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  • highflyer12z
    Here is my situation in a nutshell. I am 48, was married for 25 years unil last December when I left my wife with the excuse that we just did not get along.
    Message 1 of 47 , Jun 5 7:06 PM
      Here is my situation in a nutshell. I am 48, was married for 25 years
      unil last December when I left my wife with the excuse that we just
      did not get along.

      The fact of the matter is that I have been involved with another guy
      for the past 13 months. My wife has no idea as to the real reason for
      the seperation. Well now my gay lover and myself have broken up and
      I am not sure I am really gay as I had prviously convenced myself is

      My wife still wants to get back together and I am now not sure if
      that is not what I want also. If anyone has experence along these
      lines any advice would be helpfull. If I do try to get back together
      with her, do I level and tell her the whole truth? How do you handle
      the gay tendences that are sure to pop up again.
      I am scheduled to attend Homosexual Anonymous meeting this Friday
      nite unless I chicken out.

      Any advice?

    • ctickle777
      Hi Luis, First of all, I have to thank you for sharing this with us. You are already seeking help, by simply sharing your struggle. I do not know how to best
      Message 47 of 47 , Apr 17, 2007
        Hi Luis,

        First of all, I have to thank you for sharing this with us. You are
        already seeking help, by simply sharing your struggle. I do not know
        how to best address your questions, but I do have a couple of
        thoughts that I wanted to share with you. I am going to begin to
        pray for you and your family, so please keep us updated on your
        situation. Your wife seems like a very Godly and dedicated woman.
        God has not left you to deal with this on your own or in your own
        strength. You simply need to learn how to allow Christ to be your
        strength. Christ doesn't want to give you strength, or "help"
        you...He wants to do this for you. You simply have to learn to yield
        to His Spirit so He can control your actions and behavior.

        I want to encourage you to get a NASB study bible (email me
        privately if you need one b/c I can help in this area if you are
        unable to get one). It is reported to be the most accurately
        translated and easy to read Bible available. I would also suggest to
        you to stay in the Word of God. Even when you can think of a million
        reasons to do "other things," force yourself to stay in that Bible.
        Read Romans. Study Paul's account of his struggle with sin and
        temptation. I have sinned in various areas in my own life, and this
        struggle really plagued me for years. I was a
        perpetual "rededicator," up at the altar every Sunday, begging for
        forgiveness and a "second chance to get it right!" The sin itself
        was an issue, but it wasn't the REAL issue. Sure, the sin was a huge
        problem in my life, but the real issue was my lack of understanding
        of what sin really is, and how to overcome it. I didn't realize that
        I would never be "sin-free" so long as I am here in the flesh. Now,
        I know, and now, I can relax and rest in God's grace and peace. Of
        course, this doesn't excuse one's sin in any way, but your sin hurts
        you and those who love you. It hurts others, but Christ already
        dealt with it on the cross, so it is simply a thorn in your side, as
        Paul would say.

        Having not endured your specific circumstances, and being unable to
        relate to you personally, I am only sharing what little I know with
        you. Part of becoming a Christian is learning who you are in Christ.
        You are not the old Luis anymore. Regardless what you do, or how you
        sin, you are a transformed being. You need to begin to transform
        your mind to your new identity in Christ Jesus. This process is
        usually done through discipleship, but unfortunately, few churches
        truly practice the art of discipleship in our day and age. They
        primarily focus on sin, not the underlying condition of one's nature
        toward sin.

        The temptation may never leave you...but you can learn through
        various techniques (some of which I am unable to suggest since I am
        not a professional nor entirely familiar with your situation) to
        resist the temptation...not in YOUR strength, but by allowing Christ
        to resist it for you. This is not an automatic response, because we
        all want to control our lives. But, it can be learned. The art of
        yielding to the Holy Spirit is a gift instilled by the Spirit. We
        cannot cage grace, but it is available to us if we know how to yield
        to the Spirit versus yield to our flesh.

        Do you have Scripture memorized? If not, I'm going to email you
        Scripture that may be a huge asset to you when you face temptation.

        Do you know who you are now that you are in Christ?

        Did you know that you are forgiven past, present, and future? You do
        not NEED to rededicate your life to Christ each and every time you
        sin b/c God has already done that for you. You are forgiven. You may
        need to repent (confess your sin, thank God for His forgiveness for
        that sin and ask God to bring about change in your life). God does
        not need to keep forgiving you b/c Christ's last words were "It is
        finished!" You are FORGIVEN for the sins you have yet to commit. So,
        you need to learn to apply Galatians 2:20 to your life. Christ needs
        to live in and through you. You cannot live the Christian life
        effectively b/c you are not Christ. Christ has to do it ALL in and
        through you. You simply have to learn how to allow Him to control
        your emotions, your beliefs, and ultimately, your life.

        We either live by the flesh, or by the spirit. When we live by the
        flesh, our flesh (how we meet our own needs with our own resources
        apart from God) leads us into sinful behavior. The sinful behavior
        is not your main problem, nor is your sexual orientation. Christ has
        already set you free...you simply do not know who you are in Him.
        Your sexual orientation draws you toward sin, draws you toward this
        temptation, but you can resist this temptation. Please allow me to
        share on this point b/c it is pivotal in overcoming ANY kind of sin.

        When we sin, we basically believe a lie, don't we? How do we counter
        that lie? Truth. God's Truth. If you do not have enough of God's
        truth engrained into your mind, the lies are going to overpower you.
        Satan is going to tell you..."Go ahead, do this, it won't be so
        bad." You will have the opportunity to counter Satan's lies, but if
        you have nothing to counter them with, how can you even begin to
        attempt to face this temptation alone, in your own strength? You
        can't. Therefore, you have to reprogram your mind to your new
        identity in Christ, based on God's Word alone. So, you are attracted
        to men. That is how you FEEL. That doesn't mean that is who you ARE.
        Feelings are real, but everything that exists in this world is not
        always accurate. In other words, although you FEEL a certain way,
        your feelings do not define who you are in Christ. Your feelings do
        not determine whether or not you have a relationship with Christ.
        That is simply how your programmed flesh has learned to meet it's
        own needs through its own resources.

        Chances are, you should not look for an instaneous healing to occur,
        as you will likely struggle with your SSA for a while, if not the
        rest of your life. You may need to continue in therapy indefinitely,
        or until you have overcome some of the addictions in your life. Here
        is the simple truth: WE ALL struggle with one thing or another. We
        ALL fall into sin. You are not a failure as a Christian because you
        have fallen into sin.

        You stated that you have experienced some temporary success. Fine
        tune the measures that were taken that resulted in this success and
        keep those going. In the meantime, immerse yourself in God's Word.
        Pray for the Holy Spirit to reprogram your mind and identity. Don't
        focus so much on your sin or SSA...focus on reprogramming your mind.
        It may not be God's desire for you to never be faced with this
        temptation again. You simply have to learn how to allow God to
        conquer this temptation for you. Whatever temptation is in your
        life, flee from it. If you have porn around, remove it. If you have
        it on your computer, remove it. Get others involved so
        accountability is in place based on whatever professional advice is
        given to you. (i.e.: only involve your wife if your trained and
        qualified counselor assures you it will be beneficial). I will make
        a note to send you an email with these identity verses tomorrow.

        Remember that you are no longer enslaved to Satan. Sin in the Bible
        is primarily in noun form. In other words, sin is not typically
        defined as a behavior or action in the Bible...it is a person. Sin
        is personified: Satan! When you fall into sin, you are not just
        disobeying God, you are allowing Satan to control you. We were born
        enslaved to Satan. As followers of Jesus Christ, we are now enslaved
        to God. Our ancestry, our lineage, changes instantaneously when we
        accept Christ. All Satan can do to us is trick and control us, and
        make a mess out of our lives so we miss out on the abundant life God
        has made available to us through Jesus Christ.

        I am no expert on SSA, overcoming SSA, or changing one's sexual
        orientation. But, I will say that after being a Christian for 10
        years, and being totally miserable, as soon as I learned my identity
        in Christ...as soon as I learned who I am in Him, my thought-
        processes changed. My reliance on self began to slowly deteriorate.
        I now realize I am a forgiven, justified, and redeemed saint who
        continues to sin. (That old worn-out word "sinner" no longer applies
        to me).

        A couple of resources I want to suggest include: "Lifetime
        Guarantee" by Bill Gillham, and "Classic Christianity" by Bob
        George. These do not address your SSA, but they will address your
        identity in Christ. For your wife I highly recommend she read "The
        Confident Woman" by Anabel Gillham. She needs to rely on Christ now
        as well, and not look to you to meet all her needs. You need to work
        on you, and work on reprogramming your mind to who you are in Christ
        so you can begin to allow Christ to fight some of these tempting
        battles in your life. Of course, reprogramming your mind to your
        identity in Christ is essential, but you also need to get to the
        root of your SSA, so I will pray the Lord leads you to the right
        place and people, and that God would unveil you to the abundant life
        His risen Son offers all who believe in Him.

        I'll have to email you the Scripture references privately. There are
        too many to list. (May take a day or two...so bear with me) : )

        I will be praying for you and your family, as will so many others
        here in the forum.

        In Christ,

        --- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "drlems_00"
        <drlems_00@...> wrote:
        > I know this is a group to discuss rather important issues, but I
        > going to use as a lifeline since I need help urgently.
        > I am 35, married,2 kids.
        > I have strugle with homosexuality since I was a young boy. I have
        > been through reparative therapy, support groups and living waters
        > with some temporary succes.
        > Currently in a mighty strugle with the issue and feeling if I
        > do anything about it I will certainly get STDs, HIV or something
        > really bad.
        > (hopefully I don't have it already). Off course my marriage is
        > downhill. ( my wife knows what's going on and supports me as long
        > I decide to figth the situation)
        > I am in tormenting stage, because now I have so many doubts about
        > true nature of my feelings.
        > I want to be convinced this is bad, and that god loves me despite
        > sin, but that this sin has no place in a life of a christian
        > I have read all the books and know the evidence in the bible and
        > the gay activists are wrong in their position.
        > I need your support, prayers and resourses that may have work for
        > in coming out succesfull in this journey.
        > I am desperate.
        > Luis
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