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Re: [ExGDBd] My personal story

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  • David Arakelian
    You ve been through a lot AND God s done a lot in your life. ... [Non-text portions of this message have been removed]
    Message 1 of 2 , Nov 1, 2005
      You've been through a lot AND God's done a lot in your life.

      On 10/31/05, notdamaniused2be <notdamaniused2be@...> wrote:
      > Darryl's Testimony
      > I had often questioned myself:
      > Was I born gay?
      > Was I born to be gay?
      > Is being gay a curse or a gift?
      > Why can't I love a man the way I am expected to love a
      > woman?
      > What is the difference -- isn't love love?
      > Does it matter whom I love as long as it does not hurt
      > anyone?
      > These and other questions have plagued the minds of
      > those who were and are trapped in this circus of
      > confusion. The advantage I have in writing this is
      > that I speak from both sides. I am not being
      > hypocritical or prejudice. I know the truth. I know
      > the lies. I know the compromise. I know the cover-up.
      > I know the set up. And it is all a trick of the devil.
      > I was born to parents who were already dysfunctional.
      > Sorry Ma and Dad, but it is the truth. My mother
      > married my father because it was her way of escaping
      > from being a "PK" (Preacher's Kid). The harsh life of
      > being a PK turned her away from the true church, the
      > body of Christ, and God. She worked in the church
      > because her father was the pastor and, as a result,
      > she saw a lot of hypocrisy. I have heard my mother
      > say, "I would rather go to hell than to live in heaven
      > with these phonies." As you can see, I inherited
      > escapism from my mother.
      > My father was an orphan. His father died when he was
      > born and his mother did not want him. His mother
      > allowed a lady to take him as a foster child, but she
      > was not permitted to adopt him. By not knowing his
      > father nor why his mother did not want him left him
      > open and vulnerable. Because my father did not have a
      > father, he never knew what is was like to be a father;
      > nor did he know how to be a man. He just knew how to
      > be a male being; therefore, that's all he could teach
      > me.
      > Iam the first child and only son born to my parents.
      > At the age of three, homosexuality was introduced to
      > me by the way of rape and other circumstances. The
      > devil is a cunning and deceptive counterfeiter; just
      > as God has a will for your life so does the devil. He
      > works by all means, inside and outside the church.
      > (John 10:10, II Corinthians 11:13-15) A brother in our
      > church who was in love with my father, raped me. He
      > hated my mother because he could not have my father.
      > In an effort toretaliate against my parents for
      > getting married, a seed of sexual, moral, and
      > emotional destruction was planted in my life.
      > Two men raped me. The devil used them to trap me
      > because I wanted the love of my father. Since I could
      > not get it I turned to other men. I felt this was the
      > only way I was going to bonded with a man. Later, two
      > women also raped me. Do you see Satan's concept of
      > deception for my life? Satan used the two women to
      > scare me away from the natural use of a woman's love.
      > (Romans 1:27) I was in church for years and would
      > always hear the devil say to me, "God made a mistake
      > when He made you a boy. That is why girls do not like
      > you; people make fun of you; and your father does not
      > want anything to do with you. You are
      > different",(subliminal suggestions). People did not
      > help either, especially church folks and family
      > members. After constantly being called a "sissy" and a
      > "fag" and other degrading terms sooner or later your
      > life is bound to become a self-fulfilling prophecy,
      > (Proverbs18:21).
      > When people continue to hear negative things about
      > themselves, especially children in their growing,
      > molding, and vulnerable stage, they will grow up
      > exhibiting the behaviors that were spoken over their
      > lives. I began to live the words that were imparted
      > into my spirit. I wanted to touch and feel on boys; I
      > wanted to act like a girl. I remember wearing my
      > mother's shoes and dresses and putting on her
      > makeup and wigs. It felt natural.
      > The torment of anal and oral sex was so traumatic it
      > caused me to inflict pain in the lives of others. I
      > have three sisters. I grew up hating them because
      > itseemed like Daddy loved them more than he loved me.
      > I would abuse them. The devil will not only destroy
      > your life, but he will use you to destroy the lives of
      > others. Words could not articulate their experiences
      > and the emotional damage I caused. I try not to think
      > about it because it still hurts knowing I could have
      > killed my sisters. Thank God for His mercy and
      > protection.
      > As an adolescent, I had low self-esteem. I did not
      > feel I was good at anything. While in school, I would
      > get jumped and forced to have sex with another boy. I
      > did not play sports, but I loved church. You could not
      > get me away from it. I loved to sing, shout, and
      > scream. Nevertheless, I was extremely feminine. People
      > would say, "Why don't you act like a boy!" But, no one
      > would take the time to show me how, not even the
      > saints. I did not understand what being a sissy or a
      > fag was; nor did I understand what being "funny" was
      > all about. I once asked my cousin, "What is a sissy?"
      > She said, "You, the greatest of them all."
      > It was at that time, I said to myself, "Well, maybe
      > since I am a sissy and I act like a girl, I may as
      > well be a girl." I remember telling people when I get
      > older I was going to have a sex change operation. I
      > started smoking cigarettes, doing drugs, engaging in
      > sexual acts with boys, and getting involved in
      > pornography and other forms of witchcraft.
      > I was engaged 6 times to 5 different ladies. I was
      > trying to find my identity and be what everybody
      > wanted me to be - their interpretation of a man. They
      > did not know that heterosexual sex does not cure
      > homosexuality. It takes the blood of Jesus Christ to
      > heal and deliver you from all sin and bondage.
      > For years I would fast and pray, constantly seeking
      > God for my deliverance. After the fifth engagement, I
      > convinced myself I would remain celibate and single
      > and do God's will. But, in order to do God's will, you
      > have to do it God's way. The fulfillment of my
      > deliverance began in October 1995, when I attended a
      > conference. The theme that year was, "Loose the Man
      > and Let Him Go". Although none of the brothers I was
      > traveling with knew my lifestyle, the Lord used them
      > to reveal thatin order for my deliverance to be
      > complete I had to accept God's total will. It was not
      > until we were on
      > our way back from the conference that God began to
      > deal with me about His will for my life. The Lord andI
      > were having an argument. He kept saying,
      > "Marriage",and I kept saying, "No, no, no". I did not
      > want to
      > ruin anyone's life, but before I knew it I yelled,"Ok,
      > Lord, I will get married." Once I began to submitto
      > the voice of the Lord, my life took on a whole new
      > meaning.
      > When we arrived in New York, I was walking in total
      > victory. Two years later, the Lord blessed me to find
      > one of the greatest women in the world. We've been
      > married for a year now. Deliverance does not happen
      > overnight, it is an ongoing process. Nevertheless, it
      > is mine in Jesus' name! Although I am free from the
      > bondage of homosexuality, I have discovered that the
      > fight is not over. The devil is still busy; he is not
      > through tempting me. According to Luke 4:13, we have
      > to continue to crucify the flesh, denounce the works
      > of darkness in our lives and let Christ reign supreme
      > and complete on a daily basis. Yes, there is help.
      > Yes, there is hope. Yes, you can walk in total victory
      > and freedom in Christ Jesus. (Romans 8:1)
      > To those who have read this today, and are struggling
      > with homosexuality and lesbianism, I want you to know
      > that it's not your fault. It's not God's fault either.
      > This is a spiritual battle that's been going on since
      > Lucifer first sinned in heaven. God did not make you
      > homosexual. The spirit of homosexuality is a lying
      > spirit. The devil has lied to you and tricked you into
      > believing that God made you that way. You've lied to
      > yourself and made yourself believe that God made you
      > that way. You've been tricked into believing that
      > there is no way out of your situation. But the devil
      > is a liar.
      > Why is homosexuality such
      > a stronghold? It's because Satan himself is homosexual
      > in nature. How is that? The devil is anti-God and
      > anti-Christ, which is anti-love and anti-creation.
      > Satan can't create a man, he can only defile a man. In
      > order for anything to be created, you must give credit
      > to the Creator. And since Satan can't create anything,
      > God must get the credit. Satan won't have that. Satan
      > wants to steal all the credit from God. The Bible says
      > that the thief comes to steal, to kill, and to
      > destroy. He doesn't come to create. Because he can't.
      > The Bible says in Daniel 11:37 that the anti-christ
      > himself will be homosexual in that he has no desire of
      > a woman. Homosexuality is so rampant today because the
      > world is making way for the homosexual anti-Christ.
      > These are the last days y'all. We'd better be ready
      > when Jesus comes. These are all signs of the times we
      > are living in.
      > Brother Darryl Johnstone
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      > directly at: ncxds@...
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