The new very big hole in my heart
- Dear readers,
I'm hoping these fragmented responses to previous emails will hopefully convey what what I am to numb and tongue - tied to say right now.
Bootsie deserved better he was so good, so sweet and he could be so gentle.....
The bad news
is Bootsie took Emma's death really hard. He
hasn't been the same since.
he's had fleas bad, and he's very allergic. He
was covered with scabs where his fur didn't fall
out. Nothing I had or could find at the store
was working very well. I finally took him to the
vet for Rx flea killer about 26 days ago. I hate
myself. I knew something was wrong then, but the
vet said let's treat the fleas first... And I
needed grocery's. I hate myself for not making
him look closer.
Today I got my much needed
Internet for school. Right after the install
tech left when I was on the phone to the Co.
Bootsie started meowing in a tone that was more
like a growl. I didn't catch ion at first I just tried to pet his head and see what causing him to meow like this. Then I finally saw him move dragging
his hind legs behind him!
The vet says it's a blood clot in
his spine just above his hind legs along with
congestive heart failure. He says his
lungs have fluid in them, and possibly half of
his heart isn't working. I've spent half my tax
return putting Boo on blood thinner, diuretics?
and an oxygen cage.
mad at me; they
say he's a goner.
I'd like to see how
he does after some time on
remove his clot.
He's visibly improving on
just the med's and the oxygen cage. I think if I
get him through this episode.... well I don't
know. One of my early memories was of me and my
extended family praying for grandma on her
living room floor when I was 5 or6, well we
waited for the ambulance. She died when I was
about 18. I don't remember the nature of her
heart attacks just that she had half a dozen and
lived 12 or 13 years anyway.
Do you know if
theirs a charity that would help him or a group
on the net that deals with feline congestive
heart failure or blood clots?
I know this
isn't your thing, but if there's anything that
can be done I need to find help for him
And please pray for
this is to soon,
to young at 12,
and he's been so much
to all of
The vet says he should be ready to
leave the oxygen cadge and go home at 2pm today thank
you for all your prayers and
When I got to the vet, Bootsie was having extreme
difficulty breathing. He went from funny high pitched meows,
to couldn't lift his head and lethargic blank stare in the
about 30 to 45mins I was there.
The last of my tax
return is gone, but I was able to buy him another night in the
oxygen cadge. I'm told the heart medcine takes about a week to
work. I'm praying he'll be able to breath on his own tonight.
They said he was able to breath fine right up to an hour
before I came. I hope they weren't lieing.
I pray he's able
to keep breathing on his own tomorrow. That the medicine will
start working and he will start to heal.
I don't think I
have enough left to buy anymore treatments. I have to trust God
and pray for the best.
At least I know I've done
everything I could and I won't have to look at something I
bought down the line, and think Bootsie might have lived
longer or suffered less had I done without and spent it on
I am desperate to find a good feline cardiologist. My waking nightmare
is that I can't pay for him. The doctor says it will cost $4,000 to get
the clot out. I bag grocerys for minumin wage. And I missed one of my
2 work days this week today trying to pick him up I love Bootsie so
much that I spent my whole tax return on the vet. He (the vet) wanted
to release Boo today I was thrilled for many better reasons, but at the
back of my mind I thought at least I have some money left for
emegercys, and to save for a car. But when I saw Bootsie at the clinic
struggleing to breath and giveing that high pitched meaow. I knew I had
to put him back in the oxygen cage. I may have nothing left by morning.
But hopefully I've given the drugs enugh time to work.
The doctor says it may take a week for the drugs to kick in. Please
God let them work tonight.
The doctor was pissed, but I held Bootsie for 20 or 30 min and I felt he was pleading for me to help him live, not die. Please talk
to me. I don't have enugh money left buy more time with vet's equipment
after tomrrow. I want him to live. He was so cold and desperate.
A lot like Emma when she died from CRF. Only he didn't need encouragement to fight. He wants to live.
It was to little to late again.
went during the night..
At least I know I didn't hold anything back
from him when it was obvious he was in trouble.
But I hate myself for
missing the warning signs.
I may have lost everything but it's a
comfort to know I really did do
everything I could to save him when I knew.
I'm sorry I left
his side that's my biggest regret. The vet told he was coming home that
he was stable and breathing fine on his own. I needed to find the help
for him that I couldn't provide. So I stayed home to search help
and answers on the
was Emmarude's (my CRF kitty's protector) He escorted strangers in and
out of the house. Chased dogs for business and pleasure. And would
chase them in to a corner and guard them (even if the dogs had previously
gotten along with him) if they frightened his family. He was the big
daddy cat to Lissy, and a hero and protector to the whole house.
And his very big heart beat it's last
sometime this last night.
hate myself for not being withing him. But the oxygen cadge was his
only hope. And the idea of family staying with their frightened pets in
a strange place was to novel an idea for the vet. Along not putting a
barking dog under or next to a cat fresh from the oxygen cadge with a
If your also a membet of the CRF info site look on the CRF website under Emmarude you find a photo album with both of their pictures.
I hope no one will be angry, but it took so long for me to send out Emmarude's death notice....Because I just could think of how to say what I needed to say.
I've been able to speak to a few people in in some emails so I thought I would look through my sent folder and see what I had already written.
These are my responses in email conversations so I hope no one feels violated if they reconise any of these responses.
What I'm thinking
is that I need to say something in a timely manner. And going through his pictures and posting them isn't going to convey the infomation that this has changed from a SOS to an meoral.
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