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15273A remarkable success story

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  • Bridget Night
    Jul 1, 2005
      This is the story from a young man in Denmark who read my book-read and weep!

      Sent: Friday, July 01, 2005 6:20 AM
      Subject: [ex-gay] Sharing my story...Change is possible!

      Hello all here in the exgay-group.I´m a 36 yo man fron Denmark. I´m new here and I want to introduce myself by sharing my story of how I came to know that change is possible:

      In the begining of April, I met two Christian missionaries in the street. I didn´t have time to talk to them but they gave me a card so I could find more information on the internet. I did find more information about their church and their faith and I thought it was beautifull. But for someone who has always identifed myself as a gay man I wanted to know what the church was thinking of gays. I couldn´t not find much on the official church-websites so I found some Christian gay groups and joined and asked them questions about how they felt about the church...well the answers I got were not excacty

      A turning point was 8 weeks ago when one of the guys in the group told Bridget Night about me and that I was asking questions about the church and their opinions of gays.I was contacted by Bridget Night, the Author of "Prayers for Johnathan"...for those of you who don´t know her book...It´s a mother´s quest to understand her son´s ssa. For two years she corresponded with a 20 yo gayactivist from Denmark.What a remarkable story showing both sides of this issue.

      By reading her book I learned that I did not choose to be attracted to other men and that I didn´t have to accept it as part of who I was, as I have always been told, but most importantly I recognized that I was right about suspecting what caused my ssa.The excerpts from Richard cohens book "Coming out straight" hit me like a truck. Let me tell you why by telling you a
      little of how i grew up:

      I can´t remember much about my natural father....But I remember I was unapropriately closely attached to my mother.At 5 my mother taught me how it was to have sex with a woman(her) I thought it was disgusting and I knew it was wrong in some way. When I was 6 they divorced and my mother remarried...a monster of stepfather who both physically and sexaully abused me and my sisters.At 8 I was placed in a fosterhome...I was lucky to get away!!! I was a depressed boy with suicidal thoughts and I have never fully recovered. I overate and became quite fat...I was harrased by peers in school and at twelve I got an eating disorder. My fosterparents tryed to help me and got me counseling, but I didn´t benefit from it. At 13 I had my first sexual experiences with girls. At 14 I fell in love with a boy...I thought it was very strange and I went to the library and asked if they had any books about two boys loving eachother. They did. I was so ashamed to learn about these things and these people that I recognized myself as.(well what if i had been giving a more balanced account of my feelings at this time of my life...that I had also been giving books teaching me that I didn´t have to be gay well my life may have looked a little diffenrent). I became anorectic and was admitted to a youth mental hospital for 7 month.

      When I was 15 I left my fosterparents they would not accept my gay orientation...and lived at a with a friend. I was introduced to hustling and lived 3 years in the Capitol ( Copenhagen), degrading myself by having sex with thousands of men and using alcohol and every drug available to stop my pain.....during all this time I was sure that there was no god and if there was, he had completely abandoned me. When I got 18 I finally got some qualified help....I moved back to jylland and spent the next 3 years crying my heart out with various therapists in order to heal, and took gymnsium(similiar to highschool I guess)diploma, that qualified me for university. At 23 I began to study medicine at the universty. It was very hard and tough...and I still suffered from an eating disorder.(bulimia) I had 2 periods of severe depressions, but miracously fought my way through medical school despite of my problems. During this times I accepted and embraced the gay lifestyle. I had many relationsships with guys, but they never lasted long and I was very promiscous. I sometimes thought I had a sexual compulsive disorder, because my number of partners were astronomical.

      I also had some experiences vith women, but I never seemed to be able to fall in love with any of them. At 30 I began my turnus(I think it´s called internships or residencies in USA) but after 7 month I was burned out by the stressfull life of a young doctor...working between 70 and 120 hours every week. I got addicted to morphine in order to cope and selfmedicate my growing depression. One day I simply gave up my turnus. I tried to find some jobs which was easy because of need for doctors in rural areas. But my addictionproblem got worse...I began to buy heroine. I finally realized I had hit rock bottom....I got help...minnesota-treatment and a 12 step-program. I remember turning my life over to god and the responses I got was awsome!!! I changed my sexual behaviour and has been celibate for more than four years now. I have come a long way in my recovery proces, but I have now learned that there is more I can do to heal profoundly.

      Bridget Night´s book was so hard for me to read. I felt so deceived by reading Soren´s letters to her. I have to admit I had bought all these lies myself at different times in my life. I was also somewhat thrown at many of her statements in the book, but I began to see that they afterall were more mature and reasonable than the staments made by the young gay man.

      Bridget and I began to correspond via emails and we talked on the phone and as we got to know each other better our love and respect for each other grew. I think she was in shock and maybe still is to know my very unsusual story.

      During all of this I contacted the missionaries I had met and told them that I had begun to read the scriptures, and that I had been investigating almost every aspect of this religion I could think of and that I had a ssa problem....do you think this young missionary was a bit overwhelmed?. Well I know now that this church is right for me. I feel a calmness and serenity I have not been
      able to find all my life. I now attend church every sunday and has begun living the gospel. I have even given up cigarettes and coffee.

      I know now that I have a heterosexual potential and like my growing faith it´s needs to be nurtured. It still scares me to recognize that I am attracted to women, since I allways tried to repress this because I wanted to hold on to my gay identity.I now know that god had other plans for my life.

      Meeting Bridget Night and getting to know some guys who have also decided to try to work and heal from homosexuality has sparked a remarkable journey of selfdiscovery. You can not even begin to know how her supportive mails and phone calls have helped me. I wish there was more like her in this world. Kindess and understanding works better condemnation and calling people to repentance.

      If someone at new year told me I would be changing my view and beliefs and sexual identity this dramatically in just 3 month, I would have said they were insane and had laughed my head off. Well I´m more humble now that the holy spirit is yet again with me. And I think my future looks brighter than
      I ever were able to imagine.

      Niels from Denmark

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