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Re: [ExGDBd] Need someone to share

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  • Paul Chan
    Hi Don, Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru the struggles? Will there be one day that we can say it s completely over with homosexual urges.
    Message 1 of 13 , Oct 1, 2002
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      Hi Don,
      Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru the struggles? Will there be one day that we can say it's completely over with homosexual urges. Could you share your experience?
      Paul
      Don Johnston wrote:Know that many of us have gone through the same
      difficulties that you are going through. It's painful
      to be lonely and we know that very feeling. Know that
      you have friends that can empathize with your pain.
      Don
      --- laydownmylife <laydownmylife@...>
      wrote:
      > Hi guys,
      >
      > I am a new memeber. I saw the discussion board
      > before, but not until
      > now that I wanna join the discussion cuz' I need
      > someone to identify
      > with. As being a so-called homosexual since the
      age
      > of 12, now I am
      > 32, I never dare to walk out of my closet. Still
      > living in circle
      > with straight people, it just gave more and more
      > pressure as they
      > didn't know or dare to ask me my sexual
      orientation.
      >
      >
      > Hurt has been very substantial as I unintendly
      fell
      > for a couple guys
      > during past years. Never start a true
      relationship
      > with them, but did
      > have a rather deep friendship. But felt extremely
      > difficult to get
      > over with when from time to time they had started
      a
      > heterosexual
      > relationship.
      >
      > There is a lot more I wanna share. Amd please
      bare
      > with me about
      > writing ability as English is not my first
      language.
      > Please feel free
      > to drop me a note. Thanks for reading my message.
      >
      >
      >


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    • snow steven
      life sucks and then you die--i know Paul Chan wrote: Hi Don, Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru the struggles? Will there be one day that we
      Message 2 of 13 , Oct 2, 2002
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        life sucks and then you die--i know
        Paul Chan wrote:
        Hi Don,
        Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru the struggles? Will there be one day that we can say it's completely over with homosexual urges. Could you share your experience?
        Paul
        Don Johnston wrote:Know that many of us have gone through the same
        difficulties that you are going through. It's painful
        to be lonely and we know that very feeling. Know that
        you have friends that can empathize with your pain.
        Don
        --- laydownmylife <laydownmylife@...>
        wrote:
        > Hi guys,
        >
        > I am a new memeber. I saw the discussion board
        > before, but not until
        > now that I wanna join the discussion cuz' I need
        > someone to identify
        > with. As being a so-called homosexual since the
        age
        > of 12, now I am
        > 32, I never dare to walk out of my closet. Still
        > living in circle
        > with straight people, it just gave more and more
        > pressure as they
        > didn't know or dare to ask me my sexual
        orientation.
        >
        >
        > Hurt has been very substantial as I unintendly
        fell
        > for a couple guys
        > during past years. Never start a true
        relationship
        > with them, but did
        > have a rather deep friendship. But felt extremely
        > difficult to get
        > over with when from time to time they had started
        a
        > heterosexual
        > relationship.
        >
        > There is a lot more I wanna share. Amd please
        bare
        > with me about
        > writing ability as English is not my first
        language.
        > Please feel free
        > to drop me a note. Thanks for reading my message.
        >
        >
        >


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      • Don Johnston
        I m told that there is a time that I won t struggle with this but haven t found it to be true. I don t know if there ever will be a time that I don t struggle
        Message 3 of 13 , Oct 2, 2002
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          I'm told that there is a time that I won't struggle
          with this but haven't found it to be true. I don't
          know if there ever will be a time that I don't
          struggle with SSA. The thing is there are only 2
          choices. I either struggle or give up which is even
          worse. Sorry to seem so pessimistic but that's how I
          feel.
          Don

          --- snow steven <stevesnowus@...> wrote:
          >
          > life sucks and then you die--i know
          > Paul Chan wrote:
          > Hi Don,
          > Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru
          > the struggles? Will there be one day that we can say
          > it's completely over with homosexual urges. Could
          > you share your experience?
          > Paul
          > Don Johnston wrote:Know that many of us have gone
          > through the same
          > difficulties that you are going through. It's
          > painful
          > to be lonely and we know that very feeling. Know
          > that
          > you have friends that can empathize with your pain.
          > Don
          > --- laydownmylife <laydownmylife@...>
          > wrote:
          > > Hi guys,
          > >
          > > I am a new memeber. I saw the discussion board
          > > before, but not until
          > > now that I wanna join the discussion cuz' I
          > need
          > > someone to identify
          > > with. As being a so-called homosexual since the
          > age
          > > of 12, now I am
          > > 32, I never dare to walk out of my closet.
          > Still
          > > living in circle
          > > with straight people, it just gave more and
          > more
          > > pressure as they
          > > didn't know or dare to ask me my sexual
          > orientation.
          > >
          > >
          > > Hurt has been very substantial as I unintendly
          > fell
          > > for a couple guys
          > > during past years. Never start a true
          > relationship
          > > with them, but did
          > > have a rather deep friendship. But felt
          > extremely
          > > difficult to get
          > > over with when from time to time they had
          > started
          > a
          > > heterosexual
          > > relationship.
          > >
          > > There is a lot more I wanna share. Amd please
          > bare
          > > with me about
          > > writing ability as English is not my first
          > language.
          > > Please feel free
          > > to drop me a note. Thanks for reading my
          > message.
          > >
          > >
          > >
          >
          >
          > __________________________________________________
          > Do you Yahoo!?
          > New DSL Internet Access from SBC & Yahoo!
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          >
          > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
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          >
          > Questions on the group? contact founder directly
          > at: ncxds@...
          >
          > The Ex-Gay Discussion Board is a ministry of:
          > NCXDS Ex-Gay Internet Ministries
          >
          > Feel free to link to these pages on your own
          > website:
          >
          > Web: <http://geocities.com/exgaylinks> | Discussion
          > List:
          > <http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/exgaydiscussionboard>
          > | Chat:
          > <http://chat.yahoo.com/?club=exgaydiscussionboard>
          >
          >
          >
          >
          > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
          > Terms of Service.
          >
          >
          >
          > ---------------------------------
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          > NCXDS Ex-Gay Internet Ministries
          >
          > Feel free to link to these pages on your own
          > website:
          >
          > Web: <http://geocities.com/exgaylinks> | Discussion
          > List:
          > <http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/exgaydiscussionboard>
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        • Richard Usinger
          Don: Well put, Don. I know how you feel. I, too, am waiting for the time when I don t struggle with this. Yes, I feel better now that I ve figured out how to
          Message 4 of 13 , Oct 2, 2002
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            Don: Well put, Don. I know how you feel.

            I, too, am waiting for the time when I don't struggle
            with this. Yes, I feel better now that I've figured
            out how to white-knuckle and not act out, but it
            doesn't make me a happy man -- just less unhappy, I
            suppose. But I'm going to hang on for awhile yet -- if
            it works and I beat this thing, the pain will have
            been worth it.

            Still, I feel damned empty inside. It's not so bad on
            most days, but others -- like today -- it's not much
            fun. I know how to get relief from it -- I can head to
            the bar, get hit on, and feel great, for awhile. But
            it doesn't last. It never does.

            - Richard



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          • Kevin O'Neal
            Dear Don, A little history on me and who I am that you might relate to in some ways... My older brother and his two friends sexually abused me from the age of
            Message 5 of 13 , Oct 2, 2002
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              Dear Don,

              A little history on me and who I am that you might relate to in some ways...
              My older brother and his two friends sexually abused me from the age of
              about 6 to about 12 but I wasn't struggling in the way you are referring to
              at that time. The only struggle I had then was trying to keep them away. I
              am 28 and struggled with my sexuality since I was 15. I tried pornography
              (although I hated it), prostitution and the list goes on. I tried kidding
              myself and telling myself I was a high class call boy but I was still a
              prostitute. Obviously I was very active in the lifestyle although I did have
              a fair amount of faith. I had faith but I did not understand a lot of
              essential truths. I thought living for God meant living a dull life and
              missing out on all the good stuff. Little did I know that God had a much
              better plan for my life then I did. God has slowly opened my eyes in His
              perfect timing. I do have to admit it seemed like an eternity to get where
              I'm at today and I have a long way to go but the important thing is that I
              am on the right path.

              For many years all I could feel is anger that God allowed me to be molested.
              I could not forgive and I was living in the problem, not the solution. I
              believe God is the only solution by the way. I also think I was feeling so
              much guilt that I believed I was some sort of evil monster and therefore
              could never truly experience a life in God's will. The church told me I was
              bad and wrong so I was acting bad and wrong. I thought might as well go all
              out if I'm going to be bad and burn in hell. I believe Satan used my guilt
              in a harmful way. Guilt is usually good and plays an important part in our
              lives but it can also keep you from God if you allow it. I had to learn many
              of life's lessons the hard way. No one could tell me what was right or wrong
              for my life, I had to experience it myself to find out. I look back and see
              that as something I never want to experience again and praise God that he's
              stood by me through it and set me free.

              I thought I had it all when I was active in the life. I could use my
              sexuality to get whatever I wanted. I was extremely into living what I
              thought was the high life so I did manipulate men. I had many walls up and
              had a hard time truly experiencing intimacy with a man but I was extremely
              sexual and in the pit of the lifestyle. I struggled with drugs, money and
              being a sex addict. I never gave up though. Even though I saw myself as a
              monster for much of the time, I fell to my knees and cried out to God. I
              found strength in moments of being so incredibly broken. I had many good
              times but it was all based on a horrible lie. I've done everything I ever
              fantasized about and all I think when I look back is "what a waste of my
              life". There came a time in my life when all I could see are the years
              passing by. God has also been patiently waiting for me. His grace and mercy
              is perfect and although it took a long time to forgive myself, He had no
              problem forgiving me and he has no problem forgiving you also.

              This is an issue that consumes one's life. It develops gradually over years
              and does not go away over night. We have to trust God. There is a perfect
              plan that we can't always understand. I am no longer consumed by my issues
              of homosexuality. I am sure that there will be times where I struggle. Right
              now I'm just so happy to be out of the life and the lies of that life are so
              overwhelmingly obvious to me that I can't imagine ever desiring to have
              anything to do with that life again. I would be a fool if I thought that I
              was above being tempted. I am human and a sinner but I have been saved
              because I surrender my entire self and my life to the Lord. None of us are
              perfect I think the important thing is that we trust in the Lord with all
              our hearts and lean not on our own understandings (Proverbs 3:5). We need to
              surrender our life over to the Lord and dedicate ever day to Him. That means
              coming to God on a daily basis and saying "Lord, today I live this life for
              your glory. I pray that you will keep me in your hands but if I stumble, I
              pray you will lift me up and not allow me to be discouraged."

              I know that at times things feel hopeless. I felt like there was no hope
              many times. I did give up and give in to the lie. I am telling you as
              someone who's been there buddy... it's not going to lead anywhere but a dead
              end. I got to the point where I felt I had the perfect life, I could do
              anything I wanted, I was financially comfortable, I could have just about
              any guy I wanted. I could go on but my point is not to make myself out to
              look like I was some gay guru, my point is that by the standards of the gay
              life, I was on top. But I wasn't on top, I was at the bottom. That is so
              crystal clear to me now.

              The Holy Spirit works in different ways depending on our ability to see the
              truth and where we're at. Sometimes it slowly reveals things to you and
              sometimes it comes and bops ya upside the head really hard. I do believe the
              Holy Spirit is working in your life and in your heart Don. I pray you'll
              keep the faith even though it seems pointless at times.

              You probably will continue to struggle for a while but it does get better if
              you keep your eyes on the Lord. You also really need to take an honest look
              at where you're at. It's okay if you're angry, it's okay if you lack faith,
              it's okay that you struggle. It's not a good thing but as soon as you really
              are honest and admit where you fall short, there is healing. For me, I had
              to admit that I was angry at God, I had to admit that I was playing games
              and that there was a part of me that wanted to live that life for as long as
              I could get away with it (man was I dumb). It's when you are truly honest
              and bring those things to the Lord that the truth is slowly revealed.

              You may be struggling but you have not fallen my friend. You have a heart
              that longs to live a righteous life. I know that God will bless you. You
              will do great things. There is a reason for all this pain and struggle
              you've experienced. God promises that you will not experience anything that
              together you and he can not handle. God is so much bigger then that pain.
              Yeah, in your mind it is too much and consumes your life and it's just too
              much to deal with. You're right, it is too much to deal with on our own.
              That's why we need to bring it to the Lord. It's power can't even compare to
              the almighty God's power. I hope and pray you will trust that everyday of
              your life. Keep the faith because you'd be a dumb ass if you didn't. I mean
              that with a lot of love for you brother!

              God Bless,
              Kevin O'Neal

              -----Original Message-----
              From: Don Johnston [mailto:auditman64134@...]
              Sent: Wednesday, October 02, 2002 2:33 PM
              To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
              Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] Need someone to share


              I'm told that there is a time that I won't struggle
              with this but haven't found it to be true. I don't
              know if there ever will be a time that I don't
              struggle with SSA. The thing is there are only 2
              choices. I either struggle or give up which is even
              worse. Sorry to seem so pessimistic but that's how I
              feel.
              Don

              --- snow steven <stevesnowus@...> wrote:
              >
              > life sucks and then you die--i know
              > Paul Chan wrote:
              > Hi Don,
              > Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru
              > the struggles? Will there be one day that we can say
              > it's completely over with homosexual urges. Could
              > you share your experience?
              > Paul
              > Don Johnston wrote:Know that many of us have gone
              > through the same
              > difficulties that you are going through. It's
              > painful
              > to be lonely and we know that very feeling. Know
              > that
              > you have friends that can empathize with your pain.
              > Don
              > --- laydownmylife <laydownmylife@...>
              > wrote:
              > > Hi guys,
              > >
              > > I am a new memeber. I saw the discussion board
              > > before, but not until
              > > now that I wanna join the discussion cuz' I
              > need
              > > someone to identify
              > > with. As being a so-called homosexual since the
              > age
              > > of 12, now I am
              > > 32, I never dare to walk out of my closet.
              > Still
              > > living in circle
              > > with straight people, it just gave more and
              > more
              > > pressure as they
              > > didn't know or dare to ask me my sexual
              > orientation.
              > >
              > >
              > > Hurt has been very substantial as I unintendly
              > fell
              > > for a couple guys
              > > during past years. Never start a true
              > relationship
              > > with them, but did
              > > have a rather deep friendship. But felt
              > extremely
              > > difficult to get
              > > over with when from time to time they had
              > started
              > a
              > > heterosexual
              > > relationship.
              > >
              > > There is a lot more I wanna share. Amd please
              > bare
              > > with me about
              > > writing ability as English is not my first
              > language.
              > > Please feel free
              > > to drop me a note. Thanks for reading my
              > message.
              > >
              > >
              > >
              >
              >
              > __________________________________________________
              > Do you Yahoo!?
              > New DSL Internet Access from SBC & Yahoo!
              > http://sbc.yahoo.com
              >
              > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
              > exgaydiscussionboard-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
              >
              > Questions on the group? contact founder directly
              > at: ncxds@...
              >
              > The Ex-Gay Discussion Board is a ministry of:
              > NCXDS Ex-Gay Internet Ministries
              >
              > Feel free to link to these pages on your own
              > website:
              >
              > Web: <http://geocities.com/exgaylinks> | Discussion
              > List:
              > <http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/exgaydiscussionboard>
              > | Chat:
              > <http://chat.yahoo.com/?club=exgaydiscussionboard>
              >
              >
              >
              >
              > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo!
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              >
              >
              > ---------------------------------
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              >


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            • Kevin O'Neal
              Richard, I don t claim to have some sort of monopoly or authority of the truth. I am a seeker of the truth as you are. I don t know why I all of a sudden feel
              Message 6 of 13 , Oct 2, 2002
              • 0 Attachment
                Richard,

                I don't claim to have some sort of monopoly or authority of the truth. I am
                a seeker of the truth as you are. I don't know why I all of a sudden feel
                the need to speak out to you guys when I have quietly listened to your
                postings without ever responding to a one or ever saying anything in the
                group. I guess I am just taking more time to read your comments and really
                feeling for you guys and I can empathize with what you're experiencing also.

                However, I am excited about where my life is. There are times where I do get
                a little discouraged, Monday was one of those down in the dumps days. I
                wasn't focusing on where I should have been focused. That happens, that's
                life but life can be what we make of it in many ways. You deserve a lot of
                credit. It has probably been a tremendous struggle for you not to act out.
                Praise God that you are aware enough to know that it's not going to make you
                happy. I know that God wants to make you happy man. What's stopping you from
                truly experiencing the joy of the Lord? I am not looking for an answer, just
                trying to get you to take a look at that.

                This thing can work and it will work if you allow God in. You've got to
                believe that. I don't know where you're at. Maybe you're in some area where
                there are a bunch of homophobic idiots that you can't talk to but you need
                to get plugged into some sort of church if you're not. You need to share as
                much as you possibly can with someone you trust. If you don't have some sort
                of friend to keep you accountable you will turn to the bars and that false
                sense of love by sexualizing your feelings towards a man. God wants us to
                have relationships (non sexual) with other men and help to keep eachother
                accountable. It doesn't need to be with a man that has had homosexual
                tendencies in fact it's probably best if it's not but you need some sort of
                support other then going to the bars in search for a man to hold you. That's
                just going to lead you right back where you were and of course it doesn't
                last because it's a lie.

                I really hope that I don't come across as being righteous or arrogant. I am
                in the same boat as you guys are. I have my own struggles. God has just made
                things clear to me that I feel I need to share with you. I hope it
                encourages you in some way and I am sure there are many ways that you can
                encourage me. With that said I totally want you to call me on my stuff if
                you think I'm coming across like a smart ass because I believe my intentions
                are sincere and let me know if the delivery could use a little work. One of
                my worst fears is coming across like one of "those religious right people"
                that preach and preach and are really in need of a mirror! Although I don't
                really know you, I love ya man and that love is so real.

                God Bless,
                Kevin O'Neal

                -----Original Message-----
                From: Richard Usinger [mailto:zepp9@...]
                Sent: Wednesday, October 02, 2002 2:45 PM
                To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
                Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] Need someone to share (Don)


                Don: Well put, Don. I know how you feel.

                I, too, am waiting for the time when I don't struggle
                with this. Yes, I feel better now that I've figured
                out how to white-knuckle and not act out, but it
                doesn't make me a happy man -- just less unhappy, I
                suppose. But I'm going to hang on for awhile yet -- if
                it works and I beat this thing, the pain will have
                been worth it.

                Still, I feel damned empty inside. It's not so bad on
                most days, but others -- like today -- it's not much
                fun. I know how to get relief from it -- I can head to
                the bar, get hit on, and feel great, for awhile. But
                it doesn't last. It never does.

                - Richard



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              • Halfpenny
                Dear Don, Richard & Kevin: If I might make one suggestion since there s a lot of discouragement going on. Does each of you have a ministry in which you re
                Message 7 of 13 , Oct 3, 2002
                • 0 Attachment
                  Dear Don, Richard & Kevin:
                  If I might make one suggestion since there's a lot of discouragement going on. Does each of you have a ministry in which you're helping others and building them up. Abstinence is essential, but it can leave us awfully empty. That emptiness gets a lot of filling from loving others in a generous way. If your involved in a church then they may have ministry opportunities for lay people, otherwise, there are always charitable orgs around you can volunteer for. I'm involved in my church and I also have a wife and kids who need me - I would have lost my struggle without all of them! But it's not being married per se, it's having people who need you that bring fulfillment.
                  Joe
                  Don Johnston wrote:I'm told that there is a time that I won't struggle
                  with this but haven't found it to be true. I don't
                  know if there ever will be a time that I don't
                  struggle with SSA. The thing is there are only 2
                  choices. I either struggle or give up which is even
                  worse. Sorry to seem so pessimistic but that's how I
                  feel.
                  Don

                  --- snow steven <stevesnowus@...> wrote:
                  >
                  > life sucks and then you die--i know
                  > Paul Chan wrote:
                  > Hi Don,
                  > Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru
                  > the struggles? Will there be one day that we can say
                  > it's completely over with homosexual urges. Could
                  > you share your experience?
                  > Paul
                  > Don Johnston wrote:Know that many of us have gone
                  > through the same
                  > difficulties that you are going through. It's
                  > painful
                  > to be lonely and we know that very feeling. Know
                  > that
                  > you have friends that can empathize with your pain.
                  > Don
                  > --- laydownmylife <laydownmylife@...>
                  > wrote:
                  > > Hi guys,
                  > >
                  > > I am a new memeber. I saw the discussion board
                  > > before, but not until
                  > > now that I wanna join the discussion cuz' I
                  > need
                  > > someone to identify
                  > > with. As being a so-called homosexual since the
                  > age
                  > > of 12, now I am
                  > > 32, I never dare to walk out of my closet.
                  > Still
                  > > living in circle
                  > > with straight people, it just gave more and
                  > more
                  > > pressure as they
                  > > didn't know or dare to ask me my sexual
                  > orientation.
                  > >
                  > >
                  > > Hurt has been very substantial as I unintendly
                  > fell
                  > > for a couple guys
                  > > during past years. Never start a true
                  > relationship
                  > > with them, but did
                  > > have a rather deep friendship. But felt
                  > extremely
                  > > difficult to get
                  > > over with when from time to time they had
                  > started
                  > a
                  > > heterosexual
                  > > relationship.
                  > >
                  > > There is a lot more I wanna share. Amd please
                  > bare
                  > > with me about
                  > > writing ability as English is not my first
                  > language.
                  > > Please feel free
                  > > to drop me a note. Thanks for reading my
                  > message.
                  > >
                  > >
                  > >
                  >
                  >
                  > __________________________________________________
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                  >
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                  >
                  > Web: <http://geocities.com/exgaylinks> | Discussion
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                  [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
                • Kevin O'Neal
                  You are so right Joe. I am and have been building that part of my life. I had to stop going to the church I was involved in a few months ago. It was tough for
                  Message 8 of 13 , Oct 3, 2002
                  • 0 Attachment
                    You are so right Joe. I am and have been building that part of my life. I
                    had to stop going to the church I was involved in a few months ago. It was
                    tough for a while. I was church hopping and I had a difficult time finding
                    one that had both a great worship and was biblical. About a month ago I
                    found a church like that and it is obvious how on fire for the Lord that
                    these people are. The Holy Sprit is really working in that church. A lot of
                    the people are in their 20s and 30s like me and my girlfriend. They have a
                    Living Waters group there. I went through that course a few years ago. I
                    don't know if you guys are aware of it but I got a lot out of it. The only
                    problem I had with it was that I felt they tried to generalize everyone who
                    struggled with homosexuality a little too much and I felt one of the leaders
                    wasn't in a position to be a leader but I still got a lot out of it. Just
                    wish they hadn't tried to blame Fathers so much. Although my relationship
                    with my father wasn't perfect, he is an awesome man of Gad and I hope to be
                    half the man he is. He is NOT the reason I struggled. Maybe some of you guys
                    have different experiences but I think it's dangerous when we place blame.
                    We need to forgive and let go. Anyway, this church has been an answer to
                    prayer for me. God has also blessed me with an extraordinary woman. One who
                    knows all and is so incredibly understanding. She never judged me, she's
                    only loved me and been there for me. We have the coolest relationship. We
                    can share anything with eachother. We get down to the really heavy stuff yet
                    can crack each other up when we do.She has been such a great encouragement
                    to me as well. I can't wait to marry that girl!

                    I have had more of a ministry then I thought. Even when I was still active
                    in the lifestyle, it's kind of weird but God was able to use me during my
                    struggle in some ways. No where near the amount he's starting to use me now
                    and I know He's only going to do greater things the more I turn to Him. I'm
                    not discouraged Joe, I am happier then I've ever been. This is what is real
                    and true and right and I am so excited to be living in God's will. I am so
                    happy to hear that you have had a successful walk or run away from that life
                    and are living a full and happy life. Since people in that position no
                    longer feel in a place of desperation. They don't really want to focus on
                    the past. We want to move on but I think it is important to speak out and
                    let people know that YES... it is possible to leave that life behind! I hope
                    that maybe one day God can really use me to minister to people who struggle.
                    I just think I need a little more time under my belt before He really can
                    the way He would like. Thank you for sharing with us Joe.

                    Kevin
                    -----Original Message-----
                    From: Halfpenny [mailto:halfpenny63@...]
                    Sent: Thursday, October 03, 2002 6:59 AM
                    To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
                    Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] Need someone to share



                    Dear Don, Richard & Kevin:
                    If I might make one suggestion since there's a lot of discouragement going
                    on. Does each of you have a ministry in which you're helping others and
                    building them up. Abstinence is essential, but it can leave us awfully
                    empty. That emptiness gets a lot of filling from loving others in a generous
                    way. If your involved in a church then they may have ministry opportunities
                    for lay people, otherwise, there are always charitable orgs around you can
                    volunteer for. I'm involved in my church and I also have a wife and kids who
                    need me - I would have lost my struggle without all of them! But it's not
                    being married per se, it's having people who need you that bring
                    fulfillment.
                    Joe
                    Don Johnston wrote:I'm told that there is a time that I won't struggle
                    with this but haven't found it to be true. I don't
                    know if there ever will be a time that I don't
                    struggle with SSA. The thing is there are only 2
                    choices. I either struggle or give up which is even
                    worse. Sorry to seem so pessimistic but that's how I
                    feel.
                    Don

                    --- snow steven <stevesnowus@...> wrote:
                    >
                    > life sucks and then you die--i know
                    > Paul Chan wrote:
                    > Hi Don,
                    > Thanks for your concern. So are you still going thru
                    > the struggles? Will there be one day that we can say
                    > it's completely over with homosexual urges. Could
                    > you share your experience?
                    > Paul
                    > Don Johnston wrote:Know that many of us have gone
                    > through the same
                    > difficulties that you are going through. It's
                    > painful
                    > to be lonely and we know that very feeling. Know
                    > that
                    > you have friends that can empathize with your pain.
                    > Don
                    > --- laydownmylife <laydownmylife@...>
                    > wrote:
                    > > Hi guys,
                    > >
                    > > I am a new memeber. I saw the discussion board
                    > > before, but not until
                    > > now that I wanna join the discussion cuz' I
                    > need
                    > > someone to identify
                    > > with. As being a so-called homosexual since the
                    > age
                    > > of 12, now I am
                    > > 32, I never dare to walk out of my closet.
                    > Still
                    > > living in circle
                    > > with straight people, it just gave more and
                    > more
                    > > pressure as they
                    > > didn't know or dare to ask me my sexual
                    > orientation.
                    > >
                    > >
                    > > Hurt has been very substantial as I unintendly
                    > fell
                    > > for a couple guys
                    > > during past years. Never start a true
                    > relationship
                    > > with them, but did
                    > > have a rather deep friendship. But felt
                    > extremely
                    > > difficult to get
                    > > over with when from time to time they had
                    > started
                    > a
                    > > heterosexual
                    > > relationship.
                    > >
                    > > There is a lot more I wanna share. Amd please
                    > bare
                    > > with me about
                    > > writing ability as English is not my first
                    > language.
                    > > Please feel free
                    > > to drop me a note. Thanks for reading my
                    > message.
                    > >
                    > >
                    > >
                    >
                    >
                    > __________________________________________________
                    > Do you Yahoo!?
                    > New DSL Internet Access from SBC & Yahoo!
                    > http://sbc.yahoo.com
                    >
                    > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to:
                    > exgaydiscussionboard-unsubscribe@yahoogroups.com
                    >
                    > Questions on the group? contact founder directly
                    > at: ncxds@...
                    >
                    > The Ex-Gay Discussion Board is a ministry of:
                    > NCXDS Ex-Gay Internet Ministries
                    >
                    > Feel free to link to these pages on your own
                    > website:
                    >
                    > Web: <http://geocities.com/exgaylinks> | Discussion
                    > List:
                    > <http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/exgaydiscussionboard>
                    > | Chat:
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                    >
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                  • Thomas White
                    It was great to read your letter Kevin, Indeed...God will use you greatly. Stay blessed! Thomas ... === message truncated ===
                    Message 9 of 13 , Oct 3, 2002
                    • 0 Attachment
                      It was great to read your letter Kevin,

                      Indeed...God will use you greatly.
                      Stay blessed!
                      Thomas
                      --- Kevin O'Neal <kevinone@...> wrote:
                      > You are so right Joe. I am and have been building
                      > that part of my life. I
                      > had to stop going to the church I was involved in a
                      > few months ago. It was
                      > tough for a while. I was church hopping and I had a
                      > difficult time finding
                      > one that had both a great worship and was biblical.
                      > About a month ago I
                      > found a church like that and it is obvious how on
                      > fire for the Lord that
                      > these people are. The Holy Sprit is really working
                      > in that church. A lot of
                      > the people are in their 20s and 30s like me and my
                      > girlfriend. They have a
                      > Living Waters group there. I went through that
                      > course a few years ago. I
                      > don't know if you guys are aware of it but I got a
                      > lot out of it. The only
                      > problem I had with it was that I felt they tried to
                      > generalize everyone who
                      > struggled with homosexuality a little too much and I
                      > felt one of the leaders
                      > wasn't in a position to be a leader but I still got
                      > a lot out of it. Just
                      > wish they hadn't tried to blame Fathers so much.
                      > Although my relationship
                      > with my father wasn't perfect, he is an awesome man
                      > of Gad and I hope to be
                      > half the man he is. He is NOT the reason I
                      > struggled. Maybe some of you guys
                      > have different experiences but I think it's
                      > dangerous when we place blame.
                      > We need to forgive and let go. Anyway, this church
                      > has been an answer to
                      > prayer for me. God has also blessed me with an
                      > extraordinary woman. One who
                      > knows all and is so incredibly understanding. She
                      > never judged me, she's
                      > only loved me and been there for me. We have the
                      > coolest relationship. We
                      > can share anything with eachother. We get down to
                      > the really heavy stuff yet
                      > can crack each other up when we do.She has been such
                      > a great encouragement
                      > to me as well. I can't wait to marry that girl!
                      >
                      > I have had more of a ministry then I thought. Even
                      > when I was still active
                      > in the lifestyle, it's kind of weird but God was
                      > able to use me during my
                      > struggle in some ways. No where near the amount he's
                      > starting to use me now
                      > and I know He's only going to do greater things the
                      > more I turn to Him. I'm
                      > not discouraged Joe, I am happier then I've ever
                      > been. This is what is real
                      > and true and right and I am so excited to be living
                      > in God's will. I am so
                      > happy to hear that you have had a successful walk or
                      > run away from that life
                      > and are living a full and happy life. Since people
                      > in that position no
                      > longer feel in a place of desperation. They don't
                      > really want to focus on
                      > the past. We want to move on but I think it is
                      > important to speak out and
                      > let people know that YES... it is possible to leave
                      > that life behind! I hope
                      > that maybe one day God can really use me to minister
                      > to people who struggle.
                      > I just think I need a little more time under my belt
                      > before He really can
                      > the way He would like. Thank you for sharing with us
                      > Joe.
                      >
                      > Kevin
                      > -----Original Message-----
                      > From: Halfpenny [mailto:halfpenny63@...]
                      > Sent: Thursday, October 03, 2002 6:59 AM
                      > To: exgaydiscussionboard@yahoogroups.com
                      > Subject: Re: [ExGDBd] Need someone to share
                      >
                      >
                      >
                      > Dear Don, Richard & Kevin:
                      > If I might make one suggestion since there's a lot
                      > of discouragement going
                      > on. Does each of you have a ministry in which you're
                      > helping others and
                      > building them up. Abstinence is essential, but it
                      > can leave us awfully
                      > empty. That emptiness gets a lot of filling from
                      > loving others in a generous
                      > way. If your involved in a church then they may have
                      > ministry opportunities
                      > for lay people, otherwise, there are always
                      > charitable orgs around you can
                      > volunteer for. I'm involved in my church and I also
                      > have a wife and kids who
                      > need me - I would have lost my struggle without all
                      > of them! But it's not
                      > being married per se, it's having people who need
                      > you that bring
                      > fulfillment.
                      > Joe
                      > Don Johnston wrote:I'm told that there is a time
                      > that I won't struggle
                      > with this but haven't found it to be true. I
                      > don't
                      > know if there ever will be a time that I don't
                      > struggle with SSA. The thing is there are only 2
                      > choices. I either struggle or give up which is
                      > even
                      > worse. Sorry to seem so pessimistic but that's
                      > how I
                      > feel.
                      > Don
                      >
                      > --- snow steven <stevesnowus@...> wrote:
                      > >
                      > > life sucks and then you die--i know
                      > > Paul Chan wrote:
                      > > Hi Don,
                      > > Thanks for your concern. So are you still going
                      > thru
                      > > the struggles? Will there be one day that we can
                      > say
                      > > it's completely over with homosexual urges.
                      > Could
                      > > you share your experience?
                      > > Paul
                      > > Don Johnston wrote:Know that many of us have
                      > gone
                      > > through the same
                      > > difficulties that you are going through. It's
                      > > painful
                      > > to be lonely and we know that very feeling.
                      > Know
                      > > that
                      > > you have friends that can empathize with your
                      > pain.
                      > > Don
                      > > --- laydownmylife
                      > <laydownmylife@...>
                      > > wrote:
                      > > > Hi guys,
                      > > >
                      > > > I am a new memeber. I saw the discussion
                      > board
                      > > > before, but not until
                      > > > now that I wanna join the discussion cuz' I
                      > > need
                      > > > someone to identify
                      > > > with. As being a so-called homosexual since
                      > the
                      > > age
                      > > > of 12, now I am
                      > > > 32, I never dare to walk out of my closet.
                      > > Still
                      > > > living in circle
                      > > > with straight people, it just gave more and
                      > > more
                      > > > pressure as they
                      > > > didn't know or dare to ask me my sexual
                      > > orientation.
                      > > >
                      > > >
                      > > > Hurt has been very substantial as I
                      > unintendly
                      > > fell
                      > > > for a couple guys
                      > > > during past years. Never start a true
                      > > relationship
                      > > > with them, but did
                      > > > have a rather deep friendship. But felt
                      > > extremely
                      > > > difficult to get
                      > > > over with when from time to time they had
                      > > started
                      > > a
                      > > > heterosexual
                      > > > relationship.
                      > > >
                      > > > There is a lot more I wanna share. Amd
                      > please
                      > > bare
                      > > > with me about
                      > > > writing ability as English is not my first
                      > > language.
                      > > > Please feel free
                      > > > to drop me a note. Thanks for reading my
                      > > message.
                      > > >
                      > > >
                      > > >
                      > >
                      > >
                      > >
                      > __________________________________________________
                      > > Do you Yahoo!?
                      > > New DSL Internet Access from SBC & Yahoo!
                      >
                      === message truncated ===


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