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I Could Use A Little Bit More Help And Support Right Now

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  • Frank Schoonover
    Dear Fellow People In Change I need some help and support right now. I am really feeling down at the moment and believe me, I feel nothing but sorrow right now
    Message 1 of 1 , Feb 8, 2012
      Dear Fellow People In Change

      I need some help and support right now. I am really feeling down at the moment and believe me, I feel nothing but sorrow right now as a result of what had happened today. It is something that I did wrong in my recovery from this unwanted SSA and sometimes, the battle feels so unbearable, that at times, you feel like giving up, but I won't give up. I know that I can beat this with the right help and support. I only share this with all of you because if I shared this with those who are opposed, they would only tell me to give up thinking that I can change from being a Homosexual into a Heterosexual and to give up this "road to nowhere" known as the change process. Plus, all of you in here know exactly where I am coming from because we are all on this journey together. Plus, those who are opposed to this change don't seem to realize that when they say that we are on the road to nowhere regarding change, they are actually saying that they are on the road to
      nowhere as that sinful sexual lifestyle that they live is a "road to nowhere" as the only future that any man who lives that lifestyle is a life of never ending sexual promoscuity, which can lead to AIDS.

      Okay here goes:

      I am feeling down at the moment because today, I twice gave into the masturbation habit. Yes I did. I gave into the temptation in the wee early morning hours today and in the late afternoon. I really feel miserable. Yes, I do fellow believers in change. I, at times, don't know whether I am coming or going when I give into this dirty, unclean habit that only reinforces this identity of being Homosexual, which I am trying and really wanting to overcome. It also shows me that this battle to overcome this terrible SSA is a really difficult one indeed.

      No, I haven't watched any online porn in quite a while as I have been doing pretty well in my overcoming the addiction to watch porn. My desire was strictly emotional in nature as in the wee early morning hours, I had a really enormous erection and the craving to masturbate it away was really strong and I gave into it. Later this afternoon, I gave in again and also, it was emotional in nature.

      I have been feeling some extreme anger and I really don't know why I am feeling this way. I guess that I am a little angry with myself over giving into this terrible habit that will never connect me to the lost maleness that I am trying to attain because I never got my maleness from my father because all he ever did was physically and emotionally abused me and also, I got nothing but his emasculation of me rather than his affirmation. I guess that I am also still angry with my father because of this, though I have forgiven him for what he did to me and I still talk with him whenever I can, I still feel anger towards him. He also used his "born-again Christianity" as an excuse to do what he did to me as well. There was also the sexual abuse that I suffered and I endured at the hands of other members of my own gender as well.

      Guys, I could use some help, support and encouragement as I am really feeling down at the moment as a result of my relapses today. Thanks in advance for all that you can give.

      I hope that everyone in here has a wonderful day/evening.Sincerely Frank R.Schoonover

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