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Re: [existlist] dislike sex- a discussion of divorce?

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  • james tan
    hi rodolfo, thanks for sharing. i have met a woman in her 60s, who recently discovered that her husband is having an affair and even have a child out of this.
    Message 1 of 12 , Jul 21 8:52 AM
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      hi rodolfo,

      thanks for sharing. i have met a woman in her 60s, who recently discovered
      that her husband is having an affair and even have a child out of this. she
      was very devastated (and went into the mental hospital, which is where i
      have met her casually). for some reasons, she refused to divorce, although
      she cannot accept the fact of her husband's extramarital affair. am not in
      charge of her directly, but am studying into it. there is not just the
      practical problems involved in resisting divorce, but psychological ones as
      well. maybe just like me, u have thought about it, and i'd like to hear ur
      opinions concerning the psychological reasons behind. ur insight will be
      appreciated.

      james.


      From: rodoa3@...
      Reply-To: existlist@yahoogroups.com
      To: existlist@yahoogroups.com
      Subject: Re: [existlist] dislike sex- a discussion of divorce?
      Date: Mon, 8 Jul 2002 15:44:11 EDT

      James, I cannot tell you what the actual reasons for my parents
      staying
      married is. To do that I'd probably have to get into their heads and learn
      things that they didn't even know they knew. I'm suggesting that they are
      almost programmed to think that it is that much more important to provide
      their children with a typical nuclear family than to have self-fufillment.
      The ability to provide their children with a "life that is better than their
      lives were" probably factors in too. I have to think that my parents
      learned
      these ideas from their own parents, whom, if I am correctly informed, didn't
      have very fufilling relationships either. I think my parents are in one of
      those generations that has been exposed to a new and shiny alternative to
      the
      traditional lifestyle, yet they are too afraid to actually break the old
      social traditions and rules. That's not to say that divorce is the right
      choice for everyone, it's just an alternative and I think it would just
      happen to be a good choice for my parents.
      And about that whole "intellectual equals" make better marriages, I
      think intelligence has nothing to do with happiness or happiness in marriage
      for that matter. Two dumb rednecks can argue for just as long as two
      hispanic grad school students. Either couple may or may not come to a
      compromise and there is no reason why the grad school students won't agree
      to
      disagree and end up leading completely seperate lives. I see the latter
      being more likely myself. My experience would lead me to believe that
      intellectual equality in a relationship, especially between people of high
      intellect, has a more destructive effect than intellectual inequality.
      Rodolfo III




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