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Re: [XP] Motivation to Complete Stories

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  • Ron Jeffries
    ... For me, measured and carefully couched are pretty synonymous. I tried very hard in that posting to express my truth as I held it, and not to let the
    Message 1 of 161 , Apr 1 5:33 AM
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      On Friday, April 1, 2005, at 7:08:23 AM, Ilja Preuss wrote:

      > Ron Jeffries wrote:
      >> On Friday, April 1, 2005, at 12:58:06 AM, Kent Beck wrote:
      >>
      >>> Thank you for your measured response.
      >>
      >> Thank you for noticing. It did not come without effort.

      > Mhh, I wonder - does "measured" constitute a different feeling for you (you
      > all) than "carefully couched" in regards to this subthread, and if so, in
      > which way?

      For me, "measured" and "carefully couched" are pretty synonymous.

      I tried very hard in that posting to express my truth as I held it,
      and not to let the reader's hearing of that truth be twisted or
      distorted by the very real feelings of hurt that were and are going
      on inside me. Those are certainly part of my truth, and perhaps in
      time they need to be talked about, but my primary interest here is
      in advancing our understanding of what we can do at work, and how to
      do it.

      Readers have probably noticed that when I'm very pissed off, my
      words become even more measured than in the posting referred to
      here. They get pretty cold, and I imagine that the attentive reader
      can hear that my teeth are gritted. If I send a message in that
      format, readers should consider that I may have allowed that feeling
      to show, on purpose.

      The "measured" response was beyond that. It was several drafts in,
      and I was down from my high dudgeon to a sort of low-middle dudgeon.
      My teeth weren't gritted, and I was able, I hope, to express myself
      clearly and without prejudice.

      I could have replied with another truth, in the classical
      "Imperative, pronoun, comma, proper-noun" format. I didn't think
      that would advance the conversation, or our understanding, nor that
      it would enhance my image in the eyes of the people I care about. I
      considered that alternative and made my choice.

      I believe that how we say things matters. I believe that because how
      people say things to me matters to me, and because I have seen
      people behave in ways that seem to be related to how I say things to
      them. I think it's wise to make use of that observation. I try to
      make use of it for good, because I happen to have changed alignment
      over the years, from Chaotic Neutral to Chaotic Good. Contrary to
      some opinions, apparently.

      Thanks for asking. I'm really interested in what other people have
      to say about how we phrase our individual truths for best impact,
      and what they mean by "best impact".

      Ron Jeffries
      www.XProgramming.com
      I have tried in my way to be free. -- Leonard Cohen
    • Ilja Preuss
      ... Good point, thanks! I suspect that, again, this isn t black or white, but that there is a balance somewhere. Need to muse about it... Regards, Ilja
      Message 161 of 161 , Apr 22 3:33 AM
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        extremeprogramming@yahoogroups.com wrote:
        > Ilja,
        >
        > Sometimes it feels nice being around people who know my
        > quirks and are willing to cut me slack around them. But, I
        > learn more and grow around people who expect me to manage
        > myself and my reactions.

        Good point, thanks!

        I suspect that, again, this isn't black or white, but that there is a
        balance somewhere. Need to muse about it...

        Regards, Ilja
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