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RE: RE: Good Relationships

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  • Yana Youhana
    ... Sam, There is a big difference between good and valuable , hence the answeres are different. A relationship can be considered valuable when both
    Message 1 of 3 , Nov 29, 1999
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      >From: "BOURTON, SAM" <SAM.BOURTON@...>
      Sam,
      There is a big difference between "good" and "valuable", hence the
      answeres are different. A relationship can be considered valuable
      when both parties have agreeed on certain things just for the sake
      of childeren or financial reasons BUT that does NOT mean the relationship is
      good. The relationship is good when you enjoy
      it. Some people get into relationships out of desperation and loneliness,
      for me looking at those relationships from outside, it looks
      petatic (sp?) but for the person being in that position, the relationship
      may be very good so it has to do with relativity concept. Also in
      different cultures there are certain traditions that must be kept
      which in the eyes of some1 who is not familiar with that culture,
      may look redicilous and consider the relationship not good. I think
      people that marry late in life are considered having good relationship
      because they don't have much time left to decide whether is good or not!

      Thank You!

      ~yana

      >I was framing my answer in terms of value: whether (and to what extent) a
      >relationship can be said to be 'good' is determined solely by the value
      >each
      >party ascribes to it. And I was (correctly!) charged with being wishy-washy
      >and saying nothing of substance - it just pushes the question one step
      >back.
      >Instead of asking what makes a relationship 'good' we now have to ask what
      >makes a relationship 'valuable', (and any answers to this second question
      >would serve just as well as answers to the first).
      >
      >But she also said that under this analysis I would be stuck when two people
      >placed vastly different values on the relationship. So if one person
      >valued
      >the relationship as a friendship but the other one valued it as something
      >more, I would have nothing to say about whether the relationship was 'good'
      >or not. But if anything I took that as a vindication, not a refutation. Of
      >course people value their relationships differently from the people they
      >share them with. They even value different things about the relationship:
      >if you look at a friendship between, say, a very lively and adventurous
      >person, and a more solitary, contemplative one, it is likely you would find
      >that they both value quite different things about the relationship.
      >Besides,
      >isn't so much of the emotion within relationships (both good ones and bad
      >ones) caused by just this - a disparity between the values ascribed to the
      >relationship by its participants.
      >
      >Anyway, thanks for your views on the matter.
      >
      >Sam
      >
      >
      >
      > > -----Original Message-----
      > > From: Charles Vermont [SMTP:Funchoice@...]
      > > Sent: Monday, November 29, 1999 9:25 AM
      > > To: Existentialism List
      > > Subject: [existlist] RE: Good Relationships
      > >
      > > Sam,
      > > �
      > > I'd like to hear the thoughts now of you and your friend.
      > > �
      > > Charles Vermont
      > > London, England
      > >
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