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The new very big hole in my heart

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  • Melissa Faris
    Dear readers, I m hoping these fragmented responses to previous emails will hopefully convey what what I am to numb and tongue - tied to say right now. Bootsie
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 28, 2009
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      Dear readers,
      I'm hoping these fragmented responses to previous emails will hopefully convey what what I am to numb and tongue - tied to say right now.
      Bootsie deserved better he was so good, so sweet and he could be so gentle.....

      The bad news
      is Bootsie took Emma's death really hard. He
      hasn't been the same since.
      For starters
      he's had fleas bad, and he's very allergic. He
      was covered with scabs where his fur didn't fall
      out. Nothing I had or could find at the store
      was working very well. I finally took him to the
      vet for Rx flea killer about 26 days ago. I hate
      myself. I knew something was wrong then, but the
      vet said let's treat the fleas first... And I
      needed grocery's. I hate myself for not making
      him look closer.
      Today I got my much needed
      Internet for school. Right after the install
      tech left when I was on the phone to the Co.
      Bootsie started meowing in a tone that was more
      like a growl. I didn't catch ion at first I just tried to pet his head and see what causing him to meow like this. Then I finally saw him move dragging
      his hind legs behind him!
      He was
      paralyzed!
      The vet says it's a blood clot in
      his spine just above his hind legs along with
      congestive heart failure.  He says his
      lungs have fluid in them, and possibly half of
      his heart isn't working. I've spent half my tax
      return putting Boo on blood thinner, diuretics?
      and an oxygen cage.
      everyone's
      mad at me; they
      say he's a goner.
       I'd like to see how
      he does after some time on
      meds,
      and
      an
      operation to
      remove his clot.
      He's visibly improving on
      just the med's and the oxygen cage. I think if I
      get him through this episode.... well I don't
      know. One of my early memories was of me and my
      extended family praying for grandma on her
      living room floor when I was 5 or6, well we
      waited for the ambulance. She died when I was
      about 18. I don't remember the nature of her
      heart attacks just that she had half a dozen and
      lived 12 or 13 years anyway.
      Do you know if
      theirs a charity that would help him or a group
      on the net that deals with feline congestive
      heart failure or blood clots?
      I know this
      isn't your thing, but if there's anything that
      can be done I need to find help for him
      quickly.
      And please pray for
      me,
       this is to soon,
       Bootsie's
      to young at 12,
       and he's been so much
      to all of
      us.





      Update
      on Bootsie.
      The vet says he should be ready to
      leave the oxygen cadge and go home at 2pm today thank
      you for all your prayers and
      support.




      New update.
      Bad
      news,
      When I got to the vet, Bootsie was having extreme
      difficulty breathing. He went from funny high pitched meows,
      to couldn't lift his head and lethargic blank stare in the
      about 30 to 45mins I was there.
       The last of my tax
      return is gone, but I was able to buy him another night in the
      oxygen cadge. I'm told the heart medcine takes about a week to
      work. I'm praying he'll be able to breath on his own tonight.
      They said he was able to breath fine right up to an hour
      before I came. I hope they weren't lieing.
      I pray he's able
      to keep breathing on his own tomorrow. That the medicine will
      start working and he will start to heal.
      I don't think I
      have enough left to buy anymore treatments. I have to trust God
      and pray for the best.
       At least I know I've done
      everything I could and I won't have to look at something I
      bought down the line, and think Bootsie might have lived
      longer or suffered less had I done without and spent it on
      him.


      Yes
      I am desperate to find a good feline cardiologist. My waking nightmare
      is that I can't pay for him. The doctor says it will cost $4,000 to get
      the clot out. I bag grocerys for minumin wage. And I missed one of my
      2 work days this week today trying to pick him up I love Bootsie so
      much that I spent my whole tax return on the vet. He (the vet) wanted
      to release Boo today I was thrilled for many better reasons, but at the
      back of my mind I thought at least I have some money left for
      emegercys, and to save for a car. But when I saw Bootsie at the clinic
      struggleing to breath and giveing that high pitched meaow. I knew I had
      to put him back in the oxygen cage. I may have nothing left by morning.
      But hopefully I've given the drugs enugh time to work.
      The doctor says it may take a week for the drugs to kick in. Please
      God let them work tonight.
       The doctor was pissed, but I held Bootsie for 20 or 30 min and I felt he was pleading for me to help him live, not die. Please talk
      to me. I don't have enugh money left buy more time with vet's equipment
      after tomrrow.  I want him to live. He was so cold and desperate.
      A lot like Emma when she died from CRF. Only he didn't  need encouragement to fight. He wants to live.




      It was to little to late again.
      He
      went during the night..
      At least I know I didn't hold anything back
      from him when it was obvious he was in trouble.
      But I hate myself for
      missing the warning signs.
      I may have lost everything but it's a
      comfort to know I really did do
      everything I could to save him when I knew.
      I'm sorry I left
      his side that's my biggest regret. The vet told he was coming home that
      he was stable and breathing fine on his own. I needed to find the help
      for him that I couldn't provide. So I stayed  home to search help
      and answers on the
      computer.



      Bootsie
      was Emmarude's (my CRF kitty's protector) He escorted strangers in and
      out of the house. Chased dogs for business and pleasure. And would
      chase them in to a corner and guard them (even if the dogs had previously
      gotten along with him) if they frightened his family. He was the big
      daddy cat to Lissy, and a hero and protector to the whole house.
      And his very big heart beat it's last
      sometime this last night.
      I
      hate myself for not being withing him. But the oxygen cadge was his
      only hope. And the idea of family staying with their frightened pets in
      a strange place was to novel an idea for the vet. Along not putting a
      barking dog under or next to a cat fresh from the oxygen cadge with a
      heart condition.
      If your also a membet of the CRF info site look on the CRF website under Emmarude you find a photo album with both of their pictures.


      I hope no one will be angry, but it took so long for me to send out Emmarude's death notice....Because I just could think of how to say what I needed to say.
      I've been able to speak to a few people in in some emails so I thought I would look through my sent folder and see what I had already written.
      These are my responses in email conversations so I hope no one feels violated if they reconise any of these responses.
      What I'm thinking
      is that I need to say something in a timely manner. And going through his pictures and posting them isn't going to convey the infomation that this has changed from a SOS to an meoral.

      Melissa








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