Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.

Snowball is an Angel now :*-(

Expand Messages
  • Carol R.
    Dear friends and groups, With the most awful pain in my heart, I have to tell you that my gentle little Snowball is gone. She had some kind of seizure or threw
    Message 1 of 4 , Jan 2, 2010
    • 0 Attachment
      Dear friends and groups,

      With the most awful pain in my heart, I have to tell you that my gentle little Snowball is gone.

      She had some kind of seizure or threw a clot this morning. She had a good day yesterday after acupuncture, she felt better, she was grooming, although still not eating. We really thought we might be on a road to some recovery. Then we got a phone call... news from Dr. Jean Dodds from Hemopet who did her thyroid test on Wednesday, that her thyroid was through the roof again and she needed the tapazole again. So we thought that okay, all we have to do is get her thyroid back under control and her heart would quiet down. We had already started her atenolol again a couple days before, so we gave her a Tapazole that night...hoping with all hopes that if we got the thyroid normalized, that her heart would follow. It never entered our minds last night that she wasn't going to be okay. Now with how good she felt after her acupuncture.

      Last evening and night she slept comfy, was okay. But at 4am this morning she became restless, couldn't sleep. At 5:30 I gave her breakfast, but she wouldn't eat. I had given her a capsule with her meds (tapazole, atenolol, cyproheptadine, and 3 of her herbs) and a few fingers of food that she ate from my hand. And I prayed that she was able to keep that down and not spew it up, so the medicine could do it's magic. I even wrote that in my daily journal, my Snowball journal. I wrote "please work". She laid down quiet for the most part, some of the time laying next to my head on the pillow, some of it in the window on her bed.

      She was laying in her bed in the window when all of a sudden around 7:45am, she shot up from the bed licking her lips like crazy, and I thought, uh oh, she's going to throw up, and she RAN down off the window, across the couch to the floor and I held on to her as she puked. I always hold her and sort of rub her tummy when she pukes, so it's not so traumatic for her, but in the first few moment of her puking, something happened and she started flailing her legs. She puked for about 10 seconds and immediately after, she let out this blood curdling cry and fell on her side. Open mouth breathing and crying on and off. I screamed for Steve and we both sat there petting her, holding her, trying to calm her, thinking it was a seizure. She's had one like that before, last June, that she recovered from. This time she didn't. At one point she tried to get up, she did that twice and both time looked me right in the eyes and I felt her asking me to help her. But I didn't have anything I could do. She looked so scared and like she knew she was dying and didn't want to go. Steve and I told her it was okay, to let go. She didn't want to. Then suddenly she got up the strength to get up and that's when I realized this was probably her throwing a clot, because her back legs didn't work right. She hobbled ran down the hallway and ran into the wall at one point, bonked her little head on the wall and fell down. I picked her up and carried her to the family room where she always is. I think she was trying to get in there. I don't think she wanted to die in the hallway, I think she wanted to be in her little bed in the family room that looks out the back sliding glass doors to outside. I laid her in her bed and Steve and I sat there next to her, holding her, petting her, watching her gasping for air, me giving her mouth to mouth, breathing puffs of air into her nose and mouth, praying that it would work, like it did with Sweetie years ago when she had 3 episodes like this. But nothing was working and her body was getting more and more jerking, and she was crying. It was awful. It went on for another five or ten minutes. Then all of a sudden, after we kept telling her to let go...she took three very labored breaths, almost no air getting in, and crying out inbetween them, then there was another of those awful loud cries and she moved her body a little like she was fighting it, like she was trying to hang on to life... then she just stopped. No breathing, no crying, no moving...nothing. Her eyes became fixed and her pupils which were already dilated as big as dimes, glazed over and she was gone.

      We've been crying all day. I'll probably cry all night. I can't believe she's gone. She felt better yesterday and now she's gone. I had such hope. ...now there's none.

      We kept her tonight, to take her to the crematory place tomorrow. I have her laying in her little bed, she looks like she's just sleeping... so peaceful and calm. I keep expecting her to get up, give a big stretch like she always does, and jump down to have something to eat. But she doesn't, and I cry even more.

      I'm devastated beyond anything I can even express. I feel party responsible. We took her to the vet on Wednesday because she was breathing so fast and hard again. They drew blood for the thyroid test and the vet tech who did it did a horrible job! She couldn't get the vein and Snowball kept SCREAMING! I wanted to just punch that tech. I feel like the trauma of that on Wednesday did Snowball in. Now I wish I had NEVER taken her in. If it wasn't for my idiotic need to have more information, do yet another stupid blood test, I feel like Snowball would still be here with me. Maybe be leaving me soon anyway, but not today... not after such a horrendous vet visit. I feel so guilty. The pain in my heart is overwhelming and I wish I could have a do over... I'd NEVER have taken her in on Wednesday. I feel like the trauma of that day caused her heart more damage and that triggered the clot. I know it was a clot. I've seen it enough in my other angels who had them.

      It's hard to believe that just two weeks ago the cardiologist told us that Snowball wasn't in any life threatening situation right now.... he was so wrong. I will never forgive him for what we both feel was an awful misdiagnosis of her heart disease.

      It's hard to believe that she was so happy and felt so good on Christmas day. I'm so glad that I took pictures of her that day. I'm so glad that she looked so good. I'm glad that she felt better last night and was doing kitty, Snowball things... grooming, jumping up on the furniture, drinking from her water bowl. The only thing I wish we could have had was her feeling good enough to give me her famous face rubs. I didn't ask her for any last night, because she was tired and I didn't want to bug her. Now I wish I had. I would give anything to have just one last of her little face rubs. She had such good rubby-dubbies. She would put her chin on my hand and rub as hard as she could back and forth. But I did get one really nice thing from her this week. One morning laying in bed, she reached over to my face from her little bed and rubbed my face with her face and then gave me the softest little kiss on my eye lid, the tiniest little soft lick. I'll cherish that moment for the rest of my life.

      Here is Snowball's last video that I took on Christmas day. After lunch she sat in her little bed in the sun and took a bath. I only got 30 seconds from my little digital camera, but it's more precious than anything to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqO6UZ4a3VE

      I'm just shattered inside and can't bear to have to live without her. I miss her so much, my insides ache. How I wish I could feel her little face rubbing against mine again. The pillow is empty now, and it's a horrible, heart breaking feeling to look over and not see her there next to me as she's been every night for years.

      I have to go now, I'm crying so hard I can't see the screen anymore. Thank you everyone for all the love and support, all the suggestions and caring and concern for us. You're truly family, friends and just amazing. I'm going to be offline for a while...don't know how long.

      Give all your babies hugs from us. Please light a candle or say a prayer for Snowball tonight that she finds her way to heaven and maybe come back some times to watch over me. I want to feel her presence so bad... I don't right now, but I hope I will.

      If you can get attachments... here are a few pictures of her I took on Christmas day...she was so happy.

      hugs, and for the last time this signature...
      Carol & Snowball & the gang

      http://carolandsteveskitties.shutterfly.com/
      Snowball in the garden
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o6bLwo5jPE
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxKQH2mM-d0
      Snowball Christmas Day 12/25/09
      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqO6UZ4a3VE






      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • banditbabe32
      Dear Carol, I am so so sorry to hear of the news of Snowball. But, please do not blame yourself, her time had come and there would have been nothing you could
      Message 2 of 4 , Jan 2, 2010
      • 0 Attachment
        Dear Carol,

        I am so so sorry to hear of the news of Snowball. But, please do not blame yourself, her time had come and there would have been nothing you could have done about nor anything more you could have done to prevent it. You did all you could for Snowball and she was so so lucky to have you as her Mummy. It is not your fault - you must please believe that and please stop thinking like that.

        As you know I went through a similar experience with my beloved Marley just a few days ago and she was so well beforehand and then went so quickly. We were just waiting for the inevitable and her time had come, just as did Snowball's.

        Snowball will be looking down on you watching over you and she will always be by your side in spirit, knowing that she was so lucky to have had you as her mum and that she couldn't have asked for anything more in life.

        xxx

        --- In feline-heart@yahoogroups.com, Carol R. <carolroars@...> wrote:
        >
        >
        >
        > Dear friends and groups,
        >
        > With the most awful pain in my heart, I have to tell you that my gentle little Snowball is gone.
        >
        > She had some kind of seizure or threw a clot this morning. She had a good day yesterday after acupuncture, she felt better, she was grooming, although still not eating. We really thought we might be on a road to some recovery. Then we got a phone call... news from Dr. Jean Dodds from Hemopet who did her thyroid test on Wednesday, that her thyroid was through the roof again and she needed the tapazole again. So we thought that okay, all we have to do is get her thyroid back under control and her heart would quiet down. We had already started her atenolol again a couple days before, so we gave her a Tapazole that night...hoping with all hopes that if we got the thyroid normalized, that her heart would follow. It never entered our minds last night that she wasn't going to be okay. Now with how good she felt after her acupuncture.
        >
        > Last evening and night she slept comfy, was okay. But at 4am this morning she became restless, couldn't sleep. At 5:30 I gave her breakfast, but she wouldn't eat. I had given her a capsule with her meds (tapazole, atenolol, cyproheptadine, and 3 of her herbs) and a few fingers of food that she ate from my hand. And I prayed that she was able to keep that down and not spew it up, so the medicine could do it's magic. I even wrote that in my daily journal, my Snowball journal. I wrote "please work". She laid down quiet for the most part, some of the time laying next to my head on the pillow, some of it in the window on her bed.
        >
        > She was laying in her bed in the window when all of a sudden around 7:45am, she shot up from the bed licking her lips like crazy, and I thought, uh oh, she's going to throw up, and she RAN down off the window, across the couch to the floor and I held on to her as she puked. I always hold her and sort of rub her tummy when she pukes, so it's not so traumatic for her, but in the first few moment of her puking, something happened and she started flailing her legs. She puked for about 10 seconds and immediately after, she let out this blood curdling cry and fell on her side. Open mouth breathing and crying on and off. I screamed for Steve and we both sat there petting her, holding her, trying to calm her, thinking it was a seizure. She's had one like that before, last June, that she recovered from. This time she didn't. At one point she tried to get up, she did that twice and both time looked me right in the eyes and I felt her asking me to help her. But I didn't have anything I could do. She looked so scared and like she knew she was dying and didn't want to go. Steve and I told her it was okay, to let go. She didn't want to. Then suddenly she got up the strength to get up and that's when I realized this was probably her throwing a clot, because her back legs didn't work right. She hobbled ran down the hallway and ran into the wall at one point, bonked her little head on the wall and fell down. I picked her up and carried her to the family room where she always is. I think she was trying to get in there. I don't think she wanted to die in the hallway, I think she wanted to be in her little bed in the family room that looks out the back sliding glass doors to outside. I laid her in her bed and Steve and I sat there next to her, holding her, petting her, watching her gasping for air, me giving her mouth to mouth, breathing puffs of air into her nose and mouth, praying that it would work, like it did with Sweetie years ago when she had 3 episodes like this. But nothing was working and her body was getting more and more jerking, and she was crying. It was awful. It went on for another five or ten minutes. Then all of a sudden, after we kept telling her to let go...she took three very labored breaths, almost no air getting in, and crying out inbetween them, then there was another of those awful loud cries and she moved her body a little like she was fighting it, like she was trying to hang on to life... then she just stopped. No breathing, no crying, no moving...nothing. Her eyes became fixed and her pupils which were already dilated as big as dimes, glazed over and she was gone.
        >
        > We've been crying all day. I'll probably cry all night. I can't believe she's gone. She felt better yesterday and now she's gone. I had such hope. ...now there's none.
        >
        > We kept her tonight, to take her to the crematory place tomorrow. I have her laying in her little bed, she looks like she's just sleeping... so peaceful and calm. I keep expecting her to get up, give a big stretch like she always does, and jump down to have something to eat. But she doesn't, and I cry even more.
        >
        > I'm devastated beyond anything I can even express. I feel party responsible. We took her to the vet on Wednesday because she was breathing so fast and hard again. They drew blood for the thyroid test and the vet tech who did it did a horrible job! She couldn't get the vein and Snowball kept SCREAMING! I wanted to just punch that tech. I feel like the trauma of that on Wednesday did Snowball in. Now I wish I had NEVER taken her in. If it wasn't for my idiotic need to have more information, do yet another stupid blood test, I feel like Snowball would still be here with me. Maybe be leaving me soon anyway, but not today... not after such a horrendous vet visit. I feel so guilty. The pain in my heart is overwhelming and I wish I could have a do over... I'd NEVER have taken her in on Wednesday. I feel like the trauma of that day caused her heart more damage and that triggered the clot. I know it was a clot. I've seen it enough in my other angels who had them.
        >
        > It's hard to believe that just two weeks ago the cardiologist told us that Snowball wasn't in any life threatening situation right now.... he was so wrong. I will never forgive him for what we both feel was an awful misdiagnosis of her heart disease.
        >
        > It's hard to believe that she was so happy and felt so good on Christmas day. I'm so glad that I took pictures of her that day. I'm so glad that she looked so good. I'm glad that she felt better last night and was doing kitty, Snowball things... grooming, jumping up on the furniture, drinking from her water bowl. The only thing I wish we could have had was her feeling good enough to give me her famous face rubs. I didn't ask her for any last night, because she was tired and I didn't want to bug her. Now I wish I had. I would give anything to have just one last of her little face rubs. She had such good rubby-dubbies. She would put her chin on my hand and rub as hard as she could back and forth. But I did get one really nice thing from her this week. One morning laying in bed, she reached over to my face from her little bed and rubbed my face with her face and then gave me the softest little kiss on my eye lid, the tiniest little soft lick. I'll cherish that moment for the rest of my life.
        >
        > Here is Snowball's last video that I took on Christmas day. After lunch she sat in her little bed in the sun and took a bath. I only got 30 seconds from my little digital camera, but it's more precious than anything to me. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqO6UZ4a3VE
        >
        > I'm just shattered inside and can't bear to have to live without her. I miss her so much, my insides ache. How I wish I could feel her little face rubbing against mine again. The pillow is empty now, and it's a horrible, heart breaking feeling to look over and not see her there next to me as she's been every night for years.
        >
        > I have to go now, I'm crying so hard I can't see the screen anymore. Thank you everyone for all the love and support, all the suggestions and caring and concern for us. You're truly family, friends and just amazing. I'm going to be offline for a while...don't know how long.
        >
        > Give all your babies hugs from us. Please light a candle or say a prayer for Snowball tonight that she finds her way to heaven and maybe come back some times to watch over me. I want to feel her presence so bad... I don't right now, but I hope I will.
        >
        > If you can get attachments... here are a few pictures of her I took on Christmas day...she was so happy.
        >
        > hugs, and for the last time this signature...
        > Carol & Snowball & the gang
        >
        > http://carolandsteveskitties.shutterfly.com/
        > Snowball in the garden
        > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0o6bLwo5jPE
        > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxKQH2mM-d0
        > Snowball Christmas Day 12/25/09
        > http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wqO6UZ4a3VE
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        >
      • Suzianne Painter-Thorne
        Carol, I am so sorry to hear this news. I know how much you have tried and tried to help Snowball. I wish there were something I could say to take the pain
        Message 3 of 4 , Jan 2, 2010
        • 0 Attachment
          Carol,

          I am so sorry to hear this news. I know how much you have tried and tried to
          help Snowball. I wish there were something I could say to take the pain away
          or to convince you that you've done nothing to blame yourself for, nothing
          that wasn't motivated to help your girl. Because you've done so much for
          her, you gave her a life she would not have had without all the care and
          nurturing you provided. Honestly, I've read all the posts about Snowball,
          all the things you have done, and you did an extraordinary job caring for
          her. She was lucky to have such a steadfast momma in her corner. Do not
          blame yourself for anything. You did nothing wrong.

          It's normal to want to find a reason, to affix some blame or find some cause
          to help it all make sense or give us something to fight against. But, I
          think your instincts were correct when you wrote that her little heart was
          just giving out. You could not have stopped that. No one could have stopped
          that. So, you did what you could do and tried with all your might to make
          her life better. You have nothing to feel guilty about there. Nothing.

          I know how hard it is to lose our kittens and I know Snowball has left a
          hole in your life. I always say that's the way it should be--great friends
          always leave a mark and should always be remembered. My hope is that you'll
          fill that hole with happy memories and tears of fond remembrance and not
          recrimination and guilt. That will come in time. Give yourself the time to
          grieve and to miss your girl.

          Hugs,

          Sue & Boo
        • janie
          I am so sorry Snowball is gone. I love that name. Please dont blame yourself. We all do that. It is what if ? it wont bring Snowball back and really no more
          Message 4 of 4 , Jan 2, 2010
          • 0 Attachment
            I am so sorry Snowball is gone. I love that name. Please dont blame
            yourself. We all do that. It is what if ? it wont bring Snowball back
            and really no more pain and vets. She is running and playing and
            having fun. I am glad you kept her for a while. I do that too for my
            other animals and until I can let go. It is hard. Prayers to you Janie
            Boomer Jaguar Stormy Cinnamon and the dog Rockie
          Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.