Re: [FH] Bailey is in heaven now 7/23/2013 8:05pm
- Dear Kimberly,
A had a good cry as I read your vivid description of Baily's passing. I was reminded of my own lost loved ones. You also underscored the ever-present awareness I have that one day I will face what you so courageously under took to spare your beloved Baily pain. Bless you for your bravery and selfless love. I wish you peace in your heart, and hope that your painful loss of your companion can be assuaged soon. They give us such joy, and when they are taken by death, we are left in a place that seems like an alien land we will never escape from.
Please stay in touch, I know we will all be looking forward to hearing how you are managing.
I had originally planned an at-home service for this morning at 11am ET. However, after a wonderful Sunday and evening and a great Monday morning and day, I awoke with Bailey on Tuesday and could see his body was beginning to fail. He recorved to his normal routine and his Spirit was so strong. He didn't leave my side for long but I couold see in his eyes he was tired. I could feel how hard his heart was beating so hard. I held him, cried, and made the call to the vet. I arranged for them to come in early evening so that I could at least have the day with him.
He went peacefully with many people praying for him all over the world thanks to friends on this list and at my church. I could feel the love and support in the room I prepared for him. I held him the entire time and for a bit after his spirit departed.
I cried so hard I can hardly see today my eyelids are swollen. I have moments i feel numb and others lost and others pain and emptiness. I don't know how to live without him as I realize how much a part of my life he was. Not that I didn't know but all the little things that aren't there are so very noticable. I miss his kissing my face at night, at running down the stairs when I call him, the smell of his fur as he rubs his head under my chin, his outstretched paw over me as we watch tv, him sleeping on my pillow, and upon rising him running out into the hall and the front rooms to embrace the morning sun. I tried to sit in the sun this morning to feel what he felt but it merely smited me.
The only solace I find it that I loved him, he loved me, and I spared him the painful finding ending that most heart cats with CHF face - drowning in your own fluid, heart attack, clot, stroke, etc. There will be no emergency room trip, scarey car ride, no death at the vet office. He was surrounded in light and love and for that I am thankful.
Looking back I think he could have made it to this morning but I was too scared to take that chance and have his body overnight. Would I love those hours back, yes but I would be in greater pain had something happened due to my greed of wanting him longer.
The vet said that he was well cared for. She was great and we talked for about 30 minutes so she could understand his health and history, understand my reasons for doing this, and in the end she agreed this was best for the boy. It gave me a little comfort to know that more than one vet agreed agreed with my decision.
I lost a part of my heart, my soul, and the light of my life. Thank you all for your prayers and support and I wish the longest life to each of your kitties. Love them with your whole heart cause that is what they give you.
Kimberly and my fur-angel Bailey
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