Merlyn went peacefully and gently up to be with the Angels at the
Rainbow Bridge right around 5:45 this evening.
My husband, Mike, got an earlier flight from New York and made it home
about 1/2 hour before Dr. Dawn and Mandy, one of the vet techs, came
to our house. They were so gentle and so caring, we couldn't have
asked for any better people to help send our Dear Merlyn Cat on.
We never questioned our (mine, Mike's & Merlyn's) decision to help
him cross, but it was hard to think of him not being here in the
morning when we wake up. The last few days have been very hard for us
all, his little body was just shutting down. Nothing we did in the
last few days made any difference. He wouldn't eat at all, although
he did keep drinking and using the litter box, bless his heart, even
this morning when his back end was so wobbly and weak, he still made
it to the litter box. That's our Gentleman Cat :)
Zach,our 5 year old, was home when Dr. Dawn arrived, and he hugged and
kissed Merlyn good-bye; he and I had talked at great length earlier in
the day about how Merlyn was going to die today, and that the doctor
was coming to help him go gently and without pain. But, Mike and I
didn't want him in the room with us when she administered the shot so
the great neighbor boys who are 9 & 11 came over and asked him to come
play by prearrangement. Zach cried with me a bit this afternoon, and
he asked some questions (mostly "Why does Merlyn have to die?"), and
then we got out the photo albums and took out all the pages with
Merlyn in them and laid them on the kitchen table. I told him stories
about when Merlyn was a kitten, and we laughed and "oohed" and "ahhed"
over them all.
Anyway, after she arrived and Zach said his goodbyes, Dr. Dawn
explained what would happen, and then gave us some time alone before
she began. Because Merlyn was so dehydrated, she did a catheter
first, and shaved a bit of fur off his foreleg and I'll be keeping
that. I just kept telling him over and over "I love you" until Dr.
Dawn listened to his heart and told us he'd passed.
It went more quickly than I remembered, but it was gentle and
peaceful. As she finished administering the shot, Merlyn laid his
head back on my shoulder (I was holding him like a baby) and took a
deep breath. He was more relaxed than I'd seen him in a long time,
and that was good. As I said, I just kept saying softly "I love you"
and "It's ok to go now." I do believe I felt his spirit leave his
body, it was a strange, but comforting feeling ....
After Dr. Dawn & Mandy left (they were so gentle with Merlyn, and
carried him with such reverance outside -- honestly, that was the
hardest part: watching them drive off and shutting the front door),
Mike and I sat for a while, crying some, talking a bit. Then we got
Zach and the guys went to get some dinner to bring home. I thought
I'd probably sit and cry a bit, but I didn't. I sat for a while and
held his fleece mat, but mostly I smiled ...
I do feel a bit numb, but also feel a great deal of peace. I know
this will hit me later, several times I'm sure, but right now, peace.
In fact, at dinner's grace tonight, we had a toast to Merlyn.
I was so blessed by his choosing me to be his girl, and we had 17
wonderful amazing years together. I am so lucky he was, and is, a
part of my family. I miss him already; I told Mike after the doctor
left, the house felt so empty, so quiet. I know Merlyn is up in
Heaven, racing about, rejoicing in his newly healed body.... and
that gives me such joy, I can't describe it. I will miss him cuddling
up against me, curling up with me, nudging me, even being a pain
in the neck like only Merlyn could be. I will miss all of that the
rest of my life. Merlyn was my Once In A Lifetime Cat. There will be
other cats, and dogs, but I don't expect to find another pet
soul-mate. I told Merlyn we'd honor his life by adopting others for
life, but that they would only ever be successors, not replacements.
I have been graced by his life -- he gave me so much, and only at
the End together do I feel that I was able to repay just a small
portion of all that he gave me. I miss him. I will cry over him not
being here. But I know we'll be together again, and that is peace.
In the meantime, we have asked that he be creamated and his
ashes returned to us. Mike is going to build a special urn for him.
There is so much in my aching heart that I can't begin to put into
words. I do know, however, that it is in great part due to this list
and all of you on it that allowed us to help Merlyn live a happy, full
and comfortable year and a half past his diagnosis. Thank you so much
for all of your wise words, helpful hints, and compassion.
I will be off-list for a while -- I wish you all the best with your
furbabies. Love them well. And look tonight in the sky for Heaven's
newest star and make a wish ....
Ever grateful to you all,
Tully & Angel Merlyn