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Psychoanalysis

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  • Roggles457@aol.com
    Just a brief dilemma for those of you who like Psychology. Here s the situation: In the past, I ve gotten hurt when it comes to girls. There s this girl now
    Message 1 of 5 , Dec 7, 2001
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      Just a brief dilemma for those of you who like Psychology. Here's the
      situation: In the past, I've gotten hurt when it comes to girls. There's
      this girl now I'm interested in, and see from time to time. Most of the
      time, she seems warm, and even a bit flirtatious (although that may be her
      personality). However, every time I am about to ask her out, I get this
      feeling from her that she does not like me at all, or has no interest in me.
      The strange thing is that its only when I am about to ask her out, not the
      rest of the time. The Question under all of this is the following. Is it
      possible my unconscious is tricking this feeling of disinterest or disdain to
      prevent me from getting hurt? Are there such occurrences? Any advice is
      welcome.

      Ryan #2
    • Eduard Alf
      Ryan #2, You are analyzing it too much. The simple answer may well be that she does not have an interest in you, and you are finding it difficult to accept
      Message 2 of 5 , Dec 8, 2001
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        Ryan #2,

        You are analyzing it too much. The simple answer may well be that she does
        not have an interest in you, and you are finding it difficult to accept that
        view.

        I think this idea of the "unconscious" is overblown. I doubt that there is
        any such thing ... at least in the sense which we conceive of it in our
        everyday speech. We like to think of some kind of local or function within
        the brain where psychic activity is taking place of which we are unaware.
        As if there is someone else within us, who has a better picture of the
        outside world. My opinion is that for most of what we think of, all of our
        thoughts are known and accessible. There is nothing mysterious about it.
        You are just being aware of her disinterest.

        eduard

        -----Original Message-----
        From: Roggles457@... [mailto:Roggles457@...]
        Sent: Saturday, December 08, 2001 1:13 AM
        To: existlist@yahoogroups.com
        Subject: [existlist] Psychoanalysis


        Just a brief dilemma for those of you who like Psychology. Here's the
        situation: In the past, I've gotten hurt when it comes to girls. There's
        this girl now I'm interested in, and see from time to time. Most of the
        time, she seems warm, and even a bit flirtatious (although that may be her
        personality). However, every time I am about to ask her out, I get this
        feeling from her that she does not like me at all, or has no interest in
        me.
        The strange thing is that its only when I am about to ask her out, not the
        rest of the time. The Question under all of this is the following. Is it
        possible my unconscious is tricking this feeling of disinterest or disdain
        to
        prevent me from getting hurt? Are there such occurrences? Any advice is
        welcome.

        Ryan #2

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      • openbook02@aol.com
        i say it s possible it s your unconscious, but i know a few girls who love having things the way you just described, but don t want any kind of a serious
        Message 3 of 5 , Dec 8, 2001
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          i say it's possible it's your unconscious, but i know a few girls who love
          having things the way you just described, but don't want any kind of a
          serious relationship. Often, people can tell when you're about to ask them
          on a date, and they act accordingly. The best way to ensure no one plays
          with your head, is to say something that delivers the message "hey, do you
          like me, because i like you." The more direct the better--because it
          wouldn't be awkward unless you made it so. That's what works for me. Keep
          us updated, i'm curious to see how this turns out.


          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • james tan
          ryan#2 the information you give is not enough to determine why you behave the way you behaved. my opinion is that what you said is possible. it is hard to
          Message 4 of 5 , Dec 8, 2001
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            ryan#2

            the information you give is not enough to determine why you behave the way
            you behaved. my opinion is that what you said is possible. it is hard to
            determine if the stimuli for your reaction comes from within or without. if
            it's within, your behaviour may be a kind of defense mechanism protecting
            yourself from some possible hurt of her rejection, by you the one rejecting
            thus keeping your ego and self-esteem intact. this process can be
            unconscious (yea, it is more freudian than existentialist to make such
            claim) in that you are unaware, at least not immediately, of why the
            behaviour. the anxiety and threat to ego can be overwhelming, and you would
            rather not know. there is a mechanism of the mind that enable you to
            accomplish this, thus enabling you to be still functional in spite of the
            setback. this in turn may possibly suggest you don't have a very good
            self-esteem, although it is hard to determine with so little information.
            you may also have a number of rejection in the past, thus you have 'learned'
            that dates are no no. friendship are ordinary and common place, but date are
            more committed, and the threats to ego are more real. alternatively, you may
            have a wrong 'idea' or 'beliefs' what dates constitutes, and much as you may
            look forward to it, there is something about it which you dislike or are
            afraid; you self sabotage the whole thing of dating. again, the process may
            be unconscious; it is too painful to face it squarely. or, it could simply a
            matter of beliefs or schemas which is irrational, or not accurate as it
            pertains to reality. as such courage is needed, not only to face her, but
            more importantly, yourself. but the stimuli may come from outside, i.e., the
            girl herself. she may give vital hint that she is only interested in you as
            a friend, not a steady. which may also explain your response.

            in any case, it requires much more to understand your behaviour than the
            skimpy details you provided.

            james.


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          • Roggles457@aol.com
            Thank you James, the idea was not a clear diagnosis, I agree the details would be skimpy for that. I was merely wishing to know if that sort of possibility
            Message 5 of 5 , Dec 9, 2001
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              Thank you James, the idea was not a clear diagnosis, I agree the details
              would be skimpy for that. I was merely wishing to know if that sort of
              possibility even existed elsewhere. Thanks to everyone else for advice also

              RYan 2
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