Max passed away
- My beloved boy died last night at the emergency room. His lungs became overtaken with fluid and they could not save him. His heart could no longer support his life. He passed away in an oxygen cage, without my being in his presence. He was gasping for air. I used to envision that I held him in a loving and gentle embrace, and that when time to pass, an angel would enfold him in her wings and help him cross over...almost seamlessly so that he wouldn't feel the terror and pain in between. It did not happen and for that I am so so sorry. I pray that he knows I did not abandon him in his greatest time of pain and fear. Maybe I should have helped him cross over earlier instead of trying "heroic measures." In my heart, I knew he was not going to make it. They called him "critical" but said they had seen turn-arounds in animals in his condition...although not commonly. I told them I would give them a chance, but that I could not allow him to languish in his suffering for too long if they saw that it wasn't helping. Max did not respond to any treatment. Instead, he suffered and he died in an oxygen cage with strangers around him, gasping to breathe. The workers were loving and kind, and said that after great struggle, his heart just stopped. He was not with me, but was sorrounded by some of the kindest people I have ever encountered in an animal hospital. They were as loving to me, as I believe they were to Max.
I just don't know if perhaps I should have let him go earlier. I guess then I would have wondered if I might have saved him. He had a sweet life, and I wanted his passing to be gentle. I especially wanted to be there and help him.
I am in more pain then I can say. I know so many of you understand. Max is a part of me. I cannot imagine that I will not hold him or see him again. Right now, as I sit and type in my chair, Max would have been sitting on my lap. In fact, he was in my arms more hours of the day then not, burying himself in my arms as if he wished he and I were somehow "one." I can literally feel my chest aching because I can't feel him in my arms.
He lived for 14 months after being diagnosed, and lived well. For that I am thankful. They gave him about a month or two at most to live when he was initially diagnosed and was so critical. He fooled them all. In fact, It was hard to 'remember' he was sick most of the time because he played so hard, and loved so much, and ate so much (almost too much! ) He died a huge boy, weighing an appropriate 16 pounds. (his ideal weight) I really believe that the supplements made a huge difference. Life gave him back to me last year, after being at death's door. Sometimes I called it "the second coming of Max!"
Thank you for the incredible information and heartfelt support from this group.
Cherish each and every moment with your friend....each day, each second is such a gift.
I will try to post some pictures of him soom
Bless all of you, and your precious animals
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