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How to give pills to cats and dogs

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  • Deena
    Can anyone relate to this? How to give pills to cats and dogs CATS: 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 21, 2004
      Can anyone relate to this?


      How to give pills to cats and dogs

      CATS:
      1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if
      holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side
      of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding
      pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. Allow
      cat to close mouth and swallow.
      2. Remove pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in
      left arm and repeat process.
      3. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.
      4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear
      paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back
      of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
      5. Remove pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
      spouse from garden.
      6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front
      and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold
      head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth.
      Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
      7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap.
      Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep
      shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for
      gluing later.
      8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head
      just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
      force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
      9. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans, drink 1
      beer to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and
      remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
      10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Open another
      beer. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head
      showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat
      with elastic band.
      11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on
      hinges. Drink beer. Fetch bottle of scotch. Pour shot, drink. Apply
      cold compress to cheek and check records for data of last tetanus
      jab. Apply whiskey compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back another
      shot. Throw away shredded T-shirt and fetch new one from bedroom.
      12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve the friggin cat from tree across
      the road. Apologize to the neighbor who crashed into fence while
      swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil wrap.
      13. Tie the little buggers's front paws to rear paws with garden
      twine and bind tightly to leg of dining room table, find heavy-duty
      pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large
      piece of fillet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and
      pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
      14. Consume remainder of Scotch. Get spouse to drive you to the
      emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm
      and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way
      home to order new table.
      >
      DOGS
      1. Wrap it in bacon, drop on floor...
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