9353Lil Lady's last day (long)
- Feb 1, 2003All of you know that I had a terrible time coming to this decision. It was not until the last morning when Lady just seemed to be saying "no more, please" about the assist feedings and was so terribly pitiful that I decided. We went to the vet and I asked him wht he would do; he said if she were his cat, this is what he would do. If I could kept her without the force feeding, I might have, b/c I don't think she was in an immediate danger from the CHF and probably not from CRF. But the CHF had worsened so quickly the first time on Tuesday, I knew that that it could be a danger. Neither she nor I wanted another assist feeding and I just could not keep her here for my own sake. She let me know in her own way that she had had enough and I could not force her.
Of course, I had second thoughts all day and both my local vet and I talked with the Mempis vet specialist. We all concurred, since I was not willing to leave her in a 24 hour hospital setting at this point. I was NOT goingto
let die up there somewhere alone.
She was so tired and ready for it all to end. I cooked baked chicken for --her favorite, and
opend cans of cat food. If she would just eat, I would have taken it as a sign, but she had no interest.
Lady died peacefully around 6:00 pm at home, with my petting and loving her and tellinng her how much I loved her.. It actually took a long time, b/c her veins had gotten so bad that the vet had a hard time getting the IV shot
in. But he had given an IM shot earlier and she had fallen asleep with me holding her, so she was not aware of all that.
Lady's best catsitter was here, and afterwards one of her best friends came over. (I called a friend who is a pediatrician to come over, too, to be absolutely certain she was gone.) They stayed til late.
Waking up this morning with her gone is the hardest, and I know coming home at night from work to a house without her will be, too.
I have dreaded this day for years, wondering how badit would be, how I could come to the decision. We had a peaceful day after we got back yesterday
morning late from the vet's. She peed, laid in the box a long time, then pooped, and laid in the box (luckily both had gone over the edge, a long time habit of hers). She was so very tired. Then she got her on blanket in
my closet and I eventually took a small electric radiator in there to keep her warmer, since she would not get on her heated bed.
It was so wonderful not having to force medicine and food down her throat. I did give subqs yesterday morning before the vet trip and a little more again about 4:00 pm to make her feel better, and since she loved the feeling
of subqs. She purred and slept most of the time. I stayed with her and petted and hugged her. Later I spent about an hour brushing her with her zoom groom (her favorite) and her tiny little rubber brush under her chin, just before the vet arrived.
She stayed on my bed after the doctor left for several hours. I could not bear to move her (and I wanted to be sure she was really gone). Now she's curled up in one of her beds, and a friend and I will take her to the pet
crematorium today for a private cremation. I will pick up her ashes Monday or Tuesday.
In retrospect, and having been through the last week, I now realize how luckey I was from the time of her diagnosis in October 2000. After the first few weeks of getting subqs and pepid straight, she had very little
vomiting and very few days where she did not feel well and comfortable and happy. Especially the last year she never ate as much as I wanted, but she was always a picky eater and we could assist feed. Although she did not like that, she tolerated it and ate on her own, too.
Until the last few days, when her attitude about the assist feedings really changed. Up until Monday she enjoyed going outside, lying in the sun in the kitty atriumor the flower bed, digging around outside to find the old k/d I threw out for the birds or raccoons, and just enjoying life. Monday was her last time for that. Tuesday was the chest tap, and she never walked around again after that.
I would not change this last week although it gained us nothing but a few days of her being uncomfortable. I had to try and if I had pts Tuesday night I would have had even more doubts than now. I don't think you can ever make this kind of life and death decision for another without some second thoughts, but I feel that Lady was ready and I was not willing, the way she was acting and felt, to force her any longer.
Having seen her this last week, when she did nothing but sit in bed and go to the litter when absolutely necessary, stopping to lie down and rest at least once on the short walk over, I now really appreciate the last two
years and how happy and comfortable she was. This group gave me that, and I know that she would have been gone long ago without this group, and that her last days would have been much worse.
Thanks to all of you. The sweetest little cat in the whole world thanks you, too.
I have always called Lil Lady "my littlest angel" b/c she was originally the only female out of a group of three kitties. Now she really is an angel.
I hope I will one day see her again.
Cindy and Lil Lady, angel kitty 6/2/84 - 1//31/03
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