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Re: What makes a 'good' relationship

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  • Charles Vermont
    Rajiv, Vanaja, Yana, I was interested to read your comments on my ideas about a good relationship. You have certainly, to my mind, put your finger on what is
    Message 1 of 1 , Nov 30, 1999
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      Rajiv, Vanaja, Yana,

      I was interested to read your comments on my ideas about a 'good' relationship. You have certainly, to my mind, put your finger on what is wrong with Sartrean existentialism - it does not allow us to have relationships with others without sacrificing our freedom of choice.

      In my paradigm, the essence of good relationships are mutual trust and mutual respect. Part of the later is respect for the other person's or persons' feelings. If I really want to create intimacy, rather than just living my life near another person, I believe I have to ensure that I do not hurt the other person's feelings. In other words, if I choose to try and create an intimate relationship, I increase my chances of success if I choose to try and avoid hurting the other person's feelings. This, for me, is true compromise.

      I would contrast this with the sort of relationship where there are 'deals'. So partners may decide that he washes the car, mows the lawn, handles the finances and walks the dog; she washes the dishes, hoovers the house, makes sure the kids go to school and cooks 23 course banquets every night for 102 people. For me, this is more like a military operation than an intimate relationship.

      Therefore I believe the give and take of relationships are all to do with living in the moment, sharing with and caring for the other person, voicing concerns and feelings and having the joy of the other person responding in the sort of considerate way which means I will continue to trust them with my innermost thoughts... and vice versa.

      Do you think this makes sense?

      Charles Vermont
      London, England

      PS Sam, it seems to me that if a relationship is better for one person than the other then it will almost inevitably come to an end - it may take some time to reach this point, but this is my experience.
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