JR
                            Tabby (RB), Lynx (RB), Licorice, Tigger, Jet
                          • vaugerinos
                            Dear Cyndy, your messages have brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss of Murray. Please listen to all the good people here. You are not a bad
                            Message 13 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                              Dear Cyndy,
                              your messages have brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for
                              your loss of Murray. Please listen to all the good people here. You
                              are not a bad person. You clearly are a loving person who loved your
                              kitty very much. You wouldn't be on this group if your weren't. Guilt
                              and blame are a part of what many of us go through when we suffer a
                              massive loss.
                              When my Sachie was ill from cancer on the kidneys, the vet gave
                              me the option to hospitalise Sachie. But there was no point, as she
                              was dying and I knew it. So I chose to release her to spare her any
                              more suffering. I know heart disease is different to cancer, but
                              looking back I know I made the right decision. The same with my
                              Pebbles who also died of cancer. Pebbles became ill last Easter when
                              all the specialists were off on holidays. So her treatments had to be
                              delayed. I was so very angry about this. It is possible that Pebbles
                              could have lived longer if the specialists were not away on holidays,
                              as we could have started treatment. But now looking back, I am
                              relieved for Pebbles that things turned out the way they did. Pebbles
                              was very ill and she had gone through enough vet visits and tests and
                              pills. It was right for Pebbles that she not have to go through any
                              more. I have gone through times of self blame and guilt, but now one
                              and a half years later for Sachie and nearly one year later for
                              Pebbles, I have worked through a lot of that guilt. I loved Pebbles
                              and Sachie with all my heart, as you loved your kitty. There were
                              things the vets did not tell me either, and things they did not know
                              to tell me. Yes I still have some anger at the vets, justified anger,
                              but in the end, my Pebbles and Sachie are at Peace. I pray that in
                              time, for I know it may not be possible to feel Peace now, that your
                              heart will find Peace from the pain you are now feeling. You are a
                              good person who did the best for your kitty.
                              Love, Voula

                              --- In feline-heart@y..., "reagansmomma" <cyndy@s...> wrote:
                              > Honestly...this is just killing me. Did I do the right thing by
                              > putting him down? The vet said that there was nothing else to do
                              but
                              > when I look on the net they say that the legs can reanimate with
                              > therapy although the long term outlook isn't very good. What has
                              > been you experience with clots? I can't believe I just killed my
                              > baby.
                              >
                              > ~Cyndy
                            • KJensClark@aol.com
                              Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings of guilt are very normal. It is worse when we don t get a chance to say goodbye and these
                              Message 14 of 25 , Mar 30, 2002
                                Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings of guilt
                                are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say goodbye and
                                these things happen with no warning.

                                Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and if I had
                                not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came home from
                                work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he was about
                                to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also gave no
                                warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well, they said
                                he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him the pain of
                                dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home and being
                                made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least, I have a
                                little time to say goodbye and prepare.

                                You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research I have
                                done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further suffering,
                                confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew you were
                                there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the kindest
                                gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many people in
                                this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the same for
                                them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we treated each
                                other like we treat our pets.

                                My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her diagnosis
                                of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent thousands of
                                dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what I know
                                now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling with
                                Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from that and
                                about quality of life.

                                What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your kitty. I was
                                allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places will let
                                you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box than the
                                vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in with her,
                                then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her. Later, I
                                went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made a one foot
                                square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to go in
                                "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to make a
                                kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to her spot
                                and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few days. Perhaps
                                doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize your
                                grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you remember
                                the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.

                                My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.

                                Karen and Garfield


                                [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                              • reagansmomma
                                Thank you everyone for your support. It helped me very much to hear about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal life. It kills me to
                                Message 15 of 25 , Mar 31, 2002
                                  Thank you everyone for your support. It helped me very much to hear
                                  about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
                                  life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
                                  short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
                                  trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
                                  held my mother in September while she took her last breath, too...so
                                  this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my heart
                                  are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate) and
                                  it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the start
                                  (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
                                  together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces around
                                  the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I will
                                  definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree and
                                  in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the support.

                                  ~Cyndy
                                  --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
                                  > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
                                  of guilt
                                  > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
                                  goodbye and
                                  > these things happen with no warning.
                                  >
                                  > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and
                                  if I had
                                  > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
                                  home from
                                  > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
                                  was about
                                  > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
                                  gave no
                                  > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well,
                                  they said
                                  > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
                                  the pain of
                                  > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home
                                  and being
                                  > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least,
                                  I have a
                                  > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
                                  >
                                  > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research
                                  I have
                                  > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further
                                  suffering,
                                  > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
                                  you were
                                  > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the
                                  kindest
                                  > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
                                  people in
                                  > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
                                  same for
                                  > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
                                  treated each
                                  > other like we treat our pets.
                                  >
                                  > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her
                                  diagnosis
                                  > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
                                  thousands of
                                  > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what
                                  I know
                                  > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling
                                  with
                                  > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
                                  that and
                                  > about quality of life.
                                  >
                                  > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
                                  kitty. I was
                                  > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
                                  will let
                                  > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
                                  than the
                                  > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in
                                  with her,
                                  > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her.
                                  Later, I
                                  > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made
                                  a one foot
                                  > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to
                                  go in
                                  > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to
                                  make a
                                  > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to
                                  her spot
                                  > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
                                  days. Perhaps
                                  > doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize
                                  your
                                  > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
                                  remember
                                  > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
                                  >
                                  > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
                                  >
                                  > Karen and Garfield
                                  >
                                  >
                                  > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                                • skid130
                                  Cyndy, We had to put down our baby, Jacob, a year ago. He had diabetes, and was having seizures...he went blind...he fell of a ledge. We did everything to
                                  Message 16 of 25 , Mar 31, 2002
                                    Cyndy,
                                    We had to put down our baby, Jacob, a year ago. He had diabetes, and
                                    was having seizures...he went blind...he fell of a ledge. We did
                                    everything to try to control it, but sometimes our best efforts are
                                    not enough. My wife was lucky enough to be home with him when his
                                    final attack came. He was terrified after an attack, he was in pain,
                                    and it was obvious that Jacob had had enough. He was suffering.
                                    I held him in my arms when he was put to sleep. He was purring,
                                    comforted to be held by the people he loved most, when the end to his
                                    pain finally came.
                                    Everyone handles their grief differently. May I suggest you
                                    concentrate on Franks grief? He doesn't understand, is confused, and
                                    is worried for his brother. Perhaps in comforting him, you yourself
                                    would be comforted.
                                    This poem always comforts me, and at the same time it breaks my
                                    heart: http://www.petloss.com/poems/maingrp/rainbowb.htm
                                    My prayers are with you.
                                    Skid
                                  • gussielou49
                                    Cyndy, We re very sorry for your loss. Just know that one day you ll be reunited w/ Murray. Thinking of you all, Steph & Gus ... hear ... too...so ... heart
                                    Message 17 of 25 , Mar 31, 2002
                                      Cyndy,
                                      We're very sorry for your loss. Just know that one day you'll be
                                      reunited w/ Murray.
                                      Thinking of you all,
                                      Steph & Gus


                                      --- In feline-heart@y..., "reagansmomma" <cyndy@s...> wrote:
                                      > Thank you everyone for your support. It helped me very much to
                                      hear
                                      > about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
                                      > life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
                                      > short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
                                      > trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
                                      > held my mother in September while she took her last breath,
                                      too...so
                                      > this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my
                                      heart
                                      > are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate)
                                      and
                                      > it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the
                                      start
                                      > (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
                                      > together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces
                                      around
                                      > the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I
                                      will
                                      > definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree
                                      and
                                      > in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the
                                      support.
                                      >
                                      > ~Cyndy
                                      > --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
                                      > > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
                                      > of guilt
                                      > > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
                                      > goodbye and
                                      > > these things happen with no warning.
                                      > >
                                      > > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress
                                      and
                                      > if I had
                                      > > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
                                      > home from
                                      > > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
                                      > was about
                                      > > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
                                      > gave no
                                      > > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet,
                                      well,
                                      > they said
                                      > > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
                                      > the pain of
                                      > > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is
                                      home
                                      > and being
                                      > > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the
                                      least,
                                      > I have a
                                      > > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
                                      > >
                                      > > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the
                                      research
                                      > I have
                                      > > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from
                                      further
                                      > suffering,
                                      > > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
                                      > you were
                                      > > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and
                                      the
                                      > kindest
                                      > > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
                                      > people in
                                      > > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
                                      > same for
                                      > > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
                                      > treated each
                                      > > other like we treat our pets.
                                      > >
                                      > > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after
                                      her
                                      > diagnosis
                                      > > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
                                      > thousands of
                                      > > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing
                                      what
                                      > I know
                                      > > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am
                                      struggling
                                      > with
                                      > > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
                                      > that and
                                      > > about quality of life.
                                      > >
                                      > > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
                                      > kitty. I was
                                      > > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
                                      > will let
                                      > > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
                                      > than the
                                      > > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys
                                      in
                                      > with her,
                                      > > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury
                                      her.
                                      > Later, I
                                      > > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and
                                      made
                                      > a one foot
                                      > > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker
                                      to
                                      > go in
                                      > > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second
                                      to
                                      > make a
                                      > > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out
                                      to
                                      > her spot
                                      > > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
                                      > days. Perhaps
                                      > > doing something like this, will help. It is important to
                                      recognize
                                      > your
                                      > > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
                                      > remember
                                      > > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
                                      > >
                                      > > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
                                      > >
                                      > > Karen and Garfield
                                      > >
                                      > >
                                      > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                                    • diane
                                      Cyndy, I went through the same thing with Kearra Nov 2000, if you look back in the archives you ll see. 11/14/00 to be exact. I knew Kearra had heart disease
                                      Message 18 of 25 , Mar 31, 2002
                                        Cyndy,

                                        I went through the same thing with Kearra Nov 2000, if you look back
                                        in the archives you'll see. 11/14/00 to be exact.

                                        I knew Kearra had heart disease and had been treating her with meds
                                        for over 5 years, She had an ultrasound 3 wks previous to her death,
                                        if the vets hadn't heard her murmur, or if I didn't belive in
                                        checkups, I never would have known. up until the day she threw the
                                        clot, she had no outward signs of heart disease!

                                        She threw a clot while I was home, like Murray did for you. She
                                        actually got downstairs before losing use of her rear legs, I noticed
                                        she was dragging her toe nails, then she sat down. I stood her up and
                                        called to her. She came a couple feet and sat down. Then she refused
                                        to stand. By then i was on the phone with the vet.

                                        We were there before 3 and by then she was dragging her back end. I
                                        was in tears, something I'd never done there, I just completely lost
                                        it. Frisky had left 5 mos previous to CRF, but Kearra was my baby,
                                        and I wanted this to be anything but *bad* but I guess I knew in my
                                        heart it was *bad*.

                                        These were my options: when the vet first told me she had thrown a
                                        clot, she said one of my choices was to bring her to Tufts in Boston
                                        where there was a *risky* procedure that *may* take care of the clot.
                                        I forgot what the survival percentage was, but it wasn't good. Also,
                                        this was a 2+ hour drive, coming up on rush hour, in a car that
                                        didn't like to be driven more than 40 mins, and I had obviously not
                                        been there before. Oh yes, it was mid-Nov and raining. Little did I
                                        know Tim was on his way to meet me. If it came down to it, of course
                                        I would have taken her but one must consider all options. Kearra did
                                        not do well in the car either and add that to the stress of her
                                        legs......

                                        It was also explained to me that once a cat threw a clot, there was
                                        an incredibly high, practically 100% chance the cat would *continue*
                                        to throw clots, within a few months time.

                                        Would I be home the next time? Would it happen at 2pm or maybe 8am
                                        after I had left for work? Would it be a day Tim & I both worked
                                        late? Would it happen on a weekend we went away and the neighbors
                                        watched them? I already had a difficult time leaving the house, this
                                        would only make it worse!

                                        We discussed and discarded the cumiden option. There was (is?) one
                                        list member that had used it and agreed, a very dangerous drug for a
                                        cat!

                                        At first the vet felt that if Kearra recovered from this (maybe with
                                        the help of the risky operation) she may live another year. I would
                                        have needed to move her to a 24 hour facility for a few days, there
                                        was one not far away.

                                        However, she continued to get worse. Her time with us shortened to
                                        "maybe 6 months". She was having a difficult time breathing.

                                        Then they took an xray and discovered she was in heart failure. We
                                        (Tim had arrived by then) were then told she may not last the night
                                        no matter what we did. :~(

                                        At that point even if I had been considering Boston, it was out of
                                        the question. The drive there would have killed her.

                                        Her lungs were also filling with fluid, and as the vet prepared a
                                        shot of lasix, I told her no, it was time to let her go. Because to
                                        me, the worse thing that could happen, was to bring her home, and
                                        have her throw another clot with no one home to help her.

                                        I felt that everything worked in our favor (haha - some favor! :-/ )
                                        to get her cared for quickly. I could see she was suffering. I would
                                        have sold my soul for that girl. I spent thousands on Frisky between
                                        cancer and CRF and would have done anything for the chance to do so
                                        for Kearra. But it was not to be.

                                        Tim & I held her and said our goodbyes. I almost drove into the back
                                        of someone on the way home. And spent as much time as I could after
                                        that in bed, to the point that Tim put his grief aside to drag me out
                                        of the house. The next month I adopted another little girl from the
                                        vet, I found that Kearra being gone really changed the dynamics of
                                        the rest of the household and as Tim said, I needed a kitten of my
                                        own.

                                        Of course I went through my own "did I do the right thing" and to
                                        this day wish there had been a different outcome. But reality tells
                                        me I did do the right thing.

                                        I know you did too.

                                        All my best,

                                        Diane


                                        ps - not to scare you but I don't think anyone else has mentioned
                                        it... please have the vets listen to his littermates heart? Often
                                        it's a genetic defect that can run in families.

                                        My vet has always said that often the first sign a cat owner gets
                                        that their cat has a heart problem is when they keel over, I didn't
                                        even know about clots till Jonathan joined the list.



                                        >Damn...I could have saved him. I could have, I don't think I will be
                                        >able to forgive myelf for this choice. Why didn't they tell me this
                                        >at the hospital? He was such a good, brave cat. I can't believe I
                                        >failed him. I am a horrible human being.
                                        >
                                        >~Cyndy
                                      • reagansmomma
                                        After all of the research that I have done ths weekend, I believe Murray must have been in the process of heart failure, also. When I found him at the bottom
                                        Message 19 of 25 , Apr 1, 2002
                                          After all of the research that I have done ths weekend, I believe
                                          Murray must have been in the process of heart failure, also. When I
                                          found him at the bottom of the stairs he had his mouth open and was
                                          panting. I thought it was the start of shock (because I had assumed
                                          he had broken his leg since I didn't know of his heart condition.) I
                                          am now guessing that he must have been having trouble breathing and
                                          might have been starting to fill with fluid. A week before hand he
                                          had come in from outside and was too tired to eat...would only sit in
                                          one spot and actually, thinking back, had taken to sitting in front
                                          of the radiator a lot. I knew something was up, but thought maybe he
                                          had eaten something bad. I bundled him up and took him to bed with
                                          me so I could keep an eye on him and he seemed better in the
                                          morning. I suppose his heart was starting to give out then. He had
                                          an autoimmune disease that was attacking his teeth and had to get
                                          steriod shots every 6 to 10 weeks. He was a regular at our vet who
                                          specializes in felines...I wish they could have found this sooner. I
                                          understand there might have not have been anything they could have
                                          done...but at least I would have been prepared for this...this has
                                          just come out of the blue.

                                          I need to have Frank tested now...since he was Murray's littermate.
                                          I feel so bad for saying this...but I loved Murray so much more.
                                          Frank is a good cat, but not my Murray who laid on my chest while I
                                          pretended to be a couch potato. Frank is just too nervouse of a cat
                                          to do that...got to be moving all the time.

                                          Diane, did your kittens ever come to you in your dreams to let you
                                          know they were alright? I asked for mUrray to come to me last
                                          night...and he didn't.

                                          ~Cyndy


                                          --- In feline-heart@y..., diane <diane@m...> wrote:
                                          > Cyndy,
                                          >
                                          > I went through the same thing with Kearra Nov 2000, if you look
                                          back
                                          > in the archives you'll see. 11/14/00 to be exact.
                                          >
                                          > I knew Kearra had heart disease and had been treating her with meds
                                          > for over 5 years, She had an ultrasound 3 wks previous to her
                                          death,
                                          > if the vets hadn't heard her murmur, or if I didn't belive in
                                          > checkups, I never would have known. up until the day she threw the
                                          > clot, she had no outward signs of heart disease!
                                          >
                                          > She threw a clot while I was home, like Murray did for you. She
                                          > actually got downstairs before losing use of her rear legs, I
                                          noticed
                                          > she was dragging her toe nails, then she sat down. I stood her up
                                          and
                                          > called to her. She came a couple feet and sat down. Then she
                                          refused
                                          > to stand. By then i was on the phone with the vet.
                                          >
                                          > We were there before 3 and by then she was dragging her back end. I
                                          > was in tears, something I'd never done there, I just completely
                                          lost
                                          > it. Frisky had left 5 mos previous to CRF, but Kearra was my baby,
                                          > and I wanted this to be anything but *bad* but I guess I knew in my
                                          > heart it was *bad*.
                                          >
                                          > These were my options: when the vet first told me she had thrown a
                                          > clot, she said one of my choices was to bring her to Tufts in
                                          Boston
                                          > where there was a *risky* procedure that *may* take care of the
                                          clot.
                                          > I forgot what the survival percentage was, but it wasn't good.
                                          Also,
                                          > this was a 2+ hour drive, coming up on rush hour, in a car that
                                          > didn't like to be driven more than 40 mins, and I had obviously not
                                          > been there before. Oh yes, it was mid-Nov and raining. Little did I
                                          > know Tim was on his way to meet me. If it came down to it, of
                                          course
                                          > I would have taken her but one must consider all options. Kearra
                                          did
                                          > not do well in the car either and add that to the stress of her
                                          > legs......
                                          >
                                          > It was also explained to me that once a cat threw a clot, there was
                                          > an incredibly high, practically 100% chance the cat would
                                          *continue*
                                          > to throw clots, within a few months time.
                                          >
                                          > Would I be home the next time? Would it happen at 2pm or maybe 8am
                                          > after I had left for work? Would it be a day Tim & I both worked
                                          > late? Would it happen on a weekend we went away and the neighbors
                                          > watched them? I already had a difficult time leaving the house,
                                          this
                                          > would only make it worse!
                                          >
                                          > We discussed and discarded the cumiden option. There was (is?) one
                                          > list member that had used it and agreed, a very dangerous drug for
                                          a
                                          > cat!
                                          >
                                          > At first the vet felt that if Kearra recovered from this (maybe
                                          with
                                          > the help of the risky operation) she may live another year. I would
                                          > have needed to move her to a 24 hour facility for a few days, there
                                          > was one not far away.
                                          >
                                          > However, she continued to get worse. Her time with us shortened to
                                          > "maybe 6 months". She was having a difficult time breathing.
                                          >
                                          > Then they took an xray and discovered she was in heart failure. We
                                          > (Tim had arrived by then) were then told she may not last the night
                                          > no matter what we did. :~(
                                          >
                                          > At that point even if I had been considering Boston, it was out of
                                          > the question. The drive there would have killed her.
                                          >
                                          > Her lungs were also filling with fluid, and as the vet prepared a
                                          > shot of lasix, I told her no, it was time to let her go. Because to
                                          > me, the worse thing that could happen, was to bring her home, and
                                          > have her throw another clot with no one home to help her.
                                          >
                                          > I felt that everything worked in our favor (haha - some favor! :-
                                          / )
                                          > to get her cared for quickly. I could see she was suffering. I
                                          would
                                          > have sold my soul for that girl. I spent thousands on Frisky
                                          between
                                          > cancer and CRF and would have done anything for the chance to do so
                                          > for Kearra. But it was not to be.
                                          >
                                          > Tim & I held her and said our goodbyes. I almost drove into the
                                          back
                                          > of someone on the way home. And spent as much time as I could after
                                          > that in bed, to the point that Tim put his grief aside to drag me
                                          out
                                          > of the house. The next month I adopted another little girl from the
                                          > vet, I found that Kearra being gone really changed the dynamics of
                                          > the rest of the household and as Tim said, I needed a kitten of my
                                          > own.
                                          >
                                          > Of course I went through my own "did I do the right thing" and to
                                          > this day wish there had been a different outcome. But reality tells
                                          > me I did do the right thing.
                                          >
                                          > I know you did too.
                                          >
                                          > All my best,
                                          >
                                          > Diane
                                          >
                                          >
                                          > ps - not to scare you but I don't think anyone else has mentioned
                                          > it... please have the vets listen to his littermates heart? Often
                                          > it's a genetic defect that can run in families.
                                          >
                                          > My vet has always said that often the first sign a cat owner gets
                                          > that their cat has a heart problem is when they keel over, I didn't
                                          > even know about clots till Jonathan joined the list.
                                          >
                                          >
                                          >
                                          > >Damn...I could have saved him. I could have, I don't think I will
                                          be
                                          > >able to forgive myelf for this choice. Why didn't they tell me
                                          this
                                          > >at the hospital? He was such a good, brave cat. I can't believe I
                                          > >failed him. I am a horrible human being.
                                          > >
                                          > >~Cyndy
                                        • Susan
                                          ... I too chose to euthanize a very young (less than 2 yrs old) male cat who presented very suddenly with a bloodclot and breathing problems. I had doubts too,
                                          Message 20 of 25 , Apr 2, 2002
                                            --- reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote:

                                            I too chose to euthanize a very young (less than 2 yrs
                                            old) male cat who presented very suddenly with a
                                            bloodclot and breathing problems. I had doubts too,
                                            but after reading I realized that:

                                            1. Younger cats have the more acute form of the
                                            disease.
                                            2. Cats with a low body temp are close to death as
                                            their bodies have started to shut down.
                                            3. My cat was extremely constipated when diagnosed and
                                            the emergency vet said the heart disease had caused
                                            his GI tract to shut down.

                                            In the 24 hours that he was at the emergency vet being
                                            treated with Lasix and tapped for fluid his temperture
                                            never rose though he was being kept in an incubator on
                                            oxygen and as the emergency vet stated the situation
                                            just continued to deteriorate. I think they know what
                                            they want as he just kept trying to get out of the
                                            incubator.

                                            My cat was seen and had his heart listened to 2 months
                                            before, and he wasn't diagnosed. Unless there is a
                                            murmur there really is no way to tell, absent symptoms
                                            like coughing and exercise intolerance.

                                            Four days later I adopted a 16 week old feral who was
                                            born outside, trapped at 1 day old and fostered by
                                            another feral. He had been sitting in a cage for 3
                                            weeks at Petsmart waiting to be adopted. :)

                                            Susan


                                            > After all of the research that I have done ths
                                            > weekend, I believe
                                            > Murray must have been in the process of heart
                                            > failure, also. When I
                                            > found him at the bottom of the stairs he had his
                                            > mouth open and was
                                            > panting. I thought it was the start of shock
                                            > (because I had assumed
                                            > he had broken his leg since I didn't know of his
                                            > heart condition.) I
                                            > am now guessing that he must have been having
                                            > trouble breathing and
                                            > might have been starting to fill with fluid. A week
                                            > before hand he
                                            > had come in from outside and was too tired to
                                            > eat...would only sit in
                                            > one spot and actually, thinking back, had taken to
                                            > sitting in front
                                            > of the radiator a lot. I knew something was up, but
                                            > thought maybe he
                                            > had eaten something bad. I bundled him up and took
                                            > him to bed with
                                            > me so I could keep an eye on him and he seemed
                                            > better in the
                                            > morning. I suppose his heart was starting to give
                                            > out then. He had
                                            > an autoimmune disease that was attacking his teeth
                                            > and had to get
                                            > steriod shots every 6 to 10 weeks. He was a regular
                                            > at our vet who
                                            > specializes in felines...I wish they could have
                                            > found this sooner. I
                                            > understand there might have not have been anything
                                            > they could have
                                            > done...but at least I would have been prepared for
                                            > this...this has
                                            > just come out of the blue.
                                            >
                                            > I need to have Frank tested now...since he was
                                            > Murray's littermate.
                                            > I feel so bad for saying this...but I loved Murray
                                            > so much more.
                                            > Frank is a good cat, but not my Murray who laid on
                                            > my chest while I
                                            > pretended to be a couch potato. Frank is just too
                                            > nervouse of a cat
                                            > to do that...got to be moving all the time.
                                            >
                                            > Diane, did your kittens ever come to you in your
                                            > dreams to let you
                                            > know they were alright? I asked for mUrray to come
                                            > to me last
                                            > night...and he didn't.
                                            >
                                            > ~Cyndy
                                            >
                                            >
                                            > --- In feline-heart@y..., diane <diane@m...> wrote:
                                            > > Cyndy,
                                            > >
                                            > > I went through the same thing with Kearra Nov
                                            > 2000, if you look
                                            > back
                                            > > in the archives you'll see. 11/14/00 to be exact.
                                            > >
                                            > > I knew Kearra had heart disease and had been
                                            > treating her with meds
                                            > > for over 5 years, She had an ultrasound 3 wks
                                            > previous to her
                                            > death,
                                            > > if the vets hadn't heard her murmur, or if I
                                            > didn't belive in
                                            > > checkups, I never would have known. up until the
                                            > day she threw the
                                            > > clot, she had no outward signs of heart disease!
                                            > >
                                            > > She threw a clot while I was home, like Murray did
                                            > for you. She
                                            > > actually got downstairs before losing use of her
                                            > rear legs, I
                                            > noticed
                                            > > she was dragging her toe nails, then she sat down.
                                            > I stood her up
                                            > and
                                            > > called to her. She came a couple feet and sat
                                            > down. Then she
                                            > refused
                                            > > to stand. By then i was on the phone with the vet.
                                            > >
                                            > > We were there before 3 and by then she was
                                            > dragging her back end. I
                                            > > was in tears, something I'd never done there, I
                                            > just completely
                                            > lost
                                            > > it. Frisky had left 5 mos previous to CRF, but
                                            > Kearra was my baby,
                                            > > and I wanted this to be anything but *bad* but I
                                            > guess I knew in my
                                            > > heart it was *bad*.
                                            > >
                                            > > These were my options: when the vet first told me
                                            > she had thrown a
                                            > > clot, she said one of my choices was to bring her
                                            > to Tufts in
                                            > Boston
                                            > > where there was a *risky* procedure that *may*
                                            > take care of the
                                            > clot.
                                            > > I forgot what the survival percentage was, but it
                                            > wasn't good.
                                            > Also,
                                            > > this was a 2+ hour drive, coming up on rush hour,
                                            > in a car that
                                            > > didn't like to be driven more than 40 mins, and I
                                            > had obviously not
                                            > > been there before. Oh yes, it was mid-Nov and
                                            > raining. Little did I
                                            > > know Tim was on his way to meet me. If it came
                                            > down to it, of
                                            > course
                                            > > I would have taken her but one must consider all
                                            > options. Kearra
                                            > did
                                            > > not do well in the car either and add that to the
                                            > stress of her
                                            > > legs......
                                            > >
                                            > > It was also explained to me that once a cat threw
                                            > a clot, there was
                                            > > an incredibly high, practically 100% chance the
                                            > cat would
                                            > *continue*
                                            > > to throw clots, within a few months time.
                                            > >
                                            > > Would I be home the next time? Would it happen at
                                            > 2pm or maybe 8am
                                            > > after I had left for work? Would it be a day Tim &
                                            > I both worked
                                            > > late? Would it happen on a weekend we went away
                                            > and the neighbors
                                            > > watched them? I already had a difficult time
                                            > leaving the house,
                                            > this
                                            > > would only make it worse!
                                            > >
                                            > > We discussed and discarded the cumiden option.
                                            > There was (is?) one
                                            > > list member that had used it and agreed, a very
                                            > dangerous drug for
                                            > a
                                            > > cat!
                                            > >
                                            > > At first the vet felt that if Kearra recovered
                                            > from this (maybe
                                            > with
                                            > > the help of the risky operation) she may live
                                            > another year. I would
                                            > > have needed to move her to a 24 hour facility for
                                            > a few days, there
                                            > > was one not far away.
                                            > >
                                            > > However, she continued to get worse. Her time with
                                            > us shortened to
                                            > > "maybe 6 months". She was having a difficult time
                                            > breathing.
                                            > >
                                            > > Then they took an xray and discovered she was in
                                            > heart failure. We
                                            > > (Tim had arrived by then) were then told she may
                                            > not last the night
                                            > > no matter what we did. :~(
                                            > >
                                            > > At that point even if I had been considering
                                            > Boston, it was out of
                                            > > the question. The drive there would have killed
                                            > her.
                                            > >
                                            > > Her lungs were also filling with fluid, and as the
                                            > vet prepared a
                                            > > shot of lasix, I told her no, it was time to let
                                            > her go. Because to
                                            > > me, the worse thing that could happen, was to
                                            > bring her home, and
                                            > > have her throw another clot with no one home to
                                            > help her.
                                            > >
                                            > > I felt that everything worked in our favor (haha -
                                            > some favor! :-
                                            > / )
                                            > > to get her cared for quickly. I could see she was
                                            > suffering. I
                                            > would
                                            > > have sold my soul for that girl. I spent thousands
                                            > on Frisky
                                            > between
                                            > > cancer and CRF and would have done anything for
                                            > the chance to do so
                                            > > for Kearra. But it was not to be.
                                            > >
                                            > > Tim & I held her and said our goodbyes. I almost
                                            > drove into the
                                            >
                                            === message truncated ===


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                                          • shelleysbuttons
                                            Cyndi- I am so very sorry that you lost sweet Murray. After Gloria was diagnosed I found out that most kitties aren t diagnosed until they have died from heart
                                            Message 21 of 25 , Apr 2, 2002
                                              Cyndi-

                                              I am so very sorry that you lost sweet Murray. After Gloria was
                                              diagnosed I found out that most kitties aren't diagnosed until they
                                              have died from heart disease. The only readon my Gloria is still here
                                              is that her littermate had HCM and one of the vets who owned him
                                              thought Gloria should have an ultrasound prior to surgery. As it
                                              turned out the surgery would have killed her because she was given a
                                              50-50 chance of making it thru the weekend (with previously
                                              undiagnosed HCM). I was one of the lucky ones.

                                              You did nothing wrong, only loved your beloved Murray. You will be in
                                              my thoughts.

                                              Shelley-- In feline-heart@y..., "reagansmomma" <cyndy@s...> wrote:
                                              > I got up this morning around 5:00 am to pee and my cat Frank came
                                              in,
                                              > as he does every morning, to sit by me as I pee. I hear my other
                                              cat
                                              > Murray wildly scratching on the stairs below the bathroom. I think,
                                              > wow he's full of piss and vinegar this morning. I walk out and his
                                              > back legs are splayed out behind him and he is panting as he tries
                                              to
                                              > drag his limp body up the stairs to me. I wisk him up and take him
                                              > to the animal hospital thinking he has broken a leg in the night
                                              > sometime. He had severe heart disease (I didn't know that) and
                                              > threw a blood clot to his lower spine during the night and his back
                                              > legs died. I just had to hold him while they put him down. He was
                                              > my first baby in this world and I loved him like crazy. He was so
                                              > good to Reagan...let her drag him around...purring the whole time.
                                              > Dammit. I can't beleive this. Should I have seen something before
                                              > this happened? I just can't beleive it...he was only 3 years old.
                                              >
                                              >
                                              > ~Cyndy
                                            • diane
                                              I m glad you re feeling better about your decision! Hindsight is a wonderful thing, but I really do believe you did what was right. ... Tiger did specifically,
                                              Message 22 of 25 , Apr 2, 2002
                                                I'm glad you're feeling better about your decision! Hindsight is a
                                                wonderful thing, but I really do believe you did what was right.



                                                >
                                                >Diane, did your kittens ever come to you in your dreams to let you
                                                >know they were alright? I asked for mUrray to come to me last
                                                >night...and he didn't.



                                                Tiger did specifically, and said she was fine. She died from a
                                                botched operation.

                                                Frisky, believe or not, I can't remember! I think he did, but even if
                                                he didn't I was at peace with his death.

                                                Kearra, well, I keep saying she didn't, but then I found a post from
                                                a few weeks after she died. I had a dream I was in the kitchen doing
                                                what I do (probably cleaning the counter the grows junk!) and looked
                                                down at the cats. And realized she was sitting next to me! I swooped
                                                down and picked her up.

                                                And that's all I remember. :(

                                                From Kearra, I still need more, even after all this time. I think it
                                                would help me with closure, even though I have gotten on with my life
                                                without her. I need to know from her that she was too far gone, she
                                                was in more pain than us mere humans can imagine (cats have a high
                                                threshold for pain, my vet says. At the vet that day, Kearra was
                                                gnawing on my hand a lot. The vet said it was probably pain that was
                                                causing her to do that. I could tell she wasn't mad or angry, just
                                                agitated and I guess hurting.

                                                Cats being cats, they do tend not to listen. Perhaps we should ignore
                                                them and see if they come. <smile>


                                                Diane
                                              • Christine Paulsen
                                                My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie was a
                                                Message 23 of 25 , Apr 5, 2002
                                                  My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie was a long-haired calico that was the most affectionate, sweet baby. She was one year old. I found her curled up in a ball one day with a purple nose. She was hardly breathing. My 2 children and myself ran her to the vet-expecting to get an antibiotic for her and bring her home. Instead the vet took x-rays and fount a tumor the size of nerf football that was crushing her lungs. Surgery was 20% chance. I held her little body in my arms as I gave the vet the "go ahead" to gently put her out of misery. Her eyes stared at me as she slowly faded. This has been 8 yrs and I shutter when I revisit that day, but I know It was the best thing to do. She was in obvious pain and suffering and no person or animal should have to suffer if there is nothing that can be done to help.
                                                  I wrapped her up in her blanket and brought her home and my husband made her a very special box and she was buried with her toys and blanket. I painted a large rock with her name and birth date and put paw prints on it. It has a beautiful cross and flowers. Some people thought I was totally nuts, but my kids and myself needed it to be proper to be final and peaceful. I even buried a fish, bird and chipmunk next to her when they were found dead. I thought she would like to have them around!!! I am a very sensitive person when it comes to pain and death. I am a nurse and deal with it quite often and it never gets easy. I think you did the right thing. It was going to happen and you just made it more humane. Some times we have to make difficult decisions for the ones we love. Some day someone may have to make it for us. Hopefully they will be just as compasionate as we are!!
                                                  God Bless you and all the prayers to you and your family. Sorry to hear about your mom. Hang in there. Time DOES heal!!!! Spoo and Blossoms mom, Chris.
                                                  reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: Thank you everyone for your support. It helped me very much to hear
                                                  about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
                                                  life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
                                                  short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
                                                  trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
                                                  held my mother in September while she took her last breath, too...so
                                                  this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my heart
                                                  are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate) and
                                                  it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the start
                                                  (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
                                                  together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces around
                                                  the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I will
                                                  definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree and
                                                  in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the support.

                                                  ~Cyndy
                                                  --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
                                                  > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
                                                  of guilt
                                                  > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
                                                  goodbye and
                                                  > these things happen with no warning.
                                                  >
                                                  > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and
                                                  if I had
                                                  > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
                                                  home from
                                                  > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
                                                  was about
                                                  > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
                                                  gave no
                                                  > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well,
                                                  they said
                                                  > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
                                                  the pain of
                                                  > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home
                                                  and being
                                                  > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least,
                                                  I have a
                                                  > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
                                                  >
                                                  > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research
                                                  I have
                                                  > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further
                                                  suffering,
                                                  > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
                                                  you were
                                                  > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the
                                                  kindest
                                                  > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
                                                  people in
                                                  > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
                                                  same for
                                                  > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
                                                  treated each
                                                  > other like we treat our pets.
                                                  >
                                                  > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her
                                                  diagnosis
                                                  > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
                                                  thousands of
                                                  > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what
                                                  I know
                                                  > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling
                                                  with
                                                  > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
                                                  that and
                                                  > about quality of life.
                                                  >
                                                  > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
                                                  kitty. I was
                                                  > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
                                                  will let
                                                  > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
                                                  than the
                                                  > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in
                                                  with her,
                                                  > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her.
                                                  Later, I
                                                  > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made
                                                  a one foot
                                                  > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to
                                                  go in
                                                  > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to
                                                  make a
                                                  > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to
                                                  her spot
                                                  > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
                                                  days. Perhaps
                                                  > doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize
                                                  your
                                                  > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
                                                  remember
                                                  > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
                                                  >
                                                  > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
                                                  >
                                                  > Karen and Garfield
                                                  >
                                                  >
                                                  > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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                                                  [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                                                • Mike & Linda Irrgang
                                                  oh chris, thank you so much for your wonderful story of pain, death and healing....it touched my heart and i know what you mean about it never getting
                                                  Message 24 of 25 , Apr 7, 2002
                                                    oh chris, thank you so much for your wonderful story of pain, death and
                                                    healing....it touched my heart and i know what you mean about it never
                                                    getting easy.....god bless you and yours for being such wonderful caring
                                                    folks....

                                                    linda and the boys

                                                    -----Original Message-----
                                                    From: Christine Paulsen [mailto:Chris_catqueen@...]
                                                    Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 9:03 PM
                                                    To: feline-heart@yahoogroups.com
                                                    Subject: Re: [FH] What could I have done?



                                                    My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of
                                                    having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie
                                                    was a long-haired calico that was the most affectionate, sweet baby. She
                                                    was one year old. I found her curled up in a ball one day with a purple
                                                    nose. She was hardly breathing. My 2 children and myself ran her to the
                                                    vet-expecting to get an antibiotic for her and bring her home. Instead the
                                                    vet took x-rays and fount a tumor the size of nerf football that was
                                                    crushing her lungs. Surgery was 20% chance. I held her little body in my
                                                    arms as I gave the vet the "go ahead" to gently put her out of misery. Her
                                                    eyes stared at me as she slowly faded. This has been 8 yrs and I shutter
                                                    when I revisit that day, but I know It was the best thing to do. She was in
                                                    obvious pain and suffering and no person or animal should have to suffer if
                                                    there is nothing that can be done to help.
                                                    I wrapped her up in her blanket and brought her home and my husband made her
                                                    a very special box and she was buried with her toys and blanket. I painted
                                                    a large rock with her name and birth date and put paw prints on it. It has
                                                    a beautiful cross and flowers. Some people thought I was totally nuts, but
                                                    my kids and myself needed it to be proper to be final and peaceful. I even
                                                    buried a fish, bird and chipmunk next to her when they were found dead. I
                                                    thought she would like to have them around!!! I am a very sensitive person
                                                    when it comes to pain and death. I am a nurse and deal with it quite often
                                                    and it never gets easy. I think you did the right thing. It was going to
                                                    happen and you just made it more humane. Some times we have to make
                                                    difficult decisions for the ones we love. Some day someone may have to make
                                                    it for us. Hopefully they will be just as compasionate as we are!!
                                                    God Bless you and all the prayers to you and your family. Sorry to hear
                                                    about your mom. Hang in there. Time DOES heal!!!! Spoo and Blossoms mom,
                                                    Chris.
                                                    reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: Thank you everyone for your
                                                    support. It helped me very much to hear
                                                    about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
                                                    life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
                                                    short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
                                                    trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
                                                    held my mother in September while she took her last breath, too...so
                                                    this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my heart
                                                    are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate) and
                                                    it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the start
                                                    (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
                                                    together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces around
                                                    the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I will
                                                    definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree and
                                                    in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the support.

                                                    ~Cyndy
                                                    --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
                                                    > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
                                                    of guilt
                                                    > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
                                                    goodbye and
                                                    > these things happen with no warning.
                                                    >
                                                    > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and
                                                    if I had
                                                    > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
                                                    home from
                                                    > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
                                                    was about
                                                    > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
                                                    gave no
                                                    > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well,
                                                    they said
                                                    > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
                                                    the pain of
                                                    > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home
                                                    and being
                                                    > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least,
                                                    I have a
                                                    > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
                                                    >
                                                    > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research
                                                    I have
                                                    > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further
                                                    suffering,
                                                    > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
                                                    you were
                                                    > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the
                                                    kindest
                                                    > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
                                                    people in
                                                    > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
                                                    same for
                                                    > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
                                                    treated each
                                                    > other like we treat our pets.
                                                    >
                                                    > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her
                                                    diagnosis
                                                    > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
                                                    thousands of
                                                    > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what
                                                    I know
                                                    > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling
                                                    with
                                                    > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
                                                    that and
                                                    > about quality of life.
                                                    >
                                                    > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
                                                    kitty. I was
                                                    > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
                                                    will let
                                                    > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
                                                    than the
                                                    > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in
                                                    with her,
                                                    > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her.
                                                    Later, I
                                                    > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made
                                                    a one foot
                                                    > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to
                                                    go in
                                                    > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to
                                                    make a
                                                    > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to
                                                    her spot
                                                    > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
                                                    days. Perhaps
                                                    > doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize
                                                    your
                                                    > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
                                                    remember
                                                    > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
                                                    >
                                                    > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
                                                    >
                                                    > Karen and Garfield
                                                    >
                                                    >
                                                    > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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                                                  • Christine Paulsen
                                                    Linda, There is nothing worse than the loss of a two legged or four legged loved one. I had a hard week at work and when I read your story I wanted you to
                                                    Message 25 of 25 , Apr 9, 2002
                                                      Linda,
                                                      There is nothing worse than the loss of a two legged or four legged loved one. I had a hard week at work and when I read your story I wanted you to know you are not alone in the world of a heavy heart. I work at Dr. Office and this week we lost a patient in our waiting room. In the past 8 months my family has had to deal with a death of a loved one, attempted suicide, and my sweet heart Spoo almost died. I thought for sure when Spoo threw the "Big" one I was going to have to put her to sleep like I had to my precious Rosie. Thankfully she has bounced back, but I know I would never let her suffer in any way. I will try some medical treatments, but would never prolong it if it would not help her. It is hard, but as a human I wish we had more choices our selves in the event of a painful-terminal illness.
                                                      I just wanted you to know there are so many people out here in e-mail land that feels your pain and hope you too will bounce back and feel the relief your sweet baby now feels. God Bless and be safe.
                                                      Chris, Spoo, Blossom, Rosie and Disney


                                                      Mike & Linda Irrgang <irrgang@...> wrote: oh chris, thank you so much for your wonderful story of pain, death and
                                                      healing....it touched my heart and i know what you mean about it never
                                                      getting easy.....god bless you and yours for being such wonderful caring
                                                      folks....

                                                      linda and the boys

                                                      -----Original Message-----
                                                      From: Christine Paulsen [mailto:Chris_catqueen@...]
                                                      Sent: Friday, April 05, 2002 9:03 PM
                                                      To: feline-heart@yahoogroups.com
                                                      Subject: Re: [FH] What could I have done?



                                                      My thoughts and prayers are with you also. I too had the misfortune of
                                                      having to put a pet down and there is no pain like that. My little Rosie
                                                      was a long-haired calico that was the most affectionate, sweet baby. She
                                                      was one year old. I found her curled up in a ball one day with a purple
                                                      nose. She was hardly breathing. My 2 children and myself ran her to the
                                                      vet-expecting to get an antibiotic for her and bring her home. Instead the
                                                      vet took x-rays and fount a tumor the size of nerf football that was
                                                      crushing her lungs. Surgery was 20% chance. I held her little body in my
                                                      arms as I gave the vet the "go ahead" to gently put her out of misery. Her
                                                      eyes stared at me as she slowly faded. This has been 8 yrs and I shutter
                                                      when I revisit that day, but I know It was the best thing to do. She was in
                                                      obvious pain and suffering and no person or animal should have to suffer if
                                                      there is nothing that can be done to help.
                                                      I wrapped her up in her blanket and brought her home and my husband made her
                                                      a very special box and she was buried with her toys and blanket. I painted
                                                      a large rock with her name and birth date and put paw prints on it. It has
                                                      a beautiful cross and flowers. Some people thought I was totally nuts, but
                                                      my kids and myself needed it to be proper to be final and peaceful. I even
                                                      buried a fish, bird and chipmunk next to her when they were found dead. I
                                                      thought she would like to have them around!!! I am a very sensitive person
                                                      when it comes to pain and death. I am a nurse and deal with it quite often
                                                      and it never gets easy. I think you did the right thing. It was going to
                                                      happen and you just made it more humane. Some times we have to make
                                                      difficult decisions for the ones we love. Some day someone may have to make
                                                      it for us. Hopefully they will be just as compasionate as we are!!
                                                      God Bless you and all the prayers to you and your family. Sorry to hear
                                                      about your mom. Hang in there. Time DOES heal!!!! Spoo and Blossoms mom,
                                                      Chris.
                                                      reagansmomma <cyndy@...> wrote: Thank you everyone for your
                                                      support. It helped me very much to hear
                                                      about the unlikeliness of Murray recovering and leading a normal
                                                      life. It kills me to know that I cut his beautiful, loving life
                                                      short for evey one minute but I couldn't have allowed such a
                                                      trusting, kind little cat to suffer like he was for no reason. I
                                                      held my mother in September while she took her last breath, too...so
                                                      this feels like a double whammy to me....like bigs chucks of my heart
                                                      are gone. Frank is starting to look for Murray (his littermate) and
                                                      it is breaking my heart all over. They were together from the start
                                                      (they were rescues) through all kinds of hardships...and came
                                                      together to be my first babies. Frank is so nervous and paces around
                                                      the house, looking around corners...looking for his brother. I will
                                                      definately do a memorial for Murray...in the garden, by the tree and
                                                      in my heart. Thank you all again for the information and the support.

                                                      ~Cyndy
                                                      --- In feline-heart@y..., KJensClark@a... wrote:
                                                      > Really, you did EVERYTHING you should have done and your feelings
                                                      of guilt
                                                      > are very normal. It is worse when we don't get a chance to say
                                                      goodbye and
                                                      > these things happen with no warning.
                                                      >
                                                      > Just a few days ago my cat Garfield was in respiratory distress and
                                                      if I had
                                                      > not been home with a sick child, he would have died before I came
                                                      home from
                                                      > work. He ate breakfast that morning and gave me no indication he
                                                      was about
                                                      > to become ill and on the verge of death before noontime. He also
                                                      gave no
                                                      > warning signs, and if I had not gotten him right to the vet, well,
                                                      they said
                                                      > he would not have made it. I am grateful I was able to save him
                                                      the pain of
                                                      > dying alone. He is still not out of the woods yet, but he is home
                                                      and being
                                                      > made comfortable while we see if he rebounds or not. At the least,
                                                      I have a
                                                      > little time to say goodbye and prepare.
                                                      >
                                                      > You made absolutely the right decision. Based on all the research
                                                      I have
                                                      > done in the last few days, you saved your beloved cat from further
                                                      suffering,
                                                      > confusion, pain, fright. You held him as he passed, and he knew
                                                      you were
                                                      > there for him. Cats are so good at hiding their problems, and the
                                                      kindest
                                                      > gift we can give them is euthanasia at the end. There are many
                                                      people in
                                                      > this world who are ready to go, health-wise, and we cannot do the
                                                      same for
                                                      > them, legally. I think we humans would be more humane if we
                                                      treated each
                                                      > other like we treat our pets.
                                                      >
                                                      > My other cat, Macavity, had to be put down two years ago, after her
                                                      diagnosis
                                                      > of cancer. It spread so fast, and I tried everything, spent
                                                      thousands of
                                                      > dollars, and she wasted before my eyes. Looking back, knowing what
                                                      I know
                                                      > now, I wish I had put her down sooner. That is why I am struggling
                                                      with
                                                      > Garfield's after-care-diagnosis .... the lessons I learned from
                                                      that and
                                                      > about quality of life.
                                                      >
                                                      > What may help is for you to make some sort of memorial to your
                                                      kitty. I was
                                                      > allowed by my vet to bring Macavity's body home. (Not all places
                                                      will let
                                                      > you.) After she "laid in state" for a day in a more upgraded box
                                                      than the
                                                      > vet gave me, I tucked a poem by T.S. Eliot and some of her toys in
                                                      with her,
                                                      > then picked her favorite spot in the backyard garden to bury her.
                                                      Later, I
                                                      > went to a craft store and purchased a stepping stone kit, and made
                                                      a one foot
                                                      > square out of cement and made her a personalized memorial marker to
                                                      go in
                                                      > "Macavity's Garden". Garfield even donated his paw for a second to
                                                      make a
                                                      > kitty paw print in it. It may sound silly, but I have gone out to
                                                      her spot
                                                      > and talked to her about Garfield and what to do these last few
                                                      days. Perhaps
                                                      > doing something like this, will help. It is important to recognize
                                                      your
                                                      > grief and to do things, though they may make you sad, to help you
                                                      remember
                                                      > the good times. Nothing is inappropriate if it helps you.
                                                      >
                                                      > My heart goes out to you and I am very sorry for your loss.
                                                      >
                                                      > Karen and Garfield
                                                      >
                                                      >
                                                      > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]


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