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validation and agreement

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  • Mandy Bright
    ... From: Randy Zeitman To: abright@echidna.stu.cowan.edu.au Date: Tuesday, 29 August 2000 8:49
    Message 1 of 1 , Aug 29, 2000
      -----Original Message-----
      From: Randy Zeitman <randzman@...>
      To: abright@... <abright@...>
      Date: Tuesday, 29 August 2000 8:49
      Subject: Re: [existlist] Digest Number 183

      >>When it comes to the concept of "multiple truths due to different
      >>perceptions", there is room for people to have paid attention to
      >>different details of a situation, or interpretted the meaning of
      >>events differentlyand therefore draw different conclusions. Their
      >>arguments about why x follows y might be different - but they can
      >>still be logical arguments and result in conclusions that are based
      >>on "truth" and therefore "valid".
      >It doesn't seem semantics, it seems to be the very definition. You
      >said you acknowledge it as valid, that means you agree with
      >it...that's what validating is...finding agreement.
      >>I study psychology and my belief that different belief systems can
      >>be valid is central to how I work with clients. So for example, a
      >>hypothetical client might tell me that she believes "you can't trust
      >>anyone". She goes on to explain that she was abused by her parents,
      >>the very people who should have cared for when she was growing up;
      >>her best friend stole her boyfriend in high school; her employer
      >>sacked her right after she netted a lucrative contract for the
      >>company etc, etc, .... There is plenty of evidence to support her
      >>"personal truth" that people can not be trusted. Although that is
      >>not my personal view, I can certainly recognise that her belief
      >>system is "valid" and I might say to her something along the lines
      >>of "I can understand how somebody who had those experiences would
      >>come to the conclusion that it is safer not to trust people". I
      >>accept her belief as valid - and I continue to disagree with it on a
      >>personal level.
      >You don't at all disagree with it, you said so, you simply don't
      >share it. There is ample evidence Republicans and Democrats can do
      >good...it's not my choice to vote for either of them.
      >Agreeing with her belief system doesn't mean it's the same as
      >yours...it means you recognize her evidence as valid. (I could even
      >say one way to define therapy is 'evidence evaluation sessions'.)
      >"In the best relationships sex is the booby prize."
      >"I'm gotten so out of shape sittin' at the computer all day that I
      >get out of breath when I have to reach for the percent key!"
      >- Zeitman

      Hi Randy,

      You wrote

      "Validation *means* finding agreement."

      Does it?
      I think validation means "to confirm"
      I think agreement means "being of the same opinion"

      So, when you commented on my example of validating someon else's belief
      system by saying

      "You don't at all disagree with it, you said so, you simply don't
      >share it. "

      I thought - not sharing an opinion is the same as not agreeing with it.

      and when you wrote

      "Agreeing with her belief system doesn't mean it's the same as
      >yours...it means you recognize her evidence as valid. "

      I thought - Yes, I recognised her evidence as valid - I confirmed she had
      drawn conclusions that were logical, given her experiences, that is what I
      mean by "validation". However, I certainly do not share her opinion - so,
      I do not agree with her belief system on a personal level.

      I think semantics has played a big part in this discussion - we are using
      the same words to express different meanings and therefore our understanding
      of what each other means has been confused!

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