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My beautiful Barney didn't make it

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  • Diane
    Hi everyone, A couple of emailers from this group who have been so kind to me, encouraged me to write to the group about this. It is hard to share this news,
    Message 1 of 5 , Sep 3, 2007
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      Hi everyone,

      A couple of emailers from this group who have been so kind to me,
      encouraged me to write to the group about this. It is hard to share
      this news, since I only just became a member. I posted that my 15
      year old cat might have HCM...and we had to put him to sleep on
      Sunday right about at this time - 7:30 pm Eastern Standard.

      I am so sad and confused. He was doing fine, and he developed an odd
      bruising and a swollen paw after his last vet visit. When we went
      for treatment for the paw, they found the bruise and there was no
      explanation. Then his face swelled and I called the vet right away.
      The final theory was that he had autoimmune disease triggered by his
      distemper vaccination on 7/27. By the time he was seen, he was full
      of fluid leaking from blood vessels. The treatment is steroids, and
      then perhaps an autoimmune drug. It was dependent on his getting rid
      of the fluid before it encroached on his lungs and heart. The vets
      all said it was something they had not seen before. I called several
      times on Sunday and he was doing fine, but they discouraged visits as
      they are the only hospital in the area open on Sunday. By 4:00 pm
      yesterday, received a call from the vet saying he was doing well and
      responding to treatment, but they would like to see more fluid go, so
      they wanted to give him more steroids. I said okay. By 5:00 his
      lungs were filling up and we had to go to the hospital. The vet said
      she was going to tap his lungs to get the fluid out, but she was
      afraid they would fill again and we needed to have a "game plan".

      When we got there, she brought Barney in and his breathing was
      labored. She didn't speak with us for at least 20 minutes. I wanted
      him tapped right away or we would let him go. We asked when he would
      be tapped, she kept saying soon, but didn't do it. Finally she
      looked at him, said he was having a seizure and rushed him out to
      give a seizure med. (He looked the same to me.) Within minutes after
      that, he went into respiratory arrest, and I had them put him to
      sleep immediately.

      I feel so awful to have lost him, to know that he might have had a
      chance with earlier treatment, to feel that I allowed him to suffer
      those last few hours. He could have been home with me and gone more
      peacefully. I also am frustrated at what happened in the hospital.
      I feel they were very caring and tried their best, but that
      communication wasn't thorough enough at the end to have saved him
      some suffering. I also would have liked to have been with him more
      the last day, and to have been able to stop her running from the room
      to do the seizure treatment.

      I feel such raw pain. I have lost such an important part of my
      family. I don't know how to handle it

      I don't know what else to say, but thank you for allowing me to
      share.

      Diane
    • anglophile1962
      I am so sorry for your loss. I cried when I read your letter because I have been there before, with my dog and my daughter s baby bunny. Too many questions,
      Message 2 of 5 , Sep 3, 2007
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        I am so sorry for your loss. I cried when I read your letter because I
        have been there before, with my dog and my daughter's baby bunny. Too
        many questions, too much hurt and a lot of anger. It is a natural part
        of grief to feel shock, then anger, then self-blame and despair and
        eventually calm. I am still angry about the treatment my dog Kaiser
        received over 12 years ago and furious still at myself for the things I
        didn't do that I should have done. All up, this helps no one especially
        yourself.
        I hope you can get through this. I don't need to tell you to have a
        good cry, you will already be doing that, but sometimes that's the only
        way to deal with it. If you feel you were not treated correctly by your
        vets, then when you are calmer and able, send them an email or note
        telling them how you feel. I never vented my anger face to face with my
        dog's killer (our vet at time ) and so I've never gotten over it. If
        you have questions, then ask until you are content with the answers.
        That's all you can do.
        Keep in touch and take care
      • amanda
        Hi Diane, I`m so sorry to hear of your lost, but please don`t blame yourself , I have always blamed myself too whenever I lost a cat, but really you did your
        Message 3 of 5 , Sep 4, 2007
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          Hi Diane, I`m so sorry to hear of your lost, but please don`t blame yourself , I have always blamed myself too whenever I lost a cat, but really you did your best. please feel free to email the group anytime as sharing your grief with others who understand will help you get through these sad times. God bless , hugs and prayers Amanda & Silver chan.

          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • Janie
          You poor girl Barney is well now and ok and you must think of it that way. I had almost the same experience. When I asked about a clot I didnt know about his
          Message 4 of 5 , Sep 4, 2007
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            You poor girl Barney is well now and ok and you must think of it that
            way. I had almost the same experience. When I asked about a clot I
            didnt know about his shots and all. Speedy had had her shots and had an
            immune problem in her foot so they gave a shot of depo. She started
            panting and they said it was from the depo and I listened I had every
            test done but the echo as I didnt get it offered. She threw a clot and
            was horrible over Labor day we went to the emergency and they said I
            should put her to sleep she was so sick I did it and I wished I could
            go back and take her to Purdue the second she got sick. Drs try to give
            my cats depo and I will not give it to a heart kitty as my cardiologist
            says no. I still am bothered by this from 1999. So its always in your
            head. Since your kitty started seizures too Barney sounded bad. Im sure
            you did the right thing and maybe spared him some discomfort. You will
            never know. Try to think that way and I know hes with all of our
            friends now being Barney. He misses you but wants you to help other
            friends in need. Please keep writing on this site as long as you want.
            My last heart baby passed in March and I have no heart Kittys now just
            fiv+ but I have been on here since 1999 and I cant get off. To help
            someone or give support. This is the place to write anything as most of
            us have been there and we will help you. Your in our prayers > Janie
          • sunlightjs1
            Hi Diane: I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my heart kitty to HCM a little over a year ago and although the situation was different I understand the
            Message 5 of 5 , Sep 4, 2007
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              Hi Diane:

              I am so very sorry for your loss. I lost my heart kitty to HCM a
              little over a year ago and although the situation was different I
              understand the terrible pain you are feeling completely.

              My boy was the love of my life and I truly did not know how I would
              go on. I never thought I could cry so many tears. But believe
              everyone when they say in time it gets better. It does. Sometimes
              it seems like it never will but it does. You never stop missing
              them but the pain becomes easier to bear and you start to remember
              the happy times and smile.

              Ask your doctors as many questions as you need to. Understanding
              everything that happened will help. Cry as much as you need to and
              for as long as you need to. And don't let anyone tell you that you
              should be "over it" or that Barney was "just a pet". Our kitties
              are so much more than our best friends.

              You did everything you could for Barney. He loves you and knows how
              much you loved him and he is watching over you. Look for signs from
              him and they will be there. I never believed that way before but I
              do now.

              Take care of yourself.

              Jill

              --- In feline-heart@yahoogroups.com, "Diane" <rddugan@...> wrote:
              >
              > Hi everyone,
              >
              > > I feel such raw pain. I have lost such an important part of my
              > family. I don't know how to handle it
              >
              > I don't know what else to say, but thank you for allowing me to
              > share.
              >
              > Diane
              >
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