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Another Serious Blow

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  • bondtk
    I was talking with my children Friday evening on the phone. The last couple times my oldest (girl, 11) has been argumentative about what I need to do to fix
    Message 1 of 5 , Mar 2 2:17 PM
    • 0 Attachment
      I was talking with my children Friday evening on the phone. The last
      couple times my oldest (girl, 11) has been argumentative about "what
      I need to do to fix things" which I found very odd. I try to nicely
      tell her that she doesn't need to worry about all of that, and that
      mommy and daddy need to work on things together. I know it's
      debateable but I've told all three of them before that mommy just
      needs to come home (remember she left with the kids and all of our
      household possessions 2 years ago after I told her) so we can really
      work seriously on repairing what has been broken. But my 11-year-old
      daughter now has been saying things like, "If you really loved
      us . . . . " and "You need to go before Pastor C.'s church and ask
      forgiveness . . . . ." which is just a repeat of what mother has been
      saying. Well, I got a bonus at work before Christmas and I had told
      the kids that if I happened across some money I would see about
      taking them on a family trip to Disney in 2009. I could use that
      money in many other places due to all my lawyer bills but my chilren
      have never been on a real vacation and with all that is going on in
      their little lives, thought it might bring them some joy. So every
      time I talk to them I ask them, "Are you getting excited about our
      trip?" My oldest daughter said Friday night, "Uhhhh, not really." I
      was stunned. In the past they always responded excitedly. I
      said, "Why not?" She said something to the effect of, "I'm not sure
      if I want to go with a sinner." Again, I was stunned and
      said, "We're all sinners, honey. Mommy is a sinner too and you are
      with her most of the time." (maybe should have picked another
      example, I know what you're thinking) "But daddy, what you did was
      PERVERTED sin." Again, I was dumbfounded wondering how she knew to
      even say something like this. She once again began arguing about
      what I needed to do to fix the marriage with my wife's false ideas of
      how things should be done in her own mind as opposed to Biblical
      reconciliation. But then she said, "Daddy, I know what you did." I
      was in stunned silence. I said, "What do you know?" She said, "You
      are gay." My heart sank and seemed to freeze. I was in stunned
      silence again. I was boiling inside instantly while remaining very
      calm with her. I said, "Honey, do you even know what that means?"
      She said, "Yes, daddy, it means you like guys." Again, to hear this
      out of my 11-year-old's mouth was mind numbing. I had no prepared
      statement or speech. My mind was racing. I didn't know what to say.
      I tried to tell her that daddy has had this issue since he was 7
      years old but she wasn't "buying" it nor could she understand that.
      How could I make an 11-year old naive, Christian school/homeschooled
      girl understand the complexities of SSA? It wasn't going to happen.
      I mean, my goodness, look how her mother reacted and continues to to
      this day because of her lack of knowledge and understanding. She was
      obviously upset and told me that mommy had told her 3 weeks ago. I
      said, "Let me talk to your mother." She got on the phone and almost
      in tears I said, "How COULD you? Why didn't you tell me you told
      her." She coldly said, "I don't have to tell you everything I do."
      Now I know you all don't know me from adam, but I'm calm mostly quiet
      and non-confrontational. I screamed into the phone, "You are the
      most dispicable person I have EVER met!!! How could you tell our 11-
      year-old daughter! My counselor told us last year the children
      should NEVER know!!!" (who my wife thinks wasn't a good person
      because he had been involved in a church split earlier than we ever
      knew him). Again I screamed in tears, "How COULD you? You are a
      HORRIBLE human being to tell her!" She said, "It's not YOUR decision
      to tell her or not to tell her." I said, "If there EVER was a chance
      of us reconciling our marriage, it's over now. I have begged you
      over and over NOT to spread this around to people (which she has) and
      NOW TO OUR OWN YOUNG DAUGHTER!?!? I don't want anything to do with
      you EVER!" Obviously, my emotions came raging out. I had been delt
      almost the most serious blow of this entire 2 1/2 year nightmare. My
      own children seem almost scared to be around me by what she said
      about our upcoming trip. And what really makes me upset is the fact
      that my wife is so blind to now having a child carry this type of
      burden about her father. Not only is our family split from Indiana
      to Wisconsin and they have to try to cope with that, now she has to
      try to internalize something she can't understand at her age and cope
      with it. I am dumb founded! She's thrown our daughter into the mix
      of an adult situation that's she not ready to do. Oh i know, many
      people might say, "Well, kids these days are more accepting of
      the 'gay thing' because they hear it at school or on TV." Well, my
      children do not watch much TV nor do they hear about it in school.
      Extremely sheltered. I finally told my wife I had to hang up. I had
      guests coming soon after these conversations and tried desperately to
      put on a happy face all weekend, but today at work in a meeting with
      my boss, my eyes filled with huge tears as I fought back just
      sobbing. He said nothing but I'm sure could see something was up in
      my eyes. My co-worker was like, "What's up? I can tell something's
      wrong." So back at my cube, I told her what happend and just broke
      down. She tried to console me and told me I shouldn't have come to
      work today. So I stayed until noon and came home and slept until now.

      I'm devestated--kicked while down. Not only have my kids been
      physically ripped from me, now she's working to emotionally rip them
      from me and I'm having a hard time understanding and coping with that
      fact. What is wrong with Christians? Those with whom I labored with
      for years side-by-side in the ministry. I called my younger brother
      yesterday to tell him what happened. He said, "You know, Pastor D.
      (our former youth pastor of many years ago) recently said, 'You know
      what we do with these people [referring to those struggling or
      involved with SSA]? We SHOOT them.'" I said, "What is that supposed
      to mean?" My brother said, "Well, Troy, not really SHOOT them with a
      gun. What he means is our churches 'shoot' them and leave them
      for 'dead' because they don't know what else to do with/for them."
      And you know, he is exactly right. I feel like I've been 'shot' and
      left for dead over and over again. Each time it hurts and I can't
      understand it. IT'S NO WONDER WHY WE GIVE UP! HOW CAN PEOPLE EXPECT
      US TO BE TRAMPLED OVER AND OVER WITHOUT SCARS AND ANGER AND FEAR?
      Yes, I'm angry and hurt. I've put my best foot forward all by myself
      and it was spit upon. I look around at other married guy friends who
      either went through a divorce becase of this or are currently and
      although it is still hard for them, come nowhere close to all the
      things my wife is doing to hurdle darts at me. My mind cannot
      understand those who purposely try to inflict pain/hurt on others.
      I'm overly sensitive yet don't go around crying all the time either
      (lest you picture that). I walk, talk, and act like a man yet looked
      at with disgust by those who might walk by and "know" about me (at
      least my paranoia tells me so-remember "Prayers for Bobby?!")

      Anyway, I know my posts are usually filled with anguish and hurt and
      I'm sorry for that. It helps to verbalize things sometimes and this
      is one place I feel I can do that. This forum has over 800 members
      and I only see posts from like 5 people. Do I have a setting wrong or
      maybe the other 790 people are like me in a way wanting deliverance,
      yet sit in silence and can't seem to obtain it and have essentially
      thrown in the towel but want to hang on in some way by reading other
      people's stories.

      Thanks for reading my rather long posts and those like Bridget and
      others who I KNOW understands the hurt and heartache of those who
      hate themselves but can't seem to "quench" the thirst for emotional
      male bonding in their lives. May God bless those who look at us
      through glasses of Biblical love and compassion looking to pull us in
      rather than push us out.

      Troy B.
    • BridgetNight123@hotmail.com
      Dear Troy, my heart goes out to you so much right now. Are you a member of the men s group called http://www.peoplecanchange.com/ I have been told this a
      Message 2 of 5 , Mar 2 2:59 PM
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        Dear Troy, my heart goes out to you so much right now. Are you a member of the men's group called http://www.peoplecanchange.com/

        I have been told this a great group for men to get support. I have a wonderful friend who is a gay man going through a divorce right now and experiencing similar things. He has 3 young kids and his wife has a personalithy disorder and is now accusing him of sexually abusing their 5 year old daughter. I know this man and his life and he would never do anything like this but his wife is so angry since he told her of his struggle with SSA that she has become vindictive. I would be glad to connect you with this guy if you want and if you do not mind me sending him your post. I will be praying for you. Bridget

        http://evergreenbooksales.com/bookstore/product_info.php?cPath=27&products_id=84
        Or:
        http://www.authorhouse.com/BookStore/ItemDetail.aspx?bookid=12053.



        ----- Original Message -----
        From: bondtk
        To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
        Sent: Monday, March 02, 2009 4:17 PM
        Subject: [ExGDBd] Another Serious Blow


        I was talking with my children Friday evening on the phone. The last
        couple times my oldest (girl, 11) has been argumentative about "what
        I need to do to fix things" which I found very odd. I try to nicely
        tell her that she doesn't need to worry about all of that, and that
        mommy and daddy need to work on things together. I know it's
        debateable but I've told all three of them before that mommy just
        needs to come home (remember she left with the kids and all of our
        household possessions 2 years ago after I told her) so we can really
        work seriously on repairing what has been broken. But my 11-year-old
        daughter now has been saying things like, "If you really loved
        us . . . . " and "You need to go before Pastor C.'s church and ask
        forgiveness . . . . ." which is just a repeat of what mother has been
        saying. Well, I got a bonus at work before Christmas and I had told
        the kids that if I happened across some money I would see about
        taking them on a family trip to Disney in 2009. I could use that
        money in many other places due to all my lawyer bills but my chilren
        have never been on a real vacation and with all that is going on in
        their little lives, thought it might bring them some joy. So every
        time I talk to them I ask them, "Are you getting excited about our
        trip?" My oldest daughter said Friday night, "Uhhhh, not really." I
        was stunned. In the past they always responded excitedly. I
        said, "Why not?" She said something to the effect of, "I'm not sure
        if I want to go with a sinner." Again, I was stunned and
        said, "We're all sinners, honey. Mommy is a sinner too and you are
        with her most of the time." (maybe should have picked another
        example, I know what you're thinking) "But daddy, what you did was
        PERVERTED sin." Again, I was dumbfounded wondering how she knew to
        even say something like this. She once again began arguing about
        what I needed to do to fix the marriage with my wife's false ideas of
        how things should be done in her own mind as opposed to Biblical
        reconciliation. But then she said, "Daddy, I know what you did." I
        was in stunned silence. I said, "What do you know?" She said, "You
        are gay." My heart sank and seemed to freeze. I was in stunned
        silence again. I was boiling inside instantly while remaining very
        calm with her. I said, "Honey, do you even know what that means?"
        She said, "Yes, daddy, it means you like guys." Again, to hear this
        out of my 11-year-old's mouth was mind numbing. I had no prepared
        statement or speech. My mind was racing. I didn't know what to say.
        I tried to tell her that daddy has had this issue since he was 7
        years old but she wasn't "buying" it nor could she understand that.
        How could I make an 11-year old naive, Christian school/homeschooled
        girl understand the complexities of SSA? It wasn't going to happen.
        I mean, my goodness, look how her mother reacted and continues to to
        this day because of her lack of knowledge and understanding. She was
        obviously upset and told me that mommy had told her 3 weeks ago. I
        said, "Let me talk to your mother." She got on the phone and almost
        in tears I said, "How COULD you? Why didn't you tell me you told
        her." She coldly said, "I don't have to tell you everything I do."
        Now I know you all don't know me from adam, but I'm calm mostly quiet
        and non-confrontational. I screamed into the phone, "You are the
        most dispicable person I have EVER met!!! How could you tell our 11-
        year-old daughter! My counselor told us last year the children
        should NEVER know!!!" (who my wife thinks wasn't a good person
        because he had been involved in a church split earlier than we ever
        knew him). Again I screamed in tears, "How COULD you? You are a
        HORRIBLE human being to tell her!" She said, "It's not YOUR decision
        to tell her or not to tell her." I said, "If there EVER was a chance
        of us reconciling our marriage, it's over now. I have begged you
        over and over NOT to spread this around to people (which she has) and
        NOW TO OUR OWN YOUNG DAUGHTER!?!? I don't want anything to do with
        you EVER!" Obviously, my emotions came raging out. I had been delt
        almost the most serious blow of this entire 2 1/2 year nightmare. My
        own children seem almost scared to be around me by what she said
        about our upcoming trip. And what really makes me upset is the fact
        that my wife is so blind to now having a child carry this type of
        burden about her father. Not only is our family split from Indiana
        to Wisconsin and they have to try to cope with that, now she has to
        try to internalize something she can't understand at her age and cope
        with it. I am dumb founded! She's thrown our daughter into the mix
        of an adult situation that's she not ready to do. Oh i know, many
        people might say, "Well, kids these days are more accepting of
        the 'gay thing' because they hear it at school or on TV." Well, my
        children do not watch much TV nor do they hear about it in school.
        Extremely sheltered. I finally told my wife I had to hang up. I had
        guests coming soon after these conversations and tried desperately to
        put on a happy face all weekend, but today at work in a meeting with
        my boss, my eyes filled with huge tears as I fought back just
        sobbing. He said nothing but I'm sure could see something was up in
        my eyes. My co-worker was like, "What's up? I can tell something's
        wrong." So back at my cube, I told her what happend and just broke
        down. She tried to console me and told me I shouldn't have come to
        work today. So I stayed until noon and came home and slept until now.

        I'm devestated--kicked while down. Not only have my kids been
        physically ripped from me, now she's working to emotionally rip them
        from me and I'm having a hard time understanding and coping with that
        fact. What is wrong with Christians? Those with whom I labored with
        for years side-by-side in the ministry. I called my younger brother
        yesterday to tell him what happened. He said, "You know, Pastor D.
        (our former youth pastor of many years ago) recently said, 'You know
        what we do with these people [referring to those struggling or
        involved with SSA]? We SHOOT them.'" I said, "What is that supposed
        to mean?" My brother said, "Well, Troy, not really SHOOT them with a
        gun. What he means is our churches 'shoot' them and leave them
        for 'dead' because they don't know what else to do with/for them."
        And you know, he is exactly right. I feel like I've been 'shot' and
        left for dead over and over again. Each time it hurts and I can't
        understand it. IT'S NO WONDER WHY WE GIVE UP! HOW CAN PEOPLE EXPECT
        US TO BE TRAMPLED OVER AND OVER WITHOUT SCARS AND ANGER AND FEAR?
        Yes, I'm angry and hurt. I've put my best foot forward all by myself
        and it was spit upon. I look around at other married guy friends who
        either went through a divorce becase of this or are currently and
        although it is still hard for them, come nowhere close to all the
        things my wife is doing to hurdle darts at me. My mind cannot
        understand those who purposely try to inflict pain/hurt on others.
        I'm overly sensitive yet don't go around crying all the time either
        (lest you picture that). I walk, talk, and act like a man yet looked
        at with disgust by those who might walk by and "know" about me (at
        least my paranoia tells me so-remember "Prayers for Bobby?!")

        Anyway, I know my posts are usually filled with anguish and hurt and
        I'm sorry for that. It helps to verbalize things sometimes and this
        is one place I feel I can do that. This forum has over 800 members
        and I only see posts from like 5 people. Do I have a setting wrong or
        maybe the other 790 people are like me in a way wanting deliverance,
        yet sit in silence and can't seem to obtain it and have essentially
        thrown in the towel but want to hang on in some way by reading other
        people's stories.

        Thanks for reading my rather long posts and those like Bridget and
        others who I KNOW understands the hurt and heartache of those who
        hate themselves but can't seem to "quench" the thirst for emotional
        male bonding in their lives. May God bless those who look at us
        through glasses of Biblical love and compassion looking to pull us in
        rather than push us out.

        Troy B.




        [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
      • aformer54
        Wow. Talk about ripping your heart out and handing it to you. We are bleeding with you, brother. So very sorry to hear this has happened. I hope many here will
        Message 3 of 5 , Mar 2 4:49 PM
        • 0 Attachment
          Wow. Talk about ripping your heart out and handing it to you. We are
          bleeding with you, brother. So very sorry to hear this has happened. I
          hope many here will commit to pray for you, even those who are merely
          "looky-loos" (yes, that's the vast majority of people who are members).

          As regards Christians "shooting" their wounded -- it's too true for
          comfort, I'm afraid. Others are just too squeamish to deal with gay
          issues and those who are struggling.

          Yesterday in my Sunday school class at church, I gave a heartfelt
          appeal for prayer for an ex-gay woman (fellow church member whose case
          is high profile) who is a dear friend and is going through hell on
          earth over a years-long custody/visitation battle with a former
          same-sex partner. She continues to be "thrown under the bus" -- I'll
          throw in another metaphor that applies -- and misunderstood by those
          in our church who should know better.

          You should have seen folks squirming in their seats after my little
          speech. Most are just learning that I am also a "former. I've decided
          I am going to force them to deal with it because I have no shame or
          guilt anymore. The church NEEDS to get its act together. I speak out
          about this kind of thing every chance I get.

          I don't know where you go from here, Troy, but there are churches out
          there that do a decent job of ministering to the hurts of their own. I
          pray you find one.


          --- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "bondtk" <bondtk@...> wrote:
          >
          > I was talking with my children Friday evening on the phone. The last
          > couple times my oldest (girl, 11) has been argumentative about "what
          > I need to do to fix things" which I found very odd. I try to nicely
          > tell her that she doesn't need to worry about all of that, and that
          > mommy and daddy need to work on things together. I know it's
          > debateable but I've told all three of them before that mommy just
          > needs to come home (remember she left with the kids and all of our
          > household possessions 2 years ago after I told her) so we can really
          > work seriously on repairing what has been broken. But my 11-year-old
          > daughter now has been saying things like, "If you really loved
          > us . . . . " and "You need to go before Pastor C.'s church and ask
          > forgiveness . . . . ." which is just a repeat of what mother has been
          > saying. Well, I got a bonus at work before Christmas and I had told
          > the kids that if I happened across some money I would see about
          > taking them on a family trip to Disney in 2009. I could use that
          > money in many other places due to all my lawyer bills but my chilren
          > have never been on a real vacation and with all that is going on in
          > their little lives, thought it might bring them some joy. So every
          > time I talk to them I ask them, "Are you getting excited about our
          > trip?" My oldest daughter said Friday night, "Uhhhh, not really." I
          > was stunned. In the past they always responded excitedly. I
          > said, "Why not?" She said something to the effect of, "I'm not sure
          > if I want to go with a sinner." Again, I was stunned and
          > said, "We're all sinners, honey. Mommy is a sinner too and you are
          > with her most of the time." (maybe should have picked another
          > example, I know what you're thinking) "But daddy, what you did was
          > PERVERTED sin." Again, I was dumbfounded wondering how she knew to
          > even say something like this. She once again began arguing about
          > what I needed to do to fix the marriage with my wife's false ideas of
          > how things should be done in her own mind as opposed to Biblical
          > reconciliation. But then she said, "Daddy, I know what you did." I
          > was in stunned silence. I said, "What do you know?" She said, "You
          > are gay." My heart sank and seemed to freeze. I was in stunned
          > silence again. I was boiling inside instantly while remaining very
          > calm with her. I said, "Honey, do you even know what that means?"
          > She said, "Yes, daddy, it means you like guys." Again, to hear this
          > out of my 11-year-old's mouth was mind numbing. I had no prepared
          > statement or speech. My mind was racing. I didn't know what to say.
          > I tried to tell her that daddy has had this issue since he was 7
          > years old but she wasn't "buying" it nor could she understand that.
          > How could I make an 11-year old naive, Christian school/homeschooled
          > girl understand the complexities of SSA? It wasn't going to happen.
          > I mean, my goodness, look how her mother reacted and continues to to
          > this day because of her lack of knowledge and understanding. She was
          > obviously upset and told me that mommy had told her 3 weeks ago. I
          > said, "Let me talk to your mother." She got on the phone and almost
          > in tears I said, "How COULD you? Why didn't you tell me you told
          > her." She coldly said, "I don't have to tell you everything I do."
          > Now I know you all don't know me from adam, but I'm calm mostly quiet
          > and non-confrontational. I screamed into the phone, "You are the
          > most dispicable person I have EVER met!!! How could you tell our 11-
          > year-old daughter! My counselor told us last year the children
          > should NEVER know!!!" (who my wife thinks wasn't a good person
          > because he had been involved in a church split earlier than we ever
          > knew him). Again I screamed in tears, "How COULD you? You are a
          > HORRIBLE human being to tell her!" She said, "It's not YOUR decision
          > to tell her or not to tell her." I said, "If there EVER was a chance
          > of us reconciling our marriage, it's over now. I have begged you
          > over and over NOT to spread this around to people (which she has) and
          > NOW TO OUR OWN YOUNG DAUGHTER!?!? I don't want anything to do with
          > you EVER!" Obviously, my emotions came raging out. I had been delt
          > almost the most serious blow of this entire 2 1/2 year nightmare. My
          > own children seem almost scared to be around me by what she said
          > about our upcoming trip. And what really makes me upset is the fact
          > that my wife is so blind to now having a child carry this type of
          > burden about her father. Not only is our family split from Indiana
          > to Wisconsin and they have to try to cope with that, now she has to
          > try to internalize something she can't understand at her age and cope
          > with it. I am dumb founded! She's thrown our daughter into the mix
          > of an adult situation that's she not ready to do. Oh i know, many
          > people might say, "Well, kids these days are more accepting of
          > the 'gay thing' because they hear it at school or on TV." Well, my
          > children do not watch much TV nor do they hear about it in school.
          > Extremely sheltered. I finally told my wife I had to hang up. I had
          > guests coming soon after these conversations and tried desperately to
          > put on a happy face all weekend, but today at work in a meeting with
          > my boss, my eyes filled with huge tears as I fought back just
          > sobbing. He said nothing but I'm sure could see something was up in
          > my eyes. My co-worker was like, "What's up? I can tell something's
          > wrong." So back at my cube, I told her what happend and just broke
          > down. She tried to console me and told me I shouldn't have come to
          > work today. So I stayed until noon and came home and slept until now.
          >
          > I'm devestated--kicked while down. Not only have my kids been
          > physically ripped from me, now she's working to emotionally rip them
          > from me and I'm having a hard time understanding and coping with that
          > fact. What is wrong with Christians? Those with whom I labored with
          > for years side-by-side in the ministry. I called my younger brother
          > yesterday to tell him what happened. He said, "You know, Pastor D.
          > (our former youth pastor of many years ago) recently said, 'You know
          > what we do with these people [referring to those struggling or
          > involved with SSA]? We SHOOT them.'" I said, "What is that supposed
          > to mean?" My brother said, "Well, Troy, not really SHOOT them with a
          > gun. What he means is our churches 'shoot' them and leave them
          > for 'dead' because they don't know what else to do with/for them."
          > And you know, he is exactly right. I feel like I've been 'shot' and
          > left for dead over and over again. Each time it hurts and I can't
          > understand it. IT'S NO WONDER WHY WE GIVE UP! HOW CAN PEOPLE EXPECT
          > US TO BE TRAMPLED OVER AND OVER WITHOUT SCARS AND ANGER AND FEAR?
          > Yes, I'm angry and hurt. I've put my best foot forward all by myself
          > and it was spit upon. I look around at other married guy friends who
          > either went through a divorce becase of this or are currently and
          > although it is still hard for them, come nowhere close to all the
          > things my wife is doing to hurdle darts at me. My mind cannot
          > understand those who purposely try to inflict pain/hurt on others.
          > I'm overly sensitive yet don't go around crying all the time either
          > (lest you picture that). I walk, talk, and act like a man yet looked
          > at with disgust by those who might walk by and "know" about me (at
          > least my paranoia tells me so-remember "Prayers for Bobby?!")
          >
          > Anyway, I know my posts are usually filled with anguish and hurt and
          > I'm sorry for that. It helps to verbalize things sometimes and this
          > is one place I feel I can do that. This forum has over 800 members
          > and I only see posts from like 5 people. Do I have a setting wrong or
          > maybe the other 790 people are like me in a way wanting deliverance,
          > yet sit in silence and can't seem to obtain it and have essentially
          > thrown in the towel but want to hang on in some way by reading other
          > people's stories.
          >
          > Thanks for reading my rather long posts and those like Bridget and
          > others who I KNOW understands the hurt and heartache of those who
          > hate themselves but can't seem to "quench" the thirst for emotional
          > male bonding in their lives. May God bless those who look at us
          > through glasses of Biblical love and compassion looking to pull us in
          > rather than push us out.
          >
          > Troy B.
          >
        • Ralph
          Troy, You weren t hit with a dart - you were shot at point blank range with a 12-gauge shotgun! There s no telling what kind of emotional damage your daughter
          Message 4 of 5 , Mar 4 7:41 AM
          • 0 Attachment
            Troy,

            You weren't hit with a dart - you were shot at point blank range with a 12-gauge shotgun! There's no telling what kind of emotional damage your daughter (and perhaps the rest of your children) will suffer over these next few years.

            Please know I (and probably the rest of the members here) wish I could reach out and give you one big bear hug - but since I cannot, I pray that our Heavenly Father, and our brother, Jesus, will do it in our absence.

            Ralph
          • ctickle777
            Hi Troy, I read your post last week and have been praying for you. I wish there were words to express my sorrow over your situation - just know that my heart
            Message 5 of 5 , Mar 11 5:23 AM
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              Hi Troy,

              I read your post last week and have been praying for you. I wish there were words to express my sorrow over your situation - just know that my heart aches alongside yours regarding your wife, family, and daughter. I can honestly say that I believe your daughter will learn the truth and I do believe the negative persuasion of your wife will eventually come back to bite her. I read a couple of research studies last semester about this very issue: when parents separate and one parent tries to destroy the other parent's credibility with their children; statistics show that when the child matures that child is typically very bitter and angry with the verbally-manipulative parent. I wanted to share this with you today because in most cases, one of the study illustrates a positive change in the children. In other words, the child who is made to feel "torn" eventually sees, understands, and dislikes what the "malicious" parent is doing and rebels against it. My cousin had a similar experience with her parents - her mother convinced her very early on that her father was worthless and negligent. My cousin eventually became extremely resentful of her mother and now as an adult, she has a wonderful relationship with her Dad.

              I also think your wife is teaching your children to act and think like Pharisees - and there is great injury in that type of false "Christianity." I grew up with that same mentality and am thrilled to be free from that type of thinking. I now recognize that sin is sin and legalism is a hindrance to experiencing God's true freedom and joy in Christ. I will pray that both your wife and children learn these truths and that God will reveal Himself to them as well as teach them about same-sex attraction.

              I pray you lean and depend completely on Christ to continue to unconditionally love your children during this trying time. I have a daughter the same age as yours and she is very immature in many ways, particularly since her hormones are beginning to show the signs of adolescence (yikes). :) I don't think our girls can process certain things yet, but give her time. I believe she will have a dramatic change of heart if you continue to love and care for her over time. Just continue being present in her life and try not to take her words and actions to heart. I know that is easier said than done, but I do believe that God sees, feels, and shares your pain; and, He has the power and will to heal your relationship in time.

              May God richly bless you and keep you.

              In Christ,
              Christa

              --- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "Ralph" <ralphpuccini@...> wrote:
              >
              > Troy,
              >
              > You weren't hit with a dart - you were shot at point blank range with a 12-gauge shotgun! There's no telling what kind of emotional damage your daughter (and perhaps the rest of your children) will suffer over these next few years.
              >
              > Please know I (and probably the rest of the members here) wish I could reach out and give you one big bear hug - but since I cannot, I pray that our Heavenly Father, and our brother, Jesus, will do it in our absence.
              >
              > Ralph
              >
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