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RE: [XP] Silver Bullet

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  • Bryan Dollery
    Ron Jeffries spate Following a recent opprobrious attack by Obersturmfuhrer Jeffries have made it necessary for me to reply. ... See that dirty clump of
    Message 1 of 6 , Nov 1, 2001
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      Ron Jeffries spate

      Following a recent opprobrious attack by Obersturmfuhrer Jeffries have made
      it necessary for me to reply.

      > Around Wednesday, October 31, 2001, 7:48:51 PM, Bryan Dollery wrote:
      >
      > > XP is a silver bullet, a universal panacea.
      >
      > Come on, this is ridiculous. "Universal panacea" is redundant. This
      > whole posting is wrong, from the very beginning.

      See that dirty clump of washing at the bottom of the washing basket that
      nobody ever gets round to doing, unless an old relative is visiting. That's
      you that is, that's your best work clothes.

      > > It's how we behave, it's what we think, and we're right.
      >
      > I am right. The rest of you are but pale echoes of that rightness.
      > Whether you think is open to dispute.

      Now we're beginning to get at the truth. In a moment of blind anger Ron
      opens himself up for critical decomposition. We see here the statement, "I
      am right", he isn't declaring his correctness here, but is actually
      declaring himself to be a personification of the universal principal of
      correctness, if you like, an avatar of the God of Truth. This is evidenced
      by his notion that we are all nothing but echoes of his exalted form,
      remember, "and man was made in his image". He even goes as far as to tell us
      that, compared to him, our thought processes can't even be considered as
      such.

      The man is either a god, or is deluded. We can speculate on the truth, but
      only an experiment will confirm our speculations. The test of a man is in
      how well he dies...

      > > The world is, rightly, distrustful of panaceas, silver bullets,
      > but we know
      > > that this time we are right, and the world is wrong. Because of this
      > > distrust we deny that XP is a panacea, but that doesn't change
      > our private
      > > opinions.
      >
      > My private opinions are just that, private. Stop digging at them,
      > they're not for you and the likes of you. My public opinion is that XP
      > is the best thing I know of. You don't deserve even that much. Please
      > go to the end of the line.

      Here we find further clues as to his delusion. The world of psychiatry has
      long had a name for this disease, a disease in which the patient clearly
      believes that people are trying to invade their inner thoughts, are in fact
      trying to read their inner thoughts, they call it paranoid schizophrenia.
      Coupled with the paranoia is often a belief in one's personal divinity,
      which brings us back to my opening remarks.

      > > Okay, we're not stupid enough to think that the XP solution is *always*
      > > going to be right, the world changes, and at some point XP won't be the
      > > right answer any more, so we do continually check to see if things have
      > > changed, but we know that they haven't, not significantly.
      >
      > What?!?!? Absurd? Testing changed to feedback; Forty-hour week changed
      > to sustainable pace; Some new "Whole Team" folderol; the damn thing
      > changes all the time. No wonder no one can understand it, it's a
      > moving target. Add to that the fact that anyone who fails at it
      > clearly wasn't doing it right and it's like snatching a fly out of the
      > air with chopsticks: it only happens in fantasy.

      The subtext here is subtle, but still discernable, to the practiced eye. Ron
      says that XP is like something that can only be practiced by fantastic
      gurus, the likes of which can only be found in Hollywood films, and fantasy
      books. We know from past experience that he thinks that he is the only
      person in the world who can truly do XP. So, bringing these facts together
      allows us to see that Ron considers himself a mysterious, action hero,
      perhaps a bit like Clint Eastwood's lone rider.

      Obviously, having seen the pictures, this is only a mental image, an
      ego-centric delusion.

      > > We're also continually looking for ways to expand the ideas in
      > XP, without
      > > ever really expecting to be able to do so. We apply it to
      > everything, right
      > > now I'm writing a paper to show how XP is what musicians do
      > (unless they're
      > > classical musicians, obviously), some one on this group has
      > applied it to
      > > painting, we apply it to everything.
      >
      > A silly and pointless paper, without a doubt. The points have already
      > been made by Michael Feathers months ago, and Mozart proved years ago
      > that you have to design music before you play it.

      Ah, now we're getting to the crux of the matter. Although it takes an expert
      in psychological analysis to see it, here Ron is openly admitting to being a
      'pillow biter'.

      > A far more important and substantive contribution will be my own
      > forthcoming paper relating Extreme Programming to the events occurring
      > in the first few microseconds after the big bang. In that same paper,
      > tentatively entitled "Life, Extreme Programming, and Everything", I'll
      > show that the dance of the honeybee is based on Beck's rules of code
      > simplicity and that the Disney song "Circle of Life", when played
      > backward, contains the complete text of "Smalltalk Best Practice
      > Patterns".

      Perhaps Ron is crying out for help with this statement. Perhaps not. Its
      difficult to tell, for he has fallen so far into his now psychotic fantasies
      that even I find it difficult to decipher the occult meaning of the words.
      Perhaps it really is a code, meant for someone else in the group. Perhaps
      he's trying to get me; sending smoke signals as it were to his fellow
      conspirators. I'll have to watch my back.

      > > Although it has never been stated as one I believe that honesty
      > is one of
      > > the principles of XP, it is the bastard child of Courage and
      > Communication.
      >
      > This is a flawed, I may say without fear of contradiction, not that I
      > won't be contradicted but I'm not afraid of it, idea. Honesty is a
      > derived principle of XP, as the OP OPines, but it derives from
      > Simplicity. It's just too much trouble to keep track of lies.

      Ah, so you admit it then, you're after me.

      > > We're not being honest. We think that XP is a panacea, so lets
      > be honest,
      > > and courageous, and say so.
      >
      > Here we see the truth, or more accurately, the lies of the OP's
      > claims. He clearly states, clearly using the "editorial we", "We're
      > not being honest". We can readily deconstruct this text. He means "we
      > are being honest", indicating, of course, as is obvious, that we do
      > not know the truth, will not know the truth, and cannot know the
      > truth. It is not given to us to know the truth: we must pay around
      > thirty dollars for the truth, more in other countries. See, for
      > example, http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0201616416/armatiesA .

      Eureka, at last, an open admission of guilt. We see here that Ron views me
      as his editor. That is why he has been sending people, no lets be straight
      about this, assassins, after me for the last few months. I thought that Kent
      looked suspicious last month, now I know what was really in the guitar case.

      > The conclusion is simple, and is best summed up in a quotation from
      > that underground XP movie, Starship Troopers:
      >
      > We're in this for the species, boys and girls!
      >
      > Now get back out there and kill those Bugs!

      Bugs, bugs!!! How dare you call me a bug, and don't try to enlist the rest
      of this group Jeffries, I know now, I'm onto you. I've informed the FB-I of
      your complicity and your plot. I have made exoteric your plans, you'll not
      succeed.

      > Ron Jeffries

      The Devil

      > www.XProgramming.com

      Recruiting ground for an international conspiracy.


      --Bryan
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