Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.
 

The Mystical REUNION Event

Expand Messages
  • Dick.
    THE EXCEPTIONAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE NETWORK 414 Rockledge Road, New Bern, NC 28562. USA Exceptional Human Experience: Volume 13, Number 2. December 1995
    Message 1 of 4 , Jan 29 6:41 PM
      THE EXCEPTIONAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE NETWORK
      414 Rockledge Road, New Bern, NC 28562. USA


      Exceptional Human Experience: Volume 13, Number 2. December 1995


      Abstracts of Articles in Part One.

      06923. Richardson, Dick. The Divine Reality: Transcendent and Immanent.

      Exceptional Human Experience, 1995 (DEC). 13(2), 10-27.

      This piece consists of five chapters excerpted from a book manuscript. Some briefer excerpts have been published in various periodicals, sometimes summarized. The book consists of experiential accounts; the author's interpretation of the experiences, and poetry based on his experiences. The primary experiences are presented here lightly edited and 'Americanized'. Described are the richest mystical encounter experiences I have ever read. They span a time period from 1963-1983. The initial experience happened when Richardson was age 24 and had sat down one evening to listen to some music and read the paper. The first 4 of 5 parts describes in great detail (etched in memory) the experiences he had that evening.

      The first 'Purgation', was "in some respects like being kidnapped by divine...perfection". The outer world was stripped away. In the second 'Isolation in Limbo', with his mind free in space, he was stranded in "nothing" and then fell into a "light hole". In the third, "Beyond the White: Circumincession of the Trinity of Being", one event was experienced from two reference points simultaneously and seemed to be a trinity. It ended when he and everything else ended... "I and the universe were no more. It was the end of time". There follows "Paradise: The Virgin Womb of Eternity, and a Unification in Resurrection". Here, "after a non duration of time there was a re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of annihilation as such, but the like of which could never be dreamed or imagined". In this, the longest section, his description is awesome.

      The final section, 'The Dark Side, (1963-1983): Dichotomy and Synthesis', describes the years between this first experience and a subsequent one 20 years later. In between he felt much ambivalence and confusion as he tried to incorporate what he had experienced while back in the everyday world, which was basically good in itself. He finally gave up the attempt and tried to forget what he had seen and known. "It was too good for me and it was too good for reality itself". He could not figure out the point of it all, try as he may. After a month or so he had a nightmare, waking in panic, sweat and even blood. He began to have psychic experiences in response to questions that concerned him. By age 40 all experiences had ceased. Then, one spring morning while picnicking with his wife and dog, he had an experience which, unlike the others, he could not possibly describe. The transcendent self he had known at age 24 became united with his "earthly self". The two experiences came together: "In transcendence the outer I had gone to IT; but here and now, on earth, IT, the implicate inner reality... had come to me".

      This work HAS to be read ! R.A.W

      EDITOR: Rhea A. White



      [EHE AUTOBIOGRAPHY: 2]

      THE DIVINE REALITY: TRANSCENDENT AND IMMANENT

      Dick Richardson


      PURGATION


      It was approximately 6.45 p.m. when a friend called me on the telephone to inquire if I would like to go over to his place for a few games of chess. I explained to him that I was baby sitting as my wife had just gone out for the evening with friends and would not be back until quite late. I was just on the verge of inviting him over to my place when, without thinking, I said that I would give it a miss tonight and simply have a bath and an early night. I did not know why I had said that, for I do not usually talk without thinking what I am going to say. Also, I did quite fancy the idea of a few games of chess and rarely ever turned down the opportunity. Nevertheless, having said it, I let it ride.

      The two youngsters were tucked up for the night and the paraphernalia of childhood joy was tidied up as I sat down at about 7 p.m. I had just placed a couple of large logs on the fire and put a record on the machine at random with the intent of a few minutes of peace and quiet before going up for a bath. If I had known in advance what was going to transpire over the course of the next three hours I would have employed a baby sitter and a witness to my own physical condition for the duration of that period of time.

      Thus it was that at approximately 7 p.m. on a late winter/early spring evening I, a mere ignoramus of twenty-four years of age, sat down for a few minutes to read the paper and listen to a record prior to having a bath and an early night.

      Just as I sat down in the chair in front of the fire our old cat jumped up on my lap. It took me by surprise for I had not seen it coming, and thus the thought of leaning over for the newspaper went right out of my mind. I made a fuss of the cat as it rolled over into the well of my lap with its legs pointing skyward. As I stroked its belly it gave out a purr that was almost as loud as a car engine revving and fit to rock the chair we were sitting in. I smiled and wondered how they did it, and why. I continued to make a fuss of the cat without any further thought of reading the paper. In so doing I suddenly became aware of the record I had put on simply for background music.

      It turned out to be the last part of the Enigma Variations which was to be followed later by the Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis by Vaughan Williams (how ironic are those two titles; fantasia and enigma indeed). At that time neither of those pieces were favorites of mine; it just happened to be the record I pulled out.
      The music began to sound like nothing I had ever heard before or since. It was as though the music were trying to make me aware of IT. It permeated my consciousness in ways that words cannot describe. I had a fleeting thought, one of those unsolicited 'pop in' thoughts, which said, "sod the paper, listen to the music old son"; and I thought, "Yeah... this is good"! In today's language I suppose we would say that the music was reaching parts that no other largo could get to. I had always loved music, music of all kinds, for it all had its time, place, and mood; but this was more than mere music, more than mere sound. I relaxed back into the rocking chair with the cat still purring away like a traction engine on my lap, although the sound was becoming drowned into the distance by the beauty of the music, when suddenly, something very strange occurred; and the beginning of I knew not what.

      Instead of relaxing, it was as though my concentration was becoming focused, so sharp; like a narrow beam of pointed conscious awareness focusing and concentrating like I had never done before, even in the midst of chess problems during a good game, and that alone is concentration enough, but this was more so. The music had reached a degree of profound beauty I had never known or thought could have existed. In so attaining I somehow relaxed into it, a kind of kind of letting go of objective observation. I gave a kind of unusual sigh and an outward exhalation of breath like a long AHH; and just as I did so everything vanished, instantaneously, just like creation being switched off by the throw of a switch.

      There was no room, no cat, no sound of the fire burning or the clock ticking; no cat purring, no chair, no body, no weight, no mass, no heat or cold, no gravity, no up or down or this way or that way; there was just total blackness and the sound of the music, which was passing through my consciousness in waves. This is not a poetic description of my listening to the music; it is literal. At the very instant of 'going' it was as though my ears had been turned inside out; for at one instant the music was objective, on the outside, and the next instant it was taking place all around, for there was no inside or outside as such. Nevertheless, it was as though the music was passing through the point (which I was) like waves on a pond, and each wave was of greater emotional charge than the one before it. It was as though each wave was preparing me for the next wave, and building up into... into I did not know what. In some respects it was like being kidnapped by divine music, perfection; the only thing that existed in creation was the music and myself. It was as though the 'AHH' was still going on but in the vastness of the space of the mind alone. It became a reality in which there was no dualistic reference between music, and myself but as though there was only 'I am the music' in a dance, a swoon of excitement, awe, and wonder.

      After an immeasurable duration of time that piece of music ended, and there was a stillness and quiet that cannot be described. I did not question (at that point) that I had no body or existence other than awareness of being. Neither would I have had the time to think of such things, for the next piece of music began. To say that the next piece of music began is the understatement of all time. It did not begin, it flowed. It flowed out of nothingness, like... like I know not what.
      Within a few seconds of the music emanating into my consciousness there came the most frightening experience I have ever known in my life, before or since. The passion and beauty of the sounds were such that my mind went... bang! I blew up, fell apart, exploded, or so it seemed. As I did so I could see, I had vision, I was no longer in total blackness listening to the music for I could see myself exploding and expanding. It seemed to be like the big bang itself.

      I could still hear the music, and it was just as well that I could for my mind clung to the sound to try and quell the fear and panic which was taking place. I could see what can only be described as streaked out dots of light which I was expanding into and flying through like a supernova. It was like I did not even have time to be frightened, even though I was. I was somehow trying to turn the eyes, which I had, away from the rushing lights and the vision of this expansion and concentrate upon the music. But those eyes (heaven only knows with what one could see - but see one could) were eyes that we cannot open or close by our own volition; one could not switch the vision or the experience off.

      Just as I thought I was going to expand into infinity and fade away into nothingness the expansion stopped. My mind gradually stopped expanding and I metaphorically gave a sigh of relief; but there was no breath or lungs with which to do it. At that point, it was as if I were in a kind of unbounded dome of blackness, and I consisted of nothing except a point of consciousness with no boundary or duration, no form; just consciousness. I could see what appeared to be tiny points of light coming into and out of existence all over the space within which I existed. It was much like the vision one would get with one's eyes nearly closed while seeing sunlight spots dancing on the surface of a fast-flowing river. It was like creation 'stuff' coming and going all the time. Throughout all this I could still hear the music. Then came the next shock to my system, if a system I had.

      The dots of light that seemed to be coming into and out of existence as far as one could see suddenly turned into the music, which I could hear, and I could not only hear the music but now also see it. There are no words to describe such music made of light. It is a vision unlike other vision. It cannot be recreated by imagination within the mind from hindsight; it can only be seen and known at the time of the event. I saw the music flowing toward me. It was in colors that we know and some that we do not know. The essential quality of the light was equal to that of the sound of the music. The light itself and the colors were not different things, as we tend to know colored light by reflections or as sources of light emanating from a certain point. The music was the light; the color was the light. It did not flow from anything except uncreated into created.

      The fear that I had experienced throughout the expansion or whatever it was had now gone and there was nothing but I and the music, which I was now within: I became the music; there was not an 'I' and an 'it.' As this event continued I became aware that I 'knew' the music. That is to say, I knew it backwards, forwards, inside out, one note at a time or all at once; and I could see it any way I wanted to see it. I could become the melody, which I did; I could become the harmony, which I did. I could be one note or the whole piece of the music. Reality is stranger than fiction; and a damn sight better.

      Whilst this divine dance of music in unison was going on I became aware that I was of two natures somehow enshrined in one. There came a point whilst I was swimming in this light and music when I became aware that I was looking at myself objectively, and it did not seem strange at the time.

      'Myself' did not consist of a body but only of light, but I knew it was me, and I thought, "The little one is having the time of his life" (which indeed he was), but the other me, or the me of the personality, did not know this was going on; only the other bit knew that. Likewise, all these things were not being thought about as we do out here in the world of temporal forms, but somehow they were just known, and seen, and felt, and enjoyed.

      I became aware at that point that there were two aspects of myself: one which I refer to as the person and one which I refer to as the personality. The latter is an extension and emanation of the former and thus a perceived duality, albeit a oneness in the structure of an interdimensional vortex of self-existence. I cannot refer to two 'I's,' thus I will use the terms person and personality for simplicity. It is not so much a case of two aspects of consciousness but more the case of what part of the vortex of emanation the consciousness is existing within at that instant. One cannot observe from both points of reference at the same instant, however; it is either one or the other. And it even gets far more complex. But let us proceed in the order of the unfolding events.

      At this point, and even though one was aware of what was going on at the time, one was not 'bothered about it' so to speak, for I was only really concerned about the love of the reality itself, the music, the sound, the vision, the event itself, for it was indeed a divine dance of the spheres. It was passion and reality unimaginable; it was creation par excellence, by magic. The shift from one point of consciousness to the other is not an act of willful intent on my (the personality's) part; it simply occurred as far as I was aware. How long this music and light experience lasted is impossible to say, for although it was a temporal process it was a kind of temporality other than is known in 'normal' or everyday awareness in temporal forms. Likewise, the visions and objects of vision were not thought of as extant things existing in their own right, such as a tree or a mountain, for it was known and understood to be being created at the time and only for its duration and effect.

      There came a point, however, when things changed. I suddenly had an entirely different vision. It was just at the point when I knew the music was going away, ending. My perspective of vision was such that I could see a being, a young boy of about twelve years of age, if appearances were anything to go by. He was illuminated in a brilliance of light and color, as the music had been, and existed in otherwise total darkness, but that darkness up around him was lighted like an aura. He was sitting on his bum (with nothing underneath him) with one arm wrapped around his knees, which were folded up to his chin, and waving good-bye to the music with the other hand. It was not a vision of any boy or person I had ever seen or known, but I knew that I had to take the vision as myself, yet not the self of the personality which I knew to be me. Indeed, it was the old me who was doing the observing and learning. Such archetypal visions are a kind of learning without any words. They are not reasoned or rationalized, and yet they are understood implicitly and without thinking about them. The experience is the thing itself and the knowledge and understanding is implicit and axiomatic. Thus, it is a dialogue without dialogue, and synetic in its nature.

      I could see the boy waving good-bye to the music, and I could see the music fading away into a distance and into nothingness, being uncreated just as easily as it had been created. I also implicitly knew what was going on inside him and how he felt. He did not want anything; he did not fear the music leaving him, for he loved it, and that was sufficient. I cannot find the words to describe the passion and feelings that child knew and felt; but he was perfect; and an act which I knew that I could not follow. As the music went further away the sound of it also diminished. It eventually faded away into nothingness, and the boy was alone in his own radiance in otherwise total blackness and nothingness. Then the vision disappeared, and there was nothing. I was alone with my boring old self, and once again able to think and rationalize in the usual manner and seemingly in the usual time span of thinking. Yet I was alone in a darkness in which I had no form other than conscious awareness.

      I realized that any perception or illusion of 'otherness,' or another part of myself, was gone and I was alone with my normal personality of the outside world. Yet the world was gone; everything was gone except my self-consciousness and its memories. What on earth (or elsewhere), is going on; and why? From hindsight one would assume that in such a situation one would be terrified, for it was like being buried alive (a good analogy). However, the thought of the music, which had preceded this situation, must have taken the fear away, even though I felt a feeling of great apprehension and a degree of worry. Is one going to be stranded here for all time maybe? Is this death? Or am I still sitting in the chair with my mind having slipped out of joint somehow?

      Have I gone insane? The thoughts that pass through one's mind are at times uncontrollable, and in this situation one does not know what to think. Surely if I just sit quiet (as if I could do anything other) and hang about something will happen; something must happen; I can't just hang about here forever; wherever 'here' is. Perhaps someone will come into the room soon and realize that my mind has got stuck inside and cart me off to a place to get it out again. It was however, the first chance I had to think about what the hell was going on; one minute I am sitting in the chair minding my own business and the next minute... zap, and the world has disappeared, or I from it - which is it? I knew for sure that I wanted out from whatever I was in but there was nothing I could do about it at all; for I had no control of anything. Just at that point, however, and before I had the chance to get really fed up, something did happen. I was just thinking how nice it would be to go into the kitchen and get a beer or a cup of coffee when something came. I could not see what it was for it was still total darkness, but I could somehow feel the presence of something I knew not what... Then I heard a voice!

      To say that one heard a voice is not true in the sense that one normally hears a voice in objective terms across a distance, but it was indeed very much like it and also sounded within my mind or consciousness somehow. It was as though the point of origin was somehow objective, yet from a location from deeper down within myself somehow: thus, objective 'inwards,' not 'outwards,' from 'below' as opposed to 'around' me. Something said, or gave me the understanding by way of perceiving a voice; "Do you want to go on?" I cannot describe how I felt about that. Nothing would actually shock me (I think) after what had transpired since the world had disappeared. Yet this 'request' was experienced as totally objective; it was not me that was asking the question; it was something else.

      I was too stunned to even think about the meaning of the question yet alone where it came from; for something, even an odd sounding voice, was better than nothing at all, if indeed it was a voice. Without thinking I inwardly yelled out (for the lack of putting it into other words, and more in panic); "Go on what"?


      "Go on further," came the reply or understanding.


      I was amazed at the logic and reasoning, but I wanted nothing else other than normality to be re-established. I was just about to reply (for if you can't beat it join it), "No thanks; I have had a wonderful time, thank you very much, but I think it's about time that I was getting back to normality right now, if it's all the same to you"! (You might as well go out laughing, I thought).

      As I was about to respond, however, I was suddenly washed, bathed, drowned in a passion, a love, a swoon of ecstasy; to which I responded in a way which was a kind of choice which was no choice - an offer one cannot refuse. (And not the kind of bath I had intended.) I replied to whatever, or wherever, the question emanated from... "OK, let's do it, let's go on further"! I did not even know what the question meant let alone from whence it came.

      The next thing I was aware of was that the profound overwhelming emotion had gone and I was then alone again; but something was different... stone me, my mind is BENT... out of shape, distorting! I was now experiencing not 'nothing' but decidedly being inside of something - inside my own mind, which was being squeezed out of shape. Why is my mind not round? (The things one thinks at such a time.) It was as if I could see the edges of my own mind in a fuzzy darkness, with my consciousness being like a point at its center. Also, my mind was being squeezed out of shape, or so it seemed. It was narrower at one point than at the other; a bit like a pear. I underwent an experience of being squeezed, and I did not like it one bit. I became very anxious; or near on panic is more like it. I had a distinct urge to try to punch a hole in my collapsing mind in order to get out, escape, before being squashed along with it.

      I yelled out: "Oy, there's some sod out there pulling my mind around and I cannot stop it." I felt real panic coming on fast. The restricting became worse. "If you don't pack it in I am going to be squashed inside it... sod off"! I was about to hurl other choice obscenities when all of a sudden I heard the voice again.... "Relax, take it smoothly"!

      I was just about to reply 'bugger off' when I suddenly started moving. "Relax, he says... stone me... I'm moving... the whole bloody shebang is sliding away and with me inside it"! "Good grief almighty what the hell is happening"!? "Relax, everything is as it should be, keep calm and relax"! "Relax, he says, who's driving this thing anyway... how do I know its passed its bloody driving test? "And where is it going anyway... go on tell me that"? "Keep quiet, shut up and relax"! With that command, or suggestion, I was stunned to the core. "Oh yes, relax... OK, I'll relax"! Bloody liar I thought to myself, who the hell could relax in a situation like this... this is too ridiculous for words or thought... let alone happening! The moving began to judder; we were up against something of a resistance (me I guess)... "Relax"! "I am relaxing"! (Why can't I be unconscious or dead or something)! I tried hard to think on good things as one does in the dentist's chair while under diabolical pain; although there was no pain here, only fear.

      "Make out nothing's happening," I thought to myself. The juddering felt like whatever was clogging the works was fighting a losing battle in some inevitable way. There was a huge tug, then a release. I zoomed off like a bullet from a gun; into, or out of, what I knew not.

      I did not know it at that time, of course, but the events thus far were but the beginning of the act of transcendence, the stripping away (purgation) of the outer world. There then followed the next stage of purgation; the isolation, Limbo. In the dimension of assessment and the discrimination of the parts there will be two in that field; one will be taken and one will remain. But I knew nothing of these things at that young age. So let us continue with the unfolding events themselves as they were known and thought about at that time.

      *


      ISOLATION IN LIMBO

      It was as though I had been ejected from a container of some kind and at high velocity: but I was now in a form of unseen space, a space which was so dark that it was almost a void of creation, but I was aware of a space of some kind in which I existed, and it was all about me. There was a long stunned silence of thought in an instantaneous recognition of the obvious. "Bugger me, why did I not realize it ages ago... I am dead... you're kicking the bucket old son"! Not expecting any answer I shouted out, "I am dead ain't I"!

      A 'voice' or communication answered, much to my amazement. "Well, if you were dead then you would not know it would you; just think lad, how could you think that you were dead if you were dead"? This was in some ways the most relaxing comment that had come to me since the music episode had ended, and thus in some way it relieved the panic that otherwise would have ensued. I inwardly answered, "That is indeed hard to argue with, but from what I have seen thus far nothing would surprise me"! There was no answer to that, but I distinctly felt the knowledge of something smiling. The sensation was now of existing in a literal space of some kind and yet very different to the confines of what I had taken to be my own collapsing mind and the things which had transpired within it: for now my mind was definitely perceived to be in a space, and free.

      I suddenly felt totally alone again, or so it was experienced to be. For whatever it was, the other degree of myself or otherness which seemed to have asked the questions was now gone again. I was alone. I guess I must have been fooling myself, for it is obvious that I am dead, or at least on the way to it, for what the hell would I be doing here otherwise? For a moment I wondered whether I was dreaming; perhaps I fell asleep in the chair and this is all a dream and I will wake up in a few moments. But I knew that it was no dream for it was as real as life, too real, albeit so different. I could still see; for that I knew, but there was nothing to see; there was no creation other than myself, my mind in nothing, Limbo.

      It was indeed in a state of isolation, of existing in nothing created. It was not as though one were simply in a dark place as such, for it was experienced that there was no 'place' to be dark. It was like being stranded, left alone in nothing; separated or beyond any form of creation; abandoned. It was as if all creation had been switched off and had forgotten to take me with it. There was not even a finger to wobble or anything to smell or touch. I thought how much I would have loved to have seen a raindrop or felt the wind in my face. And how I perhaps took such things for granted. "Well, just when you're enjoying yourself, eh," I thought. One could think of this in terms of either a Limbo experience or 'Mind Alone,' for the effect and the experience are the same thing. Naturally I began to feel apprehensive, for one could not do anything. One could not shake oneself out of it, for there was nothing to shake. I began pondering on life, for I had accepted that this was the end of it, or the journey to the end of it. Strangely enough I did not seem as bothered about it as I thought I should have been, and even though I had been cut short in my prime, and at a time when I was enjoying life to the full. I guess I am going to fade out any minute now and there is not much I can do about that now, so why worry about it! But if ever anybody or anything asks me if I want to 'go on' again then I shall certainly ascertain what they mean before committing myself.

      After awhile something switched on what I instantly thought was a star, a tiny little pinprick of light way off in the distance. I suddenly wondered why I thought that this star was objective to me, for nothing else I had seen could really have been said to be 'objective' in the literal sense; but this star felt to be absolutely objective. I was over here and that thing was over there, and thus real in objective terms. I then questioned where all the other stars had gone, but realized, or perhaps better to say, suddenly remembered, that this was not 'outer space,' but an unknown inner or sub-space somewhere; and heaven only knows where. But if this was supposed to be heaven or afterlife then it was no great shakes; and give me Exmoor any day. Well, star or not it is damned obvious that I am not going to find my own way home from this place. And even if one knew the way back how the hell would one move in that direction? I give up!

      I began to wonder if my existence was now solely due to my thinking process perhaps. That is to say, I had no body or substance observable. Therefore, perhaps if I stop thinking I would cease to exist. "That's novel," I thought, a bit like Hobson's choice. By the same token, however, if I were to keep thinking then perhaps I could hang about here forever. But my thoughts do not thrill me to that extent so I did not fancy that idea. So perhaps if I stop thinking then I will cease to exist. So I stopped thinking. Nothing happened. I was still there; in nothing and nowhere. Well, that's it then, so much for that experiment! It occurred to me that perhaps the Christians might be right after all and that this distant light was perhaps Dante's Inferno; Wow! Happy days! I didn't think that I had been that bad, however, and not that I believed such stuff anyway; but there you go, eh! Movement seemed to slowly begin. Either toward the tiny little light or else it was itself moving toward me; but no, I felt actual movement somehow.

      Although I was not really thinking about it I somehow began to question, or at least began to think, about my past life. If this light which is coming toward me (or me it) is death, then I really do have little time to think about life. What about it? Well, it was OK I guess, I seemed to enjoy most of it despite the pains and the poverty, the war and frustration. What did I amount to? Sod all really! Was it fun? Fun!? I did not know it was meant to be fun; did I ask myself that question? What the devil is going on! Was it fun? Well, some of it was, but not all of it, I thought to myself. Would you do it again? Not the same one over again I don't think, a different one maybe. Different in what way? Well, a little less frustration and pain, a little more passion and shared enjoyment. A more meaningful existence somehow maybe. What is enjoyment? Well, you know, enjoyment! No, you tell me what enjoyment is. Well, enjoyment is to love what you are doing, to do what you love doing, and to share that thing and that love with another person, I guess. It is also the joy of taking part, the act of being a part of instigating and spreading that enjoyment of being; a harmony of body and mind in the excitement of experience with others, and also at times on one's own with nature. That, I guess, is what enjoyment is for me anyway. At that point, I felt that I would love to see a tree or a green field; a blade of grass or a drop of rain; or at least to feel a breeze of fresh air. For they were all now lost and gone. It occurred to me that I had not done any breathing for a long time; and nothing to breath with. Would I want to go on living now given the choice? Now that I have come this far I am not sure. It would have to have some meaning to it, some purpose other than mere pleasurable moments and sad moments which amount to nothing really. It would have to have something which is seen, known, to have some meaning to the suffering and pain which is the greater portion of life on earth it would seem. It would have to be worth the effort of the struggle involved.

      Would I really want to live again now? I am not sure now; but what I think does not really matter now anyway; so I do not want to think any more; sod the lot of it. However, life was certainly better than being here, and that's for sure... and wherever 'here' is... the dungeons of my mind it seems! But what now then? In life I had the option of committing suicide if I wanted or needed to; but I cannot even do that there-here. I wonder where those poor sods went anyway. Perhaps such an act is simply a short cut to where I am now, or where I am headed for... that light is getting bigger, quite close.... Good grief! What the hell... are they doing here?! I suddenly became aware that I was drifting past other beings somehow; hundreds of the buggers. I could not see them as such but I somehow knew they were there, and I could indeed almost see them, a kind of misty outline of some kind. I could somehow feel their presence. I became aware that I was somehow passing people; or beings of some kind anyway. What the hell are they doing here in my mind, or my mind's tomb or whatever or wherever?

      It was as if I was drifting through their dimension and yet somehow I could feel their presence and somehow 'know' them: an empathy of some kind. These people, whatever they were, were so good. I do not know how I knew that, but I just knew it, and I wanted to be with them above all else. If I were on a bus then I would jump off at this stop, but I can't do sod all. I want to be with them! I wanted to wave at them to attract their attention but I had nothing to wave; yet somehow I understood something; a bit like a conversation by telepathy, I thought. I could feel them and know them, and understand them somehow. Stone me! - they said I cannot be with them... not now! Why not; I want to be with them, they are far nicer than many of the people I came across in life. They are different somehow; strangely different.

      Then, without more ado or a by your leave, I suddenly shot off like an intergalactic bullet at terrific velocity and away from their dimension of existence, or their imagined existence, or whatever. And the light which had been a mere pin prick of light, the little star, was now much closer and larger. That is no star, I thought; more like a hole with light shining through it, or somehow rather drifting out of it. It was now almost upon me, or me upon it, whichever. I seemed to be in some kind of free fall, a descent or diminishing orbit about it; spiraling toward it.

      It was as though I could feel my own movement now and almost a sense of rushing air passing me. Hey, this is quite fun, a good feeling. But I do not think it is going to last long somehow! I was no longer questioning whether this light was real but rather what it indeed was, for I was heading for it and fast. It is not a star, it looks more like a hole with light coming out of it from behind. Well, it would seem that it is perhaps the death star after all; happy days! Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of Richard... some hope!

      Well, what is going to be is now going to be, so sod the lot of it: for there is nothing I can do about it now. But I could go out singing I guess... more dignified than whining. What shall I sing then; it will have to be a short song: Ariva Derchi Roma? Old Langsyne? No, I think I fancy a bit of Bach.... that is certainly a hole... it IS a hole... with light shining through it somehow; what a beautiful light it is to be sure... radiant.... strange... this is IT, I am going into it.... stone the bloody Crows I am falling into it.... Wow!

      *

      BEYOND THE WHITE

      CIRCUMINCESSION OF THE TRINITY OF BEING

      What happened next is impossible... I think! How do we describe the impossible? An event occurred; one event, but it was experienced twice, and from two different perspectives or points of reference, and thus appeared as two events from hindsight. Yet they could not be remembered during the sequence. They could not be remembered for an infinite duration of time; not until this whole series of events was over and behind me.

      This event was in a dimension of a trinity of some kind; a trimorphic reality of self in some way. However, observation is always dualistic, the observer and the observed, it seems; but it can take place from three different points of reference in sequence. Is it any wonder that we question our sanity for awhile?

      I will have to describe the following sequence of events just as though it was experienced at the time and in the sequence in which the events took place. However, at the time, the first sequence could not be remembered during the course of the second sequence and thus it was experienced (at the time) as if I only went into the white light once. But from hindsight it was experienced as going into it twice - even though knowing it was only once. The alternative is that two parts of me went through two different holes at the same time. Confusing is not the word! Who would ask for any of this?

      I did not experience actually entering the white light. One instant I was about to enter it and the next instant I was inside or beyond it. If it were possible to have blinked one's eyes then I would have assumed that I had blinked and hence missed it. But I know well enough that you cannot open or close those eyes. Moreover, I had no knowledge of ever entering the white light; there was nothing before this event for that part of me in this field. I saw the figure of a Human form. It was tall, elegant, old; and standing on top of high precipice, like a cliff edge. I (this part of me) was in a location just to its left and a little way behind it. But I had no form as did it. I could see the left-hand side of its face and form and way off into a strange kind of distance to the front and all around it. I must have had two eyes for the reality was three dimensional.

      The space all around was like an eerie white mist and yet somehow without being misty, for vision was crystal clear. I could see over the edge of the precipice where this figure was standing right near the edge of a high drop. However, I myself, the observer, had no form, and this figure, or symbolic emanation of a figure, seemed as though it were not aware of me watching it, whatever it was. Moreover, I had no remembrance of ever arriving here or of anything that had happened before. I did not have a clue what I was, or what I was looking at, or what either of us were doing here: wherever 'here' was. But it was calm, serene, peaceful, poignant, somehow meaningful, but eerie nevertheless; strange; mysterious. I had no thoughts going through me, no feeling, no questioning; no power to think or reason (as one can from hindsight, obviously), but just simply watching and taking it in: and not by choice. I, or this part of me, was just an observer (as far as I know anyway). If one was being precise then that part of myself could be said, from hindsight, to have been like a spare member at a wedding or union (Mutual Convergence). And in the true and deepest sense of that meaning: a mere observer in order to know!

      The figure was looking down in toward the whiteness, which was a kind of enclosed but huge dome of whiteness. There was only the restriction of whiteness, which created the perception of an enclosure or dome of some kind. But whilst I was observing all this a small dark aperture in an otherwise total whiteness just opened up, like the lens of a camera shutter (the round type). The whiteness was not a blinding whiteness but simply an absolute pure and soft radiant whiteness: but kind of misty. And yet the aperture which opened up like a hole in a wall was absolutely round in form and clear-cut defined. But it was tiny; a small hole. A small dark opening in a 'non-wall' of the mysterious white light; and me with no form, and this form of a figure about three feet in front of me and to my right, just standing there watching this hole appear. Then, all of a sudden, a small ball of gold glowing light popped in through the hole; and as it did so the aperture closed up like magic behind it... like a self-closing door.

      As the being looked down (it sounds like a fairy story but it is the literal truth of the events so help me the god of truth), this small gold ball of light came through the dark aperture into the white light, and there it just kind of hovered, remained stationary, with this figure watching it and me watching all of it. As I said, as the small gold glowing object entered into the white dome then the aperture through which it had come, the small black hole in the white, simply closed up and became nonexistent behind it; and the light (gold ball) just sat there stationary; a gold ball of light surrounded by a pure white light. And all was still... for ages it seemed. It was eerie, so quiet, yet so profound. There was not a sound or any further movement. All was utter stillness and quiet. Somehow it seemed as if the figure may have been an extension of myself with me having some kind of out-of-body experience in some strange way; for I knew what was going on in its thinking; I think. Yet I was observing from a slight distance away... and objective. The small glowing object looked much like a Ping-Pong ball, and its radiance was a gold glow which stood out in contrast to the surrounding pure and soft white light. As I watched I saw the figure shed one tear; one solitary tear ran down its left cheek; yet it was happy; so happy. I know not how I knew it, but know it I did. The figure was in love with the glowing object. Had I been in a position to think, ask questions, or rationalize during that facet of the events, then I do not know what I would have thought or reasoned, or understood; but I could not. From hindsight it is very strange being a passive observer. From hindsight, however, there are no questions to ask regarding that event as far as I am concerned; for all was understood; it explains itself. Nothing was said; there was not a sound; everything was as stationary as the grave with the exception of that teardrop slowly rolling down a face. No further movement took place. It was profound beyond words. I was not sure whether the figure I had been observing was another part of me or not; indeed, at this point I was not sure of anything, for I could not think; I was simply an observer. The vision then ended as instantly as it had come about, and from that point I had no further memory or recollection of it ever happening; or not for a long time yet to come. An infinite amount of time.

      THE SECOND, OR PARALLEL ENTRY

      As I said... this was no star, it is a hole with light shining out of it, and I am damn well falling in to it.... I am going into it.... Wow! I did not actually experience going into the white light; I must have blinked or something. One instant I was about to enter it and the next instant I was inside of it. I was inside some kind of bubble; a bit like a cobweb eggshell, or one of those string lamp shades that gather all the dust. I was aware of myself inside this thing; like an embryo in an egg of some kind; or shell. It was the first time that I could actually see anything of myself since all this began.

      I was somehow sitting all cramped up like a bloody chicken in an egg; wondering what was on the outside that was so bright; and what the hell was going on now. But thinking did not come easy at that point, or perhaps it was simply more instinctive than rational thinking. But I could still think somehow. Beyond this 'bubble' which I was cooped up in was a pure radiance of brilliant and dazzling white light. A blinding light. I could not seem to think in the normal mode of thinking, although I could indeed still think somehow. I had an instinctive urge of wanting to scratch my way out of this bubble or whatever it was, or at least to see what was outside of it. But there was no form to scratch at. I could not touch anything even though I seemed to have some kind of physical form of some kind. I think it simply must have been too bright and blinding to see properly. I suddenly realized that the light was getting brighter and even brighter by the second; blinding and more blinding all the time. Or perhaps more light was getting in through the mesh of this thing somehow. I began to see something - or it may be more true to say 'know' something: but what is it... I'm not sure... No, no no it can't be... it is... good grief almighty... the thing outside... it is... it is me! With that thought, that event, that vision and knowledge I was dead; gone; finished.

      I saw no form of anything other than brilliant and blinding light, yet I knew that something outside was myself: it was obvious; axiomatic; absolute knowledge. My being, my consciousness, started spinning, swooning somehow, spinning in a giddiness like a vortex of water going down a bath plug hole: a vortex of self-existence diminishing into nothingness. I knew that my bubble was disintegrating in the light... and so was I... I am going... I am being damn well annihilated, melted down, disintegrated, burnt out, annihilated. It came to pass that everything ended; everything had gone; and I was gone. I and the universe were no more. It was the end of time.

      * * *


      THE PARADISE OF THE GROUND OF BEING


      A Unification in Resurrection
      within the Virgin Womb of Eternity

      For an unknown duration after my bubble or shell and I were annihilated there was nothing. One cannot talk about nothing, for nothing is the total lack of experience, oblivion; like being switched off, dead, gone, annihilated. But after a nonduration of time there was a re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of annihilation as such; but the like of which could never be dreamed or imagined. No physical eye has ever seen that place, no hand has touched it, no dreaming mind has thought of it, and its reality has never occurred to the rational mind, which exists in temporality - other than through the memory of the Paradise event itself.

      Annihilation in that mutual convergence was something like passing through a magic gate: a gap in the universe: a hole in creation, a gate which separates time and temporal things from the transcendent realm of a Divine Eternity, the repose of being. Such death is not a death but rather the ultimate in living, the ultimate in knowing, and the ultimate in comprehension and affirmation. Likewise is it the ultimate in love, passion, wisdom, and understanding. From hindsight one would initially ask the question as to why the nature of things comes to contain such a rare and precious jewel in the crown of creation which would seem to be so jealously guarded, and beyond the moat of annihilation itself, that so few people ever come to be shown it during the course of their life on Earth. A justified question indeed. For everyone should know this yet while they live their lives on Earth; or so would be my own judgement and that of any other human being who had come to witness this wonder beyond all wonders.

      Dialogue upon the transcendent and eternal realm is not going to be easy for the words we use apply to temporal things and not to the eternal perception of the divine transcendent realm of perfection in which there is knowledge only of the essences of things and not the things themselves. Moreover, the vision of the place itself is not what paradise is all about, for it is about the feeling and the knowing and understanding, not the vision; and even though the vision itself is the vision to end all visions.

      Among all other things one knows (and realizes from hindsight) is that we are a kind of jug, a vessel, a conduit, through which the life force itself flows. Without created consciousness to act as such vessels there could be no further creation, and no point or meaning to creation without us. We are the banks of the river of the flow of life; and this place is where the banks of the river of life meet the eternal riverbed. However, it is not totally impossible to talk of such reality, only very difficult; but such experience itself solves many mysteries and so-called paradoxes. To say that self-consciousness, or I, is resurrected after annihilation is a most fitting description of the experience, and the best definition of the event. One could also say the annihilation of annihilation; but one cannot say what is happening in absolute objective terms of reality; for you and I can never know that.

      With regard to the 'awakening' in that realm then, one cannot make an analogy of going to sleep and then waking up in another place, for that gives the impression of a continuity; which it is not. It is a broken continuity of self-being. Broken by the act of annihilation. When we awake from sleep we are the same person that went to sleep; we vaguely remember going to sleep, we remember having been asleep, and when we awake we retain our past memories of having existed before that sleep: and thus a continuity of being even though we underwent an oblivion of consciousness during dreamless sleep. Neither are we actually aware of the point of falling asleep, but we sure are aware of being annihilated; and how. And I often wondered why. But if we did not come to know then we would never know the connection point between time and the everlasting eternal moment of being.

      Because that place, the transcendent realm, is judged by us (or me) to be perfection, for simplicity I refer to it as Paradise. There are no names, however. It would be misleading to refer to it as 'eternity,' for I always thought of eternity as the sum of all created time. Indeed, time as we know it does not even move there. Thus it is the beginning of time; hence the womb of eternity. Moreover, nothing at all of experienced consciousness has ever known that place and dimension by dwelling there. So it is pristine, fresh, childlike, virgin of any other experience or memory; and hence my justification for referring to it as the 'Virgin Womb of Eternity.' There are no men or women there and the word virgin has no connotations of that ilk.

      However, let us proceed with the event and the understanding of the eternal wisdom itself. When we awake in paradise we do not awake in the sense of coming out of a sleep; it is nothing like that at all. There is no waking up or sleeping in that realm, for when you are resurrected into it you have always been there; there is no before. Temporality does not apply there. Hence, even if we went there a million times it would always be 'once' from our perception of it anyway; and by virtue of annihilation itself. Paradise is the beginning; and the end is a new beginning. So it is both the beginning and the end, and then the beginning again. It is like the knot that joins a round piece of string or loop; or the weld that holds the circle of being together. It is home! From whence we came. It is my home; everyone's home. We are Twins, divine cosmic twins.

      One does not wake up then or suddenly come into self-consciousness there for one has always been there and self-conscious within it. Naturally enough, you and I can come to question that truth as it is experienced by the I AM within that realm when we are in extension of it; and don't I know it. But you cannot whilst in there; it is uncontradictable. Thus, when self-consciousness is restored, shall we say, after annihilation, it is not the restoration of the personality that went in, thus it is not really a resurrection in that sense, for that part of ourselves which exists in that realm has always been there; and the part, the personality, that went into annihilation does not exist there; but it is still you; the real you; but the inner and depth eternal you that only this dimension can reveal; and hold. The part that is never let go of. So much depends then on the reference point one is talking from when using the term 'I' or 'me.' Hence we have to come to know our true self; that part which IS the real us, and of which everything else is ultimately objective; even the personality, time, and changing events. In that realm there is no memory of ever having existed before or elsewhere. There is no before or elsewhere. Thus, we are not talking about the personality existing in paradise but that of the person. The personality is washed away in annihilation. But nevertheless that person in paradise is 'me'... 'I am me.' It is still my consciousness (you in your case). But not the you of the temporal senses. The person and the personality are but two parts of our trinity; and the soul or overself is the third part; like three quarks in a proton or three peas in a pod. One could therefore mistakenly talk about the 'I am' which exists in the womb of eternal mind as being objective from the personality of the being in time and space; but to do so would be very wrong and also cause a paradox and an alienation of self from self, or the outer from the inner. Likewise, it is painfully obvious from hindsight that some, if not many (through second-hand dialogue and distortions no doubt) have thought this aspect of being to be the first cause; the unseen living mover of creation itself. But not so; for there is another, and even beyond that depth... beyond our self, and which is not us.

      It must be remembered that the eternal paradise of the ground of our being is experienced to be the first created thing and place; but certainly not the creative source itself. Although it is known to be the first emanation of the creative source itself, the first act of creation. In the beginning man was indeed in the garden of eternal delight and perfection: paradise. But as I say, it would still require an 'act' to bring forth paradise and the minds within it. Thus it is also known whilst in that place that there is a deeper but uncreated reality. But not a deeper reality that you or I can ever get to; and that is a known fact whilst there. The I am which exists in that reality is not the first cause, and that is axiomatic at the time. It is the first thing 'caused.'

      However, it was not created in time; certainly not the kind of space-time that you and I know out here. It is deeper down within the inner structure of emanation than the point where space-time becomes a phenomenon of extended reality; just as a river is not the riverbed, but without a river-bed and the banks there could be no river. It is the ground of being; not the creative source of all being.

      Let us continue, however, with the exegesis as it unfolded. I was resurrected from non-existence, death, into a place of eternal perfection. In that place there is perfect vision (those who are blind will see). A vision which must be from two locations, I guess, because the vision, the place, is three dimensional: binocular vision. There exists width, breadth, and depth. The place or realm, goes on as far as one can see, and into a distance beyond sight itself, for it is everywhere and everything. There is up, and there is down, there is left and there is right, all relative to the point of vision, needless to say. The vision is of darkness and of infinite jewel-like glowing lights. The lights are like jewels, diamonds set in a sea of purple glowing darkness; which is not really dark at all, but somehow pulsating with vitality and being. The lights are small but more than mere points of light, and they are of various sizes and distances apart. Some are even kind of wispy and strung out; but most are roundish. Neither the darkness or the lights can be described in a way that does them justice, for the beauty transcends anything known or knowable. It is the original unadulterated essence and principle of beauty.

      The lights in that realm are stationary, or so it seems to observation. Nothing moves; all is still and silent. The only thing that moves is I, or self-consciousness. I AM slowly drifts through that realm in a clockwise orbit; a slow orbit, but an orbit nevertheless. Initially it is like a slow drifting in a straight line. However, it is an orbit, a clockwise orbit, assuming the clock were lying face up on the floor. The orbit is of great distance and almost perceived as a straight line, but it is known to be an orbit about an unseen center. The I that exists there (us) has no perceived substance or form, it is just pure virgin primordial consciousness as far as we are concerned; or a mysterious substance that can be made conscious: a 'spirit stuff or energy' of some kind. But what it is made of (if anything other than consciousness) cannot be known. It cannot be seen or touched. It is as if such energy is sacrosanct.

      There is no form to the eyes that see, for it is the consciousness or energy itself which can see. It can see almost all the way around itself, but not quite all the way around. Thus you cannot see directly behind you, but you can indeed see well to the left and right in greater vision than human vision. In one's drifting in this paradise one does not come into contact with the lights at all; and one does not really know what the lights are (one can deduce from hindsight, though). They are just lights, beautiful lights, and their configuration slowly alters with the perspective of one's movement in orbit.

      The darkness itself is indescribable; it is like a translucent glow of purple soup which is somehow vibrant, vital; it is not a void and it is not mere space in between the lights; it is a 'something'; but more like a glowing soup or aura, somehow. Perhaps it is the 'stuff' that beings 'congeal' out of; like planets and stars in the universe. And one's orbit is through this divine and wondrous darkness amid the jewel-like lights. Thus, it is a brightness as well as a darkness. Like the twilight of the gods indeed. The description may make it sound a little bit like the physical universe with the stars amid black space; but it is nothing like that at all. If anything, it is more like the vision among a nebula in a past supernova. The lights are much bigger than our perception of stars, which are mere pin pricks of light, and there is a tint of color in them even, as I say, like diamonds; but the predominant aura and glow is white. They have a substance and shape, but there seems to be no absolute uniformity of shape; most seem to be round. The darkness is nothing like outer space, and it is not even dark at all; but darkish, like purple that is glowing. The lights are not as distant as the stars in space, even though they are not in contact; and the distances between them is many times their actual size. Thus, it is not like the emptiness of outer space at all. Moreover, one can see all this without turning one's vision, for indeed, one cannot turn one's vision. There is no 'Oh, I think I will look that way or this way'... you just see it all, all the time. But you also know that you are not seeing 'it all' at all, for it is infinite and everywhere.

      However, that realm is not about the vision, it is about the magic: the knowing, the understanding, the passion, the reality, the knowing the 'all,' the love, the wisdom, the beauty, and above all else, it is about the purpose of creation and being. It is ineffable, really. In a word it is all about 'being there'; taking part in this Divine mystical union of creation at root beyond time. It seems that the vision itself is a kind of bonus perhaps: a place in which to do this knowing yet whilst in a repose of divine peace; the peace that passes all understanding, perfection, and affirmation of being. It is like an amen to creation; the swan song of perfection. It is like the last chord of the ultimate piece of perfect music; a chord that comes like an amen after that pregnant pause and build-up to the final chord. There could be nothing cleverer and wiser than to have annihilation precede this reality; it is like music in that sense: the last, and divine chord of created being when all has seemed to be done and finished.

      Nevertheless, it is also the beginning as well as the end, for it is where we come from. It could be described as the cosmological waiting room of created consciousness before transmigration into the experience of time, freedom, and activity. There are no other beings perceived (or even known of) in paradise; one is totally alone with this truth and its reality. Thus the place and the knowledge is all yours, all mine, all beings from their point of reference and consciousness; it is the realm where all centres meet beyond space and time in the primordial Motherload of created consciousness: minds, spirits, beings, whatever you want to call them. 'Motherload' does not mean female either. It means the main seam, the core, and the original. It is pure consciousness; beyond time, space, and memory. It (I AM) is the alpha and omega of all extended minds; the beginning and the end of all created beings in creation; the first creation and the home that awaits the return of all created minds, which are but the children or progeny of creation. Nothing was created before I AM and paradise: and nothing is created after me; I am the beginning and the end of creation.

      Thus it is that the consciousness in the repose of the eternal domain is the first child of creation - in the Virgin Birth of creation itself. The real and only Virgin Birth (and this one is not symbolic, it is the real thing). Before the mountains high and wide, before the seas did flow, before the stars gave forth their light, even then, I said, I know. Before my personality was, I AM. Before cave men came into being, I AM. Look deeper than the stones of the earth and the oceans, and there you will find me; I am the light which is beyond them all; I am the light of life and the resurrection. Know me, and you will know yourself; for I AM... and you are I AM. Thus, it is not metaphysics but PROTOPHYSICS; before physics. It is not 'after time' (although it is that also); it is before time moved; before changing events emanated forth from the center of all being and the eternal point of no duration. We are there at the beginning, like the observer of the first act of creation. Our self-consciousness in that dimension cannot think; thinking is a temporal process; but it is totally aware nevertheless (thus, knowledge before thought: thus thought depends on knowledge... not the other way around as many seem to assume. Earthly philosophers are like mere babies in Divine ignorance). It (we) is (are) not aware of things as we are aware of things out here, however, but it is an awareness of what can only be described as the essences and eternal principles and qualities of things; truths; depth realities; quality; meaning; purpose; beauty; wisdom; passion.

      That root of our being of eternal consciousness, that part of ourselves which exists there at the deepest level, the first child of creation, is totally in absolute love, a passion beyond description. It is filled with the passion of being to such a degree that if you and I out here were to have that degree of passion burning inside of our temporal minds or guts then we would blow up (and perhaps this caused it to happen during an incarnate life; who knows, who knows); but such passion is like dynamite. It is not like the watered-down love we know in this world, and certainly wonderful though that be. It is more comparable to the heat at the big bang than to the present cosmic temperature.

      In this life we tend to think of wisdom as that of knowing what to do, of doing the right and proper thing; because it is wise to do that thing; but that is intelligence, not wisdom. However, the wisdom within that consciousness is nothing like that. Its wisdom is the knowledge of creation itself; the knowledge of the heart: the knowledge of itself and its eternal existence. Knowledge also of that which is not itself; otherness; that which gave event to paradise and oneself; it is uncontradictable certainty of creation; purpose; being; and the wisdom of the beginning and the end of all things. And thence all of which I sum up in the terms the 'Eternal Gnosis' or the 'Eternal Wisdom.' It is a divine swoon of the exultation of the love of being; and being a part of it all. That 'I AM' knows well enough that something brought it forth into being; it knows well enough that it does not contain its own causation. It also knows that the cause of its creation is not paradise itself (the place) in its origin; and not within paradise itself in absolute terms. The first cause cannot be seen, it cannot be directly known independent of essences and created forms, an<br/><br/>(Message over 64 KB, truncated)
    • Mary
      Dick, I have no doubts about your experiences. If you have enemies, it can t possibly be about your information but rather how you ve interacted with people
      Message 2 of 4 , Jan 30 12:38 PM
        Dick,

        I have no doubts about your experiences. If you have enemies, it can't possibly be about your information but rather how you've interacted with people while having to defend it.

        Best wishes,
        Mary

        --- In existlist@yahoogroups.com, "Dick." wrote:
        >
        > THE EXCEPTIONAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE NETWORK
        > 414 Rockledge Road, New Bern, NC 28562. USA
        >
        >
        > Exceptional Human Experience: Volume 13, Number 2. December 1995
        >
        >
        > Abstracts of Articles in Part One.
        >
        > 06923. Richardson, Dick. The Divine Reality: Transcendent and Immanent.
        >
        > Exceptional Human Experience, 1995 (DEC). 13(2), 10-27.
        >
        > This piece consists of five chapters excerpted from a book manuscript. Some briefer excerpts have been published in various periodicals, sometimes summarized. The book consists of experiential accounts; the author's interpretation of the experiences, and poetry based on his experiences. The primary experiences are presented here lightly edited and 'Americanized'. Described are the richest mystical encounter experiences I have ever read. They span a time period from 1963-1983. The initial experience happened when Richardson was age 24 and had sat down one evening to listen to some music and read the paper. The first 4 of 5 parts describes in great detail (etched in memory) the experiences he had that evening.
        >
        > The first 'Purgation', was "in some respects like being kidnapped by divine...perfection". The outer world was stripped away. In the second 'Isolation in Limbo', with his mind free in space, he was stranded in "nothing" and then fell into a "light hole". In the third, "Beyond the White: Circumincession of the Trinity of Being", one event was experienced from two reference points simultaneously and seemed to be a trinity. It ended when he and everything else ended... "I and the universe were no more. It was the end of time". There follows "Paradise: The Virgin Womb of Eternity, and a Unification in Resurrection". Here, "after a non duration of time there was a re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of annihilation as such, but the like of which could never be dreamed or imagined". In this, the longest section, his description is awesome.
        >
        > The final section, 'The Dark Side, (1963-1983): Dichotomy and Synthesis', describes the years between this first experience and a subsequent one 20 years later. In between he felt much ambivalence and confusion as he tried to incorporate what he had experienced while back in the everyday world, which was basically good in itself. He finally gave up the attempt and tried to forget what he had seen and known. "It was too good for me and it was too good for reality itself". He could not figure out the point of it all, try as he may. After a month or so he had a nightmare, waking in panic, sweat and even blood. He began to have psychic experiences in response to questions that concerned him. By age 40 all experiences had ceased. Then, one spring morning while picnicking with his wife and dog, he had an experience which, unlike the others, he could not possibly describe. The transcendent self he had known at age 24 became united with his "earthly self". The two experiences came together: "In transcendence the outer I had gone to IT; but here and now, on earth, IT, the implicate inner reality... had come to me".
        >
        > This work HAS to be read ! R.A.W
        >
        > EDITOR: Rhea A. White
        >
        >
        >
        > [EHE AUTOBIOGRAPHY: 2]
        >
        > THE DIVINE REALITY: TRANSCENDENT AND IMMANENT
        >
        > Dick Richardson
        >
        >
        > PURGATION
        >
        >
        > It was approximately 6.45 p.m. when a friend called me on the telephone to inquire if I would like to go over to his place for a few games of chess. I explained to him that I was baby sitting as my wife had just gone out for the evening with friends and would not be back until quite late. I was just on the verge of inviting him over to my place when, without thinking, I said that I would give it a miss tonight and simply have a bath and an early night. I did not know why I had said that, for I do not usually talk without thinking what I am going to say. Also, I did quite fancy the idea of a few games of chess and rarely ever turned down the opportunity. Nevertheless, having said it, I let it ride.
        >
        > The two youngsters were tucked up for the night and the paraphernalia of childhood joy was tidied up as I sat down at about 7 p.m. I had just placed a couple of large logs on the fire and put a record on the machine at random with the intent of a few minutes of peace and quiet before going up for a bath. If I had known in advance what was going to transpire over the course of the next three hours I would have employed a baby sitter and a witness to my own physical condition for the duration of that period of time.
        >
        > Thus it was that at approximately 7 p.m. on a late winter/early spring evening I, a mere ignoramus of twenty-four years of age, sat down for a few minutes to read the paper and listen to a record prior to having a bath and an early night.
        >
        > Just as I sat down in the chair in front of the fire our old cat jumped up on my lap. It took me by surprise for I had not seen it coming, and thus the thought of leaning over for the newspaper went right out of my mind. I made a fuss of the cat as it rolled over into the well of my lap with its legs pointing skyward. As I stroked its belly it gave out a purr that was almost as loud as a car engine revving and fit to rock the chair we were sitting in. I smiled and wondered how they did it, and why. I continued to make a fuss of the cat without any further thought of reading the paper. In so doing I suddenly became aware of the record I had put on simply for background music.
        >
        > It turned out to be the last part of the Enigma Variations which was to be followed later by the Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis by Vaughan Williams (how ironic are those two titles; fantasia and enigma indeed). At that time neither of those pieces were favorites of mine; it just happened to be the record I pulled out.
        > The music began to sound like nothing I had ever heard before or since. It was as though the music were trying to make me aware of IT. It permeated my consciousness in ways that words cannot describe. I had a fleeting thought, one of those unsolicited 'pop in' thoughts, which said, "sod the paper, listen to the music old son"; and I thought, "Yeah... this is good"! In today's language I suppose we would say that the music was reaching parts that no other largo could get to. I had always loved music, music of all kinds, for it all had its time, place, and mood; but this was more than mere music, more than mere sound. I relaxed back into the rocking chair with the cat still purring away like a traction engine on my lap, although the sound was becoming drowned into the distance by the beauty of the music, when suddenly, something very strange occurred; and the beginning of I knew not what.
        >
        > Instead of relaxing, it was as though my concentration was becoming focused, so sharp; like a narrow beam of pointed conscious awareness focusing and concentrating like I had never done before, even in the midst of chess problems during a good game, and that alone is concentration enough, but this was more so. The music had reached a degree of profound beauty I had never known or thought could have existed. In so attaining I somehow relaxed into it, a kind of kind of letting go of objective observation. I gave a kind of unusual sigh and an outward exhalation of breath like a long AHH; and just as I did so everything vanished, instantaneously, just like creation being switched off by the throw of a switch.
        >
        > There was no room, no cat, no sound of the fire burning or the clock ticking; no cat purring, no chair, no body, no weight, no mass, no heat or cold, no gravity, no up or down or this way or that way; there was just total blackness and the sound of the music, which was passing through my consciousness in waves. This is not a poetic description of my listening to the music; it is literal. At the very instant of 'going' it was as though my ears had been turned inside out; for at one instant the music was objective, on the outside, and the next instant it was taking place all around, for there was no inside or outside as such. Nevertheless, it was as though the music was passing through the point (which I was) like waves on a pond, and each wave was of greater emotional charge than the one before it. It was as though each wave was preparing me for the next wave, and building up into... into I did not know what. In some respects it was like being kidnapped by divine music, perfection; the only thing that existed in creation was the music and myself. It was as though the 'AHH' was still going on but in the vastness of the space of the mind alone. It became a reality in which there was no dualistic reference between music, and myself but as though there was only 'I am the music' in a dance, a swoon of excitement, awe, and wonder.
        >
        > After an immeasurable duration of time that piece of music ended, and there was a stillness and quiet that cannot be described. I did not question (at that point) that I had no body or existence other than awareness of being. Neither would I have had the time to think of such things, for the next piece of music began. To say that the next piece of music began is the understatement of all time. It did not begin, it flowed. It flowed out of nothingness, like... like I know not what.
        > Within a few seconds of the music emanating into my consciousness there came the most frightening experience I have ever known in my life, before or since. The passion and beauty of the sounds were such that my mind went... bang! I blew up, fell apart, exploded, or so it seemed. As I did so I could see, I had vision, I was no longer in total blackness listening to the music for I could see myself exploding and expanding. It seemed to be like the big bang itself.
        >
        > I could still hear the music, and it was just as well that I could for my mind clung to the sound to try and quell the fear and panic which was taking place. I could see what can only be described as streaked out dots of light which I was expanding into and flying through like a supernova. It was like I did not even have time to be frightened, even though I was. I was somehow trying to turn the eyes, which I had, away from the rushing lights and the vision of this expansion and concentrate upon the music. But those eyes (heaven only knows with what one could see - but see one could) were eyes that we cannot open or close by our own volition; one could not switch the vision or the experience off.
        >
        > Just as I thought I was going to expand into infinity and fade away into nothingness the expansion stopped. My mind gradually stopped expanding and I metaphorically gave a sigh of relief; but there was no breath or lungs with which to do it. At that point, it was as if I were in a kind of unbounded dome of blackness, and I consisted of nothing except a point of consciousness with no boundary or duration, no form; just consciousness. I could see what appeared to be tiny points of light coming into and out of existence all over the space within which I existed. It was much like the vision one would get with one's eyes nearly closed while seeing sunlight spots dancing on the surface of a fast-flowing river. It was like creation 'stuff' coming and going all the time. Throughout all this I could still hear the music. Then came the next shock to my system, if a system I had.
        >
        > The dots of light that seemed to be coming into and out of existence as far as one could see suddenly turned into the music, which I could hear, and I could not only hear the music but now also see it. There are no words to describe such music made of light. It is a vision unlike other vision. It cannot be recreated by imagination within the mind from hindsight; it can only be seen and known at the time of the event. I saw the music flowing toward me. It was in colors that we know and some that we do not know. The essential quality of the light was equal to that of the sound of the music. The light itself and the colors were not different things, as we tend to know colored light by reflections or as sources of light emanating from a certain point. The music was the light; the color was the light. It did not flow from anything except uncreated into created.
        >
        > The fear that I had experienced throughout the expansion or whatever it was had now gone and there was nothing but I and the music, which I was now within: I became the music; there was not an 'I' and an 'it.' As this event continued I became aware that I 'knew' the music. That is to say, I knew it backwards, forwards, inside out, one note at a time or all at once; and I could see it any way I wanted to see it. I could become the melody, which I did; I could become the harmony, which I did. I could be one note or the whole piece of the music. Reality is stranger than fiction; and a damn sight better.
        >
        > Whilst this divine dance of music in unison was going on I became aware that I was of two natures somehow enshrined in one. There came a point whilst I was swimming in this light and music when I became aware that I was looking at myself objectively, and it did not seem strange at the time.
        >
        > 'Myself' did not consist of a body but only of light, but I knew it was me, and I thought, "The little one is having the time of his life" (which indeed he was), but the other me, or the me of the personality, did not know this was going on; only the other bit knew that. Likewise, all these things were not being thought about as we do out here in the world of temporal forms, but somehow they were just known, and seen, and felt, and enjoyed.
        >
        > I became aware at that point that there were two aspects of myself: one which I refer to as the person and one which I refer to as the personality. The latter is an extension and emanation of the former and thus a perceived duality, albeit a oneness in the structure of an interdimensional vortex of self-existence. I cannot refer to two 'I's,' thus I will use the terms person and personality for simplicity. It is not so much a case of two aspects of consciousness but more the case of what part of the vortex of emanation the consciousness is existing within at that instant. One cannot observe from both points of reference at the same instant, however; it is either one or the other. And it even gets far more complex. But let us proceed in the order of the unfolding events.
        >
        > At this point, and even though one was aware of what was going on at the time, one was not 'bothered about it' so to speak, for I was only really concerned about the love of the reality itself, the music, the sound, the vision, the event itself, for it was indeed a divine dance of the spheres. It was passion and reality unimaginable; it was creation par excellence, by magic. The shift from one point of consciousness to the other is not an act of willful intent on my (the personality's) part; it simply occurred as far as I was aware. How long this music and light experience lasted is impossible to say, for although it was a temporal process it was a kind of temporality other than is known in 'normal' or everyday awareness in temporal forms. Likewise, the visions and objects of vision were not thought of as extant things existing in their own right, such as a tree or a mountain, for it was known and understood to be being created at the time and only for its duration and effect.
        >
        > There came a point, however, when things changed. I suddenly had an entirely different vision. It was just at the point when I knew the music was going away, ending. My perspective of vision was such that I could see a being, a young boy of about twelve years of age, if appearances were anything to go by. He was illuminated in a brilliance of light and color, as the music had been, and existed in otherwise total darkness, but that darkness up around him was lighted like an aura. He was sitting on his bum (with nothing underneath him) with one arm wrapped around his knees, which were folded up to his chin, and waving good-bye to the music with the other hand. It was not a vision of any boy or person I had ever seen or known, but I knew that I had to take the vision as myself, yet not the self of the personality which I knew to be me. Indeed, it was the old me who was doing the observing and learning. Such archetypal visions are a kind of learning without any words. They are not reasoned or rationalized, and yet they are understood implicitly and without thinking about them. The experience is the thing itself and the knowledge and understanding is implicit and axiomatic. Thus, it is a dialogue without dialogue, and synetic in its nature.
        >
        > I could see the boy waving good-bye to the music, and I could see the music fading away into a distance and into nothingness, being uncreated just as easily as it had been created. I also implicitly knew what was going on inside him and how he felt. He did not want anything; he did not fear the music leaving him, for he loved it, and that was sufficient. I cannot find the words to describe the passion and feelings that child knew and felt; but he was perfect; and an act which I knew that I could not follow. As the music went further away the sound of it also diminished. It eventually faded away into nothingness, and the boy was alone in his own radiance in otherwise total blackness and nothingness. Then the vision disappeared, and there was nothing. I was alone with my boring old self, and once again able to think and rationalize in the usual manner and seemingly in the usual time span of thinking. Yet I was alone in a darkness in which I had no form other than conscious awareness.
        >
        > I realized that any perception or illusion of 'otherness,' or another part of myself, was gone and I was alone with my normal personality of the outside world. Yet the world was gone; everything was gone except my self-consciousness and its memories. What on earth (or elsewhere), is going on; and why? From hindsight one would assume that in such a situation one would be terrified, for it was like being buried alive (a good analogy). However, the thought of the music, which had preceded this situation, must have taken the fear away, even though I felt a feeling of great apprehension and a degree of worry. Is one going to be stranded here for all time maybe? Is this death? Or am I still sitting in the chair with my mind having slipped out of joint somehow?
        >
        > Have I gone insane? The thoughts that pass through one's mind are at times uncontrollable, and in this situation one does not know what to think. Surely if I just sit quiet (as if I could do anything other) and hang about something will happen; something must happen; I can't just hang about here forever; wherever 'here' is. Perhaps someone will come into the room soon and realize that my mind has got stuck inside and cart me off to a place to get it out again. It was however, the first chance I had to think about what the hell was going on; one minute I am sitting in the chair minding my own business and the next minute... zap, and the world has disappeared, or I from it - which is it? I knew for sure that I wanted out from whatever I was in but there was nothing I could do about it at all; for I had no control of anything. Just at that point, however, and before I had the chance to get really fed up, something did happen. I was just thinking how nice it would be to go into the kitchen and get a beer or a cup of coffee when something came. I could not see what it was for it was still total darkness, but I could somehow feel the presence of something I knew not what... Then I heard a voice!
        >
        > To say that one heard a voice is not true in the sense that one normally hears a voice in objective terms across a distance, but it was indeed very much like it and also sounded within my mind or consciousness somehow. It was as though the point of origin was somehow objective, yet from a location from deeper down within myself somehow: thus, objective 'inwards,' not 'outwards,' from 'below' as opposed to 'around' me. Something said, or gave me the understanding by way of perceiving a voice; "Do you want to go on?" I cannot describe how I felt about that. Nothing would actually shock me (I think) after what had transpired since the world had disappeared. Yet this 'request' was experienced as totally objective; it was not me that was asking the question; it was something else.
        >
        > I was too stunned to even think about the meaning of the question yet alone where it came from; for something, even an odd sounding voice, was better than nothing at all, if indeed it was a voice. Without thinking I inwardly yelled out (for the lack of putting it into other words, and more in panic); "Go on what"?
        >
        >
        > "Go on further," came the reply or understanding.
        >
        >
        > I was amazed at the logic and reasoning, but I wanted nothing else other than normality to be re-established. I was just about to reply (for if you can't beat it join it), "No thanks; I have had a wonderful time, thank you very much, but I think it's about time that I was getting back to normality right now, if it's all the same to you"! (You might as well go out laughing, I thought).
        >
        > As I was about to respond, however, I was suddenly washed, bathed, drowned in a passion, a love, a swoon of ecstasy; to which I responded in a way which was a kind of choice which was no choice - an offer one cannot refuse. (And not the kind of bath I had intended.) I replied to whatever, or wherever, the question emanated from... "OK, let's do it, let's go on further"! I did not even know what the question meant let alone from whence it came.
        >
        > The next thing I was aware of was that the profound overwhelming emotion had gone and I was then alone again; but something was different... stone me, my mind is BENT... out of shape, distorting! I was now experiencing not 'nothing' but decidedly being inside of something - inside my own mind, which was being squeezed out of shape. Why is my mind not round? (The things one thinks at such a time.) It was as if I could see the edges of my own mind in a fuzzy darkness, with my consciousness being like a point at its center. Also, my mind was being squeezed out of shape, or so it seemed. It was narrower at one point than at the other; a bit like a pear. I underwent an experience of being squeezed, and I did not like it one bit. I became very anxious; or near on panic is more like it. I had a distinct urge to try to punch a hole in my collapsing mind in order to get out, escape, before being squashed along with it.
        >
        > I yelled out: "Oy, there's some sod out there pulling my mind around and I cannot stop it." I felt real panic coming on fast. The restricting became worse. "If you don't pack it in I am going to be squashed inside it... sod off"! I was about to hurl other choice obscenities when all of a sudden I heard the voice again.... "Relax, take it smoothly"!
        >
        > I was just about to reply 'bugger off' when I suddenly started moving. "Relax, he says... stone me... I'm moving... the whole bloody shebang is sliding away and with me inside it"! "Good grief almighty what the hell is happening"!? "Relax, everything is as it should be, keep calm and relax"! "Relax, he says, who's driving this thing anyway... how do I know its passed its bloody driving test? "And where is it going anyway... go on tell me that"? "Keep quiet, shut up and relax"! With that command, or suggestion, I was stunned to the core. "Oh yes, relax... OK, I'll relax"! Bloody liar I thought to myself, who the hell could relax in a situation like this... this is too ridiculous for words or thought... let alone happening! The moving began to judder; we were up against something of a resistance (me I guess)... "Relax"! "I am relaxing"! (Why can't I be unconscious or dead or something)! I tried hard to think on good things as one does in the dentist's chair while under diabolical pain; although there was no pain here, only fear.
        >
        > "Make out nothing's happening," I thought to myself. The juddering felt like whatever was clogging the works was fighting a losing battle in some inevitable way. There was a huge tug, then a release. I zoomed off like a bullet from a gun; into, or out of, what I knew not.
        >
        > I did not know it at that time, of course, but the events thus far were but the beginning of the act of transcendence, the stripping away (purgation) of the outer world. There then followed the next stage of purgation; the isolation, Limbo. In the dimension of assessment and the discrimination of the parts there will be two in that field; one will be taken and one will remain. But I knew nothing of these things at that young age. So let us continue with the unfolding events themselves as they were known and thought about at that time.
        >
        > *
        >
        >
        > ISOLATION IN LIMBO
        >
        > It was as though I had been ejected from a container of some kind and at high velocity: but I was now in a form of unseen space, a space which was so dark that it was almost a void of creation, but I was aware of a space of some kind in which I existed, and it was all about me. There was a long stunned silence of thought in an instantaneous recognition of the obvious. "Bugger me, why did I not realize it ages ago... I am dead... you're kicking the bucket old son"! Not expecting any answer I shouted out, "I am dead ain't I"!
        >
        > A 'voice' or communication answered, much to my amazement. "Well, if you were dead then you would not know it would you; just think lad, how could you think that you were dead if you were dead"? This was in some ways the most relaxing comment that had come to me since the music episode had ended, and thus in some way it relieved the panic that otherwise would have ensued. I inwardly answered, "That is indeed hard to argue with, but from what I have seen thus far nothing would surprise me"! There was no answer to that, but I distinctly felt the knowledge of something smiling. The sensation was now of existing in a literal space of some kind and yet very different to the confines of what I had taken to be my own collapsing mind and the things which had transpired within it: for now my mind was definitely perceived to be in a space, and free.
        >
        > I suddenly felt totally alone again, or so it was experienced to be. For whatever it was, the other degree of myself or otherness which seemed to have asked the questions was now gone again. I was alone. I guess I must have been fooling myself, for it is obvious that I am dead, or at least on the way to it, for what the hell would I be doing here otherwise? For a moment I wondered whether I was dreaming; perhaps I fell asleep in the chair and this is all a dream and I will wake up in a few moments. But I knew that it was no dream for it was as real as life, too real, albeit so different. I could still see; for that I knew, but there was nothing to see; there was no creation other than myself, my mind in nothing, Limbo.
        >
        > It was indeed in a state of isolation, of existing in nothing created. It was not as though one were simply in a dark place as such, for it was experienced that there was no 'place' to be dark. It was like being stranded, left alone in nothing; separated or beyond any form of creation; abandoned. It was as if all creation had been switched off and had forgotten to take me with it. There was not even a finger to wobble or anything to smell or touch. I thought how much I would have loved to have seen a raindrop or felt the wind in my face. And how I perhaps took such things for granted. "Well, just when you're enjoying yourself, eh," I thought. One could think of this in terms of either a Limbo experience or 'Mind Alone,' for the effect and the experience are the same thing. Naturally I began to feel apprehensive, for one could not do anything. One could not shake oneself out of it, for there was nothing to shake. I began pondering on life, for I had accepted that this was the end of it, or the journey to the end of it. Strangely enough I did not seem as bothered about it as I thought I should have been, and even though I had been cut short in my prime, and at a time when I was enjoying life to the full. I guess I am going to fade out any minute now and there is not much I can do about that now, so why worry about it! But if ever anybody or anything asks me if I want to 'go on' again then I shall certainly ascertain what they mean before committing myself.
        >
        > After awhile something switched on what I instantly thought was a star, a tiny little pinprick of light way off in the distance. I suddenly wondered why I thought that this star was objective to me, for nothing else I had seen could really have been said to be 'objective' in the literal sense; but this star felt to be absolutely objective. I was over here and that thing was over there, and thus real in objective terms. I then questioned where all the other stars had gone, but realized, or perhaps better to say, suddenly remembered, that this was not 'outer space,' but an unknown inner or sub-space somewhere; and heaven only knows where. But if this was supposed to be heaven or afterlife then it was no great shakes; and give me Exmoor any day. Well, star or not it is damned obvious that I am not going to find my own way home from this place. And even if one knew the way back how the hell would one move in that direction? I give up!
        >
        > I began to wonder if my existence was now solely due to my thinking process perhaps. That is to say, I had no body or substance observable. Therefore, perhaps if I stop thinking I would cease to exist. "That's novel," I thought, a bit like Hobson's choice. By the same token, however, if I were to keep thinking then perhaps I could hang about here forever. But my thoughts do not thrill me to that extent so I did not fancy that idea. So perhaps if I stop thinking then I will cease to exist. So I stopped thinking. Nothing happened. I was still there; in nothing and nowhere. Well, that's it then, so much for that experiment! It occurred to me that perhaps the Christians might be right after all and that this distant light was perhaps Dante's Inferno; Wow! Happy days! I didn't think that I had been that bad, however, and not that I believed such stuff anyway; but there you go, eh! Movement seemed to slowly begin. Either toward the tiny little light or else it was itself moving toward me; but no, I felt actual movement somehow.
        >
        > Although I was not really thinking about it I somehow began to question, or at least began to think, about my past life. If this light which is coming toward me (or me it) is death, then I really do have little time to think about life. What about it? Well, it was OK I guess, I seemed to enjoy most of it despite the pains and the poverty, the war and frustration. What did I amount to? Sod all really! Was it fun? Fun!? I did not know it was meant to be fun; did I ask myself that question? What the devil is going on! Was it fun? Well, some of it was, but not all of it, I thought to myself. Would you do it again? Not the same one over again I don't think, a different one maybe. Different in what way? Well, a little less frustration and pain, a little more passion and shared enjoyment. A more meaningful existence somehow maybe. What is enjoyment? Well, you know, enjoyment! No, you tell me what enjoyment is. Well, enjoyment is to love what you are doing, to do what you love doing, and to share that thing and that love with another person, I guess. It is also the joy of taking part, the act of being a part of instigating and spreading that enjoyment of being; a harmony of body and mind in the excitement of experience with others, and also at times on one's own with nature. That, I guess, is what enjoyment is for me anyway. At that point, I felt that I would love to see a tree or a green field; a blade of grass or a drop of rain; or at least to feel a breeze of fresh air. For they were all now lost and gone. It occurred to me that I had not done any breathing for a long time; and nothing to breath with. Would I want to go on living now given the choice? Now that I have come this far I am not sure. It would have to have some meaning to it, some purpose other than mere pleasurable moments and sad moments which amount to nothing really. It would have to have something which is seen, known, to have some meaning to the suffering and pain which is the greater portion of life on earth it would seem. It would have to be worth the effort of the struggle involved.
        >
        > Would I really want to live again now? I am not sure now; but what I think does not really matter now anyway; so I do not want to think any more; sod the lot of it. However, life was certainly better than being here, and that's for sure... and wherever 'here' is... the dungeons of my mind it seems! But what now then? In life I had the option of committing suicide if I wanted or needed to; but I cannot even do that there-here. I wonder where those poor sods went anyway. Perhaps such an act is simply a short cut to where I am now, or where I am headed for... that light is getting bigger, quite close.... Good grief! What the hell... are they doing here?! I suddenly became aware that I was drifting past other beings somehow; hundreds of the buggers. I could not see them as such but I somehow knew they were there, and I could indeed almost see them, a kind of misty outline of some kind. I could somehow feel their presence. I became aware that I was somehow passing people; or beings of some kind anyway. What the hell are they doing here in my mind, or my mind's tomb or whatever or wherever?
        >
        > It was as if I was drifting through their dimension and yet somehow I could feel their presence and somehow 'know' them: an empathy of some kind. These people, whatever they were, were so good. I do not know how I knew that, but I just knew it, and I wanted to be with them above all else. If I were on a bus then I would jump off at this stop, but I can't do sod all. I want to be with them! I wanted to wave at them to attract their attention but I had nothing to wave; yet somehow I understood something; a bit like a conversation by telepathy, I thought. I could feel them and know them, and understand them somehow. Stone me! - they said I cannot be with them... not now! Why not; I want to be with them, they are far nicer than many of the people I came across in life. They are different somehow; strangely different.
        >
        > Then, without more ado or a by your leave, I suddenly shot off like an intergalactic bullet at terrific velocity and away from their dimension of existence, or their imagined existence, or whatever. And the light which had been a mere pin prick of light, the little star, was now much closer and larger. That is no star, I thought; more like a hole with light shining through it, or somehow rather drifting out of it. It was now almost upon me, or me upon it, whichever. I seemed to be in some kind of free fall, a descent or diminishing orbit about it; spiraling toward it.
        >
        > It was as though I could feel my own movement now and almost a sense of rushing air passing me. Hey, this is quite fun, a good feeling. But I do not think it is going to last long somehow! I was no longer questioning whether this light was real but rather what it indeed was, for I was heading for it and fast. It is not a star, it looks more like a hole with light coming out of it from behind. Well, it would seem that it is perhaps the death star after all; happy days! Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of Richard... some hope!
        >
        > Well, what is going to be is now going to be, so sod the lot of it: for there is nothing I can do about it now. But I could go out singing I guess... more dignified than whining. What shall I sing then; it will have to be a short song: Ariva Derchi Roma? Old Langsyne? No, I think I fancy a bit of Bach.... that is certainly a hole... it IS a hole... with light shining through it somehow; what a beautiful light it is to be sure... radiant.... strange... this is IT, I am going into it.... stone the bloody Crows I am falling into it.... Wow!
        >
        > *
        >
        > BEYOND THE WHITE
        >
        > CIRCUMINCESSION OF THE TRINITY OF BEING
        >
        > What happened next is impossible... I think! How do we describe the impossible? An event occurred; one event, but it was experienced twice, and from two different perspectives or points of reference, and thus appeared as two events from hindsight. Yet they could not be remembered during the sequence. They could not be remembered for an infinite duration of time; not until this whole series of events was over and behind me.
        >
        > This event was in a dimension of a trinity of some kind; a trimorphic reality of self in some way. However, observation is always dualistic, the observer and the observed, it seems; but it can take place from three different points of reference in sequence. Is it any wonder that we question our sanity for awhile?
        >
        > I will have to describe the following sequence of events just as though it was experienced at the time and in the sequence in which the events took place. However, at the time, the first sequence could not be remembered during the course of the second sequence and thus it was experienced (at the time) as if I only went into the white light once. But from hindsight it was experienced as going into it twice - even though knowing it was only once. The alternative is that two parts of me went through two different holes at the same time. Confusing is not the word! Who would ask for any of this?
        >
        > I did not experience actually entering the white light. One instant I was about to enter it and the next instant I was inside or beyond it. If it were possible to have blinked one's eyes then I would have assumed that I had blinked and hence missed it. But I know well enough that you cannot open or close those eyes. Moreover, I had no knowledge of ever entering the white light; there was nothing before this event for that part of me in this field. I saw the figure of a Human form. It was tall, elegant, old; and standing on top of high precipice, like a cliff edge. I (this part of me) was in a location just to its left and a little way behind it. But I had no form as did it. I could see the left-hand side of its face and form and way off into a strange kind of distance to the front and all around it. I must have had two eyes for the reality was three dimensional.
        >
        > The space all around was like an eerie white mist and yet somehow without being misty, for vision was crystal clear. I could see over the edge of the precipice where this figure was standing right near the edge of a high drop. However, I myself, the observer, had no form, and this figure, or symbolic emanation of a figure, seemed as though it were not aware of me watching it, whatever it was. Moreover, I had no remembrance of ever arriving here or of anything that had happened before. I did not have a clue what I was, or what I was looking at, or what either of us were doing here: wherever 'here' was. But it was calm, serene, peaceful, poignant, somehow meaningful, but eerie nevertheless; strange; mysterious. I had no thoughts going through me, no feeling, no questioning; no power to think or reason (as one can from hindsight, obviously), but just simply watching and taking it in: and not by choice. I, or this part of me, was just an observer (as far as I know anyway). If one was being precise then that part of myself could be said, from hindsight, to have been like a spare member at a wedding or union (Mutual Convergence). And in the true and deepest sense of that meaning: a mere observer in order to know!
        >
        > The figure was looking down in toward the whiteness, which was a kind of enclosed but huge dome of whiteness. There was only the restriction of whiteness, which created the perception of an enclosure or dome of some kind. But whilst I was observing all this a small dark aperture in an otherwise total whiteness just opened up, like the lens of a camera shutter (the round type). The whiteness was not a blinding whiteness but simply an absolute pure and soft radiant whiteness: but kind of misty. And yet the aperture which opened up like a hole in a wall was absolutely round in form and clear-cut defined. But it was tiny; a small hole. A small dark opening in a 'non-wall' of the mysterious white light; and me with no form, and this form of a figure about three feet in front of me and to my right, just standing there watching this hole appear. Then, all of a sudden, a small ball of gold glowing light popped in through the hole; and as it did so the aperture closed up like magic behind it... like a self-closing door.
        >
        > As the being looked down (it sounds like a fairy story but it is the literal truth of the events so help me the god of truth), this small gold ball of light came through the dark aperture into the white light, and there it just kind of hovered, remained stationary, with this figure watching it and me watching all of it. As I said, as the small gold glowing object entered into the white dome then the aperture through which it had come, the small black hole in the white, simply closed up and became nonexistent behind it; and the light (gold ball) just sat there stationary; a gold ball of light surrounded by a pure white light. And all was still... for ages it seemed. It was eerie, so quiet, yet so profound. There was not a sound or any further movement. All was utter stillness and quiet. Somehow it seemed as if the figure may have been an extension of myself with me having some kind of out-of-body experience in some strange way; for I knew what was going on in its thinking; I think. Yet I was observing from a slight distance away... and objective. The small glowing object looked much like a Ping-Pong ball, and its radiance was a gold glow which stood out in contrast to the surrounding pure and soft white light. As I watched I saw the figure shed one tear; one solitary tear ran down its left cheek; yet it was happy; so happy. I know not how I knew it, but know it I did. The figure was in love with the glowing object. Had I been in a position to think, ask questions, or rationalize during that facet of the events, then I do not know what I would have thought or reasoned, or understood; but I could not. From hindsight it is very strange being a passive observer. From hindsight, however, there are no questions to ask regarding that event as far as I am concerned; for all was understood; it explains itself. Nothing was said; there was not a sound; everything was as stationary as the grave with the exception of that teardrop slowly rolling down a face. No further movement took place. It was profound beyond words. I was not sure whether the figure I had been observing was another part of me or not; indeed, at this point I was not sure of anything, for I could not think; I was simply an observer. The vision then ended as instantly as it had come about, and from that point I had no further memory or recollection of it ever happening; or not for a long time yet to come. An infinite amount of time.
        >
        > THE SECOND, OR PARALLEL ENTRY
        >
        > As I said... this was no star, it is a hole with light shining out of it, and I am damn well falling in to it.... I am going into it.... Wow! I did not actually experience going into the white light; I must have blinked or something. One instant I was about to enter it and the next instant I was inside of it. I was inside some kind of bubble; a bit like a cobweb eggshell, or one of those string lamp shades that gather all the dust. I was aware of myself inside this thing; like an embryo in an egg of some kind; or shell. It was the first time that I could actually see anything of myself since all this began.
        >
        > I was somehow sitting all cramped up like a bloody chicken in an egg; wondering what was on the outside that was so bright; and what the hell was going on now. But thinking did not come easy at that point, or perhaps it was simply more instinctive than rational thinking. But I could still think somehow. Beyond this 'bubble' which I was cooped up in was a pure radiance of brilliant and dazzling white light. A blinding light. I could not seem to think in the normal mode of thinking, although I could indeed still think somehow. I had an instinctive urge of wanting to scratch my way out of this bubble or whatever it was, or at least to see what was outside of it. But there was no form to scratch at. I could not touch anything even though I seemed to have some kind of physical form of some kind. I think it simply must have been too bright and blinding to see properly. I suddenly realized that the light was getting brighter and even brighter by the second; blinding and more blinding all the time. Or perhaps more light was getting in through the mesh of this thing somehow. I began to see something - or it may be more true to say 'know' something: but what is it... I'm not sure... No, no no it can't be... it is... good grief almighty... the thing outside... it is... it is me! With that thought, that event, that vision and knowledge I was dead; gone; finished.
        >
        > I saw no form of anything other than brilliant and blinding light, yet I knew that something outside was myself: it was obvious; axiomatic; absolute knowledge. My being, my consciousness, started spinning, swooning somehow, spinning in a giddiness like a vortex of water going down a bath plug hole: a vortex of self-existence diminishing into nothingness. I knew that my bubble was disintegrating in the light... and so was I... I am going... I am being damn well annihilated, melted down, disintegrated, burnt out, annihilated. It came to pass that everything ended; everything had gone; and I was gone. I and the universe were no more. It was the end of time.
        >
        > * * *
        >
        >
        > THE PARADISE OF THE GROUND OF BEING
        >
        >
        > A Unification in Resurrection
        > within the Virgin Womb of Eternity
        >
        > For an unknown duration after my bubble or shell and I were annihilated there was nothing. One cannot talk about nothing, for nothing is the total lack of experience, oblivion; like being switched off, dead, gone, annihilated. But after a nonduration of time there was a re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of annihilation as such; but the like of which could never be dreamed or imagined. No physical eye has ever seen that place, no hand has touched it, no dreaming mind has thought of it, and its reality has never occurred to the rational mind, which exists in temporality - other than through the memory of the Paradise event itself.
        >
        > Annihilation in that mutual convergence was something like passing through a magic gate: a gap in the universe: a hole in creation, a gate which separates time and temporal things from the transcendent realm of a Divine Eternity, the repose of being. Such death is not a death but rather the ultimate in living, the ultimate in knowing, and the ultimate in comprehension and affirmation. Likewise is it the ultimate in love, passion, wisdom, and understanding. From hindsight one would initially ask the question as to why the nature of things comes to contain such a rare and precious jewel in the crown of creation which would seem to be so jealously guarded, and beyond the moat of annihilation itself, that so few people ever come to be shown it during the course of their life on Earth. A justified question indeed. For everyone should know this yet while they live their lives on Earth; or so would be my own judgement and that of any other human being who had come to witness this wonder beyond all wonders.
        >
        > Dialogue upon the transcendent and eternal realm is not going to be easy for the words we use apply to temporal things and not to the eternal perception of the divine transcendent realm of perfection in which there is knowledge only of the essences of things and not the things themselves. Moreover, the vision of the place itself is not what paradise is all about, for it is about the feeling and the knowing and understanding, not the vision; and even though the vision itself is the vision to end all visions.
        >
        > Among all other things one knows (and realizes from hindsight) is that we are a kind of jug, a vessel, a conduit, through which the life force itself flows. Without created consciousness to act as such vessels there could be no further creation, and no point or meaning to creation without us. We are the banks of the river of the flow of life; and this place is where the banks of the river of life meet the eternal riverbed. However, it is not totally impossible to talk of such reality, only very difficult; but such experience itself solves many mysteries and so-called paradoxes. To say that self-consciousness, or I, is resurrected after annihilation is a most fitting description of the experience, and the best definition of the event. One could also say the annihilation of annihilation; but one cannot say what is happening in absolute objective terms of reality; for you and I can never know that.
        >
        > With regard to the 'awakening' in that realm then, one cannot make an analogy of going to sleep and then waking up in another place, for that gives the impression of a continuity; which it is not. It is a broken continuity of self-being. Broken by the act of annihilation. When we awake from sleep we are the same person that went to sleep; we vaguely remember going to sleep, we remember having been asleep, and when we awake we retain our past memories of having existed before that sleep: and thus a continuity of being even though we underwent an oblivion of consciousness during dreamless sleep. Neither are we actually aware of the point of falling asleep, but we sure are aware of being annihilated; and how. And I often wondered why. But if we did not come to know then we would never know the connection point between time and the everlasting eternal moment of being.
        >
        > Because that place, the transcendent realm, is judged by us (or me) to be perfection, for simplicity I refer to it as Paradise. There are no names, however. It would be misleading to refer to it as 'eternity,' for I always thought of eternity as the sum of all created time. Indeed, time as we know it does not even move there. Thus it is the beginning of time; hence the womb of eternity. Moreover, nothing at all of experienced consciousness has ever known that place and dimension by dwelling there. So it is pristine, fresh, childlike, virgin of any other experience or memory; and hence my justification for referring to it as the 'Virgin Womb of Eternity.' There are no men or women there and the word virgin has no connotations of that ilk.
        >
        > However, let us proceed with the event and the understanding of the eternal wisdom itself. When we awake in paradise we do not awake in the sense of coming out of a sleep; it is nothing like that at all. There is no waking up or sleeping in that realm, for when you are resurrected into it you have always been there; there is no before. Temporality does not apply there. Hence, even if we went there a million times it would always be 'once' from our perception of it anyway; and by virtue of annihilation itself. Paradise is the beginning; and the end is a new beginning. So it is both the beginning and the end, and then the beginning again. It is like the knot that joins a round piece of string or loop; or the weld that holds the circle of being together. It is home! From whence we came. It is my home; everyone's home. We are Twins, divine cosmic twins.
        >
        > One does not wake up then or suddenly come into self-consciousness there for one has always been there and self-conscious within it. Naturally enough, you and I can come to question that truth as it is experienced by the I AM within that realm when we are in extension of it; and don't I know it. But you cannot whilst in there; it is uncontradictable. Thus, when self-consciousness is restored, shall we say, after annihilation, it is not the restoration of the personality that went in, thus it is not really a resurrection in that sense, for that part of ourselves which exists in that realm has always been there; and the part, the personality, that went into annihilation does not exist there; but it is still you; the real you; but the inner and depth eternal you that only this dimension can reveal; and hold. The part that is never let go of. So much depends then on the reference point one is talking from when using the term 'I' or 'me.' Hence we have to come to know our true self; that part which IS the real us, and of which everything else is ultimately objective; even the personality, time, and changing events. In that realm there is no memory of ever having existed before or elsewhere. There is no before or elsewhere. Thus, we are not talking about the personality existing in paradise but that of the person. The personality is washed away in annihilation. But nevertheless that person in paradise is 'me'... 'I am me.' It is still my consciousness (you in your case). But not the you of the temporal senses. The person and the personality are but two parts of our trinity; and the soul or overself is the third part; like three quarks in a proton or three peas in a pod. One could therefore mistakenly talk about the 'I am' which exists in the womb of eternal mind as being objective from the personality of the being in time and space; but to do so would be very wrong and also cause a paradox and an alienation of self from self, or the outer from the inner. Likewise, it is painfully obvious from hindsight that some, if not many (through second-hand dialogue and distortions no doubt) have thought this aspect of being to be the first cause; the unseen living mover of creation itself. But not so; for there is another, and even beyond that depth... beyond our self, and which is not us.
        >
        > It must be remembered that the eternal paradise of the ground of our being is experienced to be the first created thing and place; but certainly not the creative source itself. Although it is known to be the first emanation of the creative source itself, the first act of creation. In the beginning man was indeed in the garden of eternal delight and perfection: paradise. But as I say, it would still require an 'act' to bring forth paradise and the minds within it. Thus it is also known whilst in that place that there is a deeper but uncreated reality. But not a deeper reality that you or I can ever get to; and that is a known fact whilst there. The I am which exists in that reality is not the first cause, and that is axiomatic at the time. It is the first thing 'caused.'
        >
        > However, it was not created in time; certainly not the kind of space-time that you and I know out here. It is deeper down within the inner structure of emanation than the point where space-time becomes a phenomenon of extended reality; just as a river is not the riverbed, but without a river-bed and the banks there could be no river. It is the ground of being; not the creative source of all being.
        >
        > Let us continue, however, with the exegesis as it unfolded. I was resurrected from non-existence, death, into a place of eternal perfection. In that place there is perfect vision (those who are blind will see). A vision which must be from two locations, I guess, because the vision, the place, is three dimensional: binocular vision. There exists width, breadth, and depth. The place or realm, goes on as far as one can see, and into a distance beyond sight itself, for it is everywhere and everything. There is up, and there is down, there is left and there is right, all relative to the point of vision, needless to say. The vision is of darkness and of infinite jewel-like glowing lights. The lights are like jewels, diamonds set in a sea of purple glowing darkness; which is not really dark at all, but somehow pulsating with vitality and being. The lights are small but more than mere points of light, and they are of various sizes and distances apart. Some are even kind of wispy and strung out; but most are roundish. Neither the darkness or the lights can be described in a way that does them justice, for the beauty transcends anything known or knowable. It is the original unadulterated essence and principle of beauty.
        >
        > The lights in that realm are stationary, or so it seems to observation. Nothing moves; all is still and silent. The only thing that moves is I, or self-consciousness. I AM slowly drifts through that realm in a clockwise orbit; a slow orbit, but an orbit nevertheless. Initially it is like a slow drifting in a straight line. However, it is an orbit, a clockwise orbit, assuming the clock were lying face up on the floor. The orbit is of great distance and almost perceived as a straight line, but it is known to be an orbit about an unseen center. The I that exists there (us) has no perceived substance or form, it is just pure virgin primordial consciousness as far as we are concerned; or a mysterious substance that can be made conscious: a 'spirit stuff or energy' of some kind. But what it is made of (if anything other than consciousness) cannot be known. It cannot be seen or touched. It is as if such energy is sacrosanct.
        >
        > There is no form to the eyes that see, for it is the consciousness or energy itself which can see. It can see almost all the way around itself, but not quite all the way around. Thus you cannot see directly behind you, but you can indeed see well to the left and right in greater vision than human vision. In one's drifting in this paradise one does not come into contact with the lights at all; and one does not really know what the lights are (one can deduce from hindsight, though). They are just lights, beautiful lights, and their configuration slowly alters with the perspective of one's movement in orbit.
        >
        > The darkness itself is indescribable; it is like a translucent glow of purple soup which is somehow vibrant, vital; it is not a void and it is not mere space in between the lights; it is a 'something'; but more like a glowing soup or aura, somehow. Perhaps it is the 'stuff' that beings 'congeal' out of; like planets and stars in the universe. And one's orbit is through this divine and wondrous darkness amid the jewel-like lights. Thus, it is a brightness as well as a darkness. Like the twilight of the gods indeed. The description may make it sound a little bit like the physical universe with the stars amid black space; but it is nothing like that at all. If anything, it is more like the vision among a nebula in a past supernova. The lights are much bigger than our perception of stars, which are mere pin pricks of light, and there is a tint of color in them even, as I say, like diamonds; but the predominant aura and glow is white. They have a substance and shape, but there seems to be no absolute uniformity of shape; most seem to be round. The darkness is nothing like outer space, and it is not even dark at all; but darkish, like purple that is glowing. The lights are not as distant as the stars in space, even though they are not in contact; and the distances between them is many times their actual size. Thus, it is not like the emptiness of outer space at all. Moreover, one can see all this without turning one's vision, for indeed, one cannot turn one's vision. There is no 'Oh, I think I will look that way or this way'... you just see it all, all the time. But you also know that you are not seeing 'it all' at all, for it is infinite and everywhere.
        >
        > However, that realm is not about the vision, it is about the magic: the knowing, the understanding, the passion, the reality, the knowing the 'all,' the love, the wisdom, the beauty, and above all else, it is about the purpose of creation and being. It is ineffable, really. In a word it is all about 'being there'; taking part in this Divine mystical union of creation at root beyond time. It seems that the vision itself is a kind of bonus perhaps: a place in which to do this knowing yet whilst in a repose of divine peace; the peace that passes all understanding, perfection, and affirmation of being. It is like an amen to creation; the swan song of perfection. It is like the last chord of the ultimate piece of perfect music; a chord that comes like an amen after that pregnant pause and build-up to the final chord. There could be nothing cleverer and wiser than to have annihilation precede this reality; it is like music in that sense: the last, and divine chord of created being when all has seemed to be done and finished.
        >
        > Nevertheless, it is also the beginning as well as the end, for it is where we come from. It could be described as the cosmological waiting room of created consciousness before transmigration into the experience of time, freedom, and activity. There are no other beings perceived (or even known of) in paradise; one is totally alone with this truth and its reality. Thus the place and the knowledge is all yours, all mine, all beings from their point of reference and consciousness; it is the realm where all centres meet beyond space and time in the primordial Motherload of created consciousness: minds, spirits, beings, whatever you want to call them. 'Motherload' does not mean female either. It means the main seam, the core, and the original. It is pure consciousness; beyond time, space, and memory. It (I AM) is the alpha and omega of all extended minds; the beginning and the end of all created beings in creation; the first creation and the home that awaits the return of all created minds, which are but the children or progeny of creation. Nothing was created before I AM and paradise: and nothing is created after me; I am the beginning and the end of creation.
        >
        > Thus it is that the consciousness in the repose of the eternal domain is the first child of creation - in the Virgin Birth of creation itself. The real and only Virgin Birth (and this one is not symbolic, it is the real thing). Before the mountains high and wide, before the seas did flow, before the stars gave forth their light, even then, I said, I know. Before my personality was, I AM. Before cave men came into being, I AM. Look deeper than the stones of the earth and the oceans, and there you will find me; I am the light which is beyond them all; I am the light of life and the resurrection. Know me, and you will know yourself; for I AM... and you are I AM. Thus, it is not metaphysics but PROTOPHYSICS; before physics. It is not 'after time' (although it is that also); it is before time moved; before changing events emanated forth from the center of all being and the eternal point of no duration. We are there at the beginning, like the observer of the first act of creation. Our self-consciousness in that dimension cannot think; thinking is a temporal process; but it is totally aware nevertheless (thus, knowledge before thought: thus thought depends on knowledge... not the other way around as many seem to assume. Earthly philosophers are like mere babies in Divine ignorance). It (we) is (are) not aware of things as we are aware of things out here, however, but it is an awareness of what can only be described as the essences and eternal principles and qualities of things; truths; depth realities; quality; meaning; purpose; beauty; wisdom; passion.
        >
        > That root of our being of eternal consciousness, that part of ourselves which exists there at the deepest level, the first child of creation, is totally in absolute love, a passion beyond description. It is filled with the passion of being to such a degree that if you and I out here were to have that degree of passion burning inside of our temporal minds or guts then we would blow up (and perhaps this caused it to happen during an incarnate life; who knows, who knows); but such passion is like dynamite. It is not like the watered-down love we know in this world, and certainly wonderful though that be. It is more comparable to the heat at the big bang than to the present cosmic temperature.
        >
        > In this life we tend to think of wisdom as that of knowing what to do, of doing the right and proper thing; because it is wise to do that thing; but that is intelligence, not wisdom. However, the wisdom within that consciousness is nothing like that. Its wisdom is the knowledge of creation itself; the knowledge of the heart: the knowledge of itself and its eternal existence. Knowledge also of that which is not itself; otherness; that which gave event to paradise and oneself; it is uncontradictable certainty of <br/><br/>(Message over 64 KB, truncated)
      • Dick.
        I saw it first yesterday when some folks I know sent emails which were plainly not them. But today he got into one of my Yahoo accounts and did the same. He
        Message 3 of 4 , Jan 30 12:59 PM
          I saw it first yesterday when some folks I know sent emails which were
          plainly not them. But today he got into one of my Yahoo accounts and did
          the same. He sent dozens of emails in my name. I say he, but could be a
          she or it could be an org. But I have done a big clear up on that email
          addy (it is banned here by the way) and I have some spare yahoo emails
          accounts so no problem. It did not affect my private email addresses.

          As for responding to emails I do it in the manner which they have first
          done it. If they are polite then I am polite, and if they ain't I
          can be worse :- )) But as for defending one's life experience then
          why not? If somebody implies that my life was a sham or that I am a
          liar then of course I am going to retaliate. It takes a lot to make me
          wild and it hardly ever happens, but it does happen occasionally. And
          then WHAM !

          Sorry to hear about your childhood etc. We fostered a black girl from
          the slums of Bristol, she was supposed to be a no hoper, but she did so
          well and earns a bomb, but she was always a nice girl. We are very proud
          of her and she got on so well with all my own kids. Anyway I am about
          quit of emails now so I will say cheerio and best wishes.

          Dick Richardson




          --- In existlist@yahoogroups.com, "Mary" wrote:
          >
          > Dick,
          >
          > I have no doubts about your experiences. If you have enemies, it can't
          possibly be about your information but rather how you've interacted with
          people while having to defend it.
          >
          > Best wishes,
          > Mary
          >
          > --- In existlist@yahoogroups.com, "Dick." wrote:
          > >
          > > THE EXCEPTIONAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE NETWORK
          > > 414 Rockledge Road, New Bern, NC 28562. USA
          > >
          > >
          > > Exceptional Human Experience: Volume 13, Number 2. December 1995
          > >
          > >
          > > Abstracts of Articles in Part One.
          > >
          > > 06923. Richardson, Dick. The Divine Reality: Transcendent and
          Immanent.
          > >
          > > Exceptional Human Experience, 1995 (DEC). 13(2), 10-27.
          > >
          > > This piece consists of five chapters excerpted from a book
          manuscript. Some briefer excerpts have been published in various
          periodicals, sometimes summarized. The book consists of experiential
          accounts; the author's interpretation of the experiences, and poetry
          based on his experiences. The primary experiences are presented here
          lightly edited and 'Americanized'. Described are the richest mystical
          encounter experiences I have ever read. They span a time period from
          1963-1983. The initial experience happened when Richardson was age 24
          and had sat down one evening to listen to some music and read the paper.
          The first 4 of 5 parts describes in great detail (etched in memory) the
          experiences he had that evening.
          > >
          > > The first 'Purgation', was "in some respects like being kidnapped
          by divine...perfection". The outer world was stripped away. In the
          second 'Isolation in Limbo', with his mind free in space, he was
          stranded in "nothing" and then fell into a "light hole". In the third,
          "Beyond the White: Circumincession of the Trinity of Being", one event
          was experienced from two reference points simultaneously and seemed to
          be a trinity. It ended when he and everything else ended... "I and the
          universe were no more. It was the end of time". There follows
          "Paradise: The Virgin Womb of Eternity, and a Unification in
          Resurrection". Here, "after a non duration of time there was a
          re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of
          annihilation as such, but the like of which could never be dreamed or
          imagined". In this, the longest section, his description is awesome.
          > >
          > > The final section, 'The Dark Side, (1963-1983): Dichotomy and
          Synthesis', describes the years between this first experience and a
          subsequent one 20 years later. In between he felt much ambivalence and
          confusion as he tried to incorporate what he had experienced while back
          in the everyday world, which was basically good in itself. He finally
          gave up the attempt and tried to forget what he had seen and known. "It
          was too good for me and it was too good for reality itself". He could
          not figure out the point of it all, try as he may. After a month or so
          he had a nightmare, waking in panic, sweat and even blood. He began to
          have psychic experiences in response to questions that concerned him.
          By age 40 all experiences had ceased. Then, one spring morning while
          picnicking with his wife and dog, he had an experience which, unlike the
          others, he could not possibly describe. The transcendent self he had
          known at age 24 became united with his "earthly self". The two
          experiences came together: "In transcendence the outer I had gone to IT;
          but here and now, on earth, IT, the implicate inner reality... had come
          to me".
          > >
          > > This work HAS to be read ! R.A.W
          > >
          > > EDITOR: Rhea A. White
          > >
          > >
          > >
          > > [EHE AUTOBIOGRAPHY: 2]
          > >
          > > THE DIVINE REALITY: TRANSCENDENT AND IMMANENT
          > >
          > > Dick Richardson
          > >
          > >
          > > PURGATION
          > >
          > >
          > > It was approximately 6.45 p.m. when a friend called me on the
          telephone to inquire if I would like to go over to his place for a few
          games of chess. I explained to him that I was baby sitting as my wife
          had just gone out for the evening with friends and would not be back
          until quite late. I was just on the verge of inviting him over to my
          place when, without thinking, I said that I would give it a miss tonight
          and simply have a bath and an early night. I did not know why I had
          said that, for I do not usually talk without thinking what I am going to
          say. Also, I did quite fancy the idea of a few games of chess and
          rarely ever turned down the opportunity. Nevertheless, having said it,
          I let it ride.
          > >
          > > The two youngsters were tucked up for the night and the
          paraphernalia of childhood joy was tidied up as I sat down at about 7
          p.m. I had just placed a couple of large logs on the fire and put a
          record on the machine at random with the intent of a few minutes of
          peace and quiet before going up for a bath. If I had known in advance
          what was going to transpire over the course of the next three hours I
          would have employed a baby sitter and a witness to my own physical
          condition for the duration of that period of time.
          > >
          > > Thus it was that at approximately 7 p.m. on a late winter/early
          spring evening I, a mere ignoramus of twenty-four years of age, sat down
          for a few minutes to read the paper and listen to a record prior to
          having a bath and an early night.
          > >
          > > Just as I sat down in the chair in front of the fire our old cat
          jumped up on my lap. It took me by surprise for I had not seen it
          coming, and thus the thought of leaning over for the newspaper went
          right out of my mind. I made a fuss of the cat as it rolled over into
          the well of my lap with its legs pointing skyward. As I stroked its
          belly it gave out a purr that was almost as loud as a car engine revving
          and fit to rock the chair we were sitting in. I smiled and wondered how
          they did it, and why. I continued to make a fuss of the cat without any
          further thought of reading the paper. In so doing I suddenly became
          aware of the record I had put on simply for background music.
          > >
          > > It turned out to be the last part of the Enigma Variations which
          was to be followed later by the Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis by
          Vaughan Williams (how ironic are those two titles; fantasia and enigma
          indeed). At that time neither of those pieces were favorites of mine; it
          just happened to be the record I pulled out.
          > > The music began to sound like nothing I had ever heard before or
          since. It was as though the music were trying to make me aware of IT.
          It permeated my consciousness in ways that words cannot describe. I had
          a fleeting thought, one of those unsolicited 'pop in' thoughts, which
          said, "sod the paper, listen to the music old son"; and I thought,
          "Yeah... this is good"! In today's language I suppose we would say that
          the music was reaching parts that no other largo could get to. I had
          always loved music, music of all kinds, for it all had its time, place,
          and mood; but this was more than mere music, more than mere sound. I
          relaxed back into the rocking chair with the cat still purring away like
          a traction engine on my lap, although the sound was becoming drowned
          into the distance by the beauty of the music, when suddenly, something
          very strange occurred; and the beginning of I knew not what.
          > >
          > > Instead of relaxing, it was as though my concentration was becoming
          focused, so sharp; like a narrow beam of pointed conscious awareness
          focusing and concentrating like I had never done before, even in the
          midst of chess problems during a good game, and that alone is
          concentration enough, but this was more so. The music had reached a
          degree of profound beauty I had never known or thought could have
          existed. In so attaining I somehow relaxed into it, a kind of kind of
          letting go of objective observation. I gave a kind of unusual sigh and
          an outward exhalation of breath like a long AHH; and just as I did so
          everything vanished, instantaneously, just like creation being switched
          off by the throw of a switch.
          > >
          > > There was no room, no cat, no sound of the fire burning or the
          clock ticking; no cat purring, no chair, no body, no weight, no mass, no
          heat or cold, no gravity, no up or down or this way or that way; there
          was just total blackness and the sound of the music, which was passing
          through my consciousness in waves. This is not a poetic description of
          my listening to the music; it is literal. At the very instant of
          'going' it was as though my ears had been turned inside out; for at one
          instant the music was objective, on the outside, and the next instant it
          was taking place all around, for there was no inside or outside as such.
          Nevertheless, it was as though the music was passing through the point
          (which I was) like waves on a pond, and each wave was of greater
          emotional charge than the one before it. It was as though each wave was
          preparing me for the next wave, and building up into... into I did not
          know what. In some respects it was like being kidnapped by divine
          music, perfection; the only thing that existed in creation was the music
          and myself. It was as though the 'AHH' was still going on but in the
          vastness of the space of the mind alone. It became a reality in which
          there was no dualistic reference between music, and myself but as though
          there was only 'I am the music' in a dance, a swoon of excitement, awe,
          and wonder.
          > >
          > > After an immeasurable duration of time that piece of music ended,
          and there was a stillness and quiet that cannot be described. I did not
          question (at that point) that I had no body or existence other than
          awareness of being. Neither would I have had the time to think of such
          things, for the next piece of music began. To say that the next piece of
          music began is the understatement of all time. It did not begin, it
          flowed. It flowed out of nothingness, like... like I know not what.
          > > Within a few seconds of the music emanating into my consciousness
          there came the most frightening experience I have ever known in my life,
          before or since. The passion and beauty of the sounds were such that my
          mind went... bang! I blew up, fell apart, exploded, or so it seemed.
          As I did so I could see, I had vision, I was no longer in total
          blackness listening to the music for I could see myself exploding and
          expanding. It seemed to be like the big bang itself.
          > >
          > > I could still hear the music, and it was just as well that I could
          for my mind clung to the sound to try and quell the fear and panic which
          was taking place. I could see what can only be described as streaked
          out dots of light which I was expanding into and flying through like a
          supernova. It was like I did not even have time to be frightened, even
          though I was. I was somehow trying to turn the eyes, which I had, away
          from the rushing lights and the vision of this expansion and concentrate
          upon the music. But those eyes (heaven only knows with what one could
          see - but see one could) were eyes that we cannot open or close by our
          own volition; one could not switch the vision or the experience off.
          > >
          > > Just as I thought I was going to expand into infinity and fade away
          into nothingness the expansion stopped. My mind gradually stopped
          expanding and I metaphorically gave a sigh of relief; but there was no
          breath or lungs with which to do it. At that point, it was as if I were
          in a kind of unbounded dome of blackness, and I consisted of nothing
          except a point of consciousness with no boundary or duration, no form;
          just consciousness. I could see what appeared to be tiny points of
          light coming into and out of existence all over the space within which I
          existed. It was much like the vision one would get with one's eyes
          nearly closed while seeing sunlight spots dancing on the surface of a
          fast-flowing river. It was like creation 'stuff' coming and going all
          the time. Throughout all this I could still hear the music. Then came
          the next shock to my system, if a system I had.
          > >
          > > The dots of light that seemed to be coming into and out of
          existence as far as one could see suddenly turned into the music, which
          I could hear, and I could not only hear the music but now also see it.
          There are no words to describe such music made of light. It is a vision
          unlike other vision. It cannot be recreated by imagination within the
          mind from hindsight; it can only be seen and known at the time of the
          event. I saw the music flowing toward me. It was in colors that we
          know and some that we do not know. The essential quality of the light
          was equal to that of the sound of the music. The light itself and the
          colors were not different things, as we tend to know colored light by
          reflections or as sources of light emanating from a certain point. The
          music was the light; the color was the light. It did not flow from
          anything except uncreated into created.
          > >
          > > The fear that I had experienced throughout the expansion or
          whatever it was had now gone and there was nothing but I and the music,
          which I was now within: I became the music; there was not an 'I' and an
          'it.' As this event continued I became aware that I 'knew' the music.
          That is to say, I knew it backwards, forwards, inside out, one note at a
          time or all at once; and I could see it any way I wanted to see it. I
          could become the melody, which I did; I could become the harmony, which
          I did. I could be one note or the whole piece of the music. Reality is
          stranger than fiction; and a damn sight better.
          > >
          > > Whilst this divine dance of music in unison was going on I became
          aware that I was of two natures somehow enshrined in one. There came a
          point whilst I was swimming in this light and music when I became aware
          that I was looking at myself objectively, and it did not seem strange at
          the time.
          > >
          > > 'Myself' did not consist of a body but only of light, but I knew it
          was me, and I thought, "The little one is having the time of his life"
          (which indeed he was), but the other me, or the me of the personality,
          did not know this was going on; only the other bit knew that. Likewise,
          all these things were not being thought about as we do out here in the
          world of temporal forms, but somehow they were just known, and seen, and
          felt, and enjoyed.
          > >
          > > I became aware at that point that there were two aspects of myself:
          one which I refer to as the person and one which I refer to as the
          personality. The latter is an extension and emanation of the former and
          thus a perceived duality, albeit a oneness in the structure of an
          interdimensional vortex of self-existence. I cannot refer to two 'I's,'
          thus I will use the terms person and personality for simplicity. It is
          not so much a case of two aspects of consciousness but more the case of
          what part of the vortex of emanation the consciousness is existing
          within at that instant. One cannot observe from both points of
          reference at the same instant, however; it is either one or the other.
          And it even gets far more complex. But let us proceed in the order of
          the unfolding events.
          > >
          > > At this point, and even though one was aware of what was going on
          at the time, one was not 'bothered about it' so to speak, for I was only
          really concerned about the love of the reality itself, the music, the
          sound, the vision, the event itself, for it was indeed a divine dance of
          the spheres. It was passion and reality unimaginable; it was creation
          par excellence, by magic. The shift from one point of consciousness to
          the other is not an act of willful intent on my (the personality's)
          part; it simply occurred as far as I was aware. How long this music and
          light experience lasted is impossible to say, for although it was a
          temporal process it was a kind of temporality other than is known in
          'normal' or everyday awareness in temporal forms. Likewise, the visions
          and objects of vision were not thought of as extant things existing in
          their own right, such as a tree or a mountain, for it was known and
          understood to be being created at the time and only for its duration and
          effect.
          > >
          > > There came a point, however, when things changed. I suddenly had
          an entirely different vision. It was just at the point when I knew the
          music was going away, ending. My perspective of vision was such that I
          could see a being, a young boy of about twelve years of age, if
          appearances were anything to go by. He was illuminated in a brilliance
          of light and color, as the music had been, and existed in otherwise
          total darkness, but that darkness up around him was lighted like an
          aura. He was sitting on his bum (with nothing underneath him) with one
          arm wrapped around his knees, which were folded up to his chin, and
          waving good-bye to the music with the other hand. It was not a vision
          of any boy or person I had ever seen or known, but I knew that I had to
          take the vision as myself, yet not the self of the personality which I
          knew to be me. Indeed, it was the old me who was doing the observing
          and learning. Such archetypal visions are a kind of learning without
          any words. They are not reasoned or rationalized, and yet they are
          understood implicitly and without thinking about them. The experience
          is the thing itself and the knowledge and understanding is implicit and
          axiomatic. Thus, it is a dialogue without dialogue, and synetic in its
          nature.
          > >
          > > I could see the boy waving good-bye to the music, and I could see
          the music fading away into a distance and into nothingness, being
          uncreated just as easily as it had been created. I also implicitly knew
          what was going on inside him and how he felt. He did not want anything;
          he did not fear the music leaving him, for he loved it, and that was
          sufficient. I cannot find the words to describe the passion and
          feelings that child knew and felt; but he was perfect; and an act which
          I knew that I could not follow. As the music went further away the sound
          of it also diminished. It eventually faded away into nothingness, and
          the boy was alone in his own radiance in otherwise total blackness and
          nothingness. Then the vision disappeared, and there was nothing. I was
          alone with my boring old self, and once again able to think and
          rationalize in the usual manner and seemingly in the usual time span of
          thinking. Yet I was alone in a darkness in which I had no form other
          than conscious awareness.
          > >
          > > I realized that any perception or illusion of 'otherness,' or
          another part of myself, was gone and I was alone with my normal
          personality of the outside world. Yet the world was gone; everything
          was gone except my self-consciousness and its memories. What on earth
          (or elsewhere), is going on; and why? From hindsight one would assume
          that in such a situation one would be terrified, for it was like being
          buried alive (a good analogy). However, the thought of the music, which
          had preceded this situation, must have taken the fear away, even though
          I felt a feeling of great apprehension and a degree of worry. Is one
          going to be stranded here for all time maybe? Is this death? Or am I
          still sitting in the chair with my mind having slipped out of joint
          somehow?
          > >
          > > Have I gone insane? The thoughts that pass through one's mind are
          at times uncontrollable, and in this situation one does not know what to
          think. Surely if I just sit quiet (as if I could do anything other) and
          hang about something will happen; something must happen; I can't just
          hang about here forever; wherever 'here' is. Perhaps someone will come
          into the room soon and realize that my mind has got stuck inside and
          cart me off to a place to get it out again. It was however, the first
          chance I had to think about what the hell was going on; one minute I am
          sitting in the chair minding my own business and the next minute... zap,
          and the world has disappeared, or I from it - which is it? I knew for
          sure that I wanted out from whatever I was in but there was nothing I
          could do about it at all; for I had no control of anything. Just at
          that point, however, and before I had the chance to get really fed up,
          something did happen. I was just thinking how nice it would be to go
          into the kitchen and get a beer or a cup of coffee when something came.
          I could not see what it was for it was still total darkness, but I could
          somehow feel the presence of something I knew not what... Then I heard
          a voice!
          > >
          > > To say that one heard a voice is not true in the sense that one
          normally hears a voice in objective terms across a distance, but it was
          indeed very much like it and also sounded within my mind or
          consciousness somehow. It was as though the point of origin was somehow
          objective, yet from a location from deeper down within myself somehow:
          thus, objective 'inwards,' not 'outwards,' from 'below' as opposed to
          'around' me. Something said, or gave me the understanding by way of
          perceiving a voice; "Do you want to go on?" I cannot describe how I felt
          about that. Nothing would actually shock me (I think) after what had
          transpired since the world had disappeared. Yet this 'request' was
          experienced as totally objective; it was not me that was asking the
          question; it was something else.
          > >
          > > I was too stunned to even think about the meaning of the question
          yet alone where it came from; for something, even an odd sounding voice,
          was better than nothing at all, if indeed it was a voice. Without
          thinking I inwardly yelled out (for the lack of putting it into other
          words, and more in panic); "Go on what"?
          > >
          > >
          > > "Go on further," came the reply or understanding.
          > >
          > >
          > > I was amazed at the logic and reasoning, but I wanted nothing else
          other than normality to be re-established. I was just about to reply
          (for if you can't beat it join it), "No thanks; I have had a wonderful
          time, thank you very much, but I think it's about time that I was
          getting back to normality right now, if it's all the same to you"! (You
          might as well go out laughing, I thought).
          > >
          > > As I was about to respond, however, I was suddenly washed, bathed,
          drowned in a passion, a love, a swoon of ecstasy; to which I responded
          in a way which was a kind of choice which was no choice - an offer one
          cannot refuse. (And not the kind of bath I had intended.) I replied to
          whatever, or wherever, the question emanated from... "OK, let's do it,
          let's go on further"! I did not even know what the question meant let
          alone from whence it came.
          > >
          > > The next thing I was aware of was that the profound overwhelming
          emotion had gone and I was then alone again; but something was
          different... stone me, my mind is BENT... out of shape, distorting! I
          was now experiencing not 'nothing' but decidedly being inside of
          something - inside my own mind, which was being squeezed out of shape.
          Why is my mind not round? (The things one thinks at such a time.) It
          was as if I could see the edges of my own mind in a fuzzy darkness, with
          my consciousness being like a point at its center. Also, my mind was
          being squeezed out of shape, or so it seemed. It was narrower at one
          point than at the other; a bit like a pear. I underwent an experience
          of being squeezed, and I did not like it one bit. I became very
          anxious; or near on panic is more like it. I had a distinct urge to try
          to punch a hole in my collapsing mind in order to get out, escape,
          before being squashed along with it.
          > >
          > > I yelled out: "Oy, there's some sod out there pulling my mind
          around and I cannot stop it." I felt real panic coming on fast. The
          restricting became worse. "If you don't pack it in I am going to be
          squashed inside it... sod off"! I was about to hurl other choice
          obscenities when all of a sudden I heard the voice again.... "Relax,
          take it smoothly"!
          > >
          > > I was just about to reply 'bugger off' when I suddenly started
          moving. "Relax, he says... stone me... I'm moving... the whole bloody
          shebang is sliding away and with me inside it"! "Good grief almighty
          what the hell is happening"!? "Relax, everything is as it should be,
          keep calm and relax"! "Relax, he says, who's driving this thing
          anyway... how do I know its passed its bloody driving test? "And where
          is it going anyway... go on tell me that"? "Keep quiet, shut up and
          relax"! With that command, or suggestion, I was stunned to the core.
          "Oh yes, relax... OK, I'll relax"! Bloody liar I thought to myself, who
          the hell could relax in a situation like this... this is too ridiculous
          for words or thought... let alone happening! The moving began to
          judder; we were up against something of a resistance (me I guess)...
          "Relax"! "I am relaxing"! (Why can't I be unconscious or dead or
          something)! I tried hard to think on good things as one does in the
          dentist's chair while under diabolical pain; although there was no pain
          here, only fear.
          > >
          > > "Make out nothing's happening," I thought to myself. The
          juddering felt like whatever was clogging the works was fighting a
          losing battle in some inevitable way. There was a huge tug, then a
          release. I zoomed off like a bullet from a gun; into, or out of, what I
          knew not.
          > >
          > > I did not know it at that time, of course, but the events thus far
          were but the beginning of the act of transcendence, the stripping away
          (purgation) of the outer world. There then followed the next stage of
          purgation; the isolation, Limbo. In the dimension of assessment and the
          discrimination of the parts there will be two in that field; one will be
          taken and one will remain. But I knew nothing of these things at that
          young age. So let us continue with the unfolding events themselves as
          they were known and thought about at that time.
          > >
          > > *
          > >
          > >
          > > ISOLATION IN LIMBO
          > >
          > > It was as though I had been ejected from a container of some kind
          and at high velocity: but I was now in a form of unseen space, a space
          which was so dark that it was almost a void of creation, but I was aware
          of a space of some kind in which I existed, and it was all about me.
          There was a long stunned silence of thought in an instantaneous
          recognition of the obvious. "Bugger me, why did I not realize it ages
          ago... I am dead... you're kicking the bucket old son"! Not expecting
          any answer I shouted out, "I am dead ain't I"!
          > >
          > > A 'voice' or communication answered, much to my amazement. "Well,
          if you were dead then you would not know it would you; just think lad,
          how could you think that you were dead if you were dead"? This was in
          some ways the most relaxing comment that had come to me since the music
          episode had ended, and thus in some way it relieved the panic that
          otherwise would have ensued. I inwardly answered, "That is indeed hard
          to argue with, but from what I have seen thus far nothing would surprise
          me"! There was no answer to that, but I distinctly felt the knowledge
          of something smiling. The sensation was now of existing in a literal
          space of some kind and yet very different to the confines of what I had
          taken to be my own collapsing mind and the things which had transpired
          within it: for now my mind was definitely perceived to be in a space,
          and free.
          > >
          > > I suddenly felt totally alone again, or so it was experienced to be.
          For whatever it was, the other degree of myself or otherness which
          seemed to have asked the questions was now gone again. I was alone. I
          guess I must have been fooling myself, for it is obvious that I am dead,
          or at least on the way to it, for what the hell would I be doing here
          otherwise? For a moment I wondered whether I was dreaming; perhaps I
          fell asleep in the chair and this is all a dream and I will wake up in a
          few moments. But I knew that it was no dream for it was as real as
          life, too real, albeit so different. I could still see; for that I
          knew, but there was nothing to see; there was no creation other than
          myself, my mind in nothing, Limbo.
          > >
          > > It was indeed in a state of isolation, of existing in nothing
          created. It was not as though one were simply in a dark place as such,
          for it was experienced that there was no 'place' to be dark. It was
          like being stranded, left alone in nothing; separated or beyond any form
          of creation; abandoned. It was as if all creation had been switched off
          and had forgotten to take me with it. There was not even a finger to
          wobble or anything to smell or touch. I thought how much I would have
          loved to have seen a raindrop or felt the wind in my face. And how I
          perhaps took such things for granted. "Well, just when you're enjoying
          yourself, eh," I thought. One could think of this in terms of either a
          Limbo experience or 'Mind Alone,' for the effect and the experience are
          the same thing. Naturally I began to feel apprehensive, for one could
          not do anything. One could not shake oneself out of it, for there was
          nothing to shake. I began pondering on life, for I had accepted that
          this was the end of it, or the journey to the end of it. Strangely
          enough I did not seem as bothered about it as I thought I should have
          been, and even though I had been cut short in my prime, and at a time
          when I was enjoying life to the full. I guess I am going to fade out
          any minute now and there is not much I can do about that now, so why
          worry about it! But if ever anybody or anything asks me if I want to
          'go on' again then I shall certainly ascertain what they mean before
          committing myself.
          > >
          > > After awhile something switched on what I instantly thought was a
          star, a tiny little pinprick of light way off in the distance. I
          suddenly wondered why I thought that this star was objective to me, for
          nothing else I had seen could really have been said to be 'objective' in
          the literal sense; but this star felt to be absolutely objective. I was
          over here and that thing was over there, and thus real in objective
          terms. I then questioned where all the other stars had gone, but
          realized, or perhaps better to say, suddenly remembered, that this was
          not 'outer space,' but an unknown inner or sub-space somewhere; and
          heaven only knows where. But if this was supposed to be heaven or
          afterlife then it was no great shakes; and give me Exmoor any day. Well,
          star or not it is damned obvious that I am not going to find my own way
          home from this place. And even if one knew the way back how the hell
          would one move in that direction? I give up!
          > >
          > > I began to wonder if my existence was now solely due to my thinking
          process perhaps. That is to say, I had no body or substance observable.
          Therefore, perhaps if I stop thinking I would cease to exist. "That's
          novel," I thought, a bit like Hobson's choice. By the same token,
          however, if I were to keep thinking then perhaps I could hang about here
          forever. But my thoughts do not thrill me to that extent so I did not
          fancy that idea. So perhaps if I stop thinking then I will cease to
          exist. So I stopped thinking. Nothing happened. I was still there; in
          nothing and nowhere. Well, that's it then, so much for that experiment!
          It occurred to me that perhaps the Christians might be right after all
          and that this distant light was perhaps Dante's Inferno; Wow! Happy
          days! I didn't think that I had been that bad, however, and not that I
          believed such stuff anyway; but there you go, eh! Movement seemed to
          slowly begin. Either toward the tiny little light or else it was itself
          moving toward me; but no, I felt actual movement somehow.
          > >
          > > Although I was not really thinking about it I somehow began to
          question, or at least began to think, about my past life. If this light
          which is coming toward me (or me it) is death, then I really do have
          little time to think about life. What about it? Well, it was OK I
          guess, I seemed to enjoy most of it despite the pains and the poverty,
          the war and frustration. What did I amount to? Sod all really! Was it
          fun? Fun!? I did not know it was meant to be fun; did I ask myself
          that question? What the devil is going on! Was it fun? Well, some of
          it was, but not all of it, I thought to myself. Would you do it again?
          Not the same one over again I don't think, a different one maybe.
          Different in what way? Well, a little less frustration and pain, a
          little more passion and shared enjoyment. A more meaningful existence
          somehow maybe. What is enjoyment? Well, you know, enjoyment! No, you
          tell me what enjoyment is. Well, enjoyment is to love what you are
          doing, to do what you love doing, and to share that thing and that love
          with another person, I guess. It is also the joy of taking part, the
          act of being a part of instigating and spreading that enjoyment of
          being; a harmony of body and mind in the excitement of experience with
          others, and also at times on one's own with nature. That, I guess, is
          what enjoyment is for me anyway. At that point, I felt that I would
          love to see a tree or a green field; a blade of grass or a drop of rain;
          or at least to feel a breeze of fresh air. For they were all now lost
          and gone. It occurred to me that I had not done any breathing for a
          long time; and nothing to breath with. Would I want to go on living now
          given the choice? Now that I have come this far I am not sure. It
          would have to have some meaning to it, some purpose other than mere
          pleasurable moments and sad moments which amount to nothing really. It
          would have to have something which is seen, known, to have some meaning
          to the suffering and pain which is the greater portion of life on earth
          it would seem. It would have to be worth the effort of the struggle
          involved.
          > >
          > > Would I really want to live again now? I am not sure now; but what
          I think does not really matter now anyway; so I do not want to think any
          more; sod the lot of it. However, life was certainly better than being
          here, and that's for sure... and wherever 'here' is... the dungeons of
          my mind it seems! But what now then? In life I had the option of
          committing suicide if I wanted or needed to; but I cannot even do that
          there-here. I wonder where those poor sods went anyway. Perhaps such
          an act is simply a short cut to where I am now, or where I am headed
          for... that light is getting bigger, quite close.... Good grief! What
          the hell... are they doing here?! I suddenly became aware that I was
          drifting past other beings somehow; hundreds of the buggers. I could
          not see them as such but I somehow knew they were there, and I could
          indeed almost see them, a kind of misty outline of some kind. I could
          somehow feel their presence. I became aware that I was somehow passing
          people; or beings of some kind anyway. What the hell are they doing
          here in my mind, or my mind's tomb or whatever or wherever?
          > >
          > > It was as if I was drifting through their dimension and yet somehow
          I could feel their presence and somehow 'know' them: an empathy of some
          kind. These people, whatever they were, were so good. I do not know
          how I knew that, but I just knew it, and I wanted to be with them above
          all else. If I were on a bus then I would jump off at this stop, but I
          can't do sod all. I want to be with them! I wanted to wave at them to
          attract their attention but I had nothing to wave; yet somehow I
          understood something; a bit like a conversation by telepathy, I thought.
          I could feel them and know them, and understand them somehow. Stone
          me! - they said I cannot be with them... not now! Why not; I want to be
          with them, they are far nicer than many of the people I came across in
          life. They are different somehow; strangely different.
          > >
          > > Then, without more ado or a by your leave, I suddenly shot off like
          an intergalactic bullet at terrific velocity and away from their
          dimension of existence, or their imagined existence, or whatever. And
          the light which had been a mere pin prick of light, the little star, was
          now much closer and larger. That is no star, I thought; more like a
          hole with light shining through it, or somehow rather drifting out of
          it. It was now almost upon me, or me upon it, whichever. I seemed to
          be in some kind of free fall, a descent or diminishing orbit about it;
          spiraling toward it.
          > >
          > > It was as though I could feel my own movement now and almost a
          sense of rushing air passing me. Hey, this is quite fun, a good
          feeling. But I do not think it is going to last long somehow! I was
          no longer questioning whether this light was real but rather what it
          indeed was, for I was heading for it and fast. It is not a star, it
          looks more like a hole with light coming out of it from behind. Well,
          it would seem that it is perhaps the death star after all; happy days!
          Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of Richard... some
          hope!
          > >
          > > Well, what is going to be is now going to be, so sod the lot of it:
          for there is nothing I can do about it now. But I could go out singing
          I guess... more dignified than whining. What shall I sing then; it will
          have to be a short song: Ariva Derchi Roma? Old Langsyne? No, I think
          I fancy a bit of Bach.... that is certainly a hole... it IS a hole...
          with light shining through it somehow; what a beautiful light it is to
          be sure... radiant.... strange... this is IT, I am going into it....
          stone the bloody Crows I am falling into it.... Wow!
          > >
          > > *
          > >
          > > BEYOND THE WHITE
          > >
          > > CIRCUMINCESSION OF THE TRINITY OF BEING
          > >
          > > What happened next is impossible... I think! How do we describe
          the impossible? An event occurred; one event, but it was experienced
          twice, and from two different perspectives or points of reference, and
          thus appeared as two events from hindsight. Yet they could not be
          remembered during the sequence. They could not be remembered for an
          infinite duration of time; not until this whole series of events was
          over and behind me.
          > >
          > > This event was in a dimension of a trinity of some kind; a
          trimorphic reality of self in some way. However, observation is always
          dualistic, the observer and the observed, it seems; but it can take
          place from three different points of reference in sequence. Is it any
          wonder that we question our sanity for awhile?
          > >
          > > I will have to describe the following sequence of events just as
          though it was experienced at the time and in the sequence in which the
          events took place. However, at the time, the first sequence could not
          be remembered during the course of the second sequence and thus it was
          experienced (at the time) as if I only went into the white light once.
          But from hindsight it was experienced as going into it twice - even
          though knowing it was only once. The alternative is that two parts of
          me went through two different holes at the same time. Confusing is not
          the word! Who would ask for any of this?
          > >
          > > I did not experience actually entering the white light. One
          instant I was about to enter it and the next instant I was inside or
          beyond it. If it were possible to have blinked one's eyes then I would
          have assumed that I had blinked and hence missed it. But I know well
          enough that you cannot open or close those eyes. Moreover, I had no
          knowledge of ever entering the white light; there was nothing before
          this event for that part of me in this field. I saw the figure of a
          Human form. It was tall, elegant, old; and standing on top of high
          precipice, like a cliff edge. I (this part of me) was in a location
          just to its left and a little way behind it. But I had no form as did
          it. I could see the left-hand side of its face and form and way off
          into a strange kind of distance to the front and all around it. I must
          have had two eyes for the reality was three dimensional.
          > >
          > > The space all around was like an eerie white mist and yet somehow
          without being misty, for vision was crystal clear. I could see over the
          edge of the precipice where this figure was standing right near the edge
          of a high drop. However, I myself, the observer, had no form, and this
          figure, or symbolic emanation of a figure, seemed as though it were not
          aware of me watching it, whatever it was. Moreover, I had no
          remembrance of ever arriving here or of anything that had happened
          before. I did not have a clue what I was, or what I was looking at, or
          what either of us were doing here: wherever 'here' was. But it was
          calm, serene, peaceful, poignant, somehow meaningful, but eerie
          nevertheless; strange; mysterious. I had no thoughts going through me,
          no feeling, no questioning; no power to think or reason (as one can from
          hindsight, obviously), but just simply watching and taking it in: and
          not by choice. I, or this part of me, was just an observer (as far as I
          know anyway). If one was being precise then that part of myself could
          be said, from hindsight, to have been like a spare member at a wedding
          or union (Mutual Convergence). And in the true and deepest sense of
          that meaning: a mere observer in order to know!
          > >
          > > The figure was looking down in toward the whiteness, which was a
          kind of enclosed but huge dome of whiteness. There was only the
          restriction of whiteness, which created the perception of an enclosure
          or dome of some kind. But whilst I was observing all this a small dark
          aperture in an otherwise total whiteness just opened up, like the lens
          of a camera shutter (the round type). The whiteness was not a blinding
          whiteness but simply an absolute pure and soft radiant whiteness: but
          kind of misty. And yet the aperture which opened up like a hole in a
          wall was absolutely round in form and clear-cut defined. But it was
          tiny; a small hole. A small dark opening in a 'non-wall' of the
          mysterious white light; and me with no form, and this form of a figure
          about three feet in front of me and to my right, just standing there
          watching this hole appear. Then, all of a sudden, a small ball of gold
          glowing light popped in through the hole; and as it did so the aperture
          closed up like magic behind it... like a self-closing door.
          > >
          > > As the being looked down (it sounds like a fairy story but it is
          the literal truth of the events so help me the god of truth), this small
          gold ball of light came through the dark aperture into the white light,
          and there it just kind of hovered, remained stationary, with this figure
          watching it and me watching all of it. As I said, as the small gold
          glowing object entered into the white dome then the aperture through
          which it had come, the small black hole in the white, simply closed up
          and became nonexistent behind it; and the light (gold ball) just sat
          there stationary; a gold ball of light surrounded by a pure white light.
          And all was still... for ages it seemed. It was eerie, so quiet, yet so
          profound. There was not a sound or any further movement. All was utter
          stillness and quiet. Somehow it seemed as if the figure may have been
          an extension of myself with me having some kind of out-of-body
          experience in some strange way; for I knew what was going on in its
          thinking; I think. Yet I was observing from a slight distance away...
          and objective. The small glowing object looked much like a Ping-Pong
          ball, and its radiance was a gold glow which stood out in contrast to
          the surrounding pure and soft white light. As I watched I saw the
          figure shed one tear; one solitary tear ran down its left cheek; yet it
          was happy; so happy. I know not how I knew it, but know it I did. The
          figure was in love with the glowing object. Had I been in a position to
          think, ask questions, or rationalize during that facet of the events,
          then I do not know what I would have thought or reasoned, or understood;
          but I could not. From hindsight it is very strange being a passive
          observer. From hindsight, however, there are no questions to ask
          regarding that event as far as I am concerned; for all was understood;
          it explains itself. Nothing was said; there was not a sound; everything
          was as stationary as the grave with the exception of that teardrop
          slowly rolling down a face. No further movement took place. It was
          profound beyond words. I was not sure whether the figure I had been
          observing was another part of me or not; indeed, at this point I was not
          sure of anything, for I could not think; I was simply an observer. The
          vision then ended as instantly as it had come about, and from that point
          I had no further memory or recollection of it ever happening; or not for
          a long time yet to come. An infinite amount of time.
          > >
          > > THE SECOND, OR PARALLEL ENTRY
          > >
          > > As I said... this was no star, it is a hole with light shining out
          of it, and I am damn well falling in to it.... I am going into it....
          Wow! I did not actually experience going into the white light; I must
          have blinked or something. One instant I was about to enter it and the
          next instant I was inside of it. I was inside some kind of bubble; a
          bit like a cobweb eggshell, or one of those string lamp shades that
          gather all the dust. I was aware of myself inside this thing; like an
          embryo in an egg of some kind; or shell. It was the first time that I
          could actually see anything of myself since all this began.
          > >
          > > I was somehow sitting all cramped up like a bloody chicken in an
          egg; wondering what was on the outside that was so bright; and what the
          hell was going on now. But thinking did not come easy at that point, or
          perhaps it was simply more instinctive than rational thinking. But I
          could still think somehow. Beyond this 'bubble' which I was cooped up
          in was a pure radiance of brilliant and dazzling white light. A
          blinding light. I could not seem to think in the normal mode of
          thinking, although I could indeed still think somehow. I had an
          instinctive urge of wanting to scratch my way out of this bubble or
          whatever it was, or at least to see what was outside of it. But there
          was no form to scratch at. I could not touch anything even though I
          seemed to have some kind of physical form of some kind. I think it
          simply must have been too bright and blinding to see properly. I
          suddenly realized that the light was getting brighter and even brighter
          by the second; blinding and more blinding all the time. Or perhaps more
          light was getting in through the mesh of this thing somehow. I began to
          see something - or it may be more true to say 'know' something: but what
          is it... I'm not sure... No, no no it can't be... it is... good grief
          almighty... the thing outside... it is... it is me! With that thought,
          that event, that vision and knowledge I was dead; gone; finished.
          > >
          > > I saw no form of anything other than brilliant and blinding light,
          yet I knew that something outside was myself: it was obvious; axiomatic;
          absolute knowledge. My being, my consciousness, started spinning,
          swooning somehow, spinning in a giddiness like a vortex of water going
          down a bath plug hole: a vortex of self-existence diminishing into
          nothingness. I knew that my bubble was disintegrating in the light...
          and so was I... I am going... I am being damn well annihilated, melted
          down, disintegrated, burnt out, annihilated. It came to pass that
          everything ended; everything had gone; and I was gone. I and the
          universe were no more. It was the end of time.
          > >
          > > * * *
          > >
          > >
          > > THE PARADISE OF THE GROUND OF BEING
          > >
          > >
          > > A Unification in Resurrection
          > > within the Virgin Womb of Eternity
          > >
          > > For an unknown duration after my bubble or shell and I were
          annihilated there was nothing. One cannot talk about nothing, for
          nothing is the total lack of experience, oblivion; like being switched
          off, dead, gone, annihilated. But after a nonduration of time there was
          a re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of
          annihilation as such; but the like of which could never be dreamed or
          imagined. No physical eye has ever seen that place, no hand has touched
          it, no dreaming mind has thought of it, and its reality has never
          occurred to the rational mind, which exists in temporality - other than
          through the memory of the Paradise event itself.
          > >
          > > Annihilation in that mutual convergence was something like passing
          through a magic gate: a gap in the universe: a hole in creation, a gate
          which separates time and temporal things from the transcendent realm of
          a Divine Eternity, the repose of being. Such death is not a death but
          rather the ultimate in living, the ultimate in knowing, and the ultimate
          in comprehension and affirmation. Likewise is it the ultimate in love,
          passion, wisdom, and understanding. From hindsight one would initially
          ask the question as to why the nature of things comes to contain such a
          rare and precious jewel in the crown of creation which would seem to be
          so jealously guarded, and beyond the moat of annihilation itself, that
          so few people ever come to be shown it during the course of their life
          on Earth. A justified question indeed. For everyone should know this
          yet while they live their lives on Earth; or so would be my own
          judgement and that of any other human being who had come to witness this
          wonder beyond all wonders.
          > >
          > > Dialogue upon the transcendent and eternal realm is not going to be
          easy for the words we use apply to temporal things and not to the
          eternal perception of the divine transcendent realm of perfection in
          which there is knowledge only of the essences of things and not the
          things themselves. Moreover, the vision of the place itself is not what
          paradise is all about, for it is about the feeling and the knowing and
          understanding, not the vision; and even though the vision itself is the
          vision to end all visions.
          > >
          > > Among all other things one knows (and realizes from hindsight) is
          that we are a kind of jug, a vessel, a conduit, through which the life
          force itself flows. Without created consciousness to act as such
          vessels there could be no further creation, and no point or meaning to
          creation without us. We are the banks of the river of the flow of life;
          and this place is where the banks of the river of life meet the eternal
          riverbed. However, it is not totally impossible to talk of such
          reality, only very difficult; but such experience itself solves many
          mysteries and so-called paradoxes. To say that self-consciousness, or
          I, is resurrected after annihilation is a most fitting description of
          the experience, and the best definition of the event. One could also say
          the annihilation of annihilation; but one cannot say what is happening
          in absolute objective terms of reality; for you and I can never know
          that.
          > >
          > > With regard to the 'awakening' in that realm then, one cannot
          make an analogy of going to sleep and then waking up in another place,
          for that gives the impression of a continuity; which it is not. It is a
          broken continuity of self-being. Broken by the act of annihilation.
          When we awake from sleep we are the same person that went to sleep; we
          vaguely remember going to sleep, we remember having been asleep, and
          when we awake we retain our past memories of having existed before that
          sleep: and thus a continuity of being even though we underwent an
          oblivion of consciousness during dreamless sleep. Neither are we
          actually aware of the point of falling asleep, but we sure are aware of
          being annihilated; and how. And I often wondered why. But if we did
          not come to know then we would never know the connection point between
          time and the everlasting eternal moment of being.
          > >
          > > Because that place, the transcendent realm, is judged by us (or me)
          to be perfection, for simplicity I refer to it as Paradise. There are
          no names, however. It would be misleading to refer to it as 'eternity,'
          for I always thought of eternity as the sum of all created time.
          Indeed, time as we know it does not even move there. Thus it is the
          beginning of time; hence the womb of eternity. Moreover, nothing at all
          of experienced consciousness has ever known that place and dimension by
          dwelling there. So it is pristine, fresh, childlike, virgin of any
          other experience or memory; and hence my justification for referring to
          it as the 'Virgin Womb of Eternity.' There are no men or women there
          and the word virgin has no connotations of that ilk.
          > >
          > > However, let us proceed with the event and the understanding of the
          eternal wisdom itself. When we awake in paradise we do not awake in the
          sense of coming out of a sleep; it is nothing like that at all. There
          is no waking up or sleeping in that realm, for when you are resurrected
          into it you have always been there; there is no before. Temporality
          does not apply there. Hence, even if we went there a million times it
          would always be 'once' from our perception of it anyway; and by virtue
          of annihilation itself. Paradise is the beginning; and the end is a
          new beginning. So it is both the beginning and the end, and then the
          beginning again. It is like the knot that joins a round piece of string
          or loop; or the weld that holds the circle of being together. It is
          home! From whence we came. It is my home; everyone's home. We are
          Twins, divine cosmic twins.
          > >
          > > One does not wake up then or suddenly come into self-consciousness
          there for one has always been there and self-conscious within it.
          Naturally enough, you and I can come to question that truth as it is
          experienced by the I AM within that realm when we are in extension of
          it; and don't I know it. But you cannot whilst in there; it is
          uncontradictable. Thus, when self-consciousness is restored, shall we
          say, after annihilation, it is not the restoration of the personality
          that went in, thus it is not really a resurrection in that sense, for
          that part of ourselves which exists in that realm has always been there;
          and the part, the personality, that went into annihilation does not
          exist there; but it is still you; the real you; but the inner and depth
          eternal you that only this dimension can reveal; and hold. The part
          that is never let go of. So much depends then on the reference point
          one is talking from when using the term 'I' or 'me.' Hence we have to
          come to know our true self; that part which IS the real us, and of which
          everything else is ultimately objective; even the personality, time, and
          changing events. In that realm there is no memory of ever having
          existed before or elsewhere. There is no before or elsewhere. Thus, we
          are not talking about the personality existing in paradise but that of
          the person. The personality is washed away in annihilation. But
          nevertheless that person in paradise is 'me'... 'I am me.' It is still
          my consciousness (you in your case). But not the you of the temporal
          senses. The person and the personality are but two parts of our
          trinity; and the soul or overself is the third part; like three quarks
          in a proton or three peas in a pod. One could therefore mistakenly talk
          about the 'I am' which exists in the womb of eternal mind as being
          objective from the personality of the being in time and space; but to do
          so would be very wrong and also cause a paradox and an alienation of
          self from self, or the outer from the inner. Likewise, it is painfully
          obvious from hindsight that some, if not many (through second-hand
          dialogue and distortions no doubt) have thought this aspect of being to
          be the first cause; the unseen living mover of creation itself. But not
          so; for there is another, and even beyond that depth... beyond our self,
          and which is not us.
          > >
          > > It must be remembered that the eternal paradise of the ground of
          our being is experienced to be the first created thing and place; but
          certainly not the creative source itself. Although it is known to be
          the first emanation of the creative source itself, the first act of
          creation. In the beginning man was indeed in the garden of eternal
          delight and perfection: paradise. But as I say, it would still require
          an 'act' to bring forth paradise and the minds within it. Thus it is
          also known whilst in that place that there is a deeper but uncreated
          reality. But not a deeper reality that you or I can ever get to; and
          that is a known fact whilst there. The I am which exists in that
          reality is not the first cause, and that is axiomatic at the time. It
          is the first thing 'caused.'
          > >
          > > However, it was not created in time; certainly not the kind of
          space-time that you and I know out here. It is deeper down within the
          inner structure of emanation than the point where space-time becomes a
          phenomenon of extended reality; just as a river is not the riverbed, but
          without a river-bed and the banks there could be no river. It is the
          ground of being; not the creative source of all being.
          > >
          > > Let us continue, however, with the exegesis as it unfolded. I was
          resurrected from non-existence, death, into a place of eternal
          perfection. In that place there is perfect vision (those who are blind
          will see). A vision which must be from two locations, I guess, because
          the vision, the place, is three dimensional: binocular vision. There
          exists width, breadth, and depth. The place or realm, goes on as far as
          one can see, and into a distance beyond sight itself, for it is
          everywhere and everything. There is up, and there is down, there is
          left and there is right, all relative to the point of vision, needless
          to say. The vision is of darkness and of infinite jewel-like glowing
          lights. The lights are like jewels, diamonds set in a sea of purple
          glowing darkness; which is not really dark at all, but somehow pulsating
          with vitality and being. The lights are small but more than mere points
          of light, and they are of various sizes and distances apart. Some are
          even kind of wispy and strung out; but most are roundish. Neither the
          darkness or the lights can be described in a way that does them justice,
          for the beauty transcends anything known or knowable. It is the
          original unadulterated essence and principle of beauty.
          > >
          > > The lights in that realm are stationary, or so it seems to
          observation. Nothing moves; all is still and silent. The only thing
          that moves is I, or self-consciousness. I AM slowly drifts through that
          realm in a clockwise orbit; a slow orbit, but an orbit nevertheless.
          Initially it is like a slow drifting in a straight line. However, it is
          an orbit, a clockwise orbit, assuming the clock were lying face up on
          the floor. The orbit is of great distance and almost perceived as a
          straight line, but it is known to be an orbit about an unseen center.
          The I that exists there (us) has no perceived substance or form, it is
          just pure virgin primordial consciousness as far as we are concerned; or
          a mysterious substance that can be made conscious: a 'spirit stuff or
          energy' of some kind. But what it is made of (if anything other than
          consciousness) cannot be known. It cannot be seen or touched. It is as
          if such energy is sacrosanct.
          > >
          > > There is no form to the eyes that see, for it is the consciousness
          or energy itself which can see. It can see almost all the way around
          itself, but not quite all the way around. Thus you cannot see directly
          behind you, but you can indeed see well to the left and right in greater
          vision than human vision. In one's drifting in this paradise one does
          not come into contact with the lights at all; and one does not really
          know what the lights are (one can deduce from hindsight, though). They
          are just lights, beautiful lights, and their configuration slowly alters
          with the perspective of one's movement in orbit.
          > >
          > > The darkness itself is indescribable; it is like a translucent glow
          of purple soup which is somehow vibrant, vital; it is not a void and it
          is not mere space in between the lights; it is a 'something'; but more
          like a glowing soup or aura, somehow. Perhaps it is the 'stuff' that
          beings 'congeal' out of; like planets and stars in the universe. And
          one's orbit is through this divine and wondrous darkness amid the
          jewel-like lights. Thus, it is a brightness as well as a darkness.
          Like the twilight of the gods indeed. The description may make it sound
          a little bit like the physical universe with the stars amid black space;
          but it is nothing like that at all. If anything, it is more like the
          vision among a nebula in a past supernova. The lights are much bigger
          than our perception of stars, which are mere pin pricks of light, and
          there is a tint of color in them even, as I say, like diamonds; but the
          predominant aura and glow is white. They have a substance and shape,
          but there seems to be no absolute uniformity of shape; most seem to be
          round. The darkness is nothing like outer space, and it is not even
          dark at all; but darkish, like purple that is glowing. The lights are
          not as distant as the stars in space, even though they are not in
          contact; and the distances between them is many times their actual size.
          Thus, it is not like the emptiness of outer space at all. Moreover, one
          can see all this without turning one's vision, for indeed, one cannot
          turn one's vision. There is no 'Oh, I think I will look that way or
          this way'... you just see it all, all the time. But you also know that
          you are not seeing 'it all' at all, for it is infinite and everywhere.
          > >
          > > However, that realm is not about the vision, it is about the magic:
          the knowing, the understanding, the passion, the reality, the knowing
          the 'all,' the love, the wisdom, the beauty, and above all else, it is
          about the purpose of creation and being. It is ineffable, really. In a
          word it is all about 'being there'; taking part in this Divine mystical
          union of creation at root beyond time. It seems that the vision itself
          is a kind of bonus perhaps: a place in which to do this knowing yet
          whilst in a repose of divine peace; the peace that passes all
          understanding, perfection, and affirmation of being. It is like an amen
          to creation; the swan song of perfection. It is like the last chord of
          the ultimate piece of perfect music; a chord that comes like an amen
          after that pregnant pause and build-up to the final chord. There could
          be nothing cleverer and wiser than to have annihilation precede this
          reality; it is like music in that sense: the last, and divine chord of
          created being when all has seemed to be done and finished.
          > >
          > > Nevertheless, it is also the beginning as well as the end, for it
          is where we come from. It could be described as the cosmological
          waiting room of created consciousness before transmigration into the
          experience of time, freedom, and activity. There are no other beings
          perceived (or even known of) in paradise; one is totally alone with this
          truth and its reality. Thus the place and the knowledge is all yours,
          all mine, all beings from their point of reference and consciousness; it
          is the realm where all centres meet beyond space and time in the
          primordial Motherload of created consciousness: minds, spirits, beings,
          whatever you want to call them. 'Motherload' does not mean female
          either. It means the main seam, the core, and the original. It is pure
          consciousness; beyond time, space, and memory. It (I AM) is the alpha
          and omega of all extended minds; the beginning and the end of all
          created beings in creation; the first creation and the home that awaits
          the return of all created minds, which are but the children or progeny
          of creation. Nothing was created before I AM and paradise: and nothing
          is created after me; I am the beginning and the end of creation.
          > >
          > > Thus it is that the consciousness in the repose of the eternal
          domain is the first child of creation - in the Virgin Birth of creation
          itself. The real and only Virgin Birth (and this one is not symbolic,
          it is the real thing). Before the mountains high and wide, before the
          seas did flow, before the stars gave forth their light, even then, I
          said, I know. Before my personality was, I AM. Before cave men came
          into being, I AM. Look deeper than the stones of the earth and the
          oceans, and there you will find me; I am the light which is beyond them
          all; I am the light of life and the resurrection. Know me, and you will
          know yourself; for I AM... and you are I AM. Thus, it is not
          metaphysics but PROTOPHYSICS; before physics. It is not 'after time'
          (although it is that also); it is before time moved; before changing
          events emanated forth from the center of all being and the eternal point
          of no duration. We are there at the beginning, like the observer of the
          first act of creation. Our self-consciousness in that dimension cannot
          think; thinking is a temporal process; but it is totally aware
          nevertheless (thus, knowledge before thought: thus thought depends on
          knowledge... not the other way around as many seem to assume. Earthly
          philosophers are like mere babies in Divine ignorance). It (we) is
          (are) not awar<br/><br/>(Message over 64 KB, truncated)
        • devindersingh
          ... created consciousness before transmigration into the experience of time, freedom, and activity. The ancient Indian Rishis called it vignayn. This place has
          Message 4 of 4 , Feb 14, 2013
            > Dick: It could be described as the cosmological waiting room of
            created
            consciousness before transmigration into the experience of time,
            freedom, and
            activity.
            The ancient Indian Rishis called it vignayn. This place has been seen
            and documented. It is the golden lid of the Upanishads, that separates
            "that" from "this". Sri Aurobindo calls it the supermind. This was
            commented on your
            group:http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/The_Psychognosis_Archive/messag\
            e/5526In Indian philosophy, the Absolute is conceived of as being
            Sat-Chit-Ananda, of the nature of pure Being, Consciousness, and Bliss.
            On the basis of this, Sri Aurobindo speaks of the "Upper Hemisphere" or
            "Supreme [Absolute-Divine] Nature" which constitutes infinite and
            unitary existence, and which he divides into the planes of Pure Being
            (Sat), Consciousness-Force (Chit-Tapas
            <http://www.kheper.net/topics/Aurobindo/Chit-Tapas.html> ), Bliss
            (Ananda), and Truth-Consciousness ("Supermind
            <http://www.kheper.net/topics/Aurobindo/Supermind.htm> "). The latter
            constitutes a somewhat more manifest level then Sachchidananda
            (Being-Consciousness-Bliss), a sort of "logos" or "Divine Mind" between
            the true Unmanifest and the Creation. But all these realities are
            eternally pre-existent, and constituting the modes or qualities of the
            Absolute. See also:
            http://www.kheper.net/topics/Aurobindo/Sachchidananda.htm
            --- In existlist@yahoogroups.com, "Dick." wrote:
            >
            > THE EXCEPTIONAL HUMAN EXPERIENCE NETWORK
            > 414 Rockledge Road, New Bern, NC 28562. USA
            >
            >
            > Exceptional Human Experience: Volume 13, Number 2. December 1995
            >
            >
            > Abstracts of Articles in Part One.
            >
            > 06923. Richardson, Dick. The Divine Reality: Transcendent and
            Immanent.
            >
            > Exceptional Human Experience, 1995 (DEC). 13(2), 10-27.
            >
            > This piece consists of five chapters excerpted from a book
            manuscript. Some briefer excerpts have been published in various
            periodicals, sometimes summarized. The book consists of experiential
            accounts; the author's interpretation of the experiences, and poetry
            based on his experiences. The primary experiences are presented here
            lightly edited and 'Americanized'. Described are the richest mystical
            encounter experiences I have ever read. They span a time period from
            1963-1983. The initial experience happened when Richardson was age 24
            and had sat down one evening to listen to some music and read the paper.
            The first 4 of 5 parts describes in great detail (etched in memory) the
            experiences he had that evening.
            >
            > The first 'Purgation', was "in some respects like being kidnapped by
            divine...perfection". The outer world was stripped away. In the second
            'Isolation in Limbo', with his mind free in space, he was stranded in
            "nothing" and then fell into a "light hole". In the third, "Beyond the
            White: Circumincession of the Trinity of Being", one event was
            experienced from two reference points simultaneously and seemed to be a
            trinity. It ended when he and everything else ended... "I and the
            universe were no more. It was the end of time". There follows
            "Paradise: The Virgin Womb of Eternity, and a Unification in
            Resurrection". Here, "after a non duration of time there was a
            re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of
            annihilation as such, but the like of which could never be dreamed or
            imagined". In this, the longest section, his description is awesome.
            >
            > The final section, 'The Dark Side, (1963-1983): Dichotomy and
            Synthesis', describes the years between this first experience and a
            subsequent one 20 years later. In between he felt much ambivalence and
            confusion as he tried to incorporate what he had experienced while back
            in the everyday world, which was basically good in itself. He finally
            gave up the attempt and tried to forget what he had seen and known. "It
            was too good for me and it was too good for reality itself". He could
            not figure out the point of it all, try as he may. After a month or so
            he had a nightmare, waking in panic, sweat and even blood. He began to
            have psychic experiences in response to questions that concerned him.
            By age 40 all experiences had ceased. Then, one spring morning while
            picnicking with his wife and dog, he had an experience which, unlike the
            others, he could not possibly describe. The transcendent self he had
            known at age 24 became united with his "earthly self". The two
            experiences came together: "In transcendence the outer I had gone to IT;
            but here and now, on earth, IT, the implicate inner reality... had come
            to me".
            >
            > This work HAS to be read ! R.A.W
            >
            > EDITOR: Rhea A. White
            >
            >
            >
            > [EHE AUTOBIOGRAPHY: 2]
            >
            > THE DIVINE REALITY: TRANSCENDENT AND IMMANENT
            >
            > Dick Richardson
            >
            >
            > PURGATION
            >
            >
            > It was approximately 6.45 p.m. when a friend called me on the
            telephone to inquire if I would like to go over to his place for a few
            games of chess. I explained to him that I was baby sitting as my wife
            had just gone out for the evening with friends and would not be back
            until quite late. I was just on the verge of inviting him over to my
            place when, without thinking, I said that I would give it a miss tonight
            and simply have a bath and an early night. I did not know why I had
            said that, for I do not usually talk without thinking what I am going to
            say. Also, I did quite fancy the idea of a few games of chess and
            rarely ever turned down the opportunity. Nevertheless, having said it,
            I let it ride.
            >
            > The two youngsters were tucked up for the night and the paraphernalia
            of childhood joy was tidied up as I sat down at about 7 p.m. I had just
            placed a couple of large logs on the fire and put a record on the
            machine at random with the intent of a few minutes of peace and quiet
            before going up for a bath. If I had known in advance what was going to
            transpire over the course of the next three hours I would have employed
            a baby sitter and a witness to my own physical condition for the
            duration of that period of time.
            >
            > Thus it was that at approximately 7 p.m. on a late winter/early
            spring evening I, a mere ignoramus of twenty-four years of age, sat down
            for a few minutes to read the paper and listen to a record prior to
            having a bath and an early night.
            >
            > Just as I sat down in the chair in front of the fire our old cat
            jumped up on my lap. It took me by surprise for I had not seen it
            coming, and thus the thought of leaning over for the newspaper went
            right out of my mind. I made a fuss of the cat as it rolled over into
            the well of my lap with its legs pointing skyward. As I stroked its
            belly it gave out a purr that was almost as loud as a car engine revving
            and fit to rock the chair we were sitting in. I smiled and wondered how
            they did it, and why. I continued to make a fuss of the cat without any
            further thought of reading the paper. In so doing I suddenly became
            aware of the record I had put on simply for background music.
            >
            > It turned out to be the last part of the Enigma Variations which was
            to be followed later by the Fantasia on a Theme of Thomas Tallis by
            Vaughan Williams (how ironic are those two titles; fantasia and enigma
            indeed). At that time neither of those pieces were favorites of mine; it
            just happened to be the record I pulled out.
            > The music began to sound like nothing I had ever heard before or
            since. It was as though the music were trying to make me aware of IT.
            It permeated my consciousness in ways that words cannot describe. I had
            a fleeting thought, one of those unsolicited 'pop in' thoughts, which
            said, "sod the paper, listen to the music old son"; and I thought,
            "Yeah... this is good"! In today's language I suppose we would say that
            the music was reaching parts that no other largo could get to. I had
            always loved music, music of all kinds, for it all had its time, place,
            and mood; but this was more than mere music, more than mere sound. I
            relaxed back into the rocking chair with the cat still purring away like
            a traction engine on my lap, although the sound was becoming drowned
            into the distance by the beauty of the music, when suddenly, something
            very strange occurred; and the beginning of I knew not what.
            >
            > Instead of relaxing, it was as though my concentration was becoming
            focused, so sharp; like a narrow beam of pointed conscious awareness
            focusing and concentrating like I had never done before, even in the
            midst of chess problems during a good game, and that alone is
            concentration enough, but this was more so. The music had reached a
            degree of profound beauty I had never known or thought could have
            existed. In so attaining I somehow relaxed into it, a kind of kind of
            letting go of objective observation. I gave a kind of unusual sigh and
            an outward exhalation of breath like a long AHH; and just as I did so
            everything vanished, instantaneously, just like creation being switched
            off by the throw of a switch.
            >
            > There was no room, no cat, no sound of the fire burning or the clock
            ticking; no cat purring, no chair, no body, no weight, no mass, no heat
            or cold, no gravity, no up or down or this way or that way; there was
            just total blackness and the sound of the music, which was passing
            through my consciousness in waves. This is not a poetic description of
            my listening to the music; it is literal. At the very instant of
            'going' it was as though my ears had been turned inside out; for at one
            instant the music was objective, on the outside, and the next instant it
            was taking place all around, for there was no inside or outside as such.
            Nevertheless, it was as though the music was passing through the point
            (which I was) like waves on a pond, and each wave was of greater
            emotional charge than the one before it. It was as though each wave was
            preparing me for the next wave, and building up into... into I did not
            know what. In some respects it was like being kidnapped by divine
            music, perfection; the only thing that existed in creation was the music
            and myself. It was as though the 'AHH' was still going on but in the
            vastness of the space of the mind alone. It became a reality in which
            there was no dualistic reference between music, and myself but as though
            there was only 'I am the music' in a dance, a swoon of excitement, awe,
            and wonder.
            >
            > After an immeasurable duration of time that piece of music ended, and
            there was a stillness and quiet that cannot be described. I did not
            question (at that point) that I had no body or existence other than
            awareness of being. Neither would I have had the time to think of such
            things, for the next piece of music began. To say that the next piece of
            music began is the understatement of all time. It did not begin, it
            flowed. It flowed out of nothingness, like... like I know not what.
            > Within a few seconds of the music emanating into my consciousness
            there came the most frightening experience I have ever known in my life,
            before or since. The passion and beauty of the sounds were such that my
            mind went... bang! I blew up, fell apart, exploded, or so it seemed.
            As I did so I could see, I had vision, I was no longer in total
            blackness listening to the music for I could see myself exploding and
            expanding. It seemed to be like the big bang itself.
            >
            > I could still hear the music, and it was just as well that I could
            for my mind clung to the sound to try and quell the fear and panic which
            was taking place. I could see what can only be described as streaked
            out dots of light which I was expanding into and flying through like a
            supernova. It was like I did not even have time to be frightened, even
            though I was. I was somehow trying to turn the eyes, which I had, away
            from the rushing lights and the vision of this expansion and concentrate
            upon the music. But those eyes (heaven only knows with what one could
            see - but see one could) were eyes that we cannot open or close by our
            own volition; one could not switch the vision or the experience off.
            >
            > Just as I thought I was going to expand into infinity and fade away
            into nothingness the expansion stopped. My mind gradually stopped
            expanding and I metaphorically gave a sigh of relief; but there was no
            breath or lungs with which to do it. At that point, it was as if I were
            in a kind of unbounded dome of blackness, and I consisted of nothing
            except a point of consciousness with no boundary or duration, no form;
            just consciousness. I could see what appeared to be tiny points of
            light coming into and out of existence all over the space within which I
            existed. It was much like the vision one would get with one's eyes
            nearly closed while seeing sunlight spots dancing on the surface of a
            fast-flowing river. It was like creation 'stuff' coming and going all
            the time. Throughout all this I could still hear the music. Then came
            the next shock to my system, if a system I had.
            >
            > The dots of light that seemed to be coming into and out of existence
            as far as one could see suddenly turned into the music, which I could
            hear, and I could not only hear the music but now also see it. There
            are no words to describe such music made of light. It is a vision
            unlike other vision. It cannot be recreated by imagination within the
            mind from hindsight; it can only be seen and known at the time of the
            event. I saw the music flowing toward me. It was in colors that we
            know and some that we do not know. The essential quality of the light
            was equal to that of the sound of the music. The light itself and the
            colors were not different things, as we tend to know colored light by
            reflections or as sources of light emanating from a certain point. The
            music was the light; the color was the light. It did not flow from
            anything except uncreated into created.
            >
            > The fear that I had experienced throughout the expansion or whatever
            it was had now gone and there was nothing but I and the music, which I
            was now within: I became the music; there was not an 'I' and an 'it.'
            As this event continued I became aware that I 'knew' the music. That is
            to say, I knew it backwards, forwards, inside out, one note at a time or
            all at once; and I could see it any way I wanted to see it. I could
            become the melody, which I did; I could become the harmony, which I did.
            I could be one note or the whole piece of the music. Reality is
            stranger than fiction; and a damn sight better.
            >
            > Whilst this divine dance of music in unison was going on I became
            aware that I was of two natures somehow enshrined in one. There came a
            point whilst I was swimming in this light and music when I became aware
            that I was looking at myself objectively, and it did not seem strange at
            the time.
            >
            > 'Myself' did not consist of a body but only of light, but I knew it
            was me, and I thought, "The little one is having the time of his life"
            (which indeed he was), but the other me, or the me of the personality,
            did not know this was going on; only the other bit knew that. Likewise,
            all these things were not being thought about as we do out here in the
            world of temporal forms, but somehow they were just known, and seen, and
            felt, and enjoyed.
            >
            > I became aware at that point that there were two aspects of myself:
            one which I refer to as the person and one which I refer to as the
            personality. The latter is an extension and emanation of the former and
            thus a perceived duality, albeit a oneness in the structure of an
            interdimensional vortex of self-existence. I cannot refer to two 'I's,'
            thus I will use the terms person and personality for simplicity. It is
            not so much a case of two aspects of consciousness but more the case of
            what part of the vortex of emanation the consciousness is existing
            within at that instant. One cannot observe from both points of
            reference at the same instant, however; it is either one or the other.
            And it even gets far more complex. But let us proceed in the order of
            the unfolding events.
            >
            > At this point, and even though one was aware of what was going on at
            the time, one was not 'bothered about it' so to speak, for I was only
            really concerned about the love of the reality itself, the music, the
            sound, the vision, the event itself, for it was indeed a divine dance of
            the spheres. It was passion and reality unimaginable; it was creation
            par excellence, by magic. The shift from one point of consciousness to
            the other is not an act of willful intent on my (the personality's)
            part; it simply occurred as far as I was aware. How long this music and
            light experience lasted is impossible to say, for although it was a
            temporal process it was a kind of temporality other than is known in
            'normal' or everyday awareness in temporal forms. Likewise, the visions
            and objects of vision were not thought of as extant things existing in
            their own right, such as a tree or a mountain, for it was known and
            understood to be being created at the time and only for its duration and
            effect.
            >
            > There came a point, however, when things changed. I suddenly had an
            entirely different vision. It was just at the point when I knew the
            music was going away, ending. My perspective of vision was such that I
            could see a being, a young boy of about twelve years of age, if
            appearances were anything to go by. He was illuminated in a brilliance
            of light and color, as the music had been, and existed in otherwise
            total darkness, but that darkness up around him was lighted like an
            aura. He was sitting on his bum (with nothing underneath him) with one
            arm wrapped around his knees, which were folded up to his chin, and
            waving good-bye to the music with the other hand. It was not a vision
            of any boy or person I had ever seen or known, but I knew that I had to
            take the vision as myself, yet not the self of the personality which I
            knew to be me. Indeed, it was the old me who was doing the observing
            and learning. Such archetypal visions are a kind of learning without
            any words. They are not reasoned or rationalized, and yet they are
            understood implicitly and without thinking about them. The experience
            is the thing itself and the knowledge and understanding is implicit and
            axiomatic. Thus, it is a dialogue without dialogue, and synetic in its
            nature.
            >
            > I could see the boy waving good-bye to the music, and I could see the
            music fading away into a distance and into nothingness, being uncreated
            just as easily as it had been created. I also implicitly knew what was
            going on inside him and how he felt. He did not want anything; he did
            not fear the music leaving him, for he loved it, and that was
            sufficient. I cannot find the words to describe the passion and
            feelings that child knew and felt; but he was perfect; and an act which
            I knew that I could not follow. As the music went further away the sound
            of it also diminished. It eventually faded away into nothingness, and
            the boy was alone in his own radiance in otherwise total blackness and
            nothingness. Then the vision disappeared, and there was nothing. I was
            alone with my boring old self, and once again able to think and
            rationalize in the usual manner and seemingly in the usual time span of
            thinking. Yet I was alone in a darkness in which I had no form other
            than conscious awareness.
            >
            > I realized that any perception or illusion of 'otherness,' or another
            part of myself, was gone and I was alone with my normal personality of
            the outside world. Yet the world was gone; everything was gone except
            my self-consciousness and its memories. What on earth (or elsewhere),
            is going on; and why? From hindsight one would assume that in such a
            situation one would be terrified, for it was like being buried alive (a
            good analogy). However, the thought of the music, which had preceded
            this situation, must have taken the fear away, even though I felt a
            feeling of great apprehension and a degree of worry. Is one going to be
            stranded here for all time maybe? Is this death? Or am I still sitting
            in the chair with my mind having slipped out of joint somehow?
            >
            > Have I gone insane? The thoughts that pass through one's mind are at
            times uncontrollable, and in this situation one does not know what to
            think. Surely if I just sit quiet (as if I could do anything other) and
            hang about something will happen; something must happen; I can't just
            hang about here forever; wherever 'here' is. Perhaps someone will come
            into the room soon and realize that my mind has got stuck inside and
            cart me off to a place to get it out again. It was however, the first
            chance I had to think about what the hell was going on; one minute I am
            sitting in the chair minding my own business and the next minute... zap,
            and the world has disappeared, or I from it - which is it? I knew for
            sure that I wanted out from whatever I was in but there was nothing I
            could do about it at all; for I had no control of anything. Just at
            that point, however, and before I had the chance to get really fed up,
            something did happen. I was just thinking how nice it would be to go
            into the kitchen and get a beer or a cup of coffee when something came.
            I could not see what it was for it was still total darkness, but I could
            somehow feel the presence of something I knew not what... Then I heard
            a voice!
            >
            > To say that one heard a voice is not true in the sense that one
            normally hears a voice in objective terms across a distance, but it was
            indeed very much like it and also sounded within my mind or
            consciousness somehow. It was as though the point of origin was somehow
            objective, yet from a location from deeper down within myself somehow:
            thus, objective 'inwards,' not 'outwards,' from 'below' as opposed to
            'around' me. Something said, or gave me the understanding by way of
            perceiving a voice; "Do you want to go on?" I cannot describe how I felt
            about that. Nothing would actually shock me (I think) after what had
            transpired since the world had disappeared. Yet this 'request' was
            experienced as totally objective; it was not me that was asking the
            question; it was something else.
            >
            > I was too stunned to even think about the meaning of the question yet
            alone where it came from; for something, even an odd sounding voice, was
            better than nothing at all, if indeed it was a voice. Without thinking
            I inwardly yelled out (for the lack of putting it into other words, and
            more in panic); "Go on what"?
            >
            >
            > "Go on further," came the reply or understanding.
            >
            >
            > I was amazed at the logic and reasoning, but I wanted nothing else
            other than normality to be re-established. I was just about to reply
            (for if you can't beat it join it), "No thanks; I have had a wonderful
            time, thank you very much, but I think it's about time that I was
            getting back to normality right now, if it's all the same to you"! (You
            might as well go out laughing, I thought).
            >
            > As I was about to respond, however, I was suddenly washed, bathed,
            drowned in a passion, a love, a swoon of ecstasy; to which I responded
            in a way which was a kind of choice which was no choice - an offer one
            cannot refuse. (And not the kind of bath I had intended.) I replied to
            whatever, or wherever, the question emanated from... "OK, let's do it,
            let's go on further"! I did not even know what the question meant let
            alone from whence it came.
            >
            > The next thing I was aware of was that the profound overwhelming
            emotion had gone and I was then alone again; but something was
            different... stone me, my mind is BENT... out of shape, distorting! I
            was now experiencing not 'nothing' but decidedly being inside of
            something - inside my own mind, which was being squeezed out of shape.
            Why is my mind not round? (The things one thinks at such a time.) It
            was as if I could see the edges of my own mind in a fuzzy darkness, with
            my consciousness being like a point at its center. Also, my mind was
            being squeezed out of shape, or so it seemed. It was narrower at one
            point than at the other; a bit like a pear. I underwent an experience
            of being squeezed, and I did not like it one bit. I became very
            anxious; or near on panic is more like it. I had a distinct urge to try
            to punch a hole in my collapsing mind in order to get out, escape,
            before being squashed along with it.
            >
            > I yelled out: "Oy, there's some sod out there pulling my mind around
            and I cannot stop it." I felt real panic coming on fast. The
            restricting became worse. "If you don't pack it in I am going to be
            squashed inside it... sod off"! I was about to hurl other choice
            obscenities when all of a sudden I heard the voice again.... "Relax,
            take it smoothly"!
            >
            > I was just about to reply 'bugger off' when I suddenly started
            moving. "Relax, he says... stone me... I'm moving... the whole bloody
            shebang is sliding away and with me inside it"! "Good grief almighty
            what the hell is happening"!? "Relax, everything is as it should be,
            keep calm and relax"! "Relax, he says, who's driving this thing
            anyway... how do I know its passed its bloody driving test? "And where
            is it going anyway... go on tell me that"? "Keep quiet, shut up and
            relax"! With that command, or suggestion, I was stunned to the core.
            "Oh yes, relax... OK, I'll relax"! Bloody liar I thought to myself, who
            the hell could relax in a situation like this... this is too ridiculous
            for words or thought... let alone happening! The moving began to
            judder; we were up against something of a resistance (me I guess)...
            "Relax"! "I am relaxing"! (Why can't I be unconscious or dead or
            something)! I tried hard to think on good things as one does in the
            dentist's chair while under diabolical pain; although there was no pain
            here, only fear.
            >
            > "Make out nothing's happening," I thought to myself. The juddering
            felt like whatever was clogging the works was fighting a losing battle
            in some inevitable way. There was a huge tug, then a release. I zoomed
            off like a bullet from a gun; into, or out of, what I knew not.
            >
            > I did not know it at that time, of course, but the events thus far
            were but the beginning of the act of transcendence, the stripping away
            (purgation) of the outer world. There then followed the next stage of
            purgation; the isolation, Limbo. In the dimension of assessment and the
            discrimination of the parts there will be two in that field; one will be
            taken and one will remain. But I knew nothing of these things at that
            young age. So let us continue with the unfolding events themselves as
            they were known and thought about at that time.
            >
            > *
            >
            >
            > ISOLATION IN LIMBO
            >
            > It was as though I had been ejected from a container of some kind and
            at high velocity: but I was now in a form of unseen space, a space which
            was so dark that it was almost a void of creation, but I was aware of a
            space of some kind in which I existed, and it was all about me. There
            was a long stunned silence of thought in an instantaneous recognition of
            the obvious. "Bugger me, why did I not realize it ages ago... I am
            dead... you're kicking the bucket old son"! Not expecting any answer I
            shouted out, "I am dead ain't I"!
            >
            > A 'voice' or communication answered, much to my amazement. "Well, if
            you were dead then you would not know it would you; just think lad, how
            could you think that you were dead if you were dead"? This was in some
            ways the most relaxing comment that had come to me since the music
            episode had ended, and thus in some way it relieved the panic that
            otherwise would have ensued. I inwardly answered, "That is indeed hard
            to argue with, but from what I have seen thus far nothing would surprise
            me"! There was no answer to that, but I distinctly felt the knowledge
            of something smiling. The sensation was now of existing in a literal
            space of some kind and yet very different to the confines of what I had
            taken to be my own collapsing mind and the things which had transpired
            within it: for now my mind was definitely perceived to be in a space,
            and free.
            >
            > I suddenly felt totally alone again, or so it was experienced to be.
            For whatever it was, the other degree of myself or otherness which
            seemed to have asked the questions was now gone again. I was alone. I
            guess I must have been fooling myself, for it is obvious that I am dead,
            or at least on the way to it, for what the hell would I be doing here
            otherwise? For a moment I wondered whether I was dreaming; perhaps I
            fell asleep in the chair and this is all a dream and I will wake up in a
            few moments. But I knew that it was no dream for it was as real as
            life, too real, albeit so different. I could still see; for that I
            knew, but there was nothing to see; there was no creation other than
            myself, my mind in nothing, Limbo.
            >
            > It was indeed in a state of isolation, of existing in nothing
            created. It was not as though one were simply in a dark place as such,
            for it was experienced that there was no 'place' to be dark. It was
            like being stranded, left alone in nothing; separated or beyond any form
            of creation; abandoned. It was as if all creation had been switched off
            and had forgotten to take me with it. There was not even a finger to
            wobble or anything to smell or touch. I thought how much I would have
            loved to have seen a raindrop or felt the wind in my face. And how I
            perhaps took such things for granted. "Well, just when you're enjoying
            yourself, eh," I thought. One could think of this in terms of either a
            Limbo experience or 'Mind Alone,' for the effect and the experience are
            the same thing. Naturally I began to feel apprehensive, for one could
            not do anything. One could not shake oneself out of it, for there was
            nothing to shake. I began pondering on life, for I had accepted that
            this was the end of it, or the journey to the end of it. Strangely
            enough I did not seem as bothered about it as I thought I should have
            been, and even though I had been cut short in my prime, and at a time
            when I was enjoying life to the full. I guess I am going to fade out
            any minute now and there is not much I can do about that now, so why
            worry about it! But if ever anybody or anything asks me if I want to
            'go on' again then I shall certainly ascertain what they mean before
            committing myself.
            >
            > After awhile something switched on what I instantly thought was a
            star, a tiny little pinprick of light way off in the distance. I
            suddenly wondered why I thought that this star was objective to me, for
            nothing else I had seen could really have been said to be 'objective' in
            the literal sense; but this star felt to be absolutely objective. I was
            over here and that thing was over there, and thus real in objective
            terms. I then questioned where all the other stars had gone, but
            realized, or perhaps better to say, suddenly remembered, that this was
            not 'outer space,' but an unknown inner or sub-space somewhere; and
            heaven only knows where. But if this was supposed to be heaven or
            afterlife then it was no great shakes; and give me Exmoor any day. Well,
            star or not it is damned obvious that I am not going to find my own way
            home from this place. And even if one knew the way back how the hell
            would one move in that direction? I give up!
            >
            > I began to wonder if my existence was now solely due to my thinking
            process perhaps. That is to say, I had no body or substance observable.
            Therefore, perhaps if I stop thinking I would cease to exist. "That's
            novel," I thought, a bit like Hobson's choice. By the same token,
            however, if I were to keep thinking then perhaps I could hang about here
            forever. But my thoughts do not thrill me to that extent so I did not
            fancy that idea. So perhaps if I stop thinking then I will cease to
            exist. So I stopped thinking. Nothing happened. I was still there; in
            nothing and nowhere. Well, that's it then, so much for that experiment!
            It occurred to me that perhaps the Christians might be right after all
            and that this distant light was perhaps Dante's Inferno; Wow! Happy
            days! I didn't think that I had been that bad, however, and not that I
            believed such stuff anyway; but there you go, eh! Movement seemed to
            slowly begin. Either toward the tiny little light or else it was itself
            moving toward me; but no, I felt actual movement somehow.
            >
            > Although I was not really thinking about it I somehow began to
            question, or at least began to think, about my past life. If this light
            which is coming toward me (or me it) is death, then I really do have
            little time to think about life. What about it? Well, it was OK I
            guess, I seemed to enjoy most of it despite the pains and the poverty,
            the war and frustration. What did I amount to? Sod all really! Was it
            fun? Fun!? I did not know it was meant to be fun; did I ask myself
            that question? What the devil is going on! Was it fun? Well, some of
            it was, but not all of it, I thought to myself. Would you do it again?
            Not the same one over again I don't think, a different one maybe.
            Different in what way? Well, a little less frustration and pain, a
            little more passion and shared enjoyment. A more meaningful existence
            somehow maybe. What is enjoyment? Well, you know, enjoyment! No, you
            tell me what enjoyment is. Well, enjoyment is to love what you are
            doing, to do what you love doing, and to share that thing and that love
            with another person, I guess. It is also the joy of taking part, the
            act of being a part of instigating and spreading that enjoyment of
            being; a harmony of body and mind in the excitement of experience with
            others, and also at times on one's own with nature. That, I guess, is
            what enjoyment is for me anyway. At that point, I felt that I would
            love to see a tree or a green field; a blade of grass or a drop of rain;
            or at least to feel a breeze of fresh air. For they were all now lost
            and gone. It occurred to me that I had not done any breathing for a
            long time; and nothing to breath with. Would I want to go on living now
            given the choice? Now that I have come this far I am not sure. It
            would have to have some meaning to it, some purpose other than mere
            pleasurable moments and sad moments which amount to nothing really. It
            would have to have something which is seen, known, to have some meaning
            to the suffering and pain which is the greater portion of life on earth
            it would seem. It would have to be worth the effort of the struggle
            involved.
            >
            > Would I really want to live again now? I am not sure now; but what I
            think does not really matter now anyway; so I do not want to think any
            more; sod the lot of it. However, life was certainly better than being
            here, and that's for sure... and wherever 'here' is... the dungeons of
            my mind it seems! But what now then? In life I had the option of
            committing suicide if I wanted or needed to; but I cannot even do that
            there-here. I wonder where those poor sods went anyway. Perhaps such
            an act is simply a short cut to where I am now, or where I am headed
            for... that light is getting bigger, quite close.... Good grief! What
            the hell... are they doing here?! I suddenly became aware that I was
            drifting past other beings somehow; hundreds of the buggers. I could
            not see them as such but I somehow knew they were there, and I could
            indeed almost see them, a kind of misty outline of some kind. I could
            somehow feel their presence. I became aware that I was somehow passing
            people; or beings of some kind anyway. What the hell are they doing
            here in my mind, or my mind's tomb or whatever or wherever?
            >
            > It was as if I was drifting through their dimension and yet somehow I
            could feel their presence and somehow 'know' them: an empathy of some
            kind. These people, whatever they were, were so good. I do not know
            how I knew that, but I just knew it, and I wanted to be with them above
            all else. If I were on a bus then I would jump off at this stop, but I
            can't do sod all. I want to be with them! I wanted to wave at them to
            attract their attention but I had nothing to wave; yet somehow I
            understood something; a bit like a conversation by telepathy, I thought.
            I could feel them and know them, and understand them somehow. Stone
            me! - they said I cannot be with them... not now! Why not; I want to be
            with them, they are far nicer than many of the people I came across in
            life. They are different somehow; strangely different.
            >
            > Then, without more ado or a by your leave, I suddenly shot off like
            an intergalactic bullet at terrific velocity and away from their
            dimension of existence, or their imagined existence, or whatever. And
            the light which had been a mere pin prick of light, the little star, was
            now much closer and larger. That is no star, I thought; more like a
            hole with light shining through it, or somehow rather drifting out of
            it. It was now almost upon me, or me upon it, whichever. I seemed to
            be in some kind of free fall, a descent or diminishing orbit about it;
            spiraling toward it.
            >
            > It was as though I could feel my own movement now and almost a sense
            of rushing air passing me. Hey, this is quite fun, a good feeling. But
            I do not think it is going to last long somehow! I was no longer
            questioning whether this light was real but rather what it indeed was,
            for I was heading for it and fast. It is not a star, it looks more like
            a hole with light coming out of it from behind. Well, it would seem
            that it is perhaps the death star after all; happy days! Now is the
            time for all good men to come to the aid of Richard... some hope!
            >
            > Well, what is going to be is now going to be, so sod the lot of it:
            for there is nothing I can do about it now. But I could go out singing
            I guess... more dignified than whining. What shall I sing then; it will
            have to be a short song: Ariva Derchi Roma? Old Langsyne? No, I think
            I fancy a bit of Bach.... that is certainly a hole... it IS a hole...
            with light shining through it somehow; what a beautiful light it is to
            be sure... radiant.... strange... this is IT, I am going into it....
            stone the bloody Crows I am falling into it.... Wow!
            >
            > *
            >
            > BEYOND THE WHITE
            >
            > CIRCUMINCESSION OF THE TRINITY OF BEING
            >
            > What happened next is impossible... I think! How do we describe the
            impossible? An event occurred; one event, but it was experienced twice,
            and from two different perspectives or points of reference, and thus
            appeared as two events from hindsight. Yet they could not be remembered
            during the sequence. They could not be remembered for an infinite
            duration of time; not until this whole series of events was over and
            behind me.
            >
            > This event was in a dimension of a trinity of some kind; a trimorphic
            reality of self in some way. However, observation is always dualistic,
            the observer and the observed, it seems; but it can take place from
            three different points of reference in sequence. Is it any wonder that
            we question our sanity for awhile?
            >
            > I will have to describe the following sequence of events just as
            though it was experienced at the time and in the sequence in which the
            events took place. However, at the time, the first sequence could not
            be remembered during the course of the second sequence and thus it was
            experienced (at the time) as if I only went into the white light once.
            But from hindsight it was experienced as going into it twice - even
            though knowing it was only once. The alternative is that two parts of
            me went through two different holes at the same time. Confusing is not
            the word! Who would ask for any of this?
            >
            > I did not experience actually entering the white light. One instant
            I was about to enter it and the next instant I was inside or beyond it.
            If it were possible to have blinked one's eyes then I would have assumed
            that I had blinked and hence missed it. But I know well enough that you
            cannot open or close those eyes. Moreover, I had no knowledge of ever
            entering the white light; there was nothing before this event for that
            part of me in this field. I saw the figure of a Human form. It was
            tall, elegant, old; and standing on top of high precipice, like a cliff
            edge. I (this part of me) was in a location just to its left and a
            little way behind it. But I had no form as did it. I could see the
            left-hand side of its face and form and way off into a strange kind of
            distance to the front and all around it. I must have had two eyes for
            the reality was three dimensional.
            >
            > The space all around was like an eerie white mist and yet somehow
            without being misty, for vision was crystal clear. I could see over the
            edge of the precipice where this figure was standing right near the edge
            of a high drop. However, I myself, the observer, had no form, and this
            figure, or symbolic emanation of a figure, seemed as though it were not
            aware of me watching it, whatever it was. Moreover, I had no
            remembrance of ever arriving here or of anything that had happened
            before. I did not have a clue what I was, or what I was looking at, or
            what either of us were doing here: wherever 'here' was. But it was
            calm, serene, peaceful, poignant, somehow meaningful, but eerie
            nevertheless; strange; mysterious. I had no thoughts going through me,
            no feeling, no questioning; no power to think or reason (as one can from
            hindsight, obviously), but just simply watching and taking it in: and
            not by choice. I, or this part of me, was just an observer (as far as I
            know anyway). If one was being precise then that part of myself could
            be said, from hindsight, to have been like a spare member at a wedding
            or union (Mutual Convergence). And in the true and deepest sense of
            that meaning: a mere observer in order to know!
            >
            > The figure was looking down in toward the whiteness, which was a kind
            of enclosed but huge dome of whiteness. There was only the restriction
            of whiteness, which created the perception of an enclosure or dome of
            some kind. But whilst I was observing all this a small dark aperture in
            an otherwise total whiteness just opened up, like the lens of a camera
            shutter (the round type). The whiteness was not a blinding whiteness
            but simply an absolute pure and soft radiant whiteness: but kind of
            misty. And yet the aperture which opened up like a hole in a wall was
            absolutely round in form and clear-cut defined. But it was tiny; a
            small hole. A small dark opening in a 'non-wall' of the mysterious
            white light; and me with no form, and this form of a figure about three
            feet in front of me and to my right, just standing there watching this
            hole appear. Then, all of a sudden, a small ball of gold glowing light
            popped in through the hole; and as it did so the aperture closed up like
            magic behind it... like a self-closing door.
            >
            > As the being looked down (it sounds like a fairy story but it is the
            literal truth of the events so help me the god of truth), this small
            gold ball of light came through the dark aperture into the white light,
            and there it just kind of hovered, remained stationary, with this figure
            watching it and me watching all of it. As I said, as the small gold
            glowing object entered into the white dome then the aperture through
            which it had come, the small black hole in the white, simply closed up
            and became nonexistent behind it; and the light (gold ball) just sat
            there stationary; a gold ball of light surrounded by a pure white light.
            And all was still... for ages it seemed. It was eerie, so quiet, yet so
            profound. There was not a sound or any further movement. All was utter
            stillness and quiet. Somehow it seemed as if the figure may have been
            an extension of myself with me having some kind of out-of-body
            experience in some strange way; for I knew what was going on in its
            thinking; I think. Yet I was observing from a slight distance away...
            and objective. The small glowing object looked much like a Ping-Pong
            ball, and its radiance was a gold glow which stood out in contrast to
            the surrounding pure and soft white light. As I watched I saw the
            figure shed one tear; one solitary tear ran down its left cheek; yet it
            was happy; so happy. I know not how I knew it, but know it I did. The
            figure was in love with the glowing object. Had I been in a position to
            think, ask questions, or rationalize during that facet of the events,
            then I do not know what I would have thought or reasoned, or understood;
            but I could not. From hindsight it is very strange being a passive
            observer. From hindsight, however, there are no questions to ask
            regarding that event as far as I am concerned; for all was understood;
            it explains itself. Nothing was said; there was not a sound; everything
            was as stationary as the grave with the exception of that teardrop
            slowly rolling down a face. No further movement took place. It was
            profound beyond words. I was not sure whether the figure I had been
            observing was another part of me or not; indeed, at this point I was not
            sure of anything, for I could not think; I was simply an observer. The
            vision then ended as instantly as it had come about, and from that point
            I had no further memory or recollection of it ever happening; or not for
            a long time yet to come. An infinite amount of time.
            >
            > THE SECOND, OR PARALLEL ENTRY
            >
            > As I said... this was no star, it is a hole with light shining out of
            it, and I am damn well falling in to it.... I am going into it.... Wow!
            I did not actually experience going into the white light; I must have
            blinked or something. One instant I was about to enter it and the next
            instant I was inside of it. I was inside some kind of bubble; a bit
            like a cobweb eggshell, or one of those string lamp shades that gather
            all the dust. I was aware of myself inside this thing; like an embryo
            in an egg of some kind; or shell. It was the first time that I could
            actually see anything of myself since all this began.
            >
            > I was somehow sitting all cramped up like a bloody chicken in an egg;
            wondering what was on the outside that was so bright; and what the hell
            was going on now. But thinking did not come easy at that point, or
            perhaps it was simply more instinctive than rational thinking. But I
            could still think somehow. Beyond this 'bubble' which I was cooped up
            in was a pure radiance of brilliant and dazzling white light. A
            blinding light. I could not seem to think in the normal mode of
            thinking, although I could indeed still think somehow. I had an
            instinctive urge of wanting to scratch my way out of this bubble or
            whatever it was, or at least to see what was outside of it. But there
            was no form to scratch at. I could not touch anything even though I
            seemed to have some kind of physical form of some kind. I think it
            simply must have been too bright and blinding to see properly. I
            suddenly realized that the light was getting brighter and even brighter
            by the second; blinding and more blinding all the time. Or perhaps more
            light was getting in through the mesh of this thing somehow. I began to
            see something - or it may be more true to say 'know' something: but what
            is it... I'm not sure... No, no no it can't be... it is... good grief
            almighty... the thing outside... it is... it is me! With that thought,
            that event, that vision and knowledge I was dead; gone; finished.
            >
            > I saw no form of anything other than brilliant and blinding light, yet
            I knew that something outside was myself: it was obvious; axiomatic;
            absolute knowledge. My being, my consciousness, started spinning,
            swooning somehow, spinning in a giddiness like a vortex of water going
            down a bath plug hole: a vortex of self-existence diminishing into
            nothingness. I knew that my bubble was disintegrating in the light...
            and so was I... I am going... I am being damn well annihilated, melted
            down, disintegrated, burnt out, annihilated. It came to pass that
            everything ended; everything had gone; and I was gone. I and the
            universe were no more. It was the end of time.
            >
            > * * *
            >
            >
            > THE PARADISE OF THE GROUND OF BEING
            >
            >
            > A Unification in Resurrection
            > within the Virgin Womb of Eternity
            >
            > For an unknown duration after my bubble or shell and I were
            annihilated there was nothing. One cannot talk about nothing, for
            nothing is the total lack of experience, oblivion; like being switched
            off, dead, gone, annihilated. But after a nonduration of time there was
            a re-emergence or resurrection of my being, an annihilation of
            annihilation as such; but the like of which could never be dreamed or
            imagined. No physical eye has ever seen that place, no hand has touched
            it, no dreaming mind has thought of it, and its reality has never
            occurred to the rational mind, which exists in temporality - other than
            through the memory of the Paradise event itself.
            >
            > Annihilation in that mutual convergence was something like passing
            through a magic gate: a gap in the universe: a hole in creation, a gate
            which separates time and temporal things from the transcendent realm of
            a Divine Eternity, the repose of being. Such death is not a death but
            rather the ultimate in living, the ultimate in knowing, and the ultimate
            in comprehension and affirmation. Likewise is it the ultimate in love,
            passion, wisdom, and understanding. From hindsight one would initially
            ask the question as to why the nature of things comes to contain such a
            rare and precious jewel in the crown of creation which would seem to be
            so jealously guarded, and beyond the moat of annihilation itself, that
            so few people ever come to be shown it during the course of their life
            on Earth. A justified question indeed. For everyone should know this
            yet while they live their lives on Earth; or so would be my own
            judgement and that of any other human being who had come to witness this
            wonder beyond all wonders.
            >
            > Dialogue upon the transcendent and eternal realm is not going to be
            easy for the words we use apply to temporal things and not to the
            eternal perception of the divine transcendent realm of perfection in
            which there is knowledge only of the essences of things and not the
            things themselves. Moreover, the vision of the place itself is not what
            paradise is all about, for it is about the feeling and the knowing and
            understanding, not the vision; and even though the vision itself is the
            vision to end all visions.
            >
            > Among all other things one knows (and realizes from hindsight) is
            that we are a kind of jug, a vessel, a conduit, through which the life
            force itself flows. Without created consciousness to act as such
            vessels there could be no further creation, and no point or meaning to
            creation without us. We are the banks of the river of the flow of life;
            and this place is where the banks of the river of life meet the eternal
            riverbed. However, it is not totally impossible to talk of such
            reality, only very difficult; but such experience itself solves many
            mysteries and so-called paradoxes. To say that self-consciousness, or
            I, is resurrected after annihilation is a most fitting description of
            the experience, and the best definition of the event. One could also say
            the annihilation of annihilation; but one cannot say what is happening
            in absolute objective terms of reality; for you and I can never know
            that.
            >
            > With regard to the 'awakening' in that realm then, one cannot make
            an analogy of going to sleep and then waking up in another place, for
            that gives the impression of a continuity; which it is not. It is a
            broken continuity of self-being. Broken by the act of annihilation.
            When we awake from sleep we are the same person that went to sleep; we
            vaguely remember going to sleep, we remember having been asleep, and
            when we awake we retain our past memories of having existed before that
            sleep: and thus a continuity of being even though we underwent an
            oblivion of consciousness during dreamless sleep. Neither are we
            actually aware of the point of falling asleep, but we sure are aware of
            being annihilated; and how. And I often wondered why. But if we did
            not come to know then we would never know the connection point between
            time and the everlasting eternal moment of being.
            >
            > Because that place, the transcendent realm, is judged by us (or me)
            to be perfection, for simplicity I refer to it as Paradise. There are
            no names, however. It would be misleading to refer to it as 'eternity,'
            for I always thought of eternity as the sum of all created time.
            Indeed, time as we know it does not even move there. Thus it is the
            beginning of time; hence the womb of eternity. Moreover, nothing at all
            of experienced consciousness has ever known that place and dimension by
            dwelling there. So it is pristine, fresh, childlike, virgin of any
            other experience or memory; and hence my justification for referring to
            it as the 'Virgin Womb of Eternity.' There are no men or women there
            and the word virgin has no connotations of that ilk.
            >
            > However, let us proceed with the event and the understanding of the
            eternal wisdom itself. When we awake in paradise we do not awake in the
            sense of coming out of a sleep; it is nothing like that at all. There
            is no waking up or sleeping in that realm, for when you are resurrected
            into it you have always been there; there is no before. Temporality
            does not apply there. Hence, even if we went there a million times it
            would always be 'once' from our perception of it anyway; and by virtue
            of annihilation itself. Paradise is the beginning; and the end is a
            new beginning. So it is both the beginning and the end, and then the
            beginning again. It is like the knot that joins a round piece of string
            or loop; or the weld that holds the circle of being together. It is
            home! From whence we came. It is my home; everyone's home. We are
            Twins, divine cosmic twins.
            >
            > One does not wake up then or suddenly come into self-consciousness
            there for one has always been there and self-conscious within it.
            Naturally enough, you and I can come to question that truth as it is
            experienced by the I AM within that realm when we are in extension of
            it; and don't I know it. But you cannot whilst in there; it is
            uncontradictable. Thus, when self-consciousness is restored, shall we
            say, after annihilation, it is not the restoration of the personality
            that went in, thus it is not really a resurrection in that sense, for
            that part of ourselves which exists in that realm has always been there;
            and the part, the personality, that went into annihilation does not
            exist there; but it is still you; the real you; but the inner and depth
            eternal you that only this dimension can reveal; and hold. The part
            that is never let go of. So much depends then on the reference point
            one is talking from when using the term 'I' or 'me.' Hence we have to
            come to know our true self; that part which IS the real us, and of which
            everything else is ultimately objective; even the personality, time, and
            changing events. In that realm there is no memory of ever having
            existed before or elsewhere. There is no before or elsewhere. Thus, we
            are not talking about the personality existing in paradise but that of
            the person. The personality is washed away in annihilation. But
            nevertheless that person in paradise is 'me'... 'I am me.' It is still
            my consciousness (you in your case). But not the you of the temporal
            senses. The person and the personality are but two parts of our
            trinity; and the soul or overself is the third part; like three quarks
            in a proton or three peas in a pod. One could therefore mistakenly talk
            about the 'I am' which exists in the womb of eternal mind as being
            objective from the personality of the being in time and space; but to do
            so would be very wrong and also cause a paradox and an alienation of
            self from self, or the outer from the inner. Likewise, it is painfully
            obvious from hindsight that some, if not many (through second-hand
            dialogue and distortions no doubt) have thought this aspect of being to
            be the first cause; the unseen living mover of creation itself. But not
            so; for there is another, and even beyond that depth... beyond our self,
            and which is not us.
            >
            > It must be remembered that the eternal paradise of the ground of our
            being is experienced to be the first created thing and place; but
            certainly not the creative source itself. Although it is known to be
            the first emanation of the creative source itself, the first act of
            creation. In the beginning man was indeed in the garden of eternal
            delight and perfection: paradise. But as I say, it would still require
            an 'act' to bring forth paradise and the minds within it. Thus it is
            also known whilst in that place that there is a deeper but uncreated
            reality. But not a deeper reality that you or I can ever get to; and
            that is a known fact whilst there. The I am which exists in that
            reality is not the first cause, and that is axiomatic at the time. It
            is the first thing 'caused.'
            >
            > However, it was not created in time; certainly not the kind of
            space-time that you and I know out here. It is deeper down within the
            inner structure of emanation than the point where space-time becomes a
            phenomenon of extended reality; just as a river is not the riverbed, but
            without a river-bed and the banks there could be no river. It is the
            ground of being; not the creative source of all being.
            >
            > Let us continue, however, with the exegesis as it unfolded. I was
            resurrected from non-existence, death, into a place of eternal
            perfection. In that place there is perfect vision (those who are blind
            will see). A vision which must be from two locations, I guess, because
            the vision, the place, is three dimensional: binocular vision. There
            exists width, breadth, and depth. The place or realm, goes on as far as
            one can see, and into a distance beyond sight itself, for it is
            everywhere and everything. There is up, and there is down, there is
            left and there is right, all relative to the point of vision, needless
            to say. The vision is of darkness and of infinite jewel-like glowing
            lights. The lights are like jewels, diamonds set in a sea of purple
            glowing darkness; which is not really dark at all, but somehow pulsating
            with vitality and being. The lights are small but more than mere points
            of light, and they are of various sizes and distances apart. Some are
            even kind of wispy and strung out; but most are roundish. Neither the
            darkness or the lights can be described in a way that does them justice,
            for the beauty transcends anything known or knowable. It is the
            original unadulterated essence and principle of beauty.
            >
            > The lights in that realm are stationary, or so it seems to
            observation. Nothing moves; all is still and silent. The only thing
            that moves is I, or self-consciousness. I AM slowly drifts through that
            realm in a clockwise orbit; a slow orbit, but an orbit nevertheless.
            Initially it is like a slow drifting in a straight line. However, it is
            an orbit, a clockwise orbit, assuming the clock were lying face up on
            the floor. The orbit is of great distance and almost perceived as a
            straight line, but it is known to be an orbit about an unseen center.
            The I that exists there (us) has no perceived substance or form, it is
            just pure virgin primordial consciousness as far as we are concerned; or
            a mysterious substance that can be made conscious: a 'spirit stuff or
            energy' of some kind. But what it is made of (if anything other than
            consciousness) cannot be known. It cannot be seen or touched. It is as
            if such energy is sacrosanct.
            >
            > There is no form to the eyes that see, for it is the consciousness or
            energy itself which can see. It can see almost all the way around
            itself, but not quite all the way around. Thus you cannot see directly
            behind you, but you can indeed see well to the left and right in greater
            vision than human vision. In one's drifting in this paradise one does
            not come into contact with the lights at all; and one does not really
            know what the lights are (one can deduce from hindsight, though). They
            are just lights, beautiful lights, and their configuration slowly alters
            with the perspective of one's movement in orbit.
            >
            > The darkness itself is indescribable; it is like a translucent glow
            of purple soup which is somehow vibrant, vital; it is not a void and it
            is not mere space in between the lights; it is a 'something'; but more
            like a glowing soup or aura, somehow. Perhaps it is the 'stuff' that
            beings 'congeal' out of; like planets and stars in the universe. And
            one's orbit is through this divine and wondrous darkness amid the
            jewel-like lights. Thus, it is a brightness as well as a darkness.
            Like the twilight of the gods indeed. The description may make it sound
            a little bit like the physical universe with the stars amid black space;
            but it is nothing like that at all. If anything, it is more like the
            vision among a nebula in a past supernova. The lights are much bigger
            than our perception of stars, which are mere pin pricks of light, and
            there is a tint of color in them even, as I say, like diamonds; but the
            predominant aura and glow is white. They have a substance and shape,
            but there seems to be no absolute uniformity of shape; most seem to be
            round. The darkness is nothing like outer space, and it is not even
            dark at all; but darkish, like purple that is glowing. The lights are
            not as distant as the stars in space, even though they are not in
            contact; and the distances between them is many times their actual size.
            Thus, it is not like the emptiness of outer space at all. Moreover, one
            can see all this without turning one's vision, for indeed, one cannot
            turn one's vision. There is no 'Oh, I think I will look that way or
            this way'... you just see it all, all the time. But you also know that
            you are not seeing 'it all' at all, for it is infinite and everywhere.
            >
            > However, that realm is not about the vision, it is about the magic:
            the knowing, the understanding, the passion, the reality, the knowing
            the 'all,' the love, the wisdom, the beauty, and above all else, it is
            about the purpose of creation and being. It is ineffable, really. In a
            word it is all about 'being there'; taking part in this Divine mystical
            union of creation at root beyond time. It seems that the vision itself
            is a kind of bonus perhaps: a place in which to do this knowing yet
            whilst in a repose of divine peace; the peace that passes all
            understanding, perfection, and affirmation of being. It is like an amen
            to creation; the swan song of perfection. It is like the last chord of
            the ultimate piece of perfect music; a chord that comes like an amen
            after that pregnant pause and build-up to the final chord. There could
            be nothing cleverer and wiser than to have annihilation precede this
            reality; it is like music in that sense: the last, and divine chord of
            created being when all has seemed to be done and finished.
            >
            > Nevertheless, it is also the beginning as well as the end, for it is
            where we come from. It could be described as the cosmological waiting
            room of created consciousness before transmigration into the experience
            of time, freedom, and activity. There are no other beings perceived (or
            even known of) in paradise; one is totally alone with this truth and its
            reality. Thus the place and the knowledge is all yours, all mine, all
            beings from their point of reference and consciousness; it is the realm
            where all centres meet beyond space and time in the primordial
            Motherload of created consciousness: minds, spirits, beings, whatever
            you want to call them. 'Motherload' does not mean female either. It
            means the main seam, the core, and the original. It is pure
            consciousness; beyond time, space, and memory. It (I AM) is the alpha
            and omega of all extended minds; the beginning and the end of all
            created beings in creation; the first creation and the home that awaits
            the return of all created minds, which are but the children or progeny
            of creation. Nothing was created before I AM and paradise: and nothing
            is created after me; I am the beginning and the end of creation.
            >
            > Thus it is that the consciousness in the repose of the eternal domain
            is the first child of creation - in the Virgin Birth of creation itself.
            The real and only Virgin Birth (and this one is not symbolic, it is the
            real thing). Before the mountains high and wide, before the seas did
            flow, before the stars gave forth their light, even then, I said, I
            know. Before my personality was, I AM. Before cave men came into
            being, I AM. Look deeper than the stones of the earth and the oceans,
            and there you will find me; I am the light which is beyond them all; I
            am the light of life and the resurrection. Know me, and you will know
            yourself; for I AM... and you are I AM. Thus, it is not metaphysics but
            PROTOPHYSICS; before physics. It is not 'after time' (although it is
            that also); it is before time moved; before changing events emanated
            forth from the center of all being and the eternal point of no duration.
            We are there at the beginning, like the observer of the first act of
            creation. Our self-consciousness in that dimension cannot think;
            thinking is a temporal process; but it is totally aware nevertheless
            (thus, knowledge before thought: thus thought depends on knowledge...
            not the other way around as many seem to assume. Earthly philosophers
            are like mere babies in Divine ignorance). It (we) is (are) not aware
            of things as we are aware of things out here, however, but it is an
            awareness of what can only be described as the essences and eternal
            principles and qualities of things; truths; depth realities; quality;
            meaning; purpose; beauty; wisdom; passion.
            >
            > That root of our being of eternal consciousness, that part of
            ourselves which exists there at the deepest level, the first child of
            creation, is totally in absolute love, a passion beyond description. It
            is filled with the passion of being to such a degre<br/><br/>(Message over 64 KB, truncated)
          Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.