Loading ...
Sorry, an error occurred while loading the content.
 

Finding Peace and Closure

Expand Messages
  • Bridget Night
    Hi All, So many parents and friends of those who have loved ones with SSA become so wrapped in trying to change and save their kids that it takes over their
    Message 1 of 5 , Feb 5, 2009
      Hi All,

      So many parents and friends of those who have loved ones with SSA become
      so wrapped in trying to change and save their kids that it takes over
      their lives. The new Yarhouse study showed only 15% of highly motivated
      SSA people have changed or minimized thier same sex attractions. Even
      though this is what we want for our children, and friends, we have to face
      the fact that about 85% may never change in this life and how do we accept
      that, find closure, and figure out how to love them even if they never
      change? I have had moms write me who have prayed and obsessed over their
      children for years now, tell me that they will never be happy until their
      child changes. I too have had this problem and am still trying to deal
      with it. So, any suggestions out there?

      Thanks, Bridget




      [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    • aformer54
      Bridget, I don t know if I would even use the term closure at this juncture in your and Johnathan s life. Peace, yes. I also have to say I am not fully
      Message 2 of 5 , Feb 5, 2009
        Bridget,

        I don't know if I would even use the term "closure" at this juncture
        in your and Johnathan's life. Peace, yes. I also have to say I am not
        fully satisfied with even the Yarhouse/Jones study figures. Theirs is
        the most definitive study to date, but I believe we still have a long
        way to go in knowing this almost unsearchable part of human nature.

        I keep finding myself going back to my brother's experience with drugs
        and mental illness and how our family had to come to terms with it,
        all the while hoping and praying for a miracle. In his case, we did
        have to seek closure as he has been gone for almost exactly seven
        years now. Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death. (This reminds me
        I have to call my mom as I know she is thinking about it right now.)

        We had to choose to leave Greg in God's hands. We loved him
        unconditionally as best we could, knowing God loved him so much more.
        It was only at the end of his life that we could have the peace of
        believing he was with the Lord. He was 45 when he died. If you want to
        know more about my mom's love for him and our journey, you might like
        to read an article I wrote about it (my mom wanted the names changed
        except for Greg's). It's at
        http://www.atimetolovemag.com/adventuresinlove/133. Not sure if the
        link will work for non-subscribers. It's also in the archives for "A
        Time To Love" magazine in the summer/fall 2008 issue. Let me know if
        you can't access it and I will e-mail it to you. It might help in some
        way.

        --- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "Bridget Night"
        <BridgetNight123@...> wrote:
        >
        >
        > Hi All,
        >
        > So many parents and friends of those who have loved ones with SSA become
        > so wrapped in trying to change and save their kids that it takes over
        > their lives. The new Yarhouse study showed only 15% of highly motivated
        > SSA people have changed or minimized thier same sex attractions. Even
        > though this is what we want for our children, and friends, we have
        to face
        > the fact that about 85% may never change in this life and how do we
        accept
        > that, find closure, and figure out how to love them even if they never
        > change? I have had moms write me who have prayed and obsessed over their
        > children for years now, tell me that they will never be happy until
        their
        > child changes. I too have had this problem and am still trying to deal
        > with it. So, any suggestions out there?
        >
        > Thanks, Bridget
        >
        >
        >
        >
        > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        >
      • Bridget Night
        Wow Debbie, What an amazing story you wrote about your brother. It can relate to what we are going through. That was really a tough ordeal your family went
        Message 3 of 5 , Feb 5, 2009
          Wow Debbie, What an amazing story you wrote about your brother. It can
          relate to what we are going through. That was really a tough ordeal your
          family went through, but I could see the love. Thanks for sharing.
          Bridget



          www.1stbooks.com/bookview/12053



          -----Original Message-----
          From: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
          [mailto:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of aformer54
          Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2009 6:48 PM
          To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
          Subject: [ExGDBd] Re: Finding Peace and Closure



          Bridget,

          I don't know if I would even use the term "closure" at this juncture
          in your and Johnathan's life. Peace, yes. I also have to say I am not
          fully satisfied with even the Yarhouse/Jones study figures. Theirs is
          the most definitive study to date, but I believe we still have a long
          way to go in knowing this almost unsearchable part of human nature.

          I keep finding myself going back to my brother's experience with drugs
          and mental illness and how our family had to come to terms with it,
          all the while hoping and praying for a miracle. In his case, we did
          have to seek closure as he has been gone for almost exactly seven
          years now. Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death. (This reminds me
          I have to call my mom as I know she is thinking about it right now.)

          We had to choose to leave Greg in God's hands. We loved him
          unconditionally as best we could, knowing God loved him so much more.
          It was only at the end of his life that we could have the peace of
          believing he was with the Lord. He was 45 when he died. If you want to
          know more about my mom's love for him and our journey, you might like
          to read an article I wrote about it (my mom wanted the names changed
          except for Greg's). It's at
          http://www.atimetol <http://www.atimetolovemag.com/adventuresinlove/133.>
          ovemag.com/adventuresinlove/133. Not sure if the
          link will work for non-subscribers. It's also in the archives for "A
          Time To Love" magazine in the summer/fall 2008 issue. Let me know if
          you can't access it and I will e-mail it to you. It might help in some
          way.

          --- In exgaydiscussionboar <mailto:exgaydiscussionboard%40yahoogroups.com>
          d@yahoogroups.com, "Bridget Night"
          <BridgetNight123@...> wrote:
          >
          >
          > Hi All,
          >
          > So many parents and friends of those who have loved ones with SSA become
          > so wrapped in trying to change and save their kids that it takes over
          > their lives. The new Yarhouse study showed only 15% of highly motivated
          > SSA people have changed or minimized thier same sex attractions. Even
          > though this is what we want for our children, and friends, we have
          to face
          > the fact that about 85% may never change in this life and how do we
          accept
          > that, find closure, and figure out how to love them even if they never
          > change? I have had moms write me who have prayed and obsessed over their
          > children for years now, tell me that they will never be happy until
          their
          > child changes. I too have had this problem and am still trying to deal
          > with it. So, any suggestions out there?
          >
          > Thanks, Bridget
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
          >







          [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
        • aformer54
          Glad you were able to see the story. As I awoke this morning, Greg s memory was the first thought on my mind. But that also brought to mind your family
          Message 4 of 5 , Feb 6, 2009
            Glad you were able to see the story. As I awoke this morning, Greg's
            memory was the first thought on my mind. But that also brought to mind
            your family situation so I could pray for you.

            Bridget, I know you have agonized over Johnathan for years. And yet,
            God is using you to encourage others and to be an example of His love
            and compassion -- to comfort others as He has comforted you.

            One of the tasks I am engaged in at the moment is helping to locate
            resources for another family that desperately needs to remember the
            redemptive message of the Gospel. These parents are about to turn out
            their lesbian daughter. It's sort of a Bobby story. They are giving
            her an ultimatum: Renounce this or else. My heart breaks when I hear
            stories like this.

            Yes, we had to patiently love my brother through many ups and downs.
            His mental illness left him at the mercy of his unhealthy impulses in
            some ways. We thought we'd lost him a number of times over the years.
            But God had him in His grip when we were far too exhausted to do much
            of anything but just be there for him and pray. He could be so very
            hard to live with.

            We can't say what God may yet do in Johnathan's life. Or how many
            desperately needy people will be touched through your ordeal. It's
            hard to trust God in times like these, and yet it is really the only
            thing we can do.

            "Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own
            understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your
            paths straight." (Prov. 3:5).

            He will uphold all of you!


            --- In exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com, "Bridget Night"
            <BridgetNight123@...> wrote:
            >
            > Wow Debbie, What an amazing story you wrote about your brother. It can
            > relate to what we are going through. That was really a tough ordeal your
            > family went through, but I could see the love. Thanks for sharing.
            > Bridget
            >
            >
            >
            > www.1stbooks.com/bookview/12053
            >
            >
            >
            > -----Original Message-----
            > From: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
            > [mailto:exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com] On Behalf Of aformer54
            > Sent: Thursday, February 05, 2009 6:48 PM
            > To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
            > Subject: [ExGDBd] Re: Finding Peace and Closure
            >
            >
            >
            > Bridget,
            >
            > I don't know if I would even use the term "closure" at this juncture
            > in your and Johnathan's life. Peace, yes. I also have to say I am not
            > fully satisfied with even the Yarhouse/Jones study figures. Theirs is
            > the most definitive study to date, but I believe we still have a long
            > way to go in knowing this almost unsearchable part of human nature.
            >
            > I keep finding myself going back to my brother's experience with drugs
            > and mental illness and how our family had to come to terms with it,
            > all the while hoping and praying for a miracle. In his case, we did
            > have to seek closure as he has been gone for almost exactly seven
            > years now. Tomorrow is the anniversary of his death. (This reminds me
            > I have to call my mom as I know she is thinking about it right now.)
            >
            > We had to choose to leave Greg in God's hands. We loved him
            > unconditionally as best we could, knowing God loved him so much more.
            > It was only at the end of his life that we could have the peace of
            > believing he was with the Lord. He was 45 when he died. If you want to
            > know more about my mom's love for him and our journey, you might like
            > to read an article I wrote about it (my mom wanted the names changed
            > except for Greg's). It's at
            > http://www.atimetol
            <http://www.atimetolovemag.com/adventuresinlove/133.>
            > ovemag.com/adventuresinlove/133. Not sure if the
            > link will work for non-subscribers. It's also in the archives for "A
            > Time To Love" magazine in the summer/fall 2008 issue. Let me know if
            > you can't access it and I will e-mail it to you. It might help in some
            > way.
            >
            > --- In exgaydiscussionboar
            <mailto:exgaydiscussionboard%40yahoogroups.com>
            > d@yahoogroups.com, "Bridget Night"
            > <BridgetNight123@> wrote:
            > >
            > >
            > > Hi All,
            > >
            > > So many parents and friends of those who have loved ones with SSA
            become
            > > so wrapped in trying to change and save their kids that it takes over
            > > their lives. The new Yarhouse study showed only 15% of highly
            motivated
            > > SSA people have changed or minimized thier same sex attractions. Even
            > > though this is what we want for our children, and friends, we have
            > to face
            > > the fact that about 85% may never change in this life and how do we
            > accept
            > > that, find closure, and figure out how to love them even if they never
            > > change? I have had moms write me who have prayed and obsessed over
            their
            > > children for years now, tell me that they will never be happy until
            > their
            > > child changes. I too have had this problem and am still trying to deal
            > > with it. So, any suggestions out there?
            > >
            > > Thanks, Bridget
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > >
            > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            > >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            >
            > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            >
          • Thomas Morey
            Dear Bridget,   Actually, the Jones and Yarhouse study has indicated that in the three years in which this longitudinal study has collected data (which
            Message 5 of 5 , Feb 11, 2009
              Dear Bridget,
               
              Actually, the Jones and Yarhouse study has indicated that in the three years in which this longitudinal study has collected data (which makes it still quite young as a study, and therefore its results preliminary in nature rather than in any way complete or final), that 15% of its subjects have already reported having experienced a shift or change in their sexual inclinations towards the opposite sex. To my understanding, this stat does not include all those who experienced a dimunition of their SSAs. To me this is quite encouraging, since I have observed that many who enter Exodus programs do experience not only a dimunition of their SSAs shortly after, but also a shift or change much later than after the first three years of making their decision to renounce a gay lifestyle, and continue getting the support they need in order to do so. Rather, the Jones and Yarhouse study indicated that indeed over 50% of its subjects who recently came out of a
              gay lifestyle did report experiencing a significant decrease in their same sex attractions, both in their intensity and frequency. So, the 15% statistic only involves those who have already experienced a shift or change, as I have, and does not include those who only experienced a dimunition of their same sex attractions. That aggregate number would be much larger, and indicative of the success of such Exodus programs, similar to what evidence-based combined cognitive and medication therapies are for depressed patients, to which the APA highly ascribes! So, I suggest staying tuned for what I expect to be even more encouraging results in years to come. 
               
              Blessings,
               
              Tom       

              --- On Thu, 2/5/09, Bridget Night <BridgetNight123@...> wrote:

              From: Bridget Night <BridgetNight123@...>
              Subject: [ExGDBd] Finding Peace and Closure
              To: bridgetnight123@...
              Date: Thursday, February 5, 2009, 7:18 PM







              Hi All,

              So many parents and friends of those who have loved ones with SSA become
              so wrapped in trying to change and save their kids that it takes over
              their lives. The new Yarhouse study showed only 15% of highly motivated
              SSA people have changed or minimized thier same sex attractions. Even
              though this is what we want for our children, and friends, we have to face
              the fact that about 85% may never change in this life and how do we accept
              that, find closure, and figure out how to love them even if they never
              change? I have had moms write me who have prayed and obsessed over their
              children for years now, tell me that they will never be happy until their
              child changes. I too have had this problem and am still trying to deal
              with it. So, any suggestions out there?

              Thanks, Bridget

              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]



















              [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
            Your message has been successfully submitted and would be delivered to recipients shortly.